Understanding NICU Trauma and Grief with Dr. Rebecca Chilvers

In this episode, I'm joined by neonatal clinical psychologist Rebecca Chilvers, who shares her expertise on the psychological impact of neonatal care and why a NICU stay can affect parents long after they've left the hospital. We explore the many emotional experiences that can arise during neonatal care, from trauma and grief to guilt, anxiety and feeling disconnected from yourself.We also discuss why every parent's NICU journey is unique, how difficult emotions like survivor's guilt and witnessing other families' experiences can shape recovery, and the importance of recognising that these responses are normal. Rebecca also shares insights from her new book, designed to help parents navigate the emotional challenges of neonatal care with practical tools, exercises and real-life stories.In this episode, we talk about:The psychological impact of NICU and why neonatal care can be traumaticGrief, guilt, survivor's guilt and witnessing trauma on the neonatal unitHow NICU can affect relationships, identity and mental healthPractical ways to process difficult emotions during and after neonatal careRebecca’s new book and the support available for NICU parentsResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU Space⁠An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Not Alone in NICU- Rebecca's Book A reassuring guide for parents navigating the emotional intensity of neonatal care, packed with expert psychological insights, practical coping tools, and honest stories from NICU families. Designed to help you process your experience and feel less alone at every step of the journey.Maternity and Neonatal Voices Partnerships (MNVPs) A network that gives parents the opportunity to work alongside NHS maternity and neonatal services to improve care through lived experience.Parent Advisory Groups (PAGs) Regional parent groups that help shape neonatal services, policies and family-centred care across NHS neonatal networks.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠Website: ⁠miraclemoon.co.ukConnect with our guest, Rebecca ChilversLinkedIn: Rebecca ChilversOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Annemarie Lodder from Imperial College London and three young adults who were born premature and spent time in neonatal care: Anais, Nicholas and Stella. Together, we explore what it is really like to grow up after premature birth and what young people wish their parents, healthcare professionals and the wider public understood about their experiences.We talk about the long-term impact of premature birth, including physical health, mental health, neurodiversity, relationships, identity and feeling different from your peers. We also explore how parents' experiences of NICU can shape the way they parent, why ongoing support and research beyond early childhood are so important, and the power of hearing directly from young people about what it means to grow up after neonatal care.In this episode, we talk about:The long-term impact of premature birth and growing up after NICUWhat young people born premature wish their parents and healthcare professionals understoodHow prematurity can affect mental health, physical health, relationships and identityThe impact of a child's NICU experience on parenting, including overprotectiveness and anxietyWhy ongoing research, support and the voices of people born premature matterResources & links mentioned in this episode:⁠The NICU SpaceAn online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠Website: ⁠miraclemoon.co.ukOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Jessica Lowther-Payne, a non-birthing mum in a two-mum family, to talk honestly about her experience of becoming a parent after a challenging IVF journey and unexpectedly finding herself in neonatal care. Jess shares the compound impact of IVF, grief and trauma followed by an intense NICU and PICU experience, and how this affected her mental health, identity and confidence as a parent.We also explore the unique challenges non-birthing parents and LGBTQ+ families can face in neonatal care, from feeling invisible or excluded to struggling to access appropriate perinatal mental health support. Jess shares what she has learnt about bonding and trauma since leaving NICU, as well as the work she is now doing to advocate for more inclusive and compassionate support for all families.In this episode, we talk about:The compound emotional impact of IVF, trauma and an unexpected NICU experienceJess’s experience of neonatal care as a non-birthing mum in a two-mum familyHow NICU affected her identity, confidence, bonding and mental health after dischargeThe barriers non-birthing parents can face when trying to access perinatal mental health supportHow neonatal services can better support and include LGBTQ+ parents and familiesResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU SpaceAn online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.LGBT MummiesFree resources and guidance for professionals supporting LGBTQ+ families, including information around inclusive communication and language.Maternity and Neonatal Voices Partnerships (MNVPs)Local partnerships that give families the opportunity to share their experiences and help shape maternity and neonatal services.Parent Advisory Groups (PAGs)Groups that give parents and families the opportunity to use their lived experience to help improve neonatal services and care.Stay connectedInstagram: @miraclemoonukWebsite: miraclemoon.co.ukConnect with our guest, Jessica Lowther-PayneLinkedInOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I'm joined by paediatric occupational therapist and fellow NICU mum, Anandé, to explore how neonatal care can shape not only a baby's development, but also the emotional wellbeing of parents and the whole family. Anandè shares her personal experience of two NICU journeys, including a traumatic hospital fire during her second son's admission, and how therapy helped her navigate pregnancy after trauma and advocate for her baby in ways she couldn't the first time.Together, we explore the powerful role of play, sensory development and nervous system regulation after NICU. We discuss why play isn't another parenting task to tick off, how premature birth and neonatal care can influence sensory processing, and why understanding both your child's sensory needs and your own can make everyday family life feel more connected and less overwhelming.In this episode, we talk about:Anandé's experience of two NICU journeys and becoming a NICU parent twiceHow therapy supported healing after birth trauma and neonatal careWhy play is essential for connection, regulation and child development after NICUHow premature birth and NICU can influence sensory development and processingPractical ways parents can better understand their own nervous system and their child's sensory needsResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU Space CommunityAn online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you'll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Beyond Beeps and Hums PodcastAnandé's podcast exploring early development, parenthood and the lived experience of families navigating NICU and medically complex beginnings.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠⁠Website: ⁠⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠The NICU Space community: The NICU SpaceConnect with our guest, AnandéInstagram: @playmoreotNICU Instagram: @beyondbeepsandhumPodcast: Beyond Beeps and HumsOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Carly Costello, licensed therapist, EMDR-certified therapist and consultant, to answer one of the most common questions I hear from parents after birth trauma and neonatal care: What is EMDR, and how does it actually work? Together, we break down the science behind Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) in a simple, accessible way and explore how it can help people process traumatic experiences without reliving them. We talk about common fears surrounding EMDR, including worries about "opening Pandora's box", whether EMDR is safe during pregnancy, and how trauma can remain "stuck" in the nervous system long after birth or NICU. Carly explains why EMDR isn't just for PTSD or major trauma, how it can help parents, partners and families affected by birth trauma and neonatal care, and what to expect if you're considering starting therapy. In this episode, we talk about:What EMDR therapy is and how it helps process birth trauma and NICU experiencesWhy trauma can stay "stuck" in the nervous system and how EMDR supports healingCommon myths about EMDR, including pregnancy and "opening Pandora's box"How EMDR can help parents, partners and families after traumatic birth and neonatal careWhat to expect in an EMDR session and how to find the right EMDR therapistResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU Space Community An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you'll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.EMDRIA (EMDR International Association)A directory to help you find trained and certified EMDR therapists.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠⁠⁠Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The NICU Space community: ⁠⁠⁠⁠The NICU SpaceConnect with our guest, Carly CostelloInstagram: @emdrwithcarly Website: www.emdrwithcarly.comOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Teela Tomassetti, who shares her deeply personal experience of birth trauma, medical neglect and obstetric violence. Teela opens up about the traumatic birth of her daughter, the lasting physical and emotional impact of feeling unheard during labour, and how these experiences shaped both her personal life and professional work supporting survivors of reproductive trauma.We explore what birth trauma really is, how trauma affects the nervous system long after birth, and why partners can experience trauma too. Teela also introduces the principles of narrative therapy, sharing practical ways parents can begin to separate themselves from their trauma and move towards healing after difficult birth experiences.In this episode, we talk about:Birth trauma, medical neglect and obstetric violenceHow birth trauma can affect the nervous system, relationships and intimacyWhy partners can experience trauma and PTSD after witnessing a traumatic birthThe long-term emotional impact of traumatic birth experiencesHow narrative therapy can support healing and help parents reclaim their storyResources & links mentioned in this episode:⁠⁠The NICU Space Community⁠⁠An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you'll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠⁠Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The NICU Space community: ⁠⁠⁠The NICU SpaceConnect with our guest, TeelaInstagram: @theteaonbirthtraumaWebsite: Reproductive & Perinatal Trauma Center One last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Mary Jenner, paediatric nurse, founder of The Butterfly Pig, and advocate for reducing medical trauma in children. After experiencing her own daughter’s NICU stay following a traumatic birth, Mary saw first-hand how play can help children understand, process and cope with complex medical experiences.We talk about supporting NICU siblings, preparing children for hospital visits and medical procedures, and how play can reduce fear, anxiety and trauma. Mary shares practical strategies parents can use to help children make sense of medical experiences, advocate for their needs, and feel more involved in their care.How play helps children process NICU experiences and medical traumaSupporting siblings when a baby is in neonatal carePreparing children for hospital visits, blood tests and medical proceduresRecognising signs of medical anxiety and trauma in childrenPractical ways parents can help children feel safer, more informed and empowered in healthcare settingsResources & links mentioned in this episode:⁠⁠The NICU Space Community⁠⁠ An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.The Butterfly Pig Medical play resources, realistic medical toys and educational tools designed to help children understand, prepare for and process healthcare experiences.Playful PrescriptionsA free app that provides age-appropriate play ideas to help children understand medical conditions, diagnoses and healthcare experiences.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The NICU Space community: ⁠⁠The NICU SpaceConnect with our guest, Mary JennerInstagram: @thebutterflypig Website: The Butterfly PigOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Emily, mum to Max, who was born six weeks early and spent 16 days in neonatal care. Emily shares her experience of premature birth, navigating the uncertainty of NICU, and the overwhelming feeling of waiting for her baby to come home.We talk about the emotional impact of neonatal care, life after NICU, and how Emily turned her experience into a children's book, Waiting for Max. Together, we explore how to support siblings during a NICU stay, why honesty and connection matter when talking to children about neonatal care, and how creativity can help families process difficult experiences.In this episode, we talk about:Premature birth at 34 weeks and the emotional impact of NICUThe experience of waiting for your baby to come home from neonatal careLife after NICU, including postpartum anxiety and processing traumaHow to support siblings when a baby is in neonatal careUsing books, creativity and storytelling to help children understand NICUResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU Space Community⁠⁠ An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Waiting for MaxEmily's children's book designed to help siblings and families understand the NICU experience through creativity, imagination and connection.UKSuperDinky AmazonWaterstones(People can also request it at their favourite local bookstore in the UK)USAmazonStay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠@miraclemoonukWebsite: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The NICU Space community: ⁠The NICU SpaceConnect with our guest, Emily RosenInstagram: @emilyrosencreativeTikTok @emily.rosen.creativeWebsite: emilyrosencreative.comOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Helena Morais, bereaved mother, writer, speaker and founder of Maila’s Present. Helena shares the story of her daughter Maila, who died just before birth at 36 weeks and 5 days following undiagnosed pre-eclampsia and stillbirth.We talk about the trauma and shock of baby loss, navigating grief after stillbirth, and the importance of helping parents feel connected to their baby after death. Helena also shares how her experience led her to create Maila’s Present, alongside her work advocating for better bereavement care, greater awareness around Black maternal health, and more compassionate support for grieving families.In this episode, we talk about:Stillbirth at 36 weeks and the trauma of losing a baby before birthPre-eclampsia, maternity care and Black maternal health disparitiesGrief, detachment and bonding after baby lossThe importance of memory making and bereavement support after stillbirthParenting after loss, spirituality, and keeping a connection with your babyResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU Space Community⁠⁠An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Maila’s PresentPersonalised storybooks and resources created to help families honour and remember their babies after loss.Legacy of Leo Support for LGBTQ+ families experiencing baby loss.Ebony Bonds Bereavement SupportSupport for Black families experiencing baby loss and bereavement.Muslim Bereavement Support ServiceBereavement support for Muslim families.Stay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠The NICU Space community: ⁠The NICU Space⁠⁠⁠Connect with our guest, Helena Morais Instagram: ⁠@mailaspresent⁠ LinkedIn: Helena MoraisOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️

In this episode, I’m joined by Naomi, who shares her deeply personal journey through pregnancy loss, losing twins, and later giving birth to triplets who required neonatal care. We talk about the emotional complexity of grieving while still being pregnant, and what it’s like stepping into the NICU after such a layered experience.Naomi opens up about navigating fear, hope, and survival mode all at once, and how her journey has shaped her as a mother. We also explore the lasting impact of loss alongside neonatal care, and why so many parents feel caught between grief and gratitude.In this episode, we talk about:Pregnancy loss and the experience of losing twinsNavigating pregnancy after loss and the emotional toll it bringsGiving birth to triplets and entering the NICUThe complex mix of grief, gratitude, and survival modeHow loss and neonatal care can shape identity and motherhoodResources & links mentioned in this episode:The NICU Space Community⁠⁠An online support space for NICU parents at all stages of their journey. Inside you’ll find specialist resources, coping tools and connection with parents who understand what this experience can feel like.Tommy’s Research on C-section scars & premature birthshttps://www.tommys.org/about-us/news-views/new-research-reveals-clues-about-link-between-some-c-section-scars-andStay connectedInstagram: ⁠⁠@miraclemoonuk⁠⁠Website: ⁠⁠⁠miraclemoon.co.uk⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The NICU Space community: ⁠The NICU Space⁠⁠⁠Connect with our guest, NaomiInstagram: @fenfamfitnessandtripletsOne last thing! Help us spread the word by leaving a review and subscribing...that way, you won't miss a single episode. ⭐️