#369: Why 'Trying Harder' Is Ruining Your Health

It's a frustrating irony. You try harder and tighten your grip. You double down on doing everything "right." And yet somehow, it leaves you feeling further away from the results you want. You might assume the issue is control, but it's actually the illusion of control. The illusion of control is putting your energy and emphasis on things that you can't change while neglecting what you can. It's exactly what we talk about in this podcast episode. Many people spend excessive time pouring energy into things we were never meant to control in the first place. They muddy themselves in the God-space of the world. And when you do that, you end up exhausted, discouraged, and stuck. It's the place where you work really hard but have nothing to show for it. And it's not because you don't have the power and ability to change, but because you're doing it from the wrong space – controlling what you don't have control over while ignoring what you do. But when you shift your focus and place your energy on what is actually within your control, things begin to move and change. That's where progress happens and where freedom exists.  And honestly, this is more than just health. It will shift your life.  Learning what you can control and letting go of what you can't creates a kind of freedom most of us don't even realize we're missing.   Learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/369   Join us "After The Show." In the live After the Show, I share more details on how to practically shift toward building structure, plus parts of my own weight loss story that rarely get discussed. To join live After the Show recordings and access replays, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter: https://www.thelivingwell.com/the-weekly-fill Inside the newsletter, you'll receive weekly reflections, practical health frameworks, and invitations to exclusive live conversations. Join me each week in this new season, uncovering common health illusions.

Most people have a massive checklist of to-dos (maybe better said, should-dos) they attribute to health. It might be perfecting your morning routine, restricting carbs, or a number of the other infinite ideas people believe it takes to be well. Of course, action is a necessity to make change. And most of the "health ideas" you've believed have merit and health benefits. You should want to be at a healthy weight. You should fuel your body well. You should move it daily and build strength. The problem isn't what you're doing, it's how you're attempting to do it. If you're attempting to change, or rather, heal from a low-energy state, it rarely works. Not because the action itself is irrelevant, but because you don't have the energy to hold it and use it. Learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/368   Join us "After The Show." In the live After the Show, I share more details on how to practically shift toward building structure, plus parts of my own weight loss story that rarely get discussed. To join live After the Show recordings and access replays, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter: https://www.thelivingwell.com/the-weekly-fill Inside the newsletter, you'll receive weekly reflections, practical health frameworks, and invitations to exclusive live conversations. Join me each week in this new season, uncovering common health illusions.

Dysregulation is a popular term, not because it's trendy, but because many people are affected by its consequences. I spent many years of my life living more dysregulated than regulated, almost succumbing to the idea that the dysregulation was my story. But I also found that feeling dysregulated was having a biological effect. It was leading me to gain weight and engage in choices I didn't love. And this out-of-balance state led to a life of constant self-protection. It's not a fun way to live mentally or physically. It wasn't until many years later that I realized my fixation on the dysregulation was part of the reason I could never re-regulate. One, I didn't understand the goal of my body. Two, I had put all of my focus on the dysregulation of life, on the self-protection, so that it became my way of life. But everything changed when I shifted my focus from being a victim of dysregulation to using it. As my mentor always reminds me, "what's on the other side of the coin." On the other side of dysregulation is always regulation. Today, I want to present a new focus on dysregulation. Specifically, the positive side of dysregulation. That doesn't mean complacency with dysregulation, but it's shifting the focus and the story to use it as good. Listen to the podcast to learn more. Learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/367 Join us "After The Show." In the live After the Show, we explore a powerful question: What if you stopped talking about losing weight altogether? I share more details on how to practically shift toward building structure, plus parts of my own weight loss story that rarely get discussed. To join live After the Show recordings and access replays, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter: https://www.thelivingwell.com/the-weekly-fill Inside the newsletter, you'll receive weekly reflections, practical health frameworks, and invitations to exclusive live conversations. Join me each week in this new season, uncovering common health illusions.

Not long ago, I would have said yes, assuming that "village" and "community" were interchangeable terms. I didn't understand the differences, which left little room to appreciate them. What I had was a community, not a village. I'm not passing judgment against a community. I still very much thrive here. But Michael and Molly taught me the advantages of the village, and my mind was opened.  A community is often composed of similar bodies, with similar lives, morals, beliefs, socioeconomic status, and even similar ages or life stages. A village is outside of this. It's a range that encompasses so much more than just likeness, but uniqueness. And it's here that we have the power to really lean and benefit from the wisdom of those who aren't just like us.  In this podcast, I talk with Michale Chatham and Molly Peralta, as we discuss the difference between community and village and how this can help you uncover your uniqueness and understand who you are and why you are here. We also discuss how to tap into the story you live, birth new creativity, and break rapport with common "health" stories and illusions we often refer to. Learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/366 Join us "After The Show." In the live After the Show, we explore a powerful question: What if you stopped talking about losing weight altogether? I share more details on how to practically shift toward building structure, plus parts of my own weight loss story that rarely get discussed. To join live After the Show recordings and access replays, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter: https://www.thelivingwell.com/the-weekly-fill Inside the newsletter, you'll receive weekly reflections, practical health frameworks, and invitations to exclusive live conversations. Join me each week in this new season, uncovering common health illusions.

How much power does the scale have over your life? If we're being honest, for many of us, the scale has become more than just a tool. It's become an identity. We step on, see a number, and immediately let it dictate our mood, our confidence, and how we show up for the world.  In this episode, we're having a long-awaited reckoning with the scale. We're stripping away the emotional weight we've attached to our physical weight and learn how to reclaim our power. In this episode, I break down: Why the scale doesn't define your worth My favorite way to track weight and body metrics Why numbers don't give the whole story My story and journey of hating and loving the scale No one can do this work but you—but you don't have to do it alone. Let's dive in. Join us "After The Show." In the live After the Show, we explore a powerful question: What if you stopped talking about losing weight altogether? I share more details on how to practically shift toward building structure, plus parts of my own weight loss story that rarely get discussed. To join live After the Show recordings and access replays, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter: https://www.thelivingwell.com/the-weekly-fill Inside the newsletter, you'll receive weekly reflections, practical health frameworks, and invitations to exclusive live conversations. Join me each week in this new season, uncovering common health illusions.

You don't hate the scale. You hate what it has meant about you. In this episode, we're having the conversation most people are afraid to have: body weight does matter, but not in the way we've been taught to believe. For years, the number on the scale has carried emotional baggage, shame, identity, and control. The body love movement rose in response to that pain. And while it offered relief, it didn't always offer clarity. In this episode, I break down: Why body weight isn't the enemy What we've missed in the modern weight conversation The biological drive behind caring about your weight Why restriction and deprivation don't build lasting change How "structure"  not obsession  shifts your body Your body does nothing without purpose.
Even body fat serves a role. Respect it so you can change it. This conversation invites you to stop taking weight personally and start understanding it structurally. When you shift from "losing weight" to building structure, everything changes, including your relationship with the scale. Join us "After The Show." In the live After the Show, we explore a powerful question: What if you stopped talking about losing weight altogether? I share more details on how to practically shift toward building structure, plus parts of my own weight loss story that rarely get discussed. To join live After the Show recordings and access replays, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter: https://www.thelivingwell.com/the-weekly-fill Inside the newsletter, you'll receive weekly reflections, practical health frameworks, and invitations to exclusive live conversations. Join me each week in this new season, uncovering common health illusions.

I've long believed the unexpected should be what we expect. Even with the best plans, things can shift, sometimes without warning. Last year, I shut the podcast down, not long after promising The Sex Talk 2.0.  Truthfully, I was very excited to bring that to you. Although nervous. Early in my career, I had made a promise with God that I would follow him into this territory, to which I never felt ready, as long as I never had to talk about sex. Obviously, God had different plans.  I never imagined the first series would be such a hit, and as I was preparing for the second version, I started to question things. I didn't question whether the series was valid, but whether I had the knowledge and experience to bring it to life.  The answer was no. At least not at the time. After recording a few podcasts for that series, I decided it wasn't the time. I needed space and my own experience before I could bring that to the world. I had things I needed to sort out on my own. So I shut down the podcast. In fact, I shut down a lot of things, never with the intent to quit, but with the intent to grow.  The rebrand I didn't know I needed! Last year was a whirlwind in the best possible way. I really grew up, and that growth led me to redefine my health and re-establish my story.  In this podcast, I share my journey, what I learned, and where I'm going. I've never been healthier. Yet at the same time, I've never been more confident that I'm not here to bring more knowledge but to inspire lived action. In this series, you'll hear a lot about my story and experience, offering you insight into approaching health differently. Join me as we relaunch the podcast in this new season, uncovering common health illusions. Join us "After The Show." After the show, I invited my husband on to share the real and very vulnerable question we tried to answer for The Sex Talk 2.0 that ultimately led to our break. We also talk about how that became the heart of this new series and updated message here at The Living Well! To join the live "After the Show" recordings, subscribe to The Weekly Fill Newsletter. You can also watch all replays of past and future "After The Show" Recordings. Become a Subscriber to The Weekly Fill Here!

Do you feel overwhelmed by health advice? Confused about what to eat? Unsure which information to trust? You're not alone. Health has become a fight too many people are leaving feeling defeated and ready to surrender. I've come to learn that the answer you're looking for is rarely in the place you're looking. It's often the opposite of what you think. Regarding health, we spend too much time chasing the wrong thing and not enough time understanding the right things. What I mean by that is, we often chase down a system or work to perfect the perfect plan while overlooking the basics. Truth be told, none of these 'healthy' things are wrong, but they only work to the degree you have the capacity to benefit from and maintain them. Listen to the podcast to better understand how to use the domino effect to make health simple. You will also get the five critical elements to the cycle of health! If you want to let go of the confusion and create health, learn to use these five elements to your benefit.   Listen to today's episode to learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/362.   Be sure to join me in the Summer Walking Club.  Take things to the next level: Get health advice that works delivered straight to your inbox. The only place guaranteed to make you healthier and happier. Join The Weekly Fill here.

Rest is essential. Although you know that, especially now, as we've shifted into what some call the "rest era." Our internal thermostat works tirelessly to maintain balance, or homeostasis, making rest a natural response to work. But now that we've moved beyond hustle culture, the question becomes: Are you resting too much, or are you relying on the wrong kinds of rest? The truth is, excessive rest can lead to problems. Just like overworking, over-resting—especially the wrong type of rest—can leave you feeling stuck, unmotivated, or even more tired. Health is a delicate balance of work and rest, and not all rest is created equal. Too much rest and not enough work can lead to a bored body. {Find out if your body could be bored here}. In the podcast, I explain the difference between real rest and artificial rest and how that relates to feeling tired or exhausted. This is an important conversation, especially in a world that nearly worships rest, yet few find the benefits they seek. Listen to today's episode to learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/361.   Be sure to join me in the Summer Walking Club.  Take things to the next level: Get health advice that works delivered straight to your inbox. The only place guaranteed to make you healthier and happier. Join The Weekly Fill here.    

We're living in what many are calling a "rest era." After decades of hustle culture and the relentless push to "be a boss," it's no surprise that we've swung in the opposite direction. Rest became a necessary cure for burnout. But as with all things, the pendulum can swing too far, leaving me to question: is your body bored? The law of balance proves the pendulum will always swing in the opposite direction to the same degree you pulled it out of balance. Naturally, we're going to see a big pull towards rest, considering how hard we pushed. Unfortunately, health, even life, doesn't work based on extremes, but through the balance of both work and rest. You need both work and rest to fully thrive. Rest, while essential, isn't meant to stand alone. It's the balancing act to work. Without enough work, rest becomes stagnant, leaving us with a new kind of stress – a bored body. Your body was designed to work. It thrives on movement, effort, and engagement. And while it might feel comforting to settle into rest after years of overexertion, this comfort can lead to imbalance. Life, after all, is about rhythm—an ebb and flow that mirrors the patterns found throughout nature and within our own bodies. In this podcast, I discuss specifically how to determine if you're living in extremes, creating a bored body, and how to change your body to promote health.   Listen to today's episode to learn more: https://thelivingwell.com/360.   Be sure to take my Free Energy quiz.  Take things to the next level: Get health advice that works delivered straight to your inbox. The only place guaranteed to make you healthier and happier. Join The Weekly Fill here.