Suzi Ruffell - ‘I didn’t know I was gay until I saw Titanic’

In this searingly funny and deeply affecting live conversation, Elizabeth speaks to stand-up comedian, author and Taskmaster favourite Fern Brady about her autism diagnosis, her working-class roots, and the failures that shaped her award-winning memoir Strong Female Character. Fern opens up about late diagnosis, social masking, and stripping to fund her education - all delivered with the brutal honesty and whip-smart humour that’s made her one of the most exciting voices in comedy today. A powerful exploration of identity, feminism, and finding your voice. What stood out for you in this episode? Leave us a comment.  ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 01:58 Autism Diagnosis and Masking 04:40 Experiences on Taskmaster 11:40 University Struggles and Stripping 17:33 Challenges of Writing a Memoir 20:03 Reflections on Edinburgh 21:49 Struggles with Mental Health and Misdiagnosis 22:35 University Challenges and Autistic Shutdowns 23:25 Extreme Stress and Physical Symptoms 24:34 Breaking into Comedy and Facing Limitations 26:05 Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs 27:55 Navigating the Comedy Industry 34:02 Rejecting Mainstream Entertainment 37:21 Celebrity Bakeoff Experience 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: “Even when people don’t know you’re autistic, they know you’re autistic. They pick up on something different about you.”“Comedy radicalised me as a feminist. And so did working in a strip club.”“I was told I had the wrong energy for QI. I think that was a coded way to say I was too common.”“Autistic people are always learning to speak neurotypical. All we’re asking is for a bit of that in return.” 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Fern’s memoir Strong Female Character is out now! @fernfrombathgate Fern is a the Edinburgh Fringe: fernbrady.co.uk/gigs Elizabeth’s upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for her new novel One of Us: ⁠https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day  Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 📚 WANT MORE? Christine McGuinness on autism, calm and self-acceptance Caitlin Moran on feminism, girls and mental health Miriam Margolyes on difference, defiance and not caring what people think 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories Share with someone exploring neurodiversity or recovering their voice 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Elizabeth and Fern answer YOUR questions live in Edinburgh in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here:  Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com  Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Live Show Engineer: Will Kontargyris Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when the life you thought you’d built - the one with love, money, recognition - seems to slip away? This week, Elizabeth speaks to Dorinda Medley, author, TV personality and iconic former Real Housewife of New York, about reinvention, resilience and learning to be okay with not being liked by everyone. Dorinda opens up about the loss of her husband, the loneliness that followed fame, and why her departure from Housewives was both painful and necessary. This is a raw, funny, emotional conversation with a woman who’s lived many lives - and isn’t afraid to talk about all the ways they’ve fallen apart. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 02:12 Life After Reality TV 03:30 Authenticity and Public Perception 06:37 Dealing with Grief and Loss 14:06 Finding Strength in Vulnerability 19:14 The Impact of Fame 21:56 Housewives' First Visit to Blue Stone Manor 23:03 Behind the Scenes Drama 23:32 Staying Connected with Castmates 25:36 Dealing with Trolls and Haters 29:00 Coping with On-Screen Conflicts 31:19 Reflecting on the Housewives Experience 32:48 Blue Stone Manor Tag Sale 35:57 Life Lessons and Moving Forward 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: “A lot of people mourn by crying. I was angry. I was lost. I felt like I got cheated.” “If you want to love me, great. If you don’t, I’m okay with that.” “There’s a difference between missing Housewives and wanting to do it again.” 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com  Join Elizabeth at an upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for her new novel One of Us: ⁠https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day  Watch How To Fail on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HowToFailPodcast  Instagram: @howtofailpod / @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod / @elizabday Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe to How To Fail on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave us a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these conversations Share this episode with someone navigating grief or reinvention 📚 WANT MORE? Stanley Tucci on grief, identity and the taste of memory https://listen.sonymusic-podcasts.link/pbegMUD1?at=1010l396Y Miriam Margolyes on fame, failure and finally giving fewer f*cks https://listen.sonymusic-podcasts.link/PJdd42Bp?at=1010l396Y Mo Gawdat on how to solve for happiness https://listen.sonymusic-podcasts.link/RhEwJYA2?at=1010l396Y Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Studio Engineer: Sam Bair  Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As a recording artist, Vanessa Williams has earned 13 Grammy nominations and racked up over 212 million digital streams over the course of her eight albums. Her most popular hit, Save The Best For Last, was Number 1 for five weeks in 1992. She is also a highly successful stage and screen actor, appearing in Desperate Housewives and Ugly Betty. She is currently starring on the West End stage as Miranda Priestly in the musical adaptation of The Devil Wears Prada. It’s all a long way from her historic crowning as the first African-American Miss America in 1983 - she was later forced to resign after unauthorised photos taken when she was a student were leaked without her consent.  Vanessa joins us for an honest, hilarious and no-holds-barred conversation about her childhood, her romantic relationships, and - in a How To Fail first - why she regrets sending her daughter to boarding school. Elizabeth and Vanessa answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 00:00 Intro 02:47 Overcoming Scandal and Achieving Success 06:24 The Joys and Challenges of Stage Performance 10:31 Reflecting on Miss America 18:30 Family and Personal Reflections 23:40 Looking at Transparency and Shared Struggles 24:11 The Impact of Losing a Mother 26:00 A Mother's Influence on Trust and Relationships 28:51 Navigating High School Friendships and Trust Issues 30:07 Romantic Relationships and Parental Approval 34:58 Coping with Parental Loss and Family Dynamics 43:41 Musical Legacy and Family Bonds Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com  I have an upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for my new novel One of Us. Full show details here: ⁠https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Studio & Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this special live edition of How to Fail, Elizabeth is joined by comedian Suzi Ruffell. Suzi has performed five sellout runs at the Edinburgh Fringe, as well as appearing on live at the Apollo and filming an Amazon special of her show ‘Dance Like Everyone Is Watching’. She was nominated for Best standup show in the National Comedy Awards and has just written her first book Am I Having Fun Now?’, an instant Sunday Times Bestseller.  Suzi opens up about her sexuality, her Kate Winslet obsession and talks about her totally relatable failures in this entertaining and hilarious, but moving episode.  Elizabeth and Suzi answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends from a live audience in Cardiff. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com  I have an upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for my new novel One of Us. Full show details here: https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Live Sound Engineer: Will Kontargyris Studio & Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I can’t believe I get to say this but…PAMELA ANDERSON! ON HOW TO FAIL! The one and only!  A woman I grew up watching on TV, Pamela was an icon of a generation…But the second act of her career has been the most powerful and Anderson joins me for a  vulnerable chat about her long journey of embracing beauty on her own terms, understand her self-worth, embracing self-acceptance and how it was never about being pretty for her - it was always about being brave.    Together, we unpack the beauty ideals of early 2000s that continue to shape how women view themselves today. Backed by Dove’s Self Esteem Project body confidence science and exercises, this episode dives deep into Pamela reflecting on being the poster girl of an era and shares how she’s reclaimed her image, her narrative and what beauty means to her.  ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 02:08 Second Act and Self-Discovery 06:01 Embracing Natural Beauty and Challenging Norms 13:11 Reflections on Beauty and Self-Worth 18:41 Journey to Self-Acceptance 23:16 Relationship with Her Parents and Personal Growth 27:54 The Early Days of Styling 28:35 Creating Iconic Looks 29:10 Rockstar Wife Persona 32:05 Impact of Y2K and Social Media 33:07 Body Image and Self-Acceptance 35:36 The Dove Self-Esteem Project 38:54 Embracing Natural Beauty 42:01 Reflections on Fame and Identity   Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com    If you want more support, Dove has created a journal designed to help you reflect, reset, and take control of how you engage with beauty and your body. You can find it at dove.com/why2k. Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Mix Engineer: Matias Torres Studio Engineer: Gulliver Tickell Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Melinda French Gates studied computer science and economics and completed an MBA before joining a tech start-up called Microsoft, in 1987. She rose through the ranks to become Manager of Information Products and married the boss in 1994. His name was Bill Gates. Together, the couple founded and co-chaired the Gates Foundation, where, for more than two decades, she set the direction and priorities of the world’s largest philanthropic organisation. Today, a divorced French Gates heads up Pivotal, which works to advance women’s power and influence in the U.S. and around the world. Along the way, she has raised three children and written two bestselling books - The Moment of Lift and her latest, The Next Day: Transitions, Change, and Moving Forward. It is an astonishing journey: from the normality of a middle-class childhood to becoming one of the wealthiest women in the world and one of our most influential philanthropists. French Gates joins me for an open conversation about her divorce, ensuring her children never became spoiled, being strict about smartphones and surviving the death of a friend. Plus: the importance of empathy in the workplace and whether we should be scared of AI. Elizabeth and Melinda answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 01:50 Philanthropy and Personal Growth 03:49 Reflections on Grief and Friendship 14:41 Parenting Challenges and Lessons 23:26 Cultural Context in Philanthropy 23:39 Vaccine Distribution Challenges 25:19 Vaccine Shortage and Initial Mistakes 25:39 Treadle Pumps and Cultural Missteps 26:45 Learning from Failures 28:58 Empathy as a Superpower 30:13 Personal Anecdotes and Relationships 32:03 The Power of Friendship 36:33 Microsoft Bob and Technological Failures 39:55 Reflections on AI and Personal Growth Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com  I have an upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for my new novel One of Us. Full show details here: https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Studio & Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices 1x pre-roll 2x Mid-roll 2x Mid-roll 1x Mid-roll 1x post-roll Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Monica Lewinsky is an activist, podcaster and producer.  At the age of 24, Lewinsky, a White House intern, found herself in the eye of a global scandal. She was subjected to a mass public shaming -  losing her livelihood, her anonymity and the future she had once imagined for herself. Now, 51 Lewinsky has garnered a new generation of admirers, who with the advent of social media and shifting cultural tides, have rightly reinterpreted the shocking way she was treated. Her podcast, which launched earlier this year, is called ‘Reclaiming’ and features interviews with guests who are in the process of reclaiming their own narratives, just as she was forced to do. She joins us to talk about her experiences with shame, her perfectionism and why the pain she went through has given her purpose. Elizabeth and Monica answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 01:32 Early Life and Career 03:12 Reclaiming Her Narrative 06:17 Reflections on Turning 50 11:19 First Memory of Failure 18:40 Struggles After the Scandal 23:12 Navigating Post-Scandal Job Search 23:58 The Fragility and Vulnerability of Public Scrutiny 25:03 Media Obsession and Public Perception 25:59 Surviving the Media Onslaught 27:16 Reflections on Love and Power Dynamics 30:22 The Impact of Betrayal and Somatic Therapy 35:50 The Handbag Business Venture 40:12 Lessons Learned and Final Thoughts Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com  All episodes in June are brought to you by @arlalactoFREE - all the taste, easier to digest. Listen to our bonus episode brought to by ArlaLactoFREE with Vicky Pattison here: https://link.chtbl.com/VickyPattison  🌎 Get an exclusive 15% discount on your first Saily data plans! Use code [howtofail] at checkout. Download Saily app or go to to https://saily.com/howtofail ⛵ I have an upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for my new novel One of Us. Full show details here: https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan   Mix Engineer: Matias Torres Studio Engineer: Gulliver Tickell Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production.   Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rapping phenomenon and Tottenham Hotspur superfan AJ Tracey joins us this week to talk about supporting his mum through her cancer journey, the pressures of staying an independent artist and what football has taught him about failure. AJ Tracey has been rapping since the age of four. He dropped out of his Criminology degree at London Metropolitan University and started uploading tracks to SoundCloud in 2011, achieving five Platinum singles and over two billion Spotify plays as an independent artist. His first studio album debuted at number three in the UK Albums chart and his breakthrough hit, Ladbroke Grove, became the unofficial summer anthem of 2019. Now, after a three-year hiatus, marked by leaked songs and pandemic delays, Tracey has just released his third album, Don't Die Before You're Dead. It’s his most vulnerable and personal work yet and as well as being a love letter to the UK, the album fuses grime, garage, and R&B with themes of trauma, mental health, faith and love. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 01:11 Early Life and Career 03:04 The Making of 'Don't Die Before You're Dead' 07:10 The British Influence in AJ's Music 09:00 School Days and Influential Teachers 12:34 The Challenges of Being an Independent Artist 18:18 Faith and Personal Mission 23:02 Family and Personal Struggles 24:52 Mom's Health Scare and Recovery 25:40 Proudest Moment: Buying Mom a House 27:44 Growing Up with Responsibility 30:53 Struggles and Sacrifices 33:46 Name Change and Fresh Start 38:12 Grenfell Tragedy and Community Impact 41:58 Reconciliation with Dad 43:43 Football, Family, and Life Lessons Elizabeth and AJ answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com All episodes in June are brought to you by @arlalactoFREE - all the taste, easier to digest. Listen to our bonus episode brought to by ArlaLactoFREE with Vicky Pattison here: https://link.chtbl.com/VickyPattison 🌎 Get an exclusive 15% discount on your first Saily data plans! Use code [howtofail] at checkout. Download Saily app or go to to https://saily.com/howtofail ⛵ I have an upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for my new novel One of Us. Full show details here: https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Mix Engineer: Matias Torres Studio Engineer: Gulliver Tickell Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Cynthia Nixon joins Elizabeth to answer YOUR questions and failures including: whose failures would you most like to hear (dead or alive) how to cope with a friendship break up and how to know when to have kids. Elizabeth then takes a moment to reflect on meeting Cynthia, and everything they covered. To hear Cynthia tackling your failures join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Do you have something to share of your own? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Mix Engineer: Matias Torres Studio Engineer: Sam Bair Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whilst Cynthia Nixon’s versatility is beyond question, it's fair to say that she has become permanently associated with one character, Miranda Hobbs, in Sex and the City and its companion piece, And Just Like That. She won an Emmy for her performance and a generation of fans who identified with the ambitious type-A lawyer whose cynicism disguised as vulnerability has grown markedly through the decades. Nixon is also a political activist and vocal advocate for progressive causes. She even met her wife at an education rally in 2002. In 2018, she ran unsuccessfully for the governorship of New York. More recently, she has repeatedly spoken out in support of a permanent ceasefire in Gaza. Nixon's political conscience recalls perhaps the legacy of her journalist Father Walter, who won awards for his coverage of the Civil Rights Movement. An uplifting, smart and enlightening woman - what a joy it was to meet her. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 03:12 Miranda Hobbs and Lessons on Failure 04:53 Controversial Storylines in 'And Just Like That' 12:38 Political Journey 15:43 Running Against Andrew Cuomo 18:03 Gender and Politics 21:34 Early Political Influences 26:58 Missed Opportunities in Acting 28:24 Influence of Family on Career 30:18 Quiz Show Memories 32:22 Truth and Pretense in Acting 35:15 Filming Amadeus 40:10 Thanksgiving Preparations 44:58 Family Dynamics 48:52 Gratitude and Hope for the Future Elizabeth and Cynthia answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content Have something to share of your own? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com All episodes in June are brought to you by @arlalactoFREE - all the taste, easier to digest. Listen to our bonus episode brought to by ArlaLactoFREE with Vicky Pattison here: https://link.chtbl.com/VickyPattison 🌎 Get an exclusive 15% discount on your first Saily data plans! Use code [howtofail] at checkout. Download Saily app or go to to https://saily.com/howtofail ⛵ Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Mix Engineer: Matias Torres Studio Engineer: Sam Bair Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices