#9 Contradiction

2020. It's been 7 months. I am living but not alive. Scared to not be happy and take things for granted cause I lost you.

2020. Die tonight, live tomorrow. Something necessary, hidden from everyone else. Disappoinment. Thank you for the short trip.

2020. Closing to your birthday. I have bought you a gift. Not expensive but meaningful. Reminds me of your favorite joke. But I'm scared to send it to you. So I keep it in my cabinet, has not been wrapped. I don't know how long I will keep it.

2020. I understand, we didnot start it correctly. But the feeling is true. Cause of what happened, I cannot trust much of my feelings, been ignoring it, crying over myself.

2020. Been with you for awhile. I was not so long, but it meant so much, it still does. Hope you can give me the third chance to make up what I did wrong. I still have feelings for you.

2019. The edge of our relationship, whatever we call it. Never had a commitment with you, each of us were seeing another. I was bothered, if you wanna know. But nothing I can do, cause we have nothing.

2019. Being at new place. Kinda nervous with all the new environment, uncomfortable. Yet be strong, it only needs a little adaptation. Hopefully good friends are made.

2019. Home is the most comfortable place, it's not perfect, yet the best ever. Being aware of what happened, learning from it. Get back up again.

2019. I am finally willing to let go all I have and this comfort zone to go to somewhere new. Hopefully this travel can make a better me.

2019. Being grateful for still being here, considering what I have been through. I am proud of myself. Thank you, Lord.