#55 Regulation Is the Self-Care: Neurodivergent Parenting Without Burnout with Stacey Acquavella

The teenage years can feel like losing your child in slow motion. The pushback, withdrawal, and irritability make it’s easy to assume they need less from us. But what if adolescence is actually the time they need us most? I’m Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host, and in this episode of the Parenting Well Podcast, I sit down with Kimberly Bryant to explore how the way we “meet” our teenagers during this massive brain restructuring phase shapes not only our current relationship, but the relationships we may one day have with our grandchildren. We talk about the powerful shift from manager to mentor, how curiosity calms the nervous system, and why asking “What happened?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?” can change everything. Kimberly reminds us that teens don’t need perfection. They need emotional safety. Because how we meet them… is what shapes them. Main Discussion Points Why adolescence is neurologically similar to toddlerhood — and what that means for parenting The critical shift from “manager” to “coach” during the teen years How irritability, defiance, and withdrawal are often stress signals — not character flaws Why curiosity lowers defenses and judgment raises them What it actually means to “meet your teen safely”The importance of regulating yourself before engaging with your teen Balancing boundaries with autonomy — containment without control Why teens still need structure around sleep, technology, and safety The role of trusted adults beyond parents How today’s interactions ripple into adult relationships — and even future generations Key Takeaways Adolescence is not a time to step back. It’s a time to lean in differently. Teens need mentorship, not management. Defiance is often stress in disguise. When we respond to behavior with curiosity instead of correction, we lower threat and increase connection. “What happened?” builds trust. “What’s wrong with you?” builds walls. You are their external brain right now. Your calm presence helps them learn to regulate their own emotions. Connection over correction creates long-term influence. Boundaries still matter — but partnership matters more. How you meet your teen today shapes your relationship decades from now. Resources: The teenage years can feel like losing your child in slow motion. The pushback, withdrawal, and irritability make it’s easy to assume they need less from us. But what if adolescence is actually the time they need us most? I’m Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host, and in this episode of the Parenting Well Podcast, I sit down with Kimberly Bryant to explore how the way we “meet” our teenagers during this massive brain restructuring phase shapes not only our current relationship, but the relationships we may one day have with our grandchildren. We talk about the powerful shift from manager to mentor, how curiosity calms the nervous system, and why asking “What happened?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?” can change everything. Kimberly reminds us that teens don’t need perfection. They need emotional safety. Because how we meet them… is what shapes them. Main Discussion Points Why adolescence is neurologically similar to toddlerhood — and what that means for parenting The critical shift from “manager” to “coach” during the teen years How irritability, defiance, and withdrawal are often stress signals — not character flaws Why curiosity lowers defenses and judgment raises them What it actually means to “meet your teen safely”The importance of regulating yourself before engaging with your teen Balancing boundaries with autonomy — containment without control Why teens still need structure around sleep, technology, and safety The role of trusted adults beyond parents How today’s interactions ripple into adult relationships — and even future generations Key Takeaways Adolescence is not a time to step back. It’s a time to lean in differently. Teens need mentorship, not management. Defiance is often stress in disguise. When we respond to behavior with curiosity instead of correction, we lower threat and increase connection. “What happened?” builds trust. “What’s wrong with you?” builds walls. You are their external brain right now. Your calm presence helps them learn to regulate their own emotions. Connection over correction creates long-term influence. Boundaries still matter — but partnership matters more. How you meet your teen today shapes your relationship decades from now. Resources Website Boulder Psychological Services LinkedIn

Anxiety is everywhere right now. It's in our culture, in our homes, and often in our own nervous systems. So how do we raise brave, resilient children without unintentionally reinforcing the fears we’re trying to protect them from? I’m Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host, and in this episode of the Parenting Well Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Samantha Grigsby, clinical psychologist and founder of Foothills CBT, to break down what every parent needs to understand about how anxiety works and how to interrupt the cycle that keeps it growing. We explore how to distinguish normal developmental anxiety from anxiety that needs support, and why avoidance, though well-intended, often strengthens fear over time. Dr. Grigsby explains the anxiety cycle in practical terms and shares why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) are gold-standard treatments for anxiety and OCD. We also discuss how rescuing, over-accommodating, minimizing stress, or offering constant reassurance can unintentionally perpetuate anxiety, as well as what supportive parenting actually looks like when a child is struggling. Finally, we examine the cultural pressures amplifying stress today and how to keep our own anxiety from shaping the emotional climate of our homes. Because bravery isn’t the absence of anxiety. It’s feeling it — and moving forward anyway. Register to hear her talk at the Stress & Anxiety Conference  In this podcast, we talk about: How to tell when anxiety is normal and when it’s limiting your child The hidden ways loving parents accidentally reinforce anxiety Why avoidance and reassurance make anxiety stronger What actually works (CBT & ERP explained simply) How to stop passing your stress onto your child Key Takeaway: Avoidance might be contributing to your child's anxiety. The very things we do to reduce our child’s distress can quietly make it stronger. Support and accommodation are not the same thing. One builds resilience. The other builds dependence. Do you see this in your family? Reassurance feels loving but it can train the brain to doubt itself. What happens when children learn to tolerate uncertainty instead Bravery doesn’t mean calm. It means moving forward while your nervous system is loud. Your anxiety shapes the emotional climate of your home. Not because you’re failing but because nervous systems are contagious. We live in an expectation-amplified world. Unrealistic standards, social comparison, and constant input may be fueling more stress than we realize. Self-criticism keeps the cycle alive. Self-compassion may be one of the most powerful anxiety interventions for both parent and child. You don’t have to eliminate anxiety all together to raise a confident child. You may need to look at whether you are protecting them from having uncomfortable feelings. Resources: Website  LinkedIn Self-Compassion.org:  Kristin Neff’s website has many exercises, guided meditations, and other resources on mindful self-compassion Book: Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous & Independent Children. By Reid Wilson and Laura Lyons

I’m Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host, and in this episode of the Parenting Well Podcast, I sit down with Stacey J. Acquavella, founder of Neurodivergent Uprising and speaker at our Stress & Anxiety Conference, to explore her powerful message: Regulation Is the Self-Care. Register Here Many parents, especially those raising neurodivergent children, are told to add more strategies, more routines, more coping tools. But when you’re already functioning at a deficit, “doing more” only deepens the exhaustion. Stacey reframes overwhelm as a structural issue, not a personal one. You can’t self-care your way out of structural overload. Instead, regulation must be embedded into how the day is designed. Things like how transitions happen, how expectations are set, how decisions are reduced, and how environments are shaped help immensely. We talk about survival mode and chronic bracing. The shame undiagnosed parents often carry. The stress of navigating school systems built for neurotypical learners. The difference between behavior management and regulation-based parenting. And why you don’t need a diagnosis to begin reducing overload. If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly on edge or you're bracing for emails, appointments, or judgment, this conversation will help you understand why. And more importantly, it will show you where relief actually begins. In this podcast, we talk about: Self-regulation as the true mechanism of self-care Why adding habits doesn’t work when you’re already overloaded Removing demands and creating infrastructure instead of adding strategies Why burnout is often a structural problem, not a personal one “You can’t self-care your way out of structural overload” Embedding regulation into how the day is designed Getting out of prolonged survival mode and chronic bracing How undiagnosed neurodivergent parents internalize shame Why overwhelm is a math problem; not a character flaw Mindset shifts versus accumulating more parenting strategies Neurodivergent people operating in misaligned systems Behavior management vs. regulation-based parenting Navigating schools and the stress of constant advocacy Standardized testing built for neurotypical brains Changing the environment when it feels locked in place Recognizing nervous system overwhelm without immediately labeling Understanding neurodivergence beyond stereotypes “We don’t need a diagnosis to reduce overload.” Key Takeaways: Self-care isn’t something you add — it’s something you design. Regulation must be built into your daily structure, not layered on top of burnout. Overwhelm is often structural, not personal. When demand exceeds capacity, no amount of mindset work fixes the math. Behavior is often nervous system distress. Regulation-based parenting shifts the question from “How do I manage this?” to “What is overwhelming this nervous system?” You don’t need a diagnosis to reduce overload. Support can begin with noticing when a child’s (or parent’s) nervous system is stretched beyond capacity. Slow signals safety. Fewer words. Lower body posture. Slower speech. These cues communicate “not under attack” to the brain. Systems matter. Instead of teaching children to cope with misaligned environments, we can redesign structures wherever possible. Advocacy without regulation increases stress. Parents navigating school systems need structural support too. Resources: Website: Neurodivergent Uprising Website: Mindfish - Neurodivergent Student Services LinkedIn

Communication is often treated as a skill to master, but in this conversation with Susan Caso, we explore why it is far more complex than scripts and strategies. When stress and anxiety are high, conversations can quickly become reactive, escalating, or disconnected. But when parents create emotional safety and presence, communication shifts from mechanics to connection. We talk about what it really means to listen deeply, how to stay present when you feel triggered, and how giving space can de escalate conflict instead of intensifying it. Susan introduces the Cycle of Response and reminds us that connection is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Communication tools simply support that foundation. Our children do not just need instruction. They need us. The steady presence who can pause, reflect, repair, and experience joy with them. If you have ever walked away from a conversation wishing you had handled it differently, this episode will offer both hope and practical tools. Register to participate in her workshop at the Stress & Anxiety Conference In This Episode, We Explore: Why communication is more complex than most parenting advice suggests How stress and anxiety shape family conversations Becoming a place of respite for your child Deep listening and staying present when triggered Managing escalation by giving space Repairing breakdowns in communication The difference between the instructional parent role and the connected caregiver self Simple ways to shift your mood through movement, music, and connection Key Takeaways: Communication is about nervous systems, not just words Emotional safety changes everything Listening to understand builds trust Space can prevent escalation Repair strengthens relationships Connection is the foundation. Skills are secondary You are both a parent and a caregiver and children need both. Resources: Book: The Parent Teen Connection: How to Build Lifelong Family Relationships Website Facebook Psychology Today  

I am Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host, and in this episode of the Parenting Well Podcast, we’re talking about what truly shapes your child’s emotional health in the earliest years of life. I’m joined by Emily Fried, LCSW, a specialist in infant, early childhood, and perinatal mental health, to explore what’s really happening beneath toddler behavior — and how attachment, brain development, and parental wellbeing are deeply connected from the very beginning. We discuss how to create the right conditions for healthy development, how toddlers experience big emotions, the difference between prenatal depression and perinatal anxiety, and practical ways to support regulation in everyday moments. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re “doing it right” in these early years, this conversation will both ground you and guide you. Register to participate in her workshop at the Stress & Anxiety Conference on Feb 28, 2026 In This Episode, We Discuss: What infant mental health actually is — and why it matters How early relationships shape the developing brain The link between developmental milestones and social-emotional growth The difference between prenatal depression and perinatal anxiety What secure attachment looks like in everyday parenting Why toddler behavior makes sense developmentally Concrete strategies to support co-regulation and emotional resilience Key Takeaways Infant mental health is relational. Emotional wellbeing in the early years is built through responsive, connected caregiving. Attachment grows in everyday moments. Security comes from consistent attunement — not perfection. Brain development and emotional development are intertwined. Early relational experiences shape stress response and regulation. Toddler behavior is communication. What looks like defiance is often dysregulation. Perinatal mental health impacts the whole system. Supporting parents is part of supporting children. Regulation starts with the adult. Young children borrow calm from their caregivers. Prevention matters. Early relational support lays the foundation for lifelong emotional health. Resources: Website Boulder Psychological Services Book: You Go Away by Dorothy Corey  

Welcome to the Parenting Well podcast with Parent Engagement Network!  I am Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host and today’s well source is Melissa Holland. Melissa Holland is a parenting coach, founder of Inner Wisdom Parenting, and a PEN Ambassador at SHMS who is passionate about helping parents raise emotionally healthy, resilient children, starting with themselves. Melissa works with parents of young children, particularly ages 5–10, helping them better understand what’s really going on beneath behavior and how to respond with clarity, confidence, and connection. Through her coaching and workshops, she supports parents in tuning into both their child’s inner world and their own, so discipline becomes less about control and more about growth, trust, and relationship. Grounded, compassionate, and deeply practical, Melissa’s work empowers parents to slow down, listen differently, and parent from a place of intention rather than reactivity. Her approach reminds parents that they already have much of what they need. Sometimes they just need support accessing their inner wisdom. Melissa will be speaking at PEN's Stress & Anxiety Conference on Feb 28, 2026. Register Here In this podcast, we talk about: Tapping into your inner wisdom What is taking place developmentally for 5-10 year olds Neurodevelopment for this age group Frustration as the gap between our expectations and reality Key things that cause stress and anxiety during this phase of childhood Defiance as a symptom of excessive stress without the ability to understand and voice their feelings Difference between counter-willed and strong-willed Ways to recognize your child’s triggers and modify your response Developing the capacity for self-compassion Resources Website App: Insight Timer Book: Hold On to Your Kids: Why  Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate Book: Self-Compassion for Parents LinkedIn

Welcome to the Parenting Well podcast with Parent Engagement Network!  I am Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host and today’s well source is Lisa Kaplan. Lisa is a Registered Nurse and Life & Mental Wellness Coach dedicated to supporting families through life’s pivotal transitions. With a background grounded in both healthcare and emotional wellness, Lisa brings a unique blend of clinical insight and compassionate coaching to her work. She specializes in helping parents navigate the often complex shift from raising children to relating to young adults, a season filled with pride, uncertainty, grief, growth, and opportunity. Through her work, Lisa empowers parents to move from control to collaboration, from directing to guiding, and from parenting to partnership. At our conference, she will present “From Parenting to Partnership: Navigating the Transition to Adulthood,” offering practical tools and mindset shifts to help families foster independence while preserving connection. Register Here In this podcast, we talk about: How anxiety shows up differently for people Ways to tap into your innate health Physical manifestations of anxiety How thinking creates our reality The shift in sitting with your feelings long enough to have trust and confidence in your child  Recognizing places to let go of control Ways the parent-child relationship changes as children move into adulthood The impact of making deposits and withdrawals in your relationship with your child Developing agency in your child’s decision-making Resources: Book a free discovery call LinkedIn Instagram  

Welcome to the Parenting Well podcast with Parent Engagement Network!  I am Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host and today’s well source is Marie Nowacki Ford. Marie is a postpartum doula, new parent educator, and certified Child Passenger Safety Technician based in Boulder, Colorado. She supports families through the emotional and practical transition into parenthood, with a focus on reducing stress, building confidence, and creating sustainable support systems during the postpartum period. Marie’s work centers on helping parents navigate anxiety, overwhelm, identity shifts, and the often-unspoken challenges of early parenting. Through overnight support, newborn education, and holistic care, she empowers families to feel more grounded, capable, and connected during one of life’s biggest transitions. Marie also specializes in supporting grandparents as they navigate new roles, boundary setting, and effective communication, which she’ll speak about at the Reducing Stress & Anxiety Conference on February 28th. Register Here In this podcast, we talk about: What it means to be a postpartum doula Stressors that show up for new parents with their own parents and grandparents How to set and hold healthy boundaries with parents, grandparents, or even strangers How postpartum doulas support the family holistically Myths about being a new parent The network that is available through a postpartum doula  How to recognize postpartum depression Resources Website Meet your Doula Instagram Bornbir

Welcome to the Parenting Well podcast with Parent Engagement Network!  I am Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host and today’s well source is Jenny Hecht. Jenny Hecht is a licensed therapist and parenting expert who specializes in helping families navigate anxiety, emotional regulation, and the everyday challenges of raising kids in a high-pressure world. With a warm, practical approach, Jenny supports parents in understanding what’s driving their child’s behavior and how to respond in ways that build resilience, connection, and confidence. Her work bridges clinical insight with real-life parenting tools that actually work when things feel messy. Jenny will also be speaking at PEN’s Stress and Anxiety Conference on Feb 28th at Dawson School in Lafayette, Colorado. In this podcast, we talk about: Of course you feel that way. The power and purpose of compassion. The brain science behind our stress response The four choices: Fight, flee, freeze, or fawn Ways to be human first How self compassion benefits individuals and relationships The dissonant aspects of our nervous system and how to come back to connection How to model emotional regulation Developing your emotional vocabulary Ways to lay the groundwork for children to become young adults Creating time and space for your relationship with your child. Resources: Stress and Anxiety Registration Jenny's Website Jenny's LinkedIn How We Feel App Book: Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success by Marc Brackett  

Welcome to the Parenting Well podcast with Parent Engagement Network!  I am Dr. Shelly Mahon, your host and today’s well source is Dan Fox. Dan has spent over 25 years working with adolescents and their families as they navigate the ups and downs of growing up. He’s been a high school teacher, summer camp director, school counselor, and the director of September High School—so he really understands teens from the inside out. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, Dan brings that experience into his work with families, grounded in the belief that there is hope for teens and real relief for parents. He works with adolescents, young adults, couples, and families, and supports schools and organizations through workshops and parent coaching as well. Dan also has a podcast called Therapy Dudes with Andre Karkamaz. They put the fun back in dysfunctional as they talk about how to navigate your inner and outer world to move forward in life. In this podcast, we talk about: The cumulative effect of anxiety on our nervous systems. Being attuned to our kids. Being intentional about our relationship with our children, including the tone we set with them. Interacting with your children differently as they move from childhood to adolescence. Fueling more than steering our teens. Strategies to regulate yourself - stay centered or recenter. Training ourselves to react to negative energy differently - not taking it personally. Handling situations that you feel have crossed the line. Repairing the relationship when things haven’t gone as well as you would have liked. Owning your own stuff without making it transactional - i.e., expecting something from the other person. Resources: Website: Boulder Psychological Services Podcast: Therapy Dudes with Dan Fox and Andre Karkamaz 10 Annual Reducing Stress & Anxiety Conference: Fostering Resilience & Wellbeing at Every Stage of Parenting