Why do I always blame myself? Unpacking self blame

I just got back from a week-long mastermind on the Camino de Santiago in Spain with a group of remarkable business owners — authors, TED speakers, retreat leaders — all gathered to get clear on the next 90 days of our businesses. In this episode, I'm sharing what I actually walked away with, including why knowing your strategy isn't your real problem, and what I finally gave myself permission to believe.💬 Ready to start building the strengths you need to make you and your business stronger? Submit a coaching inquiry via this link 🔗 Coaching---Timestamps:00:00 - Why I joined an in-person business mastermind00:55 - How the mastermind worked02:20 - Why I love not being the expert03:05 - Getting clarity on my next big project03:25 - Finding a business community5:30 - What my hotseat revealed about me08:40 - Questioning my approach to creating content10:20 - The feedback from the group I finally let myself receive12:10 - What changes when you build relationships with people who've done the inner work16:50 - Getting my drive back but from a place of compassion instead of fear18:05 - Takeaways for you and your business approachMore Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

Are you removing triggers or actually building strength? In this episode I'm unpacking experiential avoidance: why we avoid uncomfortable emotions and experiences, why it feels so justified in the moment, and why it quietly keeps us stuck in the long run. Key takeaway: Avoidance offers short-term relief but long-term stagnation. Every time you approach something you've been avoiding, you prove to yourself that you have the capacity to handle it and that is how self-assurance is actually built. 💬 Ready to start building the strengths you need to approach what you've been avoiding? Submit a coaching inquiry via this link 🔗 Coaching --- Timestamps:00:00 - What is experiential avoidance?00:55 - Why removing a trigger isn't the same as building a strength02:30 - When removing triggers is actually okay, and the compassionate motive that makes the difference03:45 - Why losing weight to build confidence is fragile04:15 - The benefits we unknowingly give up when we avoid certain triggers06:50 - How experiential avoidance showed up in my own life07:55 - The risk log: a weekly practice from functional analytic psychotherapy that changed things for me09:00 - Why things might get harder before they get easier when you start being more assertive09:40 - How approaching what you've been avoiding actually builds self-assurance over time10:00 - A question to sit with this week --- Enjoying Beneath the Surface? Leave a review and share it with someone who needs to hear this.More Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

If you're someone who loves to understand the why behind everything — the science, the patterns, the theory — this episode is for you. Intellectualizing can be a genuine strength, but it can also become the very thing that keeps you stuck. I'm unpacking how to spot when you're explaining instead of feeling, and what to do about it. Key takeaway: Understanding is the beginning of the process, not the destination. At some point, the work stops being about learning more and starts being about being willing to feel more. If you've learned a lot and still feel stuck, you're not doing it wrong, you're simply ready for the next level. 💬 If you're ready to start integrating what you know and building up those lagging emotional muscle groups, I'd love to support you. Submit a coaching inquiry via this link 🔗 Coaching --- Timestamps:00:00 - What is intellectualisation?02:20 - Why intellectualising develops in the first place03:15 - The crucial difference between understanding something and actually doing something04:00 - Where in your life are you explaining instead of feeling?05:00 - The social dimension: why our culture prizes intellect over emotion05:50 - What it actually looks like to interrupt the pattern06:30 - Three questions to catch intellectualizing in the moment07:30 - A practical body-based practice: describing sensations instead of explaining feelings08:30 - Compassionate colour and other tools for sitting with discomfort rather than thinking your way out of it10:40 - Putting these techniques into practice11:15 - The shift from knowing more to being willing to feel more ---Enjoying Beneath the Surface? Leave a review and share it with someone who needs to hear this.More Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

When your coaching business isn't where you want it to be, it's tempting to overhaul your website, revisit your ideal client, or build out new resources. But what if those urges are being driven by emotion rather than evidence? In this episode, I'm breaking down emotional reasoning in business — what it is, how to spot it, and how to make clearer, steadier decisions that actually move things forward. Key takeaway: When business feels stuck, the instinct is to fix something visible. But often what needs addressing first is what's happening underneath. Data gives you an objective reference point; emotional awareness stops you wasting time solving the wrong problem. 💬 Want support working through the emotions that are getting in the way of running your business with clarity? Submit a coaching inquiry via this link 🔗 Coaching --- Timestamps:00:00 – Why emotional reasoning is one of the biggest things holding coaches back01:10 – What emotional reasoning is, and how it shows up in business02:50 – The confidence myth in coaching — why doubt is normal, and what to address instead03:00 – Helpful vs. fear-driven motives04:00 – Trigger #1: Comparison05:10 – Trigger #2: Making decisions from a place of uncertainty07:20 – Trigger #3: Endlessly refining08:15 – How to use data as an objective anchor when emotions are driving your decisions09:20 – The one question to ask first when your coaching isn't selling10:00 – Separating the emotional work from the practical next steps --- Enjoying Beneath the Surface? Leave a review and share the episode with a fellow coach who needs to hear this.More Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

If you've tried breathing techniques, journaling, or urge surfing and the emotions just keep coming back — this episode is for you. I'm breaking down the difference between managing emotions in the moment and actually changing how you feel long-term, and why that distinction could be the missing piece in your progress.Key takeaway: Emotion regulation helps you cope in the moment. Emotion integration is what actually changes your emotional landscape over time, and it works by finding and building tolerance for the emotion you've been avoiding, not the one that's loudest.💬 Ready to go beyond the in-the-moment tools and work on the deeper patterns? Submit a coaching inquiry through the link below, I'd love to support you through this process.🔗 Coaching---Timestamps:00:00 – Why your go-to coping tools might only be scratching the surface00:55 – How I define emotion regulation02:00 – When emotion regulation *is* useful02:50 – What emotion integration actually means03:45 – A deep dive example: social anxiety, and the hidden emotion that's actually driving it05:20 – Why blocked anger can show up as anxiety — and what healthy anger is really there to do06:30 – What this looks like in practice07:45 – My personal experience getting in touch with my own anger, and why it changed everything08:40 – The Steady Mind: why we build this first before turning towards difficult emotions09:20 – Two questions to get you started on your own emotion integration journey---Found this helpful? Share it with someone who might need to hear it, and leave a review to help more people find the show.More Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

Have you ever caught yourself thinking "I should be able to do this, why can't I just get it together?" In this episode, I'm unpacking self-blame: where it comes from, why we developed it, and how to take responsibility for our lives without turning on ourselves. 💬 If you'd like deeper, more long-term support working through these patterns I'd love to hear from you. Submit a coaching inquiry via the link below.🔗 Coaching --- Timestamps:00:00 – The inner critic's greatest hits — and why they're keeping you stuck01:15 – What self-blame actually is, and when it can be constructive vs. destructive02:30 – Why self-blame developed as a learned safety strategy04:20 – How blaming yourself protects you from anger, sadness, and feelings of helplessness06:00 – My real-life illustration of self-blame vs. responsibility in action08:45 – The crucial difference between fault and responsibility — and why it changes everything09:50 – Practical steps to begin noticing your self-blame patterns10:40 – The fear beneath the pattern and why that's where your compassion needs to go --- Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with someone who needs to hear it.More Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

In this episode of Beneath the Surface I challenge the common coaching assumption that struggling to follow through automatically means “resistance” and I introduce a clearer framework of blocks, resistance, and fears. With rest (or lack of it) as an example, I unpack how understanding the root cause of our limitations can help us to shift our mentality and be more compassionate towards ourselves.Timestamps: 00:25 – Why “resistance” is oversimplified01:30 – Blocks: external limits on rest03:20 - Resistance: not seeing the benefit of rest04:55 - Fears: knowing it helps but still can’t rest07:55 - Compassion, courage, and origins of overworking/rest guiltMore Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

I’m kicking off the self-sabotage series of Beneath the Surface with a real-time example of how I worked through performance anxiety before running my first ever half marathon.In this episode, I walk through the exact tools I used, including an approach from Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), reframing perfectionist thinking, and the self-talk that helped me stay focused during the race.If you’ve ever felt pressure around a goal you really care about, this episode will help you hold high standards without letting anxiety sabotage you.Timestamps:00:00 – Performance anxiety before my first half marathon02:30 – The hidden belief driving the pressure04:15 – Reframing goals: preference vs demand06:00 – Perfectionism, social pressure, and self-compassion08:30 – Returning to the why10:00 – Self-talk and mindset during the race12:15 – A question to reflect on for your own goalsMore Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

Welcome to season 3 of my newly renamed podcast Beneath the Surface.In this episode I explore safety strategies — the hidden drivers behind behaviours like emotional eating, procrastination, overworking, doom scrolling, and people-pleasing. I explain the science behind these behaviours, and why, when our threat system is activated it is harder to access logical thinking and choose differently.I also introduce the soothe system and the idea of developing a “steady self” — an observing part of the mind that helps you respond to these patterns with awareness rather than being driven by them.Timestamps:00:00 – Season 3 introduction00:38 – What safety strategies are01:45 – Why all behaviors serve a function02:35 – The brain’s threat system03:45 – Amygdala, stress hormones & reactivity05:20 – Why change feels hard in the moment06:10 – The soothe system07:10 – Why soothing can feel difficult08:00 – Developing the “steady self”09:00 – Understanding emotional parts09:40 – Reflecting on your safety patterns10:27 – Wrap upMore Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here

More Resources:Grab the free mini-course: Emotion Systems Audit – Download hereConnect with Shannon on Instagram: @coachshannonbeerLearn more about compassion coaching: get the details here