Aurelius on the Art of Listening (#338, 18 July 2025)

Last year, after she asked me to do a lawyer wellness presentation, a friend recommended a book The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It sat on my bookshelf for about a year. I finally decided to tackle it. And I am glad that I did.Kishimi and Koga are students of Arthur Adler, an early 20th century psychiatrist and contemporary of Sigmund Freud. Adler differed from Freud in significant respects about how to cure malaise or psychological trauma, especially childhood related trauma upon which Freud focused so heavilyIn a format of a Socratic dialogue, Courage outlines how Aldler's theories differed from Freud and more importantly, how you can utilize Adler's philosophy to live a more purpose driven and happier life.In this episode, we'll focus on central themes of the book:1. Adler's insight that all problems arise from social relations;2. His definition of happiness - contributing to others.3. His three concepts of happiness: a. Self acceptance of limitations and embracing strengths; b. Cultivating strong "horizontal relationships" with friends based upon unconditional confidence; and c. Soaking up the process in the here and now rather than only the end result. I cover these concepts in some detail, but if you really want to soak up the book's wisdom, you need to buy the book!This was a great book!

In this episode, I review the book Masters of Uncertainty - The Navy Seal Way to Turn Stress into Success for You and Your Team by Rich Diviney.If you think about it, stress is one of the most powerful assets and liabilities in each one of our lives. It can cause us to focus and be the best version of ourselves. Left unfocused or uncontrolled, it can devastate us or even lead to premature death. In the military, panic is not an option. Panic rarely serves us well, but that is precisely what happens if we cannot control our stress. Acute stress leads to panic. By definition, the military knows that they are putting their men and women in acutely stressful situations. So they have developed a series of techniques to allow there troops to be as calm and as possible to achieve the mission.Diviney shares what he learned in his SEAL training, outlining a series of concrete steps to turn negative stress into an asset to achieve your mission.In this episode, we focus on one part of the book relating to controlling your response in the midst of uncertain and unexpected events.We cover: duration, pathway, and outcome DPO); what is known and controllable in unexpected events; and breathwork to immediately calm the mind when an unexpected event occurs.This is book short; however, its impact is powerful. It has the potential to change your life.Control your stress. Turn it an asset. Optimize the result. Just like the Navy SEALS do. This was a good book!!

In this episode, I outline the joys of intentional ideation, i.e. intentionally setting aside quiet time to sit and just think. It's not rumination though. The goal is to intentionally set aisde quiet time so that you can think, your mind wander to tap the power of the subconscious. The pen makes all of the difference. This will allow you to capture those ideas as they pop up.That's what life is all about... making the abstract concrete, manifesting and bringing into form all of the powerful ideas resting within the subconscious. We all have these amazing ideas down there. The purpose of the intentional ideation is to make those ideas come to life.We'll also formally define ideation, the concept of an "idea", and how the Taoist philosophy book of wisdom, The I-Ching, describes the creative.This was a fun one to do.The audio quality on this episode kind of sucks, but I wanted to get this one out!!

Shalom, that beautiful Hebrew word meaning peace. But its meaning is much deeper than simple absence of conflict. It's more active and intentional than that.As I learned from a sermon last year, Shalom is a earned harmony, resulting from the intentional resolution of difficult conflicts in our personal, professional and spiritual lives.One thing is certain: you will not gain shalom by avoiding conflict.This has taken a lifetime for me to figure out with significant consequences flowing from that avoidance.Here's the thing about conflict. We don't do it because its uncomfortable and we fear the consequences of daylighting the conflict? What will happen if we raise this as an issue?Here's what I've learned. Whether you address it or not, the thing you fear will happen, whether you raise the conflict or not, but if you don't do it earlier, the thing you fear will be 10 times worse. Being proactive early means you have a chance to solve it while the conflict is manageable. So just do it. Address it now or face the consequences later. In the early stages, you at least have a chance to heal it rather facing a much worse problem later on. If you are a conflict avoider like I am, I offer some suggestions based upon the Biblical story of Jacob and Esau. This episode is important. These are all critical skills that we must learn to develop!!

I woke up this morning with a feeling of peace, an emotion that I have not experienced much lately. One word popped into my head... gratitude. And I thought about all of the people who showed me unconditional love these last several weeks.With gratitude to everyone single one of you who shared your presence with me and showed me unconditional love. This episode is dedicated to all of you.Rockne

Can too much wellness be a bad thing?Yes, even wellness can turn into badness. Like everything else, wellness has its limits. Of course, well practices like exercise, meditation, prayer, journaling, and eating well can be essential to transform you into the best version of you. And no, I am not asserting that you should start smoking cigarettes and eating potato chips.Make sure that your paying attention to you intention. Who's it all for?Because life is not just about you. It's about the people that you love and care about. Sometimes, too much wellness blinds us to our loved one's suffering hiding in plain sight. Make sure that, in focusing on your wellness journey, you're putting as much time in your loved one's wellness as you are on your own.With gratitude to all you who frequently tune in.

Have you ever thought about the difference between persistence and perseverance? Through the lens of the American Stoic, Ryan Holiday, we'll focus on how he distinguishes the two concepts. This episode bookends my previous episode on US Grant.

In this episode, I dive into the stories of resilience and grit that shape true greatness. Today, we’re talking about Ulysses S. Grant—not for his battlefield victories, his presidency, or his legendary autobiography, but for his unshakable spirit in the face of life’s toughest blows. Grant faced countless valleys, yet his indomitable will carried him through. In this episode, we’ll explore Grant’s response to the pressure cooker of Shiloh, where his vision, courage, and determination turned the tide. We’ll also reflect on the ultimate valley-walking wisdom from Psalm 23:1-4. L

I recently met with my cousin Tom at Klunder's Cafe. As we talked, Jelly Roll’s song “I Am Not Okay” came on, a track I hadn’t heard before but instantly connected with. Its raw message—that it’s okay to not be okay during tough times, yet hope assures us things will be alright—struck a deep chord. I’m grateful for the wisdom and connection found in that moment with Tom. It's ok to not be ok, but soon its going to be alright.

While preparing for our discussion on Stoic encouragement, I came across two profound sentences from Marcus Aurelius that could truly transform your life. They emphasize the art of listening—truly understanding and connecting with the person you're engaging with. This approach serves as a powerful framework for healing, fostering empathy, and building deeper relationships. Though just two sentences, their wisdom has the potential to be life-changing.