Episode 270: Unseen Patterns in the Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic

Most couples get stuck in a pattern of blaming each other for the issues they’re facing—whether it’s the partner withdrawing, being overly critical, or just not feeling understood. But the key to shifting these dynamics lies in understanding yourself first.In this episode, we are doing an even DEEPER dive into the often overlooked ways couples keep themselves stuck. Continuing our previous conversations, I go layers deeper into the anxious and avoidant attachment patterns and how they contribute to common struggles, including:How anxious individuals may unintentionally create negative cycles in their relationships by seeking validation and reassurance.Why avoidants may struggle with passive-aggressive behavior, emotional withdrawal, and staying stuck in fixed patterns of thinking.The shared challenge of avoiding emotional discomfort, whether by running from it or trying to fix it immediately.Understanding yourself at this deeper level empowers you to break the cycle of frustration and move toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Tune in to learn how self-awareness can not only improve your connection with your partner but also help you choose the changes that will actually lead to lasting transformation.Also mentioned in this episode: If you're ready to stop feeling stuck in cycles of conflict and distance—and start creating the marriage you truly want—I invite you to consider private coaching with me. Together, we’ll work week by week to: ✅ Break the patterns that keep you disconnected ✅ Build emotional safety and true understanding ✅ Create communication that brings you closer, not further apart ✅ Rekindle the friendship, warmth, and peace you both long forYou don't have to guess your way through this. You don't have to keep hoping things will "just get better."With the right support, you can rebuild a marriage that feels good again.Book your complimentary consultation call here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

Ever feel like you and your partner cannot communicate effectively? You're talking one thing, and they are hearing and reacting to another. Communication break downs are very common for couples who have different attachment styles. Today we are taking another deep dive into how the anxious and avoidant dynamic leads to communication issues.I break down exactly why communication breaks down between these two attachment styles, and how this pattern is secretly keeping you both stuck.This episode is a must-listen if you're tired of feeling misunderstood and want to finally break the cycle. Tune in and discover how you can begin transforming your relationship—one conversation at a time.Also mentioned: If you feel like you're constantly missing each other, getting stuck in misunderstandings, or just can't seem to get on the same page, I can help. I have a few spots open for private coaching, where we'll focus on transforming how you communicate with your partner—so you can feel heard, understood, and connected. Book your complimentary consultation today, and let’s start breaking down those communication barriers for good: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In this episode, we’re breaking down one of the most common and challenging dynamics in relationships: the anxious-avoidant cycle. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a push-and-pull where one partner seems to be pulling away just when you need them the most, and the other feels suffocated by emotional demands, you’re about to discover why this happens—and how you can break free.We’ll dive into:Why one partner pulls away while the other feels desperate for connectionHow each partner’s behavior creates more tension and confusionWhat both partners can do to understand each other’s emotional needs and break the cycleBy the end of this episode, you’ll have a better understanding of what’s really going on in your relationship and how to take the first steps toward healing and reconnection. If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start building the intimacy and trust you both crave, this episode is for you.if you are ready to get help navigating some of the unique dynamics of being an anxious-avoidant couple, I invite you to consider one of my coaching programs. You can learn more and book a complimentary consultation call HERE.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the anxious-avoidant dynamic, one of the most common yet frustrating patterns in relationships. Whether you identify as anxious, avoidant, or somewhere in between, understanding this dynamic is the first step in breaking the cycle of emotional push and pull.We’ll explore 10 key things you need to know about this dynamic—including why both partners feel unfulfilled, why communication often breaks down, and most importantly, how you can start shifting these patterns for better connection and deeper intimacy.If you’re tired of feeling misunderstood or stuck in this emotional tug-of-war, this episode will give you the insights and tools you need to create more balance and understanding with your partner. Also mentioned in this episode: I have a few openings for private coaching. If you're looking to create a better dynamic in your marriage where you and your partner both feel close, I can definitely help. Book your complimentary call to discuss the ways my approach can support you: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

What if the key to transforming your relationship (and your life) isn’t about rushing to the finish line, but instead giving yourself the patience to truly grow? In today’s episode, I challenge you to think differently about time, progress, and change.For many of us, impatience leads to feeling stuck, frustrated, and drained. But what if the opposite—infinite patience—could actually be the secret to moving faster and feeling more aligned along the way?I’ll take you through how giving yourself, and your process, a longer runway can provide the space to surrender and gain a new perspective that accelerates your growth. You’ll learn why this shift in mindset, combined with self-care, boundaries, and actively taking steps toward what you want, will help you experience less regret and resentment.Most people wait for their marriage to improve before allowing themselves to feel happy, but this episode shows you how to enjoy the process and embrace change in a way that makes it sustainable.If you’re ready to stop feeling behind and start moving forward with more joy, purpose, and clarity, this episode is for you.Also mentioned in this episode: Get my direct help in creating positive change that lasts in your marriage. Schedule a complimentary consultation call here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In this episode, you’ll discover the top 5 beliefs that are essential for transforming your relationship and creating lasting change. If you’ve been feeling stuck, frustrated, or disconnected, shifting your mindset is the first step toward a better, more peaceful partnership.Inside you'll discover why these essential 5 mindsets are so important, how they will help you change the dynamic with your partner, and how they work together to create a more peaceful and fulfilling experience for you. You'll also have the opportunity to uncover which mindset might be most valuable for you to work on so that you start to make more progress. If you’re ready to dive deeper into these changes and want personalized support, I invite you to schedule a free consultation call to discuss ways we can work together to improve the way you feel and operate in your marriage. Visit DrChavonne.com

In this episode, we explore how different attachment styles define effort in relationships and why understanding these differences can be a game-changer. Whether you're more anxious, avoidant, or secure, your unique way of showing effort shapes how you connect with your partner and navigate challenges.I dive into the primary driving factor that determines what effort looks like for each attachment style and how misunderstanding those drivers can lead to miscommunication, distance and resentment.I also share where I see these differences show up the most: in domestic support, connection and vulnerability, personal growth, and the pace of progress in the relationship.By understanding the underlying motivations driving each attachment style’s effort, you can better communicate, reduce frustration, and create deeper, healthier relationships. Tune in for insights on how to recognize these patterns and start shifting them in your own relationship for more harmony and growth.Also mentioned in this episode: My practice is open to accepting new clients. Schedule a consultation call to learn more about my programs and how coaching can help you both come together and give your marriage the attention and effort it needs to truly thrive.BOOK YOUR CALL HERE: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In this episode, we dive into how to recognize where your triggers are really coming from—whether it’s from you, your partner, or the relationship itself. Understanding the root of your emotional reactions is key to breaking unhealthy patterns and building a stronger connection.By identifying the source of your triggers, you can begin to heal, have more productive conversations, and break free from negative cycles. Not all triggers are the same, and understanding the difference is crucial for moving forward in your relationship.This episode invites you to reflect on your emotional responses and offers strategies to create meaningful change. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. If you’re feeling stuck in the same patterns, this is the kind of work that can transform your marriage, and I’m here to help you through it.Also mentioned in this episode

In this episode, we dive into the concept of communicating from the self. This is when, instead of blaming, shaming and criticizing your spouse, you simply express your feelings, your experience, and what's going on for you.It's a powerful way to express your needs and work through issues in a way that opens up the lines of communication, increases understanding, and helps you feel seen and heard. I give you 8 specific approaches to try, and encourage you to pick on to master in every conversation you have this week.This work is simple to understand, but the real transformative power comes when you apply it regularly in your life.And if you are looking for help improving your communication so you can have an easier, more connected and fulfilling marriage, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation call with me to discuss how my coaching programs can help you get the results you're looking for. Visit my website here to do that: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In this episode of the podcast we dive deep into the results you’re getting in your relationship—both positive and negative. Are you feeling connected, supported, and fulfilled? Or are arguments, frustration, and disconnection more frequent than you’d like?We often point to surface-level reasons for struggles in relationships—poor communication, unmet expectations, and stress. But those are just the tip of the iceberg. To truly shift the dynamic in your marriage, we need to go deeper and uncover the root causes of these negative results.In this episode, we explore the 5 underlying issues I see most often at play whenever a couple is producing results in their relationship that they don't want.By looking beyond surface issues and addressing the real causes of conflict, you’ll gain insight into how to shift your relationship results, create deeper connection, and break free from unproductive cycles. Tune in for practical advice on how to take responsibility for your role in your marriage and make lasting changes that support mutual growth.Also mentioned in this episode:How to Be Married ProgramPrivate Coaching