Desire Discrepancy

Send us a textIntimacy Matters - Featuring Betty MartinTo celebrate International Podcast Day we are thrilled to release this exciting episode of Intimacy Matters. Nicola Foster and Jason Porthouse sit down with the wonderful human Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel of Consent and author of The Art of Receiving and Giving. Together, they dive into how understanding consent can transform (yes, really!) your relationships and intimacy.Key Highlights:The Wheel of Consent: Betty shares how her groundbreaking model helps people understand the difference between giving, receiving, and taking in relationships, sparking deeper connection and passion.The Power of Asking for What You Want: Explore the vulnerability, empowerment, and thrill of clearly asking for your desires—and how this simple practice can transform intimate relationships.Overcoming Blocks Around Receiving and Taking: Why so many people struggle with receiving touch for their own pleasure and how the Wheel helps unlock freedom and joy in giving and taking.Domain - what is it and why does it matter?For Couples Stuck in a Rut: Nicola explains how she uses the Wheel of Consent in her work with long-term couples to break out of routines and reignite their intimacy.Resources:Betty Martin’s Book: The Art of Receiving and Giving – Discover how the Wheel of Consent can reshape your approach to intimacy.Free Resources: Check out Betty’s website for loads of valuable content to explore the Wheel further.Reignite Your Intimacy: Dive into Nicola’s online course, Reigniting Intimacy, packed with exercises to deepen connection and rediscover passion.Listen & Subscribe:Don’t miss this exciting and insightful episode! Follow Intimacy Matters on your usual podcast platform and visit RealRelating.com for more intimacy-boosting content.If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textCoping With Adversity In Relationship: Communication, Self-Care, and SupportEpisode Summary: This episode explores how partnerships are tested by life’s challenging events like illness, bereavement, miscarriage, and unemployment. We discuss how stress can take couples out of sync, and provide strategies for navigating tough times together.Key Topics Discussed:We start by examining the impact of significant life events on relationships, highlighting how stress disrupts daily life. Often, couples facing adversity become adversarial or disconnected. A major theme is the vulnerability involved in asking for help. We address the challenges of seeking and receiving support, offer some  practical self-care tips, and discuss ways to navigate boundaries and consent.If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textPrepare to dive into the wonderful world of sexual fantasy in this episode. We'll uncover the prevalence of fantasy in human sexuality and its vital role in exploring desires and boundaries. From understanding the functions of fantasy to exploring popular categories like multi-partner sex, taboo acts, and gender role exploration, we'll provide practical insights and tips for talking about fantasy without tears!Learn how open communication and shared exploration of fantasies can deepen intimacy and foster more trust and more fun. Join us for a lively discussion on embracing sexual fantasy.The research we talk about is from Justin Lehmiller https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/?hl=enHe has a book all about fantasy here:https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-What-You-Want/dp/0738234966/ref=as_li_ss_tl?dchild=1&keywords=lehmiller&qid=1611166990&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=lehmillercom-20&linkId=0c99986e1ae7823ed732345dff5bda7e&language=en_USIf you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textIn this episode we welcome erotic author Anna Sansom.  We chat to Anna about all things erotic - and how we can get in touch with our own desires through creativity, even when it might feel really challenging.  We also discuss her book Desire Lines - part memoir, part guide to reclaiming our erotic nature. Anna is a queer cis woman (pronouns: she/her) who is endlessly curious about how we experience and express our unique sexual selves. She started writing erotica over two decades ago, has had a full-length erotic novel published and several short stories in anthologies and online.  She has a PhD in occupational therapy and is the co-creator of In Touch with Yourself, a guided journey for women who want to reconnect with their pleasure, sensuality, and sexuality, using creative, playful, and empowering personal practices. She loves drinking tea, swimming in the sea, and talking to her cats. You can find her at annasansom.com and intouchwithyourself.co.uk, and on Facebook (@AnnaSansomWriter) and Instagram (@Anna_Sansom_Writer). Anna's Substack is at https://annasansom.substack.com/If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textEndings, though difficult, are an essential part of life. Whether it's a breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one, endings can be traumatic. In the podcast we talk about how society often downplays the significance of endings, offering clichés like "plenty more fish in the sea," which fails to acknowledge the pain and complexity of separation.Research shows that the pain of a breakup can trigger physical responses similar to those of physical injury. Heartbreak is real and can have a profound impact on our well-being. What can we do to support ourselves during these times?We also talk about conscious uncoupling, as popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin - what is it and how do you go about it?Recommended resources:Book: The Wisdom of a Broken Heart - Susan PiverIf you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our podcast for more discussions on intimacy and relationships.If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textWelcome to the latest episode of the Intimacy Mattters podcast where we dive into intimacy and relationships. Highlights of this episode include:Sex Frequency: How often is "normal"?Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire: Why knowing the difference makes ALL the difference.Navigating Differences: Contrary to popular  belief, sex can improve with time through exploration, communication, and a shift away from performance-based attitudes.Initiation Strategies: We share some playful approaches to help initiate intimacy without pressure.Resources mentioned in the episode:NATSAL British Survey of Sexual AttitudesDavid Schnarch's book "Passionate Marriage"Good Times Planner (download)If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textIn this episode, hosts Nicola and Jason dive into the crucial topic of consent within established relationships. We explore the dynamics of consent using the "wheel of consent" framework, addressing common questions and concerns about ongoing consent. Emphasizing open communication and mutual respect, we reflect on our own experiences with non-consensual touch and discuss practical ways to ensure boundaries are respected.Consent isn't just a one-time conversation—it's an ongoing dialogue that fosters respect, trust, and mutual understanding within a long term relationship. We explore how consent impacts power dynamics and resentment within relationships.We also talk about the "three-minute game" as a practical tool for exploring different aspects of consent within relationships.If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textIn this episode Nicola and Jason talk to author and psychotherapist Silva about the myths surrounding 'sex addiction'. It's become a buzzword of late, with celebrities caught in the 'Me Too' movement citing it as a reason for their behaviour. In his book 'Compulsive Sexual Behaviours',  Silva challenges the notion that sex can be addictive at all, and provides a pathway towards healing for those who feel they do have a problem.In this wide ranging talk we'll bust some common misconceptions surrounding sex addiction, look at the limitations of conventional treatments, and explore the role of shame and societal norms in influencing how we see sexual behaviour.  We'll also explore the  importance of open communication and empathy if you're someone dealing with this in your relationship.If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textAre you tired of the never-ending battle over how to load the dishwasher? 🍽️Do you and your partner feel like you're constantly at odds? 🤔In our latest podcast episode, we explore the fascinating concept of polarity in relationships and how it impacts every aspect of our lives.Join us as we discuss:The two types of people who load dishwashers: the precision-driven Scandinavian architect 🏠 and the free-spirited raccoon on meth 🦝How pushing each other into polarities can create unnecessary conflict and tension 🚫Practical strategies for finding balance in your relationship 💑Real-life walk through of how to do a BOTH / AND exercise Whether you're a newlywed, in a long-term relationship, or navigating the complexities of dating, this episode offers valuable insights and actionable tips that you can apply to your own relationship journey. Tune in now to learn a brilliant way to enjoy a more harmonious partnership! 🎧✨Show notes: Book - Navigating Polarities: https://amzn.eu/d/e9jB6d9Blog - https://www.realrelating.com/blog/both-andIf you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Send us a textWe're back! After a LONG hiatus (the longest in podcast history?) Intimacy Matters returns. In this episode we tell you some of what's been going on, what will be coming up, and begin with our A to Z of Relating with 'Appreciation'. Show notes:Love Languages Quiz:https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-languageIf you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletterIf you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.Contact Us: Email us at [email protected] with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!