RE 578: Protect Your Energy

Today we have Jan. She is 75 years old from Winchester, VA and took her last drink on February 1st, 2021.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Café RE – THE social app for sober people   Recovery Elevator is compiling a list of recovery stories and we're going to put them in a book called This is How We Quit. If you want to be part of this book, and submit your story, we'd love to have you. There is no sobriety time requirement so if your saying to yourself, well, I've only been sober 30 days, I can't submit my story, then nonsense. Send an email to [email protected] and you'll get a google form to fill out and submit your story.   **TRIGGER WARNING** this episode references firearms and sexual assault   [02:48] Thoughts from Paul:   A common phrase in the recovery space is "protect your energy". Paul feels it is a solid idea and tries to practice it as well. His goal in life had always been to bring people together and it has been a major pain point for him to see the current administration purposely trying to separate or divide Americans.   Paul tries to focus on what he can control and turn everything else – especially the news. He shares a story about a recent visit to his parents' house where the news was on and he couldn't find the remote to turn it off.   Paull mentions all of this to remind us of what RE stands for, which is community, connection, inclusivity and love. Many of the things going on in our country go completely against our mission so we have to protect our energy and turn that stuff off, and you should too.   [07:49] Paul introduces Jan:   Jan currently lives in Winchester, VA, she is divorced, has one adult son named Sam and a 14-year-old Pekingese. For fun Jan enjoys walking, hiking, being outside and dancing.   Jan started drinking when she was 19 and attending school in Europe. She reflects that she spent time with the wildest group where they did a lot of drugs and drank. When she returned to the US, she attended the University of Arizona and did a lot of traveling back in forth to Mexico and eventually ended up in Puerto Vallarta. Jan says she always gravitated to the people she shouldn't have.   Bad things began happening to Jan due to her drug and alcohol use. She found herself in a lot of scary situations that eventually led to her depression and desire to move back to the US. Jan began to attend AA and was able to maintain four years of sobriety about fifteen years ago but started drinking again.   There was no rock-bottom moment leading up Jan's quit date in 2021, but she was tired of the mental obsession with alcohol. She tried naltrexone and The Sinclair Method, Antabuse and discovered Café RE after a friend of her son suggested it. She quit drinking right around the same time she joined.   Over the years prior to quitting drinking, Jan had been misdiagnosed with different mental health disorders. Since she has quit, she no longer needs the meds they believed she did. Jan says she sees things more clearly and enjoys photography now. Her love of nature has increased. The connection piece in recovery has also been very important to Jan, and she enjoys hosting some of the chats within Café RE. She stresses that we can't do this alone and having community is vital to recovery.   One of Jan's favorite recovery quotes is that it's a lot easier to stay sober than to get sober. Some of her advice for those new in recovery is to get involved with community, listen to podcasts, read quit lit and attend meetups.     Recovery Elevator Go big because eventually we'll all go home. Love thy neighbor. I love you guys.   RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube      

Today we have Kendra. She is 38 years old from Central Minnesota and took her last drink on March 22nd, 2024.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Café RE – THE social app for sober people   Recovery Elevator is compiling a list of recovery stories and we're going to put them in a book called This is How We Quit. If you want to be part of this book, and submit your story, we'd love to have you. There is no sobriety time requirement so if your saying to yourself, well, I've only been sober 30 days, I can't submit my story, then nonsense. Send an email to [email protected] and you'll get a google form to fill out and submit your story.   Recovery Elevator's first ever Sober Ukelele Retreat will be November 7th-14th, 2026. Registration opens May 1st.   [03:42] Thoughts from Paul:   Today Paul unwraps the reason that we drink. It isn't because alcohol is the most addictive drug on the planet or because you like the taste of wood, hops or earthy floral notes. For millions of years, humans evolved with the expectation of a loving and accepting community to be surrounding us at all times. In the modern world we are ripped away from this and are expected to be okay by ourselves.   The opposite of addiction is connection, and we've never been more disconnected as a species.   Be kind to yourself, this is not your fault. The pain that something was missing landed in your biology likely before you said your first word. This is why we all carry so much shame when something is missing or wrong we internalize it as if we are the problem and we are bad. Again, this is not your fault. But it is tasked to you, us, we to course correct – and we are.   [08:25] Paul introduces Kendra:   Kendra was previously interviewed on episode 501. She is 38 years old and has one 19-year-old daughter. She is a nephrology practice nurse and for fun she likes to cook, walk, bike, cycle and rollerblade.   Kendra never drank in high school and was an overachiever. She had great grades and played hockey. Kendra had her daughter when she was 19 so was unable to further her hockey career into college. Her daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at six days old and Kendra says that forced her to grow up quickly.   Kendra had her first drink at age 21 and while she got very sick, she loved the relief that it gave her. Drinking helped her cope with the "what the hell am I doing in life" feelings and was an outlet for her stress of raising her daughter.   In 2008, Kendra got into a relationship and they drank regularly. He was able to moderate whereas Kendra was not. It was a balancing act keeping up with her party girl persona, raising her daughter and going to school to establish a career for herself.   After her divorce in 2018, she wasn't around alcohol as much but still struggled with the off switch. When the hangovers started affecting her day-to-day life, she realized she had an issue. Kendra says she was capable of managing her drinking for a time as she was building a successful life for herself but would still binge drink on weekends when she had the opportunity.   In 2023, while attempting moderation, Kendra concluded that alcohol wasn't fostering any positivity in her life. She knew she needed to quit. She had already been tracking her sobriety streaks and would get upset with herself when she broke them. She found the app I Am Sober helpful to keep track her streaks and feel like she was making progress.   Having already been reading quit lit and listening the RE podcast, she was priming herself to finally move on from alcohol. After her last drink, Kendra began focusing on rest, meditation, breathwork and doing a lot of walking and listening to podcasts about recovery, health and longevity. Since quitting, Kendra has found mental clarity, less anxiety and her meditation practice helps keep her centered.     Recovery Elevator This isn't a no to alcohol But a yes to a better life       RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube      

Today we have Tom. He is 40 years old from New Canaan, CT and took his last drink on July 12th, 2024.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Soberlink – sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus   Happy March! The Café RE theme this month is Mindfulness and Awareness. This key topic helps us build awareness and space, which ultimately gives us the freedom to make different choices beyond drinking. Café RE will feature chats focused on mindfulness. It has been said that the most powerful medicine can't match the power of awareness.   Recovery Elevator is compiling a list of recovery stories and we're going to put them in a book called This is How We Quit. If you want to be part of this book, and submit your story, we'd love to have you. There is no sobriety time requirement so if your saying to yourself, well, I've only been sober 30 days, I can't submit my story, then nonsense. Send an email to [email protected] and you'll get a google form to fill out and submit your story.   [03:56] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul shares with us a quote from author Brianna Wiest.   "Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It's going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It's going to cost you relationships and friends. It's going to cost you being liked and understood. It doesn't matter. The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side. You're going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of being liked, you're going to be loved. Instead of being understood, you're going to be seen. All you're going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are." [06:25] Paul introduces Tom:   Tom is 40 years old and lives in New Canaan, CT. He is a construction superintendent, is married and they have 5-year-old twins. For fun, Tom enjoys gold, skiing and spending time with his kids.   Tom first drank at age 14 and says he frequently blacked out when he drank going forward. There were multiple legal consequences throughout his late teens and early twenties as his binge drinking continued through college. Around age 21, Tom began using cocaine which enabled him to drink more with less blackouts.   After college, Tom and his friends mainly drank on the weekend. Fast forward a few years and he found himself drinking alone during the week while his friends did not. As time progressed, he would wake up daily and trash talk himself for not being able to stop at just one or two. He felt like Jekyll and Hyde and struggled with that throughout his 30's.   In 2020, Tom's twins were born. He struggled to juggle his drinking life and his family life. His wife was growing frustrated, and Tom wasn't the parent that he had hoped he would be. In spite of this, he never really thought about quitting drinking, but quickly realized moderation didn't work. He knew he would need to quit drinking for himself and not just for his family. His wife was growing frustrated, and Tom knew he would lose everything if he didn't quit.   On June 12th, 2024, Tom was going to start a new job and looked at it as a clean slate. He says quitting was awkward and he began to talk to an alcohol counselor that helped him a lot. Within the first few months Tom felt better physically and able to establish a workout routine which helped him start the day in a better headspace. He started listening to the RE podcast and relating to others' stories. Exercise has become a hobby for Tom. Woodworking is a hobby that has come back for Tom as well, he takes pride in the projects he completes now.   Tom's parting piece of guidance: If you can make it through the first couple of days, and start to see the benefit, it'll get better every day. There'll be bad moments and challenging moments, but don't give up.     Recovery Elevator Remember this is an inside job. It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys.     RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube      

Today we have Greg. He is 57 years old and from Midlothian, VA. He took his last drink on December 8th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Café RE – the social app for sober people   Recovery Elevator is compiling a list of recovery stories and we're going to put them in a book called This is How We Quit. If you want to be part of this book, please submit your story. There is no sobriety time requirement. Send an email to [email protected] and you'll get a google form to fill out and submit your story.   If you have been thinking about joining Café RE, now is the time. The monthly price is increasing to $29 per month on March 1st. If you're already a member, your price will not increase, this is only for new membership.  Keep in mind that $29 per month is most likely a fraction of what you may have spent on alcohol per month.   [03:55] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul shares with us a beautifully written piece someone shared with him a few months ago.   In summary, they didn't quit drinking after a dramatic rock bottom, but after a quiet realization. Alcohol had become an automatic habit used to avoid feelings, slowly eroding sleep , mood, health, clarity, and self-respect. "Functioning" wasn't truly living. When they stopped lying to themselves about its cost and stopped romanticizing it, drinking felt pointless—and they simply chose honesty over pretending.   [10:12] Paul introduces Greg:   Greg is 57 years old from Midlothian, VA. For work, Greg is self-employed and does lawn, landscape and maintenance work. He has been married for 24 years, and he has four adult children, one grandchild, two dogs and a cat. For fun, Greg enjoys going to yard sales, is a big sports fan and enjoys music of all kinds.   Greg rarely drank in high school but began drinking regularly in college, which hurt his grades. After his GPA fell below 2.0, his father refused to keep paying for school unless he transferred to a Christian university. Greg initially moved out and continued partying while working a minimum-wage job but eventually accepted his father's offer. Despite strict no-drinking rules at the new school, he found ways to keep partying.   With his first child on the way after graduation, Greg got a position working in retail management. A few years later he shifted to working in the restaurant business, which found him drinking every evening after work and staying at the bar through all hours.   After his sister's sudden death, Greg's drinking intensified and shifted from social partying to drinking alone as a way to cope. He didn't see himself as an alcoholic - it just felt normal to him. When his relationship with the mother of his first two children ended, his drinking continued to worsen.   Within a few years, Greg and his current wife married and had two kids together. Greg continued to drink daily and over the years, his wife's tolerance decreased. She tried everything she could to help him stop, but eventually she began talking about divorce and separation, but he didn't believe she would do it.   In March 2025, his wife moved out. Greg had made a statement that this was just who he was, and he was done trying to quit drinking and he now believes that was the straw that broke the camel's back. He still had no interest in quitting drinking until August 2025 when he heard a voice telling him to start going back to church.   This was the catalyst Greg needed, and he surrendered control of his life to Jesus Christ and became active in his church community. He starts his mornings with reading the bible, journalling and reviewing his thoughts and feelings. He is currently starting a recovery group at his church. Greg and his wife are working on reconciliation. Now 45 days away from alcohol at the time of recording, Greg feels like a completely different person.     Recovery Elevator  This isn't a no to alcohol, But a hell yes to a better life I love you guys,     RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube      

Today we have Kerri. She is 51 years old from Maine and took her last drink on June 7th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Soberlink – sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus   If you have been thinking about joining Café RE, now is the time. The monthly price is increasing to $29 per month on March 1st. If you're already a member, your price will not increase, this is only for new membership.  Keep in mind that $29 per month is most likely a fraction of what you may have spent on alcohol per month.   [04:09] Thoughts from Paul:   Last week we talked about patience and how preparation is sacred work. This week, we are talking about building your expedition team a.k.a., your sobriety team.   First, there is this podcast. Paul and the RE production team are part of your team. All interviewees are part of your team.   Then you need community. This can be in-person or online with other sober people. You need people who get it, who've been where you are, and who can remind you why you are doing this. There is also no shame in seeking professional help or a therapist.   And don't forget God, or a higher power, or the universe, or whatever you want to call that thing bigger than yourself. Because when you're in the wilderness and the map runs out.   This week, ask yourself: who's on my team? And if the answer is "nobody yet" then your mission is to find at least one person. Because you can't do this alone. You weren't meant to do this alone. Lean in.   [08:14] Paul introduces Kerri:   Kerri is 51 and lives in Maine. She is a registered nurse, divorced and has two older teenagers. For fun she loves live music, yoga, sauna, kayak, writing and spending time with her kids.   Kerri first tried alcohol when she was 12. She grew up in a townhouse community with lots of other kids and limited supervision. Kerri went to college in Boston where she says she partied like the guys did and was the girl that was let in. Her 20's were pretty healthy and she doesn't feel her drinking was a problem at that point.   Kerri has a sister in recovery. She says their alcoholism was more overt and people would comment on it, but Kerri kept drinking privately and faked control over it. When she got married, she and her husband were drinking partners and would drink daily. Over time she says she felt a switch flip and began to try and control her drinking with little luck.   When she got divorced, Kerri says she was undone. Alcohol became her coping mechanism, but she kept it concealed and remained functional. She tried to quit after her first DUI, but it lasted nine months and then she began to test the water again every few months afterwards. Kerri feels that moderation is a lie, from her experience.   Last June, Kerri lost her job as a school nurse and says she hit an emotional rock bottom. She no longer cared about herself, drank a box of wine and then drove leading to another DUI. Prior to this event, her drinking had been ramping up to the point her kids were noticing it. Her kids reaction to her DUI led Kerri to decide she needed to quit.   Utilizing her sister as a resource and attending AA, Kerri was determined to work on her recovery. Her life was crashing down around her, and her sister asked her what she was going to do differently. Kerri found herself on her knees surrendering and asking for help, which is something that has never been easy for her.   Podcasts have been a great tool for Kerri because she lives in a rural area and it's hard to get to meetings. Other tools she uses are journaling, sauna, yoga and she is committed to attending AA once a week.   Kerri's message to those that are still struggling: "your life will get better. It is so incredibly worth it. It could be the most challenging thing you're ever going to go through but imagine being clear and present for your own life".       Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down You've got to take the stairs back up We can do this       RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube      

Today we have Lewis. He is 39 years old from Burlington, VT and he took his last rink of alcohol on June 12th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help   August 12th – 16th: Get ready to elevate your alcohol-free life in Big Sky Country. Join RE in Bozeman, Montana for our annual sober summer retreat. Registration opens April 1st. This isn't your typical retreat. We're talking adventure, laughter and deep bonds with people who get it. This retreat will remind you why choosing freedom over booze was the best decision you ever made.   [01:52] Thoughts from Paul:   This week, Paul talks about something that doesn't get discussed enough in recovery: patience and preparation.   Getting sober takes time. Preparing for your new life takes time. Some people are able to spontaneously quit drinking and never look back, but most have to slowly build momentum before trust falling into an alcohol-free life.   Some of you may have been listening to this podcast for years and feeling guilty for still drinking – DON'T. Maybe you think you are failing because you haven't quit yet. You're NOT. You are in preparation mode and intentional preparation is sacred work.   Every time you question whether alcohol is worth it, you're gathering intelligence. Every moment you imagine life without drinking; you're building the mental map you'll need for the actual journey.   This week, give yourself permission to be exactly where you are. If you're still drinking and listening, you're right where you need to be. It doesn't matter if you quit yesterday, last month or several years ago, you're right where you need to be.   [06:46] Paul introduces Lewis:   Lewis is 39 years old and grew up in Australia but now lives in Burlington, VT.  He runs a business. For fun, Lewis likes run and being outdoors snowboarding, surfing, eat good food and hang out with friends.   Lewis grew up with two brothers, who he is still close with, and says they had a great childhood living in a remote area in Western Australia. He tried alcohol for the first time when he was 14 and loved it immediately.   Lewis' drinking took off while attending university in Perth where the social life mainly revolved around alcohol. He didn't realize at the time that he was drinking more than others. He completed his studies in Canada where his drinking escalated because he was away from family and responsibilities. The drinking became a daily habit when he began his career as a bartender while in Greece.   Lewis moved back to Australia and began working in a brewery. He enjoyed that fact that there were less people there judging him. He knew his drinking was problematic when more and more negative things started happening, but he wasn't ready to confront it. There were many attempts to moderate, and he was able to take breaks, but never got it completely under control.   In 2020, Lewis realized he was powerless over alcohol but wasn't ready to accept it. Moderation attempts continued and Lewis moved to Vermont hoping the geographical cure would help him. He was a binge drinker, so daily drinking wasn't a concern for him, but he began having falls and missing work due to his binges.   On his last binge, it finally occurred to him that if he kept going, he was going to lose everything or die. He woke up last June and made the decision to finally stop drinking.   Lewis joined AA and found a great community within it. He started out going to at least five meetings a week and found a sponsor in a friend he had previously met at the gym while he was still drinking. Lewis is very open about his recovery and has found that most people have been very supportive.    Tools that are helpful to Lewis include podcasts, quit-lit, The Phoenix (sober workout community), his higher power and AA. Lewis is learning he can make plans, have goals and follow through with them.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down You gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this!       RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube Café RE      

Today we have Jack. He is 45 years old and from Los Angeles, CA. He took his last drink of alcohol on December 31st, 2024.   This episode is brought to you by:   Café RE – THE social app for sober people. Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help   [02:47] Thoughts from Paul:   Last week Paul talked about the intentional phase of sobriety: choosing what you want to explore next and how you are going to fill the void left by alcohol.   Looking at Lewis and Clark, we know that no expedition goes according to plan. So this week we will talk about setbacks because they're part of life. Maybe it's relapse (or Field Research as we refer to it in RE). Maybe it's an injury that sidelines your new running routine or an illness that drains your energy for weeks. Or it may just be life being life.   The thing about setbacks – they don't erase your progress; they're just part of the terrain. If you drink again, you have not gone back to zero. You've gathered data. You know more now than you did before – about triggers, patterns, what works and what doesn't.   The goal here is not perfection, it's persistence. If you are facing a setback – big or small – ask yourself: what's the adjusted route? Not "should I give up?" but "how do I keep moving forward from here?"   [7:46] Paul introduces Jack:   Jack grew up in New Jersey but now lives in LA. He is a runner and currently training for a marathon. He loves movies and video games, and he is currently taking a fragrance development course and plans to build his own brand and launch his own fragrance in the future.   Growing up, Jack was always sensitive and shy kid. His parents drank and alcohol was just a regular part of life with wine at dinner and craft beer always around.   As a teenager, Jack drank to fit in at parties. Jack is gay and used alcohol to cancel out his anxiety and the awkwardness he felt socially. He says he didn't drink all the time and there were no real consequences, just teenage experimentation,   Jack drank on the weekends through college and enjoyed going out to gay clubs. After transferring from Savannah back to NYC, he finished school and got a job as a graphic designer. Drinking became a daily activity on his commutes and on weekends. Jack also began moonlighting as a DJ hosting parties in Manhattan and Brooklyn, something he always dreamed of doing when he was a teenager. This opened up a new world of nightlife for Jack.   Jack would drink all night while DJ'ing and go to work a few hours later. He had his first panic attack at work and while he knew that it was the hangover that triggered it but found that alcohol gave him instant relief. Blackouts began to happen regularly, and it dawned on Jack that he wasn't sure he was going to be able to stop drinking.   Jack became sober-curious in 2016. He started reading books and taking time off from drinking. Soon after this started his partner had an opportunity to go to grad school in Boston and Jack felt like this could be a clean slate.   After a few years alcohol-free, Jack felt like he could handle alcohol again. He planned to drink on his birthday. This opened the door for regression and within 6 months, the pandemic found Jack drinking just like he was before.   Jack's anxiety and panic attacks caused by his alcohol abuse were getting the best of him. After a rough weekend in Vegas, he drank through that holiday and knew that he couldn't continue to drink. He had heard about RE's Dry January course and burned the ships with his partner.   Jack said the course was exactly what he needed at the time and he knew within the first week that this is how he wants to live his life. He felt the pink cloud and euphoria from making the daily decision to be sober. He is an active member in Café RE, enjoys running, hiking, meditation and finding connections with community. Jack says he has gone from Passive Sobriety to Active Recovery.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down You got to take the stairs back up We can do this.   RE Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Veronica. She is 52 years old, lives in Alabama and she had her last drink on May 1st, 2000.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Soberlink – claim your $100 enrollment bonus   Upcoming Events with Recovery Elevator   February 21st – 28th we are traveling to Costa Rica. The event is full, but you can email [email protected] to get on the waiting list.   August 12th – 16th we will be having our annual Bozeman retreat. Registration opens on April 1st at 9am Eastern Time.   October 17th – 24th we will host our Sober Ukelele Retreat in Costa Rica   [03:07] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul wants to talk about the exploration he mentioned at the end of last week's intro. When you first quit drinking, things kind of happen to you – sleep improves, your head clears and maybe a hobby resurfaces on it's own. It's passive.   But at some point, you realize that your not just not drinking anymore. You're actually living. And you get to decide what that looks like. This is the intentional phase where you stop wandering and start exploring with purpose.   Now is the time to think about some things that you may have wanted to do but didn't have the space for because alcohol consumed it all. Now you have the bandwidth to explore what you want to make space for in your life.   This week, Paul wants you to ask yourself, "what's one thing I've been curious about that I haven't made time for?" Just one small piece of unexplored territory.   Next week we will talk about what happens when you start building momentum but for now, just pick your direction. The expedition starts with a single step – now take it.   [7:40] Paul introduces Veronica:   Veronica is British but has lived in the US for about 15 years. She is married and has two sons. Veronica has worked as a psychotherapist and sobriety coach for many years, has written three books and has a strong online presence in the recovery space with Soberful (also the name of her most recent book).   Veronica started drinking when she was around age 13. She felt like it fixed the issues she had with being uncomfortable in her own skin. She says she was a binge drinker and began to use hallucinogenic drugs which impacted her negatively and triggered major anxiety for which she used alcohol to control.   Veronica was always looking for help for her anxiety and depression but never considered alcohol was contributing. When she moved to Florida, she met someone sober and it changed her outlook. Additionally, she was taking college courses in addiction counseling and after brief time of accidental sobriety, she began attending 12 step meetings to learn more about the people she planned to help.   Initially she didn't identify with anyone at the meetings until someone spoke about fear. Veronica says this was her moment of clarity. Veronica feels that fear is the engine of an alcohol problem and it manifests anxiety and panic attacks in a lot of people.   Veronica went all in with getting a sponsor and doing the steps, becoming a therapist and began to work in a rehab. At 3 years sober, she hit an emotional rock bottom and discovered the work of emotional sobriety. She has discovered that this is 90% of the work of getting sober. Veronica acknowledges that working on emotional sobriety is a lifelong journey and changing our perceptions of things to overcome resentment is an important part of it.   Veronica Valli Soberful Veronica's Instagram   Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys. We can do this. Café RE Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Savanna. She's 32 years old from Minneapolis, MN and took her last drink on May 4th, 2023.   This episode is brought to you by:   Sign up and get 10% off: Better Help Café RE – THE social app for sober people   Every Sunday on Instagram, we post a roll call graphic and then you guys put your day count on there. It's a space for members to be loud and proud about their recovery as well as being there to support others.   [02:30] Thoughts from Paul:   Last week, Paul talked about how we want to end our relationship with alcohol. This week, he addresses the question "what do I do with all this space where alcohol used to be?".   Boredom can set into the empty space where alcohol used to be. This can trip a lot of folks up in early sobriety when they thought that quitting drinking was supposed to feel like some immediate transformation. Paul reminds us to think of the first gift of sobriety to be not having to negotiate anymore. Additional mental bandwidth is no longer wasted on alcohol where you asked yourself a lot of questions to determine if you should drink today or not. When we make the decision to quit, we have the freedom to do anything else with our time.   Quitting drinking is not self-deprivation or sacrifice. It's you clearing space for a fruitful life. Your mission is to explore.   [07:04] Paul introduces Savanna:   Savanna is 32 years old, lives in Minneapolis, MN and is a marketing manager. For fun, Savanna enjoys going camping, traveling, playing guitar, walking in the woods and spending time with her family and friends.   Savanna started out as the kid that said, "I don't need alcohol to have fun". She reflects that part of that was fear part of it was that she was a good kid. Alcohol became more accessible after she went to college and by her sophomore year she was working at a bar and drinking is what she and her friends would do at the end of the night.   The theme didn't change much as Savanna was in her 20's. She was in a relationship where she says the only bond they really had was the booze and it kept them together longer than it should have. The relationship ended shortly before the pandemic and that's when Savanna found herself living along and her days consisted of Zoom meetings and gin. The drinking gradually started earlier and earlier in the day.   For the next few years, Savanna was making more excuses for her drinking. She couldn't go on vacation or visit family without planning ahead to ensure she had access to alcohol to avoid withdrawals. Eventually drinking began to affect her performance at work and she was fired for the first time. This sent Savanna into a spiral of isolation and drinking every day.   Savanna accepted an invitation to a Cinco de Mayo party that her friends were having. Upon arrival, her long-time friend Maddie said "the light has left your eyes. You are not ok. What's going on?" and that was enough to crack Savanna open and she accepted Maddie's help.   Savanna's family got involved and helped her detox while waiting for a bed at Hazelden. Savanna says that she had a great experience there and getting sober with others was beneficial for her. She knew if she kept drinking, she was going to die and that knowledge has made it easy for her to stay away from alcohol.   Savanna reflects that the physical healing happened quickly. Mentally she was concerned about what life was going to look like after rehab. Once she was able to get back to work, she was motivated to do well and within two years was leading a department at her new job.   When Savanna is asked what it is like on the other side of the addiction, the word she goes back to is "limitless". She feels like she can do anything because she is no longer chained to the alcohol. The brain space she has now leaves room for the Savanna that is motivated and has ambitions. She is excited to create the next chapter of her life.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down You got to take the stairs back up I love you guys. Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Sean. He is 33 years old and lives in Phoenix, AZ. He took his last drink on January 22, 2022.   This episode is brought to you by:   Café RE – THE social app for sober people Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored   There is one spot left on our sober travel trip to Costa Rica. This journey is scheduled for February 21st – 28th. Email [email protected] if you would like to join us.   Join us on January 10th for the start of our AF Ukelele Course. This course is sponsored by Kala brand ukelele and if you register, you get a code for 10% off an instrument.   [03:00] Thoughts from Paul:   "Want to change your relationship with alcohol?" is a common question asked in the recovery space.   When somebody says they want to change their relationship with something, it usually implies there's a goal of improvement. Changing a relationship with exercise may look like hitting the gym more. Maybe changing a relationship with your mother-in-law means you're going to try harder at Thanksgiving to keep your mouth shut. Or it's like saying you want to change your relationship with a narcissistic ex who stole your credit card, crashed your car and told everyone at the party that you wet the bed in third grade.   Some relationships don't need to change; they need to end. So, maybe we don't want to moderate our relationship with a substance that literally erodes our livers. We don't want to set boundaries with something that crosses every boundary we've ever set. And we certainly don't want to work on things with a liquid that has never once worked on itself.   Paul shares that the only relationship change with alcohol that he's interested in is the one where they are in no relationship at all.   [06:57] Paul introduces Sean:   Sean is married and they have an eight-year-old daughter together. For fun he enjoys fishing, going to concerts, playing music and being outside as much as he can.   Sean had his first drink when he was 17. He says every moment after that, he felt like he was trying to chase that feeling again. He recognizes now that he was drinking to escape a rough home life. The drinking didn't become daily until his early 20's when he began working at a bar.   Sean was drinking 20-25 drinks a day and excused it by the environment he was in. Sean though he was using alcohol to help his anxiety, but over time started realizing his drinking was causing it. Since Sean was able to work, provide for his family and help raise his daughter, he didn't see the problem. Soon he needed to drink before work to avoid withdrawal symptoms and over time he was drinking throughout the day.   The drinking began to cause issues for Sean and depression started to set in. Sean was in denial that it was the alcohol causing it but soon realized that he was powerless over his drinking and that scared him. The thoughts that his family would be better off without him, and audible hallucinations were consuming his mind. He finally decided to try and taper his drinking in an effort to quit but struggled with it.   Sean eventually was able to quit cold turkey after tapering and says the first few nights were the worst. He googled his symptoms and found a YouTube video by Paul about Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms. This helped him recognize that this wouldn't last forever and that his body was in the process of healing.   It took about six months for Sean to begin feeling better and he started to go to Celebrate Recovery and found community. He gained a lot of hope seeing others that had years of sobriety. Sean credits gratitude as being a big help to keep him out of anxiety and depression now. He allows himself to feel his emotions instead of letting them define him.   Sean says his spirituality and relationship with God is what has made this possible for him. He enjoys helping others trying to have a connection with God and/or sobriety.   Recovery Elevator We took the elevator down Let's take the stairs back up. We can do this.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube