139. Dating Apps: Why They Feel So Hard and How to Navigate Them

Send Gemma a messageDating apps can feel like a bit of a horror show at times.But underneath the frustration, the confusion and the endless swiping… there’s something much deeper going on.In this episode, I explore how your schemas - particularly abandonment, defectiveness, emotional deprivation and people-pleasing patterns - can shape: Who you feel drawn to  What you tolerate  And why you might ignore your own instincts I also walk you through a more grounded, intentional way to approach dating apps - not as “dating platforms,” but simply as introduction tools.Because real dating doesn’t happen on the app. It happens in real life. Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageThis episode is a special one - I’m sharing the audio from a recent live masterclass where I walk you through the deeper psychological patterns that drive attraction, and why insight alone often isn’t enough to change them.If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or self-absorbed partners - even when you know better - this episode will help you understand why.I explore what’s happening beneath the surface, and what it actually takes to begin shifting these patterns from the inside out. What you’ll learn Why high chemistry is not always a sign of compatibility  The “love paradox” - wanting one thing, but being pulled toward something very different  How your early schemas (core emotional patterns) shape who you’re drawn to  What schema chemistry is and why attraction can feel so compelling - even when it’s not right for you  The role of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and loss of voice in dating  Why “just date more” or “choose better” doesn’t solve the problem  The key stages involved in breaking long-standing relationship patterns  How to begin rewriting your “love template” so you can move toward emotionally available partners This episode is for you if… You keep finding yourself in similar relationship dynamics  You’ve dated emotionally unavailable or avoidant men  You struggle to trust yourself in dating  You tend to over-give, over-accommodate, or lose yourself in relationships  You’re ready to understand why this keeps happening - and start doing things differently These patterns are not random - they are shaped by deeper, often unconscious processes. And once you understand them, you can begin to shift them.Want to go deeper?If this episode resonates, I also share more about my Love Wisely group coaching program inside this training.It’s a 12-week experience designed to help you: Understand your patterns clearly  Work with your schemas  Build self-trust  And begin relating in a way that supports the kind of relationship you actually want  Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIf dating tends to bring up anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or the urge to lose yourself in someone else, this episode is for you.In this practical episode, I’m speaking directly to women who tend to be very giving, very empathic, and very accommodating in relationships, but who often struggle to stay connected to themselves while dating.If you have a history of subjugation, self-sacrifice, under-entitlement, loose boundaries, or worrying too much about being “too much” or “too needy,” dating can quickly become stressful and confusing. You may find yourself focusing more on whether the other person likes you than on how you actually feel.In this episode, I walk you through 10 clear dating rules to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more self-protective in the early stages of dating, without becoming closed off or guarded.This is about dating in a way that helps you stay connected to your own needs, your own feelings, and your own experience.In this episode, I cover:Why meeting early in real life is better than building a false sense of connection through endless textingWhy first dates should be short, simple, and low pressureThe importance of putting a time boundary around early datesWhy alcohol can make it harder to stay connected to your instincts and boundariesWhy you do not need to extend a date unless you genuinely want toWhy it is healthy to directly say you’d like to see someone again if that is true for youWhy it matters to keep your life running normally when you meet someone newWhy rushing physical intimacy can create attachment before real compatibility is clearHow to think about chemistry more wisely, especially if you have a pattern of schema chemistryWhy the most important question after a date is not “Did they like me?” but “How did I feel?”Key themes in this episode:This episode explores how schemas such as subjugation, self-sacrifice, abandonment, emotional deprivation, and under-entitlement can quietly shape the dating process.It also highlights a more grounded and emotionally healthy approach to dating:Dating is data.Rather than treating every date like a test of your worth, this episode encourages you to slow down, gather information, notice how you feel, and assess whether the other person is truly right for you.If this episode resonated:If you’ve been enjoying the podcast, I’d be so grateful if you left a quick review on Apple Podcasts. It really does help more women find the show.And if this episode made you think of someone in your life, feel free to share it with them. Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode of Healing for Love, I respond to a thoughtful question from a listener who describes a relationship that is supportive and stable - yet something important is missing.Her partner is kind, affectionate, and easy to live with. But when it comes to emotional conversations, he rarely initiates them. Over time, she has begun to feel emotionally alone in the relationship.This is a surprisingly common dynamic.Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner cares deeply but struggles with emotional expression or emotional dialogue. The question then becomes: is this simply a difference in style, or does it signal something deeper about compatibility and emotional needs?In this episode, I explore how to think about this situation from both perspectives.We discuss:Why emotional intimacy matters in long term relationshipsThe difference between low emotional dialogue and true emotional neglectHow early experiences can shape someone’s emotional styleThe role schemas can play in how we interpret our needs in relationshipsWhy feeling like a “burden” when expressing needs is often an important clueHow to distinguish between lack of skill and lack of motivation in a partnerQuestions you can ask yourself to clarify what you truly need in a relationshipHow to communicate emotional needs in a constructive and specific waySometimes the most important shift is moving away from the question:“How do I change my partner?”And instead asking:“What kind of emotional life do I want to live in my relationship?”If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your emotional needs are “too much,” this episode will give you a thoughtful framework for understanding what’s really going on. Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join hereHave you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought:Why did I stay so long? Why didn’t I see the signs earlier? If only I had done something differently…Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out.But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal.In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past.And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance.Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable:Grief.Grief about the relationship.Grief about what we hoped it would be.Grief about the loss of the future we imagined.In this episode, I explore:Why regret often keeps us stuck in ruminationThe psychology of counterfactual thinkingWhy self-blame is so common after difficult relationshipsHow rumination can block emotional healingThe grief that often sits underneath regretWhy painful relationships are not “wasted time”How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationshipsHow to shift from self-blame to insight and growthSimple ways to respond differently when regret arisesI also look at an important reframe:Relationships are often our greatest teachers.Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices.When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future.If this episode resonates with youMany of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question:"Why did I end up in relationships like that?"Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relationship choices - and how to create healthier relationships going forward.You can learn more about Love Wisely on my website. Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn Part 2 of this series, I continue unpacking the darker red flags that often show up early in dating – the ones that are easy to dismiss but costly to ignore.These are not minor quirks. They are patterns that predict future control, manipulation, blame-shifting, entitlement and emotional instability.In this episode, I explore:What I call “future mirroring” – a subtle form of love bombing designed to accelerate closenessThe chronic victim stance and how trauma dumping can be used as manipulationWhy repeated stories of being “wrongly accused” deserve careful attentionExaggerated reactions to frustration, shame or not getting their wayHow to recognise blame shifting earlyWhy high chemistry without character is not compatibilityHow to strengthen your intuitive muscle and trust your internal dataIf you’ve ever felt confused, slightly uneasy or pressured in early dating but talked yourself out of it – this episode is for you.I also share details about the upcoming round of Love Wisely, beginning April 16, and how you can join the priority list. Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageNot all red flags are equal.Some signal incompatibility.Others signal something much darker.In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics.If you’ve ever found yourself:Ignoring your gutGiving someone “the benefit of the doubt”Talking yourself out of discomfortWanting to be the easygoing, understanding oneThis episode is for you.I explore:Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t rightHow subtle pushiness can signal future controlWhy arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlookThe difference between confidence and entitlementHow love bombing can be used strategicallyWhat “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent womenI also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection.This is not about demonising people.It’s about helping you see clearly. Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHere's a nurturing gift for youLet me know if you'd like more meditations like this 🩷🩷Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageMany women struggle in relationships without ever being taught one essential truth: you are allowed to have emotional needs.In this episode of Healing for Love, Gemma explores the concept of core emotional needs through a schema therapy lens and explains why unmet needs sit at the heart of so many repeating relationship patterns.You’ll learn how unmet emotional needs shape schemas like abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation, self-sacrifice and approval-seeking and why these patterns often lead women into relationships that feel unsafe, one-sided, controlling or emotionally barren.This episode is especially relevant if you have ever:Felt guilty for wanting “too much” in relationshipsStruggled to name your needs or voice your preferencesFound yourself prioritising others while neglecting yourselfStayed in relationships that felt familiar but deeply unsatisfyingFind out all about the six core emotional needs Key TakeawayA healthy relationship is not about chemistry or intensity.It is about how consistently your core emotional needs are met.Work With GemmaJoin the Love Wisely priority list for the April intakeStay tuned for details of a free training coming upApply for limited 1:1 coaching places currently available Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn today’s episode, I answer a short but powerful question that came in anonymously:“Hi Gemma, I cannot even get a match, let alone a date. What the hell is wrong with me?”If you’ve ever stared at a dating app wondering why nothing is happening and quietly concluded “it must be me”, this episode is for you.I'll look at three key areas:The reality of modern dating apps – why they create a distorted, “smorgasbord” environment where incredible, emotionally available people are often overlooked.Other people’s issues – how emotional immaturity, avoidance and misaligned intentions show up on the apps (and why you can’t control that).Your schemas and your “type” – how schema chemistry and rigid “type” criteria might be leading you towards emotionally unavailable partners and away from people who could actually be good for you.I’ll invite you to:Re-examine how you’re presenting yourself on the apps (without becoming a slave to what you think men want).Widen the pool by giving a chance to the “6 or 7 out of 10” guys (ie, the level of chemistry you feel! I'm not rating people!) who feel kind, calm and safe – rather than only chasing the intense 10/10 chemistry.Remember that your worth, lovability and desirability are not measured in matches.If you’re feeling discouraged or asking “what’s wrong with me?”, I want you to know: you are not the problem. Dating apps are hard and your current results say nothing about your deeper value or your capacity for a healthy, loving relationship.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why so many wonderful women and emotionally available men get passed over on dating appsHow our throwaway, dopamine-driven culture affects the way people swipeWhy leading with highly sexualised photos can accidentally screen out good menHow schema chemistry pulls you towards what’s “familiar” rather than what’s healthyHow to gently expand beyond your usual “type”Practical ways to pace yourself and protect your emotional wellbeing while datingResources mentioned:Free guide: Dating with Insight – download via the link in the show notes.Love Wisely – my 12-week online group program for women who want to break their pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or avoidant partners. Doors open again in March – join the priority waitlist via the link in the show notes.Episode 130 – on cultivating a new dating mindset (recommended companion episode). Support the show💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for podcast listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here