The Long Walk Review

Synopsis In a dystopian America, fifty young men are chosen to participate in a walk with no finish line for a chance to win endless riches. The catch: the winner is the only one who survives. Review I went into this film saying, oh so I’m just gonna watch a bunch of dudes walk for almost two hours? And yes, that is exactly what happens in the film. But, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Cooper Hoffman and David Jonsson are a great pair, they perform incredibly well as the two main characters. There is not an actor in this film that is unconvincing; I truly believe they were on a grueling walk for their lives. Like I said, yes it is a film where we are just watching men walk and die and walk and die over and over again, but the script is absolutely rock solid. I teared up, I laughed, I winced, I flinched, I felt all sorts of things. This is the ultimate dudes rock movie. It reminded me of how I felt watching Stand by Me for the first time. I loved this. Score 10/10

Synopsis Paranormal Investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga think they are retired from ghost busting, but just when you think you’re out, the demons pull you back in. The Smurl family in Pennsylvania start experiencing malevolent supernatural happenings after the grandfather gives a terrible birthday gift to the second oldest daughter. A broken mirror. Gee thanks Grandpa. The hauntings ramp up and soon it is apparent that a demon is infesting the house. The Warrens reluctantly engage with the Smurls and soon find out that the demon has actually lured them into a trap.  Review of The Conjuring: Last Rights This is the ninth installment in the Conjuring Universe films, 11th if you include Wolves at the Door and Curse of La Llarona. In my opinion, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. That’s not to say that this movie is bad. This movie along with all the other conjuring movies is competently made, maintains a consistent style, and has good acting. My criticism is that like the other films, this one prioritizes atmosphere and technique over substance. A beef I have with these movies is that they all suffer from what I call spooky house syndrome, where every house is dimly lit with 25 watt bulbs, and is suffering from a concerning amount of mold damage and electrical problems. Are they trying to scare us with ghosts or the horrors of home ownership? Similarly, the script is competent, but surface level. I can’t tell you anything about the personalities of any of the characters outside of the tired tropes of “the protective father”, and the “brat sister”.  What the film does well is display some of the most professional turning around acting I’ve ever seen. After four films as Lorraine Warren, Vera Farmiga has perfected the art of slowly turning her head for effect. It works so well at establishing the tension that they do it about 178 times in this film. The film makers know you are coming for tension and jump scares, so that’s what they prioritize here. There are some really great scenes of creepy dolls, whispered voices, and foreboding darkness that are masterclasses in technique. However they are all interchangeable and do little to move the story forward other than just increase the intensity.  Score 6/10

Synopsis In this prequel to X, we get the origin story of Pearl. Pearl is a young woman who lives on her parents' farm while her husband is away fighting in World War 1. Pearl is miserable on the farm and dreams of running away, and maybe even becoming a famous dancer. But the truth is, life is hard, and Peark quickly learns that it's a dog-eat-dog world and no one seems to care if she ever fulfills her dreams or not. The only thing that matters on the farm in 1918 is survival, and seeking happiness is far down the list of priorities, such as working for the next meal, avoiding the deadly Spanish flu, and taking care of those around you. This slowly drives Pearl into insanity, which I dont count as a spoiler because we already know she is full-blown bananas from the first film. Review of Pearl The full title of the movie is Pearl: and X-traordinary origin story. This is Ti West's second entry into the X series, so if you haven't already seen X, you might want to see that first for context. This is my favorite movie in the X trilogy. While I liked X, this one just feels more fun, and it is leagues better than whatever Maxxine was supposed to be. Pearl is a much more stylized film, calling back to horror films like the Universal monster movies from the early to mid-1900s with its intro, music, and acting style. It's really fun to see this type of movie made in modern times, and I hope that we can see more movies like this in the future. Score 7/10

Synopsis When a small town catholic priest commits suicide, he apparently opens a gate to hell. Elsewhere a young psychic predicts the resulting apocalypse of the dead rising from the grave, and she promptly dies. Did I say she dies? Just kidding, a reporter finds her alive in a graveyard. They travel to the small town she saw in the vision named Dunwich, and team up with another couple and… do things?  Review of City of the Living Dead (1980) What is there to say about City of the Living Dead that hasn’t already been said by wacky mad libs? It feels like someone with attention deficit disorder and short term memory loss was tasked with making a horror movie, and made it up as they went along. Even the title is a misnomer, at most this is a village or hamlet of the living dead. If you find yourself asking what is going on, rest assured that you will not find answers by the end. I’m sure if you asked Lucio Fulci to explain, you’d get some hand wavy explanation that would mention H.P. Lovecraft, the Salem Witch trial, and Heresy against god. The impression is that making sense is not a large concern for this film, this is more of a strap in and enjoy the ride film. Along the way you will be treated by some surprisingly good practical effects including bleeding from the eyes, lots of smashed brains, and a drill press through the jaw.  I can’t say that it held my rapt attention, but it did have some good moments. This is a great movie to watch with friends, preferably under the influence of some kind of substance. In my case sitting alone, sober, watching this movie as an assignment from patrons, It was not super enjoyable. Score 3/10

Synopsis When a family takes a road trip looking for a fun and exciting vacation in sunny California, they find themselves off the beaten path and searching for a main road. Things spiral out of control when military jets fly overhead, startling the family and causing the vehicle and the trailer it pulls to crash in the middle of nowhere. As the sun sets, the family splits up to find a way to call for help, but danger may be lurking just around the hills.  Review of The Hills Have Eyes (1977) This was my first time watching the original The Hills Have Eyes. I had already seen the 2006 remake, which surprisingly stays true to the story and content of the original very well. However, it's hard to beat the charm and originality of the 1977 version directed by Wes Craven. This movie is dark, gritty, and tugs at your nerves from almost every conceivable angle. As a father of a one-year-old, the terror felt by the young couple caring for their baby was palpable to me, and it genuinely made me feel ill at times. But you may be saying, “Max, I'm not a young parent to a baby, will this movie still apply to me?” Well, that depends. Do you care about dogs? Cause if the answer is yes, you will probably still feel on the edge of your seat with worry the whole time. This movie pulls no punches, attacking the family dynamic from all sides. No one is safe, and all shots are below the belt.  Score 8/10

Synopsis When seventeen children from the same classroom run out of their homes in the middle of the night and vanish without a trace, a city is in ruin trying to pick up the pieces and figure out how this happened, where the children have gone to, who could have orchestrated such a thing, and why this occurred.  Review This film is mind blowing. I absolutely loved Cregger’s Barbarian, he did something unique and subverted all expectations in his 2022 horror hit so this film was one of my most anticipated of this year, and it did not let me down. I was deeply moved by the end of it, and if I wasn’t in a full theater, I would have let the tears flow. I loved this film. It made me really sad. The way this story is told through its individual characters’ experiences instead of chronologically works in its favor, and as we get more into the stories of our main characters, the horrors of this story unfold in shocking, brutal, and unexpected ways. I am shook to my core more than I thought I would be. I was almost catatonic leaving the theater, relying on my muscle memory to get me back to my car while I pondered the events of the film. This is a poignant and relevant story about the state of this country, about our lack of community, our lack of care for our children and for each other. It shows us the butterfly effect of thoughtless actions and unwillingness to protect one another and how that leads to the destruction of family, love, and the collective. Our community will fail if we continue to turn a blind eye, if we continue to fail each other, and fail our children. The call is coming from inside the house. As if those themes aren’t horrifying enough, there is one particular jumpscare that got me and my entire theater. There’s great gore, and also some great comic relief in an otherwise melancholy film. The acting is great, especially from Cary Christopher (who played the little kid Alex). I loved this movie. No notes. And if you are struggling with what this movie is truly about, there is quite literally a house-sized AK-47 thirty minutes into the movie to remind you. Score 10/10

Get ready for a sticky situation as Horror Movie Talk reviews Together, the latest horror movie starring Alison Brie and Dave Franco. Synopsis Long time unmarried couple Tim and Millie move to a rural town to follow a job opportunity for Millie. Tim leaves behind his circle of friends and his stalled career as a performing musician behind in the city. The stress of the move, sexual troubles, and recent trauma put a strain on their relationship, but they remain committed to each other.  When they go on a hike near their house marked by bells, they stumble into a sunken cave. After drinking from the pool of water in the cave, Tim and Millie get into a sticky situation, and Tim begins to compulsively follow Millie around town. Review of Together If you’ve seen the trailer of the movie, you get the basic premise: parts of their bodies get stuck together and they find it hard to separate. But instead of treating it like an eighties sitcom plot, it’s used as a foil for body horror. It’s an interesting premise that is ripe for meta relationship commentary, and I was interested with where they would go with it. However, in the end, they don’t really do much with the opportunity to explore the theme of codependence and the loss of identity that can come from a long term relationship. Part of the problem is that the script keeps the relationship in the center of the movie in a weird limbo state where it’s not headed towards separation or marriage. Others might disagree, but I think choosing one or the other early on in the plot has more potential for satire and commentary. I didn’t feel like there were real stakes or an emotional core to the film. As a result, the scenes of them getting stuck feel arbitrary and progress predictably, but don’t seem to have a lot of emotional impact. The majority of these situations are shown in the trailer, so there isn’t much surprise when they come, the only thing you get are a couple shots directly looking at the merged body parts. I wish they would have gone harder and done some more extreme and creative body horror throughout, but they leave the majority for the film's climax. In the end it’s not enough to save the lack of an emotional core or strong direction in the plot. With recent body horror bangers like The Substance and The Ugly Stepsister, this feels like an undercooked entry into the sub-genre in comparison. Score 5/10

Synopsis The Others stars Nicole Kidman and her two children finding herself trapped in a bizarre and perplexing marriage to Tom Cruise. Oh wait, that’s just her real life at the time. In The Others she plays Grace a widow in post WWII Jersey living in a mansion with her two photosensitive children Anne and Nicolas. When three workers show up on her doorstep, she hires them as servants to help take care of the children and the estate to replace her previous staff that recently walked off the job. Soon after they are hired strange occurrences start happening and unexplained sounds start emanating from empty rooms. Could it be ghosts? Are her children messing with her? Are the servants trying to drive her mad? Are scientologists trying to silence her? You’ll have to watch the whole twisty turny movie to find out. Review of The Others Drawing heavy inspiration from the Turn of the Screw, this is a really well constructed supernatural film that has more than one trick up it’s sleeve for the audience. Nicole Kidman’s performance and the up tied and high strung Grace is what ties all the tension together. The haunted house genre is well trod territory, and this film explores all of the tropes associated with it adeptly and convincingly. It’s well paced, doling out little clues about the multiple mysteries surrounding the characters, their motivations, and the occurrences in the house. There’s enough revelations and twists and turns that it really does string the audience along until the last 15 mins or so before everything is revealed. This is my second full viewing since I watched it in the theater in 2001, and it’s one of those films that is as enjoyable the second time if you know the ending. I don’t remember being blown away at the time, since it felt like it was riding off the coattails of the surprise blockbuster The Sixth Sense released two years earlier. However now, I can recognize the masterful craftsmanship of Alejandro Amenábar’s script and direction.  It’s an exceptional example of gothic horror, exploring the darker aspects of life and death, maintaining an oppressive and claustrophobic atmosphere, and leaning heavily on suspense and mystery. Score 10/10

Synopsis In a world where love is in the air and murderous fishhook men abound, a group of friends reunite when Danica and Teddy decide to marry and throw an engagement party. Once the normies head out for the night, the gang decide to smoke a joint and go for a joyride. Once parked at their favorite spot to watch some fireworks (which is just on the edge of a bend on a mountain pass), Teddy inadvertently causes a car wreck which results in the driver flying off the cliff in their Dodge pickup. To keep Teddy out of trouble, they decide to never tell anyone what they did that summer. However, somehow someway, someone finds out what they did last summer and they wont stop until vengeance is paid in blood. Review Right off the bat I will say this movie did make me chuckle. Not from any joke or comical scene but from the production company being named Original Films Productions. It's no secret that this film is aimed at capitalizing off the trend of rebooting or updating classic slasher movies. This trend seemed to have started with the Halloween reboot and has spread through beloved horror franchises such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Scream. But now I Know What You Did Last Summer wants a piece of the pie. So here it is. I won't say that this movie is entirely bad. It kept me entertained enough and the acting was pretty decent for the most part. The thing that bothered me most in this movie was how heavily it relied on slasher tropes. It doesn't try very hard to be unique, and literally plays off the same exact premise as the original with a few twists. To be honest, if you are really into slashers and that kind of horror movie I think you should be outraged by what filmmakers are doing to your sub-genre. But if you just like all things horror and want something to watch, it's not the worst thing in the world. Score 4/10

This week we cover the original movie based on the true fake story about the haunting of the Lutz family in Long Island. Synopsis The Amityville Horror is based on a real life made up story about the Lutz family moving into a house that was the scene of a brutal murder of an entire family. They soon find out that the house is haunted or possessed or something. You can tell the house is evil because of the way it is. George Lutz played by Josh Brolin’s dad seems to slowly go insane while Lois Lane gradually becomes Wendy Torrence. A priest also is in the movie sometimes. Review of The Amityville Horror (1979) The Amityville Horror story is probably one of the most famous hauntings in America. Likely even more famous than this movie. It was one of the first investigations by Lorraine and Ed Warren on whom the Conjuring Movies are based. This film is a grab bag of haunting tropes that later got perfected by better movies. It really felt like the writer couldn’t decide what type of haunting was going on, so they covered every base. It could be haunted by the ghosts of the murder victims, possessed by a demon, cursed by a witch, cursed by native Americans, or just a simple portal to hell. Take your pick. It ends up being a rather unsatisfying story because we’re never offered any real answers.  The Lutz family starts out promising as protagonists — George and Kathy are introduced as newlyweds with Kethy having three kids from a previous marriage. However, this interesting family dynamic is never fully developed and a lot of drama is left on the table.  The plotline of Father Delaney feels tacked on, and never really pays off dramatically. He has one of the most memorable scenes in the movie, but it’s bizarre that the main characters never learn about what happened to him. The movie ends up being an example of the pitfall of having a lot of plot, and no story. The characters seem one dimensional, and the ending feels unsatisfying. Score 5/10