17 - Making Agreements

In Season Two, join host Krista Varela Posell as we read The Polyamory Breakup Book by Kathy Labriola. In this episode Krista is joined by guest host Michelle Hy from Polyamorous While Asian: polyamorous blogger, content creator and fresh from the Smith's Red Table. In this episode they discuss Part Two of the book and ways to prevent polyamorous break-ups. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram and TikTok @polypages. You can find your Michelle on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. More on Gottmans's Four Horsemen can be found here  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

In Season Two, join host Krista Varela Posell as we read The Polyamory Breakup Book by Kathy Labriola. In this episode Krista is joined by guest host Sydney Rae Chin, survivor and non-monogamous sexual healing coach, to discuss Part Three of the book which goes over ways to survive polyamorous break-ups.   You can support Poly Pages on Instagram and TikTok @polypages. You can find your Sydney as sexy soup dumplings on Instagram and TikTok. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

In Season Two, join host Krista Varela Posell as we read The Polyamory Breakup Book by Kathy Labriola. In this episode Krista is joined by guest host Laura Boyle, author of Ready for Polyamory, to discuss Part One of the book which goes over the 7 most common causes of break-ups.  You can support Poly Pages on Instagram and TikTok @polypages. You can find your Laura Boyle on Instagram and TikTok @readyforpolyamory. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

Decoupling in Polyamory; a global live event, on the 9th January. Get tickets at here, at www.polypages.org/events, or join our Patreon as an Early Bird Supporters and get in completely free. www.patreon.com/polypages  De-coupling is the transition from a partnership - usually romantic and intimate - to another dynamic. In polyamorous dynamics, break-ups often include a period of transition; from lovers to friends, from metamours to acquittances, or even to strangers. In this one-off, live event - join three polyamorous and relationship educators in a global conversation about how to navigate de-coupling in healthy, productive and supported ways. Facilitated by Poly Pages, this panel includes Evita Sawyers, Andy Adams, and Sydney Rae Chin.  Join this is a facilitated discussion around the causes of polyamorous breakups, the unique challenges de-coupling presents for polyam folx, and some skills and scripts for individuals and communities to make decoupling easier/less harmful. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

In this bonus episode, Claire is joined by Andy Adams, from the Growth Arc. Together they read through Life History and Multi-Partner Mating: A Novel Explanation for Moral Stigma Against Consensual Non-monogamy. The article uses a new categorization for CNM - either multi-partner or open relationship. And they exclude non-consensual non-monogamy (yay!). But was Life History Theory the best explanation for their findings? What does risk and romance have to do with one another? And do people assume the worst of one another?  This article was published in 2020, and was written by Mogilski, Justin & Mitchell, Virginia & Reeve, Simon & Donaldson, Sarah & Nicolas, Sylis & Welling, Lisa. It was published in Frontiers in Psychology, 10 (10.3389/fpsyg.2019.03033).  The Growth Arc is an educational-based coaching program for your relationships needs - whether that’s a relationship with yourself, another person, or multiple people. You can find The Growth Arc on Facebook, Instagram, twitter, and of course at https://www.thegrowtharc.com/. Life History Theory as presented by Claire draws on the library of resources found here and you can find Sarah Hill’s interview on puberty and Life History Theory on the ‘Here We Are’ podcast episode 126. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

In this bonus episode, Sebastian is joined by special guest co-host Matthew Thomas, a polyamorous lawyer from Somerville, MA to talk about a recently passed ordinance which expands the definition of domestic partnership beyond two people. Not only is this an incredible step forward for poly people, but this ordinance is likely the first of its kind in the US. Join Matt and Sebastian as they talk about how this came to be and what it might mean for us going forward. Additional resources: The Poly-friendly directory of legal professionals can be found here. Diana Adams, Esq. who's NYC firm specializes in family law can be found here. The ordinance in question can be viewed here. For another discussion on Polyamory and the Law, see here for ep 167 by the Multiamory pod. **Note: Matthew is a practicing lawyer in Massachussetts but is not an expert in family law. Our discussion is not meant to be legal advice, but a general discussion of the ordinance and its possible implications. If you need legal support or advice regarding polyamorous or non-traditional family structures please consult someone who specializes in this including those listed in the resources above. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

In chapter 18, Dossie and Janet are talking about a stereotypical if problematic entry point to non-monogamy. A person in a dyad (couple) has got involved with an outside lover, and this is the impetus for discussions about opening up your partnership to accommodate. Although neither of our hosts have come to polyamory this way, Claire and Sebastian take us through the quintessential moments of anger, discussion, guilt, and risk-taking that you might be experiencing as you begin to open up.  You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. Show Notes: Serial monogamy is introduced in ‘Ep 4 - Slut Styles’ Guilt is explored in ep 239 of Multiamory Pod Information on Franklin Veaux can be found in this medium article, Anger as a helpful emotion - there is a great article to get your starter, and of course the noted ep 205 of Multiamory Pod For couples opening up for the first time, Claire begs you not to ask your new unicorn/third all your questions. Here are some polyam-friendly therapists/professionals for you to pay and use: The Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory, The Kink Aware Professionals Directory (KAP), The Open List, The Polyamory Loving More Member Professionals List, The “Meet our Experts” section of The Affirmative Couch. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

This exercise is called ‘8 steps to win-win conflict resolution’ and is found in Chapter 17 of the Ethical Slut (3rd edition). For the full chapter, please see the full episode: Making Agreements (Ep17) and don’t forget to rate and review and subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise provides a useful framework to agree solutions for an issue in any relationship, and requires uninterrupted time with your partner(s) as well as a whiteboard or piece of paper.  This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

Claire and Sebastain, 2 polyamorous people, are talking about making agreements. After fangirling over a great definition of consent - ‘the active collaboration for the pleasure and well-being of all concerned’- Claire and Sebastain talk about the power of making explicit our agreements. Avoiding legalistic hair splitting, moral condemnation, manipulation, and loophole-finding and figure out how to start making the agreements you need to open up your relationship. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. Show Notes: Social Contact Theory is well introduced in Ethics in Law Enforcement by Steve McCartney and Rick Parent  The difference between agreements and rules by poly coach. Kitchen Table Polyamory is defined in Jess Mahler’s 2016 article. One Penis Policy is described here as a version of Polygyny  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support

This exercise is called ‘Feelings Dyad’ and is found in Chapter 16 of the Ethical Slut third edition. If you want about the full chapter, please see the full episode: Embracing Conflict (ep 16) and don’t forget to rate and review and subscribe to Poly Pages for more content. This exercise provides a useful framework to share your feelings in a safe and open way and requires about 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time with a partner. This exercise is ©by Dossie Easton and Janet W.Hardy and is shared here under the exceptions related to teaching. This is a non-commodified resource produced by Poly Pages. You can support Poly Pages on Instagram @polypages. You can find your co-hosts on Instagram @claireltravers and @sebastiandaou. Our wonderful music is lovingly provided by the amazing Mint Green who can be found on bandcamp, facebook and Instagram: @mintgreenmusic. The track we use is Curtains from their EP Growth. Feel free to contact our email - [email protected] - for any questions or comments. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/polypages/support