Episode 339 – Does addiction serve a purpose?
On today’s podcast we’ve got Nate, he is 39, from Ohio and he took his last drink on October 9, 2015.
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Highlights from Paul
Is addiction a disease or not? Paul says that addiction isn’t a disease, but a learned behavior that expresses itself in unhealthy environments. In unhealthy, traumatic, or lonely environments, we develop adaptive behaviors such as excessive drinking to help us cope. Check out Paul’s thoughts in more detail in the following video.
Crossing the river of addition means letting go of our resentments, fears, anxieties, jealousies, attachments, and choose love. If you ride that wave of pain long enough, it will give you two choices: life or death. Thanks to the stigma which helps keep paradigms in check, we label ourselves dysfunctional, or broken. Addictions represent things that need deep healing.
People in recovery understand that love and acceptance is more important than you should be wearing a mask, or you should get vaccinated… and if you don’t, we’re no longer friends. We work together for one common goal. The rest of society is not equipped with the tools and emotional intelligence to do so.
Addictions are wake up calls. Invitations, to step into your true authentic self. Addictions give us the fast track to see that love always wins. We get there by seeing what’s not working in life. I think an addiction exists to push us back to source. To creation. To love and light.
I encourage you to stop labeling your drinking problem as bad because it’s not. And that a major waste of time energy.
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[13:11] Nate took his last drink 10/9/2015. He grew up in Ohio in a traditional Midwest family with a family. He started drinking at an early age to fit in and numb some insecurities. He realized he was gay at an early age, needed to accept himself in an environment that didn’t include role models or peers.
He recognized consequences on drinking early on with a DUI and fights at parties. When he graduated from college, his drinking shifted from social drinking to misery drinking. Nate described an era of drinking and when it became problematic. He was able to cling to career success, a great work ethic and worked in the restaurant business in a management role. He worked from home, which fed his disease. He took micro naps after starting his morning with vodka and chardonnay to continue working. He began regressing and turning inward. Nate avoided sharing his secrets. He came out to friends in high school. He lived an open life in college. It was a ten-year period before he was living an open life.
He remembers waking up with a stiff neck and that continued for several weeks. While visiting his sister, he fell to the ground, his body went limp, he lost his vision. He had a stroke at age 32 because of his drinking. The doctors didn’t ask many questions about his drinking. He spent 6 weeks in the ICU and had to learn to walk and learn to use his extremities again. His vision returned. They asked no questions about addiction, alcohol, or drugs. While in the hospital he thought daily about his first drink when he left the hospital and he stopped at the liquor store for champagne on his way home. He continued drinking after his stroke.
His best friend went into treatment, and she modeled the attraction of sobriety for him. He remembers catching himself in the mirror and he paused wondering where the last 15 years went. His sister took him to a treatment center 30 minutes later. Nate believes being able to make the decision himself and not be forced into it was important for his success. He has been entrenched in 12 Step recovery since.
Odette described recovery as an opportunity, not a sacrifice. Creating and fostering a gratitude mindset can help you cross the bridge from being mad or sad that you can’t drink anymore to one of gratitude. Odette has a gratitude practice she uses every day.
Remember you are not alone and together is always better.
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More episodes from "Recovery Elevator"
RE 349: The Inner Voice
57:10Episode 349 – The Inner Voice. Today we have Tara. She is 37, from Canada, and took her last drink on February 20, 2019. Café RE’s annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a Café Re members only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditation, and break outs rooms. Go to: www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity. Highlights from Paul Paul talks about his inner voice and how it failed him as he was trying to stack days in early sobriety. Inner narration can tell you in your own voice that it is okay to drink. It’s a subconscious voice. Paul advises that the first step is to be aware of the voice. Then you need to create distance between that voice and the first drink. Inner narration isn’t you, it’s a bundle of thoughts. Over time, you can let the space build between the thought and the drink so you can change your thinking. Gaze at the stars, look up and take a breath. Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 [10:37] Odette welcomes Tara Tara took her last drink February 20, 2019. She lives in Montreal and has learned to enjoy life – everything she does is for fun. She is a voice actress and podcaster. Tara described her relationship with alcohol as a product of self-loathing and rejecting herself. She took her first drink at 12. She was well adjusted and had her needs met at the time. She didn’t drink again until 15 when she was unhappy, depressed and feeling alienated. Alcohol filled a need to replace herself. A major shift happened when she was 18 and she took her drinking to another level – drinking in the morning and drinking alone. Alcohol became her primary relationship until she got sober. Alcohol was linked with everything she did. She had a lot of self-pity and thought the world was against her. She felt like she belonged at the bottom. Pain felt normal, like home. Tara went to 12 different inpatient rehabs. She would start to feel better and didn’t know how to deal with feeling better. Learning to care for herself emotionally was a big challenge. Even some basic tasks were a challenge. She escaped through relationships with men or would obsess about her looks to avoid facing herself. She took pride in not being a good person. She became a villain in her own story. She put her family and friends through a lot. She relapsed frequently and made false promises to herself and other people. She is amazed her family is still supporting her recovery. During her last stay in rehab, she was there for 12 days and had to leave because she had been so many times. Post rehab she went through the motions and went to meetings, got a sponsor, and did the things she was told to do without running the show. Her parents breathalyzed her which helped her become accountable. Early recovery was a challenge. Tara felt like a fraud and didn’t have confidence in her own ability not to relapse. Her brain was in a constant frenzy, and she had a partner who was struggling with addiction. She felt privileged to be able to do full time recovery for several months. She has learned to have a sense of humor about cravings or crazy thoughts. She focuses now on how she shows up in the world. She has expanded her spiritual practice and is learning to be consistent. Tara has learned to enjoy her own company. Her goal is to show up in her life in a way she can be proud of every day. Odette’s Summary What does bravery mean to you? You can choose to ride or not ride a roller-coaster. The brave choice is the one that rings true to you; the choice that aligns with your values, inner knowing and truth. Choosing to live an alcohol-free life is a huge act of bravery. Sobriety can be lonely, but bravery means standing up for yourself and advocating yourself, even when peers may pressure you to do otherwise. Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: You can find more information about our events Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes
RE 348: We Don't Plug In
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RE 347: Can You Quit Drinking in Unhealthy Environments?
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RE 346: There is No Manual
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RE 345: The Neuroscience of Addiction Part II
51:57Episode 345– The Neuroscience of Addiction Part II Today we have Stacy Jo, she is 34 years old, from Oregon and took her last drink on March 6, 2020. Highlights from Paul Paul wants to know your interest in a alcohol-free Ukulele 101 course. If you are interested please email email@example.com. Paul provides part 2 of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw. Dr. Lembke talks about how it’s a known fact that when we are in our addiction, we can’t accurately see the consequences or what’s taking place. With abstinence, we can look back and say, OH MY The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. Being smart or highly educated doesn’t make you immune to addiction, in fact, it might even backfire because you think you know everything. More than 1/2 the world's deaths, under the age of 50, are attributable to addiction. Rates of alcoholism have gone up 50% for those aged 65 and up from the late 90’s to today and have gone up 80% in women. Traditionally the rates for alcoholics were 5:1 for men to women. With Millennials, it’s now 1:1. There are more burdens on women now than ever. Dr. Lemke recommends a 30 day dopamine fast. But a huge warning of withdrawals for alcohol and benzodiazepines. How to do this? Well, we’ve got 345 episodes now on the HOW, but the trick is to go into the pain. Head into the storm (episode 341) and Forgive yourself. Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 [12:41] Stacy Jo took her last drink on March 6, 2020. She lives in Eugene, OR. with her partner of 15 years. Her primary hobby is anything that has to do with yarn. She has worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years until the pandemic hit, she recently was just at the University of Oregon. Around the age of 20, after a breakup and miscarriage, Stacy Jo feels there was a switch in her drinking. That was the same time her service industry career normalized and it all went hand in hand. In 2018 Stacy Jo started some serious attempts to quit drinking but it wasn’t until the beginning of the pandemic in 2020 that she was able to get good footing. Stacy Jo joined Café RE when she was around 4 months sober and says she did it as a reward for herself. She says her partner hated her drinking, and that it became a pretty big division between the two of them. Stacy Jo also got a Driving While Ability Impaired (right below a DUI) when she was 28. She feels like she slept the 1st three months of sobriety. She treated herself like a toddler and allowed herself to sleep and snack. Stacy Jo is grateful for the pandemic and her restaurant shutting down. It allowed her to get away from the normalcy that is part of the service industry and to have the space to get on solid ground. She does not get cravings any longer, but says she is not so cocky to say that she won’t again. Odette’s Summary Odette reminds us that change starts with us. Recovery is our responsibility. Remember you are not alone and together is always better. Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: You can find more information about our events Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes
RE 344: The Neuroscience of Addiction
49:00Episode 344– The Neuroscience of Addiction Today we have Bill. He is 61, from Alabama, and took his last drink on April 29, 2021. Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze starts 9/21 at 8 PM EST. Highlights from Paul Paul provides part one of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw. “Persons with severe addictions are among those contemporary prophets that we ignore to our own demise for they show us who we truly are.” Dr. Lembke says that drinking is not a choice but seeking help for an addiction is a choice. The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. American society and economy are focused on an insatiable pursuit of pleasure. Today’s marketers target the dopamine system; thus, we all struggle to find homeostasis. Addiction can show up as alcohol, social media, food, etc. Addiction is a low-grade discomfort we all have as humans. She believes we are all wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, which works in an environment of scarcity, not our current state of abundance. Paul reminds us we can’t study or think our way out of addiction. Community is key! Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 [11:43] Bill took his last drink on April 29, 2021. He enjoys hiking, movies, sports, windsurfing, reading, and spending time with family and friends. Bill started drinking as a teenager. He knew at spring break 30 years ago that he was a problem drinker. He drank and got buzzed every five years but wasn’t addicted. Thirty years later, Bill’s wife left, and he started drinking liqueur in the evening. He slowly became addicted, and he drank every night. When Bill hit rock bottom, he found himself broke, living in an extended stay hotel. He scraped the floor of his room and his car to get enough money to buy a few shots. In 2020, he joined Recovery Elevator and was a lurker until 2021. Bill still has cravings and practices “doing 30 things” to keep him from drinking. If the cravings continue, he goes to bed. Loneliness is Bill’s biggest trigger. Ice cream and cookies also get him through. Bill said everything got better when he stopped drinking. He is back in the gym and loves waking up without a hangover. His medications work better. The community of Café RE is crucial to Bill, and he is led and inspired by others in RE. He loves being of service and is grateful to the suggestions of others that helped him when he wanted to drink. Bill credits Tim Grover’s books, Relentless and Winning, with changing his mindset. His takeaway was getting ‘obsessed’ with sobriety. Meditation helps his anxiety and cravings. A friend of Bill’s told him his greatest flaw was that he didn’t like himself. He described how the “I suck” mentality brought him down. Bill made considerable strides in self-love since he quit drinking. He listens to a podcast called Unbeatable Mind and has learned to say “I love you” to himself daily, over and over. Bill believes having an accountability partner is critical to his success. Odette’s Summary Odette shared about a Café RE member who shared at the Bozeman retreat. The person said, ‘for a long time, I thought I didn’t matter, that my existence didn’t matter. I recognize that I matter, I belong, and I can make an impact.’ Odette reminds us, we all matter. We help each other become better and to heal. We remind each other of our value. The power of community is vital because it is rooted in love and non-judgment and a firm belief that we are whole. We are whole, even when we stumble. Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: You can find more information about our events Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes
RE 343: A Brief History of Alcoholism and Treatment
57:51Episode 343 – A Brief History of Alcoholism and Treatment Today we have Charlie. He is 35, from Missouri and took his last drink on July 7, 2020. Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze 9/21 ; Regionals 11/12-14; Costa Rica (1/15-23). https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/ Highlights from Paul Addiction is a modern phenomenon. Alcohol has been around for centuries. Early “treatment” of alcoholics included being jailed, tortured, and often executed for being possessed by demons. As treatment has evolved, we are moving toward FLOW states. Our mental energies are redirected from addiction toward creating healthier neural connections. In the 1930’s, alcoholism was classified as a fatal medical condition. In 1935 Bill W co-founded AA. In 1949 the Hazelden Foundation was born, thus creating our modern-day rehab and treatment structures. https://www.cornerstoneofrecovery.com/a-history-of-addiction-and-addiction-treatment/ Fortunately, people are recovering from alcoholism because the stigma is softening, and people are recognizing this is more a disease of disconnection and lack of community. Check out this video of the Recovery Elevator Bozeman retreat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFoqj3xeFUI Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 [16:09] Charlie took his last drink on July 7, 2020He has been to 54 different treatment He just wrote a memoir. He writes, blogs, and enjoys experiencing life. Charlie’s mom passed away when he was 13. He didn’t know how to handle his emotions, so he turned to substances. The emotional damage compounded over the years. Charlie’s drinking was a result of unresolved grief and trauma, emotional damage from a succession of stepmothers, and lack of success as an actor. Charlie drank and used drugs. In 2017, his health became an issue. He started exploring detox and learned about alcoholism. In 2019 he was in his 15th IOP program, but still wasn’t surrendering. He had to go back to Lincoln to address some legal issues. He relapsed several times; he was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. In June of 2020, he was receptive to love and faith from his higher power. He decided to implement what he learned at the facilities he experienced. He relapsed again, but in July he realized alcohol wasn’t working for him. Charlie maintained a job through most of his addiction which provided insurance and access to treatment. He was privileged and knows he had access to therapists and treatment modalities many don’t. He did build up a lot of medical debt. Charlie overcomes cravings or negative emotions with music, cleaning, calling friends, visiting family. He also journals and meditates. He has learned to listen to his emotions and ask, what do you need? Cognitively Charlie processed his trauma in treatment. He didn’t process the trauma emotionally or spiritually until he had been sober for a few months. Once he processed the trauma, he learned to love himself and heal the emotional trauma. His relationships with his dad and his sister evolved in an amazing way. Charlie began writing in 2018 but continued drinking until 2020. His book has provided some built-in accountability. https://www.amazon.com/At-Least-Not-Frog-Alcoholism-ebook/dp/B09B5MFT1X/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_pb_opt?ie=UTF8 Charlie is a fan of gratitude list and believes that gratitude+humility=happiness. He loves travel from beach to mountains and is grateful he can remember his adventures. Odette’s Summary Grateful Snacking is a company that makes delicious and healthy snacks to support our journey in recovery. Grateful snacking - https://gratefulsnacking.com/ Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/ You can find more information about our events Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes
RE 342: Do Your Part
1:01:14Episode 342 – Do Your Part Today we have Michael. He is 43, from N. Georgia and took his last drink on January 1, 2020. Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) is open. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/ Highlights from Paul Paul discusses three elements that are critical to doing your part in recovery. Paul believes self-respect, self-love, and well-being are fundamental to healing. Doing the work is essential, and it eventually becomes embodied in your circuitry. Over time, we retrain the brain to stop self-harming with alcohol, pop tarts, and disrespect from others. The state of our world reflects our lack of connection with ourselves, our planet, and our community. He believes a tipping point is upon us. We can help the world by fixing our internal environment, our inner pollution that results in external contamination - that is our part. The inner work (i.e., letting go of resentments) benefits others as well. Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 [11:01] Michael took his last drink on January 1, 2020. He is from 43, married, and has two kids. He is a graphic designer and enjoys painting, drawing, playing music, and running. Michael started drinking in high school. He drank to fit in and didn’t really like alcohol. He trained himself to drink. He used alcohol to celebrate, and it felt good. He now realizes he was trying to become somebody he wasn’t. In college, alcohol was everywhere, and he drank almost daily. Michael noticed early on his drinking was an issue. Post-college, Michael didn’t want the party to stop. Free booze was a great excuse to overindulge. Alcohol and celebration went hand in hand for Michael. He began moderating when his children were about to be born. Over time, Michael continued to try moderation, and the voice in his head continued getting louder. He started looking at pictures from events he attended and realized there was no joy in his eyes because he wasn’t present for his own life. Accepting love was a real challenge for Michael. He quit drinking for an entire year but gradually returned to drinking. Michael now believes sobriety represents his authentic self, and that’s why he had to train himself to drink. Podcasts and the book “This Naked Mind” helped him understand addiction. Michael discovered Recovery Elevator, signed up and became part of the community. Recovery is fantastic for Michael. He doesn’t need alcohol to be himself, confident, present, feel his feelings, true joy, true love, and his life is greater than he imagined it would be. He embraces his inner light and beauty as a human being. He loves his wife and his family and appreciates his RE tribe, who understand what it’s like to cope with addiction. Michael talks to someone in recovery every day. He focuses on exercise, working the steps, and writing music to support his recovery. Kris’ Summary Kris spoke about learning the scientific reasons for addiction when he was in treatment. He needed to understand that addiction was about more than poor personal choices. Kris believes you can’t intellectualize your way out of addiction. Kris attended his first sober meet-up six weeks after he left treatment. He witnessed what ‘fun in sobriety’ looks like. A gathering of strangers came together to learn to live the life we were meant for can be fun and much more satisfying than addiction. The healing spirit is amazing. Shifting the energy we used to put into drinking toward a greater goal: personal growth, showing up for others and community. Kris appreciates everyone he has encountered in the RE community. I am here; I am whole. Feel it. Believe it! Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/ You can find more information about our events Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes
RE 341: Head Into the Storm
55:21Episode 341 – Head into the storm On today’s podcast we’ve got Britt, she is 45, from California and she took her last drink on November 13, 2018. Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) opens Wednesday 9/1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/ Highlights from Paul Solving human problems can be discovered in nature. Lone bison run away from storms in the opposite direction. Humans run away from cravings and tough life challenges. Packs of bison walk through the storm together, shoulder to shoulder. They know the quickest way to weather the storm is through. It’s vital that we work alongside others to weather the storm of addiction. Facing the storm together is fun. [6:52] Paul shares a great story about his adventures with Britt and how much he admires how she has embraced her AF journey. Paul loves how Britt burned the ships and showed how invigorating life can be sans alcohol. Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 [09:54] Britt took her last drink November 13, 2018. She loves the outdoors, hiking and music. Britt had a slow burn into active addiction. She struggled with depression and agoraphobia in her teens. When she hit 30, she lost 100 pounds. Losing that much weight is a challenge. Drinking helped her deal with those emotions. She quit drinking after the loss of a friend and white knuckled for over a year. She went back to drinking, but it progressed. Reviewing her journals helped her to see she made multiple attempts to quit and moderate. She made a geographic change hoping for a cure. She believed her rock bottom came when she was drinking daily, then she went to work for a liquor store while looking for full time work. Cognitive dissonance was in play for two years, and she never gave up. While listening to podcasts, she tried a 30-day solution and it stuck. Britt found that drinking gave her a tiny feeling of satisfaction that ultimately turned into shame and loathing. Control has been a theme that she is continuing to explore. Once she was able to stack some days, she leveraged journaling and Café RE retreats. Meeting other people who were also ditching the booze inspired a new level of accountability that worked. Personal integrity helped her to honor her commitment to quit drinking. Britt learned that she leveraged food, exercise, and relationships to soothe herself. Now she explores new parks or trails. Meditation has been instrumental to her sobriety. Addiction has humbled Britt, softened her relationships, and opened her to more meaningful connections. [42:17] Britt shares a powerful journal entry. Addiction isn’t in a place, and neither is recovery. There is freedom in that. Odette’s Summary Odette reminds listeners that her life is messy with ups, downs, good and bad days. Keep showing up and remember you help others by showing up. Sponsor: Exact Nature exactnature.com Code: RE20 Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/ You can find more information about our events Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes
RE 340: Give Yourself a Break
56:11Episode 340 – Give yourself a break On today’s podcast we’ve got Mike, he is 36, from Fort Worth, TX and he took his last drink on September 20, 2020. Highlights from Paul We are incredibly hard on ourselves. The point of this episode is to give us permission to let much of that go, and to move the needle slightly on how you view yourself and the drinking. Hating yourself for drinking, for not being able to quit drinking, for not holding the promises made to yourself, etc. isn’t productive. The shame and guilt that accompany those statements isn’t either. Dr. Gabor Mate congratulates someone who experienced depression. Why? Because depression and anxiety are mechanisms that kick in for us to go internal and find ourselves. Give yourself a break if you experience addiction, anxiety, or depression. Use them as levers to learn to know and love yourself. Check out Paul’s YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mVZadRTkA&t=1s Paul suggests not making self-love conditional or transactional. He also suggests finding healthier coping strategies. They are infinite. Exact Nature firstname.lastname@example.org [12:44] Mike took his last drink on September 20, 2020. He is married and expecting a baby boy. Mike’s drinking began in high school. His drinking progressed from a 12 pack of Coors Light to 2 12 packs of white claws a day. In his late twenties, he started logging his drinks on his calendar. He got married and hoped his behavior would change. He could go for a few months without drinking but was a dry drunk. He was very focused on being manly and Mike’s version of that meant he struggled being honest with himself and others. It was difficult to admit he had a problem. On the outside, things seemed fine. He was functional, but Mike’s identity was in the approval of others and how he was viewed by the world. He quit his job to enter rehab and entered a faith base rehab program. When he returned, he was more prideful and selfish than ever before, and his marriage deteriorated. He relapsed and projected his self-pity and hate onto his wife. He knew he would drink himself to death or swallow his pride and admit himself to another rehab. Mike entered one of the toughest rehabs in the country. There he learned the root cause of his drinking was about unresolved childhood trauma. Mike was physically taken care of, but his family emotional model taught him not to show weakness. In rehab, he was taught the 5 why’s model to deal with his unprocessed issues. Mike starts his day with coffee and prayer. He’s in the best shape of his life and tries to treat his body as a temple. He consistently and constantly surrenders every day. He has learned to be well versed in apologizing and forgiving. Mike says it’s not easy, but pride doesn’t go with you when you die. Mike now defines being a man as being humble. He talks about his feelings and tries to treat people the best that he can. Mike is helping others through his Instagram channel. Find him @fathfullysober. Odette’s Summary Odette shared a passage from Melody Beattie. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen. Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may be stopping it from happening… Upcoming events, retreats, and courses: You can find more information about our events including Costa Rica and Denver Resources Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee. Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here! Sobriety Tracker iTunes