88: Don't Let Holiday Arguments Derail Your Relationship

The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration, but for many couples, they bring more stress, arguments, and resentment than anything else.In this episode of Make More Love, relationship strategist Ellen Dorian explains why couples get caught in the same holiday conflicts year after year and how to break the pattern before it damages their relationship.Through real-life stories and practical strategies, Ellen shares how to turn competing expectations into decisions you can both support.Why the Timing of the Holidays is ProblematicFor business owners, the timing couldn't be worse. You're dealing with year-end business pressures, family obligations, social events, and a partner who may have very different ideas about what the holidays should look like.Why Holiday Expectations Create Relationship ConflictWhen one partner wants to celebrate and the other just wants to get through the season, frustration can build quickly. Learn why the strategies couples use to avoid arguments can actually make things worse.How to Solve Holiday Disagreements TogetherDiscover a three-step approach to identifying what matters most to each partner, understanding the motivations behind conflicting priorities, and finding solutions that work for both of you.How to Handle Family Expectations Without Sacrificing Your RelationshipFamily traditions can be difficult to change, especially when other people have strong opinions about your decisions. Learn how to establish a united front, respond to pushback, and protect the plans you've made together.Key TakeawaysSet priorities together. Identify the three to five things that matter most to each of you instead of automatically repeating old traditions.Attack the problem, not each other. Understand the motivations behind your partner's choices before trying to resolve disagreements.Look for workable solutions. You don't have to agree on everything to find arrangements you can both support.Stand by your decisions. Your partnership takes precedence over other people's expectations, even when they're disappointed.Share the responsibilities. Divide holiday preparations by categories, establish deadlines, and check in so neither partner ends up with an unfair share.Closing ThoughtsDon't wait until you're overwhelmed by holiday obligations to have this conversation. Set aside some time with your partner to talk about what worked in previous years, what didn't, and what you'd both like to change. Then use those priorities to make a plan together.The goal isn't a perfect holiday. It's a holiday season you can both enjoy without repeating the same arguments and disappointments.When January comes around, wouldn't it be nice to look back together and say, "You know what? That was a great year."Support & ResourcesFree Relationship Reset CallIf holiday conflicts are exposing bigger problems in your relationship, let's talk about what's going on and what you can do about it.Book a free, private Relationship Reset Call at https://relationshipresetcall.com.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizPassionate Partners Insider CommunityJoin our Facebook community for additional relationship insights, practical strategies, and conversations about building a stronger partnership.Additional ResourcesExplore more episodes of Make More Love, relationship tools, and coaching resources at https://www.makemorelove.show.All links can be found below.Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About Ellen DorianEllen Dorian is a relationship strategist and business coach who helps driven business owners build more passionate, connected relationships. Drawing on her experience in business coaching and relationship development, she offers practical ways to address relationship challenges and create more fulfilling lives.DisclaimerThis podcast provides general educational information and relationship insights. It is not a substitute for individualized professional counseling, therapy, or other professional advice."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

What does vacation show you about the life you come home to?After returning from a wellness retreat in Greece, Ellen reflects on what stepping away from her normal routine revealed about her priorities, responsibilities, relationships, and the pace of her everyday life.Some of the discoveries were practical. Others came through the people she met, the conversations they had, and the different ways they approached life.The bigger question came once she returned home: How much of what feels good on vacation can you intentionally build into your real life?Part 1: The importance of getting distanceGetting away gave Ellen a clearer view of how she was making other people’s problems her own at the expense of her own priorities. The slower pace of Greece also brought back something she had been missing: fresh food, meals prepared together, and long conversations around a table with friends.Part 2: What Other People Can Teach UsSome of the most important insights came from the people at the retreat.Ellen shares stories about Theo, a Greek psychiatrist whose warmth and energy quickly earned him the nickname “Uncle Theo,” and Juliet, an athlete and model whose highly disciplined approach to her routine raised an interesting question:Ellen also reflects on her friendship with strength trainer Ilias and how quickly our assumptions about another person can limit our connection with them.Part 3: Coming HomeConversations with Jen and David Unwin introduced Ellen to the growing field of metabolic psychiatry and prompted her to revisit the philosophical roots of her own coaching approach and the Make More Love Method.But the real test came when the retreat was over.Ellen most important insight is that she wants to create a life at home with better nutrition, more room in her schedule, more meals with friends, more interesting people, and a healthier pace.Those goals may have nothing to do with business, but they have everything to do with how the business needs to be designed.Key Takeaways:Stepping away from your normal environment can make patterns easier to see.Sometimes it makes sense to shape your environment around your needs. Other times, allowing yourself to adapt can open up something new.Assumptions about people can prevent us from discovering who they actually are.Understanding the ideas and experiences that shaped you is part of understanding yourself.Your personal goals don’t have to fit around your business plan. Your business can be designed to support the life you actually want.Call to Action:Try the Vacation Test for yourself:When you return from vacation, how much do you like the life you’re coming home to?Notice what you miss from being away, what you’re relieved to return to, and what you wish existed more often in your everyday life.If your relationship is one of the areas that needs attention, schedule a free, private Relationship Reset Call with Ellen at:relationshipresetcall.comClosing Thoughts:The goal isn’t to make everyday life feel like a permanent vacation. It’s to pay attention to what vacation reveals about the way you want to live and then make room for more of it at home.Maybe the best test of a vacation is how you feel when you return.How much do you like the life you come home to?Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Resources mentioned in this episode Roberta and Apollonas Kapsalis / Greek Goes Ketohttps://www.greekgoesketo.com/Theodoros (Theo) Karkatsoulishttps://www.instagram.com/dr.karkatsoulis/?hl=enIlias Varitimiadis https://www.instagram.com/ilias_risestronger/?hl=enJen Unwin and Fork in the Roadhttps://www.instagram.com/jen_unwin/?hl=enhttps://www.amazon.com/Fork-Road-Hopeful-Guide-Freedom/dp/B0FR29WNWY/David Unwinhttps://www.instagram.com/popular/dr-david-unwin/?hl=enhttps://www.dietdoctor.com/Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

What if the biggest thing missing from your business plan has nothing to do with the business?In this episode, Ellen talks about why taking intentional time away can create the space to see opportunities you miss when you’re buried in daily operations. After returning to a wellness retreat in Greece, she shares how the trip gave her room to think about what she wants next year to look like, both in business and in her relationship.She also explains why traditional strategic planning often spends too much time correcting past mistakes and not enough time considering what could be possible. Then she walks listeners through a simple exercise for looking at business and relationship plans side by side, so you can spot patterns, dependencies, conflicts, and competition for your time and attention.Part 1: Why Strategic Planning Often Misses the OpportunitiesEllen explains why waiting until the end of the year can lead to rushed planning, and why the Opportunities part of a SWOT analysis often gets less attention than it deserves.Part 2: Possibility Planning for Your Business and RelationshipListeners are guided through five questions designed to help them think beyond current circumstances and consider what they want both their business and relationship to look like next year.Part 3: Work-Life Integration in PracticeEllen shows how to compare the two sides of the plan and identify patterns, dependencies, conflicts, and the resources both business and relationship are competing for.Key Takeaways:Start thinking about next year before the end-of-year frenzy hits.Don’t spend all of your planning time fixing what went wrong. Give yourself enough space to see possibilities and opportunities.Think deliberately about what you want your relationship to look like next year, not just your business.Look at your business and relationship plans together instead of treating them as separate parts of your life.Pay attention to patterns, dependencies, conflicts, and where both sides are competing for your time and attention.Once you’ve worked through your own ideas, bring your partner into the conversation.Call to Action:If you want help thinking through your specific situation, schedule a free Relationship Reset Call with Ellen at:relationshipresetcall.comClosing Thoughts:You don’t need to go to Greece to step away and think about what you want next year to look like, but you do need to create enough time and headspace to see beyond what you’re already doing.If you don’t decide what you want next year to look like, there’s a good chance it will end up looking a lot like this year.Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

Is "The Doghouse" a concept that shows up in your relationship? You know...when something feels off with your partner, but you can't quite figure out what you did wrong? And you get frozen out.In this episode, I'm looking at what the doghouse really is and why it's such a common phenomenon. It could be the result of a serious mistake, or maybe it's a collection of small things like missed requests, forgotten promises, unmet expectations, and attempts to connect that didn't get much of a response.I'll also tell you about one of my VIP clients, Bill, who was completely frustrated by how often he seemed to land in the doghouse. Once we figured out what was actually happening, the solution became a lot clearer.Part 1: How You End Up in the DoghouseTo you, the doghouse often feels like it's come out of nowhere. Your partner can draw a straight line of events leading up to it.Part 2: The Little Things Aren't Always So LittleMy client, Bill thought he should get a pass on some of the small stuff because he was working 12- and 14-hour days. His wife experienced those same things very differently.Part 3: Five Strategies to Retire the Doghouse for GoodWhat you can do when you're already in it, and how to deal with expectations, promises, frustrations, and requests before resentment starts building again.Key Takeaways:Good intentions don't always create the impact you intended.People think they get into the doghouse because they do something wrong, but more often it's something we *don't* do. Forgetting important things, failing to follow through on promises, repeatedly ignoring your partner's bids for connection. The doghouse is not usually the first thing your partner turns to. They've likely tried several times to get you to pay attention before finally giving up and pulling away.A regular planning session can help both of you get expectations and requests out in the open before they turn into bigger problems.Call to Action:Think about something your partner has asked for recently that you haven't gotten around to yet.Maybe it's important. Maybe it seems ridiculously small.Either way, if you said you were going to do it, go do it.And if you keep finding yourself in the doghouse without knowing how you got there, it may be time for a bigger conversation about how the two of you handle disappointment and frustration.Closing Thoughts:I'd love to see couples retire the doghouse altogether.You shouldn't have to guess what's wrong, and your partner shouldn't have to keep asking for the same thing until they finally give up.Pay attention. Follow through. Clear things up when something goes wrong. Those are pretty basic skills, but they can make a big difference in how connected you feel to each other.Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

Every relationship includes letdowns, but some failures cause much deeper damage. In this episode, Ellen explains the difference between a disappointment, a breach of trust, and a full-on betrayal. She looks at the role of intent, why concealment can become the most damaging part of a betrayal, and how your partner’s perception shapes the impact. She also shares practical steps for repairing a breach and a five-step process for rebuilding after betrayal.Part 1: Disappointment, Breach, or Betrayal?Ellen breaks relationship letdowns into three categories and explains why the distinction can help you figure out where to begin.A disappointment happens when an expectation is not met. A breach occurs when an important agreement, boundary, responsibility, or shared understanding gets broken without intent. Betrayal involves forethought. You knew there was a line, and you chose to cross it.She also shares a client example involving a financial agreement and shows how a breach can become a relationship-building experience when it is addressed honestly and promptly.Part 2: What Makes Betrayal Different?Betrayal attacks trust and usually involves two traits: forethought and perception.Forethought is the awareness that you are crossing a line. Perception is what your actions come to mean to your partner and how much damage they cause.Ellen shares the story of a client whose husband returned to a habit he had promised to stop. The behavior was one problem, but allowing his wife to continue supporting him based on false information became the larger betrayal.The episode also looks at five common forms of betrayal, including infidelity, broken confidences, lying, financial secrecy, and failing to have your partner’s back.Part 3: Five Steps for Rebuilding After BetrayalDrawing from the SHI*T Model introduced in Episode 39, Ellen outlines five steps for working through betrayal:Decide whether you are willing to repair the damage.End your love affair with resentment.Let go of the mythology of love.Use what happened to better understand yourself.Rebuild the relationship through consistent action.Repairing the damage may help both partners reach a healthier place, even if they eventually decide not to stay together.Key TakeawaysMost disappointments can be resolved with a solid apology and better follow-through.A breach of trust is unintentional, but it still requires accountability and repair.Betrayal involves knowingly crossing a line.Concealing the behavior may cause as much damage as the original act.Trust returns through consistent behavior, not one apology or one deep conversation.Repair after betrayal usually benefits from the support of a qualified coach or counselor.Call to ActionThink about the agreements you and your partner are currently living by.Do they still fit the reality of your lives, or are you clinging to rules that no longer feel fair or useful?Share your thoughts with Ellen by email or in the Passionate Partners Insider Community on Facebook.For help working through a breach of trust or betrayal in your own relationship, schedule a free and private Relationship Reset Call at:relationshipresetcall.comClosing ThoughtsThe labels disappointment, breach, and betrayal are not there to give couples something new to argue about. They help you understand what happened and decide where to begin.You do not have to make every decision about the future today, but you do need to move in a direction. Either you begin rebuilding trust or you begin letting go.Support & ResourcesListen to Episode 39 for the complete SHI*T Model and a deeper look at working through betrayal. Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

Ellen continues the conversation about trust by moving from the seven domains of trust into the personal patterns each partner brings to their relationship.She introduces seven relationship trust archetypes that shape how people naturally build trust, where they may create strain, and what they need to become more intentional about in order to build a high-trust profile with their partner.Part 1: Trust Is PersonalTrust is not a single quality. It is built through seven domains: safety, security, caring, integrity, fidelity, reliability, and repair.Each partner brings their own expectations, history, strengths, and blind spots into the relationship.Ellen explains the idea of adaptive identity: the way we learn to show up based on our life experience, what feels authentic to us, and what we have learned gets rewarded or protected.Part 2: The Seven Relationship Trust ArchetypesEllen covers the seven archetypes and the gift each one brings into a relationship:The Traditionalist offers stability.The Nice Guy offers harmony.The Visionary offers expansiveness.The Engineer offers clarity.The Artist offers uniqueness.The Lover offers intimate intensity.The Hero offers support.Each gift is real and valuable, but every gift also has a shadow side. Those shadow sides can become the places where trust gets strained.Part 3: Building a High-Trust ProfileEllen brings the archetypes back to the seven trust domains and explains where each archetype tends to have natural trust strengths, and where more intention may be needed.The point is not to label yourself or put yourself in a box. The point is to understand how you naturally enter the relationship, where you already build trust, and where your partner may need something more from you.Building a high-trust profile does not mean becoming someone else. It means learning how to bring more intention to the trust domains that do not come as naturally.Key Takeaways:Your relationship archetype shapes how you naturally show up with your partner.Each archetype brings a real relational gift, but each gift also has a shadow side.Trust deficits often come from the places where your shadow side affects one or more trust domains.A high-trust profile is built by understanding your natural strengths and becoming more intentional where trust does not come as easily.Call to Action:Is trust one of your relationship superpowers? Do you want it to be?Reach out for the High-Trust Relationship Builder worksheet. The link is in the show notes, or send Ellen a message and she will get it to you.And don’t sleep on the Relationship Reset Call. It is quick, private, and free, and gives you a chance to work one-on-one with Ellen on something important to you.Closing Thoughts:When you understand the trust domains and your own relationship archetype, you stop guessing where things are breaking down and start building trust through intention.Resist labeling yourself as a single archetype. Instead, learn from all of them how to use your natural strengths to support your relationship, and then pay attention to the places where your partner may need something more from you.Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

In this episode of Make More Love, Ellen takes on one of the most misunderstood issues in long-term relationships: trust.Most people think about trust in terms of the obvious violations — betrayal, secrets, lies, and affairs. But trust can also erode through the repeated daily letdowns that make a partner feel unsafe, uninformed, dismissed, unsupported, or unable to rely on the relationship.Ellen breaks trust down into seven practical domains: Safety, Security, Caring, Integrity, Fidelity, Reliability, and Repair. Because if you want to rebuild trust, you first have to know where it is breaking down.Part 1: The Trust Deficit In the Big PictureEllen opens by looking at the larger “trust deficit” we see in society and connects it to what happens inside many business-owner marriages. A trust deficit is not always caused by one major betrayal. It can also build slowly when one partner’s need to feel safe, connected, informed, and secure is not consistently being met.She also explains why many business owners feel confused when their partner does not experience them as trustworthy, especially when they have avoided what Ellen calls the Fatal Four: betrayal, secrets, lies, and affairs.Part 2: The Seven Domains of TrustTrust is not one vague feeling, and it is not an all-or-nothing question. Ellen breaks it into seven domains that help couples identify exactly where trust is strong, where it is strained, and what needs attention.The seven domains are:Safety — Can I trust that I will not be physically harmed, threatened, or deprived of basic needs?Security — Can I trust that I am informed about money, financial risk, and the decisions that affect our shared life?Caring — Can I trust that my feelings, concerns, and reality will be treated with basic respect?Integrity — Can I trust you to be honest when it is not easy to be honest?Fidelity — Can I trust you to honor the sexual, romantic, and emotional agreements of the relationship?Reliability — Can I trust that you will do what you say you will do?Repair — Can I trust that when something breaks, we will come back together, take accountability, and work the problem?Part 3: Why Fidelity Alone Does Not Create TrustEllen shares a real-life example of a client who chose her husband partly because she knew he would never cheat. But over time, she realized that sexual fidelity did not mean the relationship was broadly trustworthy.There were trust deficits in safety, security, integrity, reliability, and repair. The marriage looked intact from the outside, but the actual connection was weak because trust was weak in so many places.The point is clear: you can be sexually faithful and still have a serious trust problem if you are failing at honesty, reliability, repair, financial transparency, or emotional care.Key Takeaways:Trust is not binary. It is not as simple as “you trust me or you don’t.”Being faithful matters, but fidelity is only one domain of trust. The seven domains of trust give couples a more practical way to identify what is actually breaking down.Repeated small letdowns can create real damage when they stack up without repair.Apologies do not rebuild trust if they are not accompanied by changed behavior.Business owners need to understand that business decisions can affect their spouse’s sense of safety, security, and trust.Call to Action:Now here’s something for you to think about:Which domain of trust is strongest in your relationship right now, and how do you know?Which one is weakest, and why do you think it is weak?Which one, if repaired, would change the whole tone of your relationship?And what is one step you could take to start repairing that one?If you are struggling with this, set up a free Relationship Reset Call with Ellen, and work through the issue together. The call is quick, private, and designed to give you a single tangible next step you can take to sort out a relationship problem.Go to relationshipresetcall.com to set up a time.Closing Thoughts:Trust is not a yes or no question.It is about whether the relationship consistently helps both partners feel safe, connected, informed, secure, respected, and able to rely on each other.When you can name where trust is breaking down, you have a much better chance of repairing the right thing.Next Time on Make More Love:Ellen will take this topic one step further and introduce the seven Trust Archetypes. These archetypes will help you identify your natural trust tendencies, where you already show up as trustworthy, and where you may need to build additional skills to create a more balanced trust profile.Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community on Facebook or directly with her via email. Or, for one-on-one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.Or, for immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: a fast, free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.Find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizShare the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.All links can be found below.Mentioned in this episode:The National Domestic Violence HotlineFree, confidential support available 24/7.Call: 1-800-799-SAFE / 1-800-799-7233Text: START to 88788Chat: thehotline.orgMake More Love Season 1, Interview with Justin William Wisemanhttps://www.makemorelove.show/14-transformative-relationships-from-addiction-to-triumph-with-justin-wiseman/https://www.makemorelove.show/15-finding-your-inner-voice-in-relationships-and-beyond/Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission — to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life." - Ellen Dorian

Ellen continues her conversation with Shaun Zetlin, founder of Zetlin Fitness and author of Emotional Fitness. In Part 1, Ellen and Shaun focused on the philosophy and psychology of emotional fitness. In Part 2, they move into the practical side: choosing the right support, using Shaun’s five mantras, and understanding how emotional fitness shows up inside a relationship. Part 1: Choosing the Right SupportEllen shares her own experience with personal training and what she learned from working with trainers who were both helpful and imperfect. Shaun explains why a good trainer needs more than knowledge of anatomy or motivation. The right trainer listens, adapts, understands the whole person, and helps clients keep going for the long run.Part 2: Shaun’s Five Mantras for Emotional FitnessShaun walks through the five master mantras from his book Emotional Fitness: accepting your path, knowing you are worthy, knowing you are empowered, lowering the volume, and being your biggest fan. Ellen and Shaun discuss how old pain, shame, fear, and inherited beliefs can shape the way people think, feel, move, and connect.Part 3: 80 Boxes and Finding Your Way BackShaun shares the story of “80 boxes,” a phrase he and his wife Adrienne use to remind each other that they can get through hard moments together. Ellen connects this to the private language long-term couples build over time, and how inside jokes, memories, rituals, and shared physical experiences can help partners reconnect.Key Takeaways:Cultivate allies who value you as a whole person. Whether it’s a trainer, therapist, coach, or any other expert, don’t just settle. Take the time to talk to a few people and find the one who really gets you. These are people who will be pushing you, challenging you, and helping you see things you may not see on your own, so you need to be able to trust them.Shaun’s five mantras give you a clear starting point for letting go of old patterns. A lot of us carry perceptions from our past about who we are and what we deserve. Old anger, fear, or shame can anchor you and steal your vitality if you don’t deal with them.There may be more value than you realize in revisiting what you and your partner have shared over the years. Inside jokes, memories, and little rituals can help you find your way back to each other. Those past connections can sometimes cut through the resentments that led to the disconnect and bring the good times back into the present.Call to Action:If this conversation made you think about your own vitality, emotional patterns, or relationship, Ellen invites you to book a free Relationship Reset Call. It is a private working call designed to help you get a clearer read on what is draining you, where you are disconnected, and what kind of support could help.Book your call at: relationshipresetcall.comClosing Thoughts:Ellen shares resources from the conversation, including Shaun’s book Emotional Fitness, Shaun’s coordinates for anyone interested in working with him directly, and Boston Personal Training for listeners in the Boston MetroWest area who are looking for in-person training with someone who checks all the boxes.Support & Resources: Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention. Find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Guest Resources: Shaun’s book, Emotional Fitness, expands on several of the ideas we discuss in this episode. Get the book here: https://amzn.to/4tu7JXRAs an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.To reach Shaun directly: Phone: 302-740-2422 Email: [email protected] Resources:For listeners in the Boston MetroWest area looking for in-person training with someone who checks all the boxes, Ellen shares her own personal trainer's info:Boston Personal Traininghttps://www.bostonpersonaltraining.com/Share the Love: If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love: https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission, to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life." - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

Ellen speaks with Shaun Zetlin, founder of Zetlin Fitness and author of Emotional Fitness and Push-Up Progression. Shaun shares how being born with club feet, struggling with gross motor skills, and being picked last in gym class shaped his relationship with fitness, confidence, and resilience.What began as a desire to feel capable in his own body eventually became Shaun’s work as a personal trainer and emotional fitness advocate. In Part 1 of this conversation, Ellen and Shaun explore how the body holds emotion, how early pain can shape adult behavior, and why strength is about more than muscle.They also talk about how old emotional patterns can show up in leadership, marriage, parenting, intimacy, and the way men handle vulnerability.Part 1: Shaun’s Story, Strength, and Emotional Fitness Shaun talks about his childhood struggles with physical ability, the first time he experienced joy through fitness, and how personal training became a way to help others feel good in their own bodies. He also explains why his philosophy is not about how fitness makes you look, but how fitness helps you feel.Part 2: Childhood Patterns, Leadership, and the Body Ellen and Shaun discuss the difference between trauma and tragedy, the concept of the inner child, and how unresolved emotional wounds can show up later as perfectionism, people-pleasing, aggression, intimidation, or fear-based leadership.Part 3: Vulnerability, Marriage, Parenting, and PassionShaun shares how he treats his wife as a model for his daughters. They also discuss the connection between authenticity, passion, intimacy, physical affection, and emotional trust in long-term relationships.Key Takeaways:Fitness is not just about appearance. Shaun’s approach centers on how fitness helps people feel, move through life, and reconnect with physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.The body may be carrying more than you realize. Stress, anger, anxiety, depression, and old emotional patterns can live in the body and affect health, leadership, and relationships.Early pain can become adult behavior. Childhood wounds can show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, aggression, emotional shutdown, or a need to be feared instead of respected.Vulnerability is not weakness. Shaun makes the case that vulnerability can become a source of strength, especially for men who were taught to suppress emotion or protect themselves through control.Authenticity matters for passion. Ellen connects emotional access to intimacy, sex, physical affection, and the ability to be truly loved and connected with in a long-term relationship.Call to Action:If this conversation made you think about your own vitality, relationship, or emotional patterns, Ellen invites you to book a free Relationship Reset Call. It is a private working call designed to help you get a clearer read on what is draining you, where you are disconnected, and what kind of support could help.Book your call at:relationshipresetcall.comClosing Thoughts:One of the pillars of Ellen’s model is vitality, which includes physical, mental, and emotional health. This conversation with Shaun touches all three. Vitality is the foundation for a passionate relationship with real intimate intensity because keeping up that kind of connection requires substantial personal energy.If you are physically depleted, mentally overloaded, or emotionally shut down, it will show up in your relationship and in your sex life.This is Part 1 of Ellen’s conversation with Shaun Zetlin. In Part 2, Shaun will share his five mantras for emotional fitness, and Ellen and Shaun will talk about how to choose a personal trainer who can truly add value to your life, not just hang out while you lift weights.Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention. Find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Guest Resources:Shaun’s book, Emotional Fitness, expands on several of the ideas we discuss in this episode. Get the book here: https://amzn.to/4tu7JXRAs an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.To reach Shaun directly: Phone: 302-740-2422 Email: [email protected] the Love: If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love: https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host: Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer: The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission, to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life." - Ellen DorianMake More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com

Ellen introduces the Five-Point Relationship Operating System — a practical, structured framework built from the same tools high-performing business owners already use every day. This isn't therapy. This isn't communication tips. It's a system. And you already know how to run one.When your business takes off, it demands everything you have. And while you're navigating that chaos, everything else in your life starts running on autopilot — including your relationship. The problem is that autopilot isn't a strategy. It's a slow drift toward a crash.Point 1: Strategic Planning: Ellen walks you through a SWOT analysis for your relationship — strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats — and explains how to use it to create a short, medium, and long range plan for your future together.Point 2: Resources and Logistics Logistics are the silent killer of intimacy. Over time, they crowd out every other conversation. Ellen introduces a weekly planning meeting format that gives logistics a home so they stop showing up uninvited everywhere else.Point 3: Best Practices Ten minutes a day. Uninterrupted. Undistracted. Sharing. Listening. Cuddling. No logistics. Just connection. Ellen makes the case that if you do this every day, you'll almost certainly be spending more intentional one-on-one time together than you do right now.Point 4: Innovation & Reinvention Consistency doesn't mean stagnation. Two planned date nights a month — not spontaneous, not routine, not family night. Just the two of you, doing something intentional. Effort matters more than perfection. When your partner sees you making the effort, they feel seen and appreciated, and they return that energy to you.Point 5: Incremental Improvement Every business that runs well has a feedback loop. Your relationship needs one too. Ellen gives you three questions for your weekly check-in and four questions for your quarterly or six-month strategic review — so the system stays alive, keeps improving, and doesn't go stale.Key Takeaways:Your relationship runs on a system or habit. It wasn't designed for thriving.You already know how to do this. The same tools you use to run your business can be applied to your relationship.Logistics need a home. Give them one, and every other conversation gets better.Small consistent efforts beat grand gestures every time.Call to Action:If you want to go deeper and actually implement this system, Ellen has created a short online course that walks you through the Relationship Operating System step by step — with full lessons and planning tools to help you work through the process. The course is currently in pilot mode and available to the first group for just seven dollars. After that, the price goes up. Get on the pilot list now and you'll be first to know when it launches.Closing Thoughts:A lot of people think putting systems in place make life boring and predictable, but Ellen challenges that way of thinking. The systems are there to keep the boring predictable stuff from taking over your life. That's what gives you the freedom to live the good life, go on adventures, and connect on the deepest levels.Support & Resources:Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.For immediate insights, take the Relationship Dynamics Scorecard: A fast free quiz to pinpoint relationship strengths and stressors, and identify priorities that need your attention.find it at: MakeMoreLove.show/quizAll links can be found below.Share the Love:If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit.Leave a Review for Make More Love:https://www.makemorelove.show/reviews/new/About the Host:Ellen Dorian is a relationship and business coach dedicated to helping high-performing business leaders truly create the business, relationship, and life that most entrepreneurs only dream of.Disclaimer:The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations."Love isn't something you find. You have to make it. And that's my mission-- to help you Make More Love, with Your Wife and In Your Life.'" - Ellen Dorian5-Point Relationship Operating System Mini Course:Apply now for the pilot program and be the first to get access:https://passionatepartnersproject.com/relationship-operating-system/Make More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.showParent Company - The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.comJoin Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105Contact Me Directly: Email: [email protected] direct message me via social media:Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/LinkedIn:    https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/Take the free Relationship Dynamics Quiz: http://makemorelove.show/quizSet up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me:http://relationshipresetcall.com