279: Attachment Styles, Emotional Healing, and Being a Secure Lover in Marriage

If you've ever felt not good enough, feared rejection, or found yourself reacting in ways you don't even understand, this episode is for you. Marriage & family therapist Trevor (Art of Healing by Trevor) explains why so many couples get stuck in cycles of pursuit, shutdown, anxiety, and disconnection — and the emotional transformation required to break free. This conversation is raw, restorative, and deeply practical. In this episode you'll learn: Why fear of abandonment and "I'm not enough" beliefs show up in marriage The two classic patterns: people-pleasing pursuer + shut-down withdrawer How emotional safety outside the bedroom changes intimacy inside it How to work with your inner child to create real healing A step-by-step framework for emotional transformation How secure partners show up differently in sex, connection, and conflict Why awareness alone isn't enough — and what actually creates change Guest Links Instagram: @theartofhealingbytrevor Website: theartofhealingbytrevor.com Resources and Events Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January!    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What if one photo session could shift the way you see your body and the way you show up in your marriage? Today's guest, Lindsey of Beloved by Lindsey, is a boudoir photographer who helps women confront insecurities, dismantle shame, and increase their confidence, spirituality, and body image. In this episode you'll learn: How a conservative Southern Baptist girl unexpectedly became a boudoir photographer Why boudoir isn't vain or pornographic The transformation women experience when they finally see what their spouse sees How increasing self-confidence affects your marriage What happens in a boudoir session How to break the generational negative self-talk cycle A powerful technique for body-neutrality and self-acceptance Tips for husbands who want to suggest boudoir to their wives Lindsey's "black belt sex tip" for deeper intimacy and better communication*   We're so excited to have Lindsey join us on our upcoming cruise as our in-house (in-boat?) boudoir photographer! It's optional, but included in the total price of your cruise. You get to take away a fabulous momento from your sexy and intimate getaway! Apply to join us: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ *If you'd like some questions to ask your spouse (like Lindsey's tip), check out this post with 29 spicy questions!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Can "being good" actually get in the way of good sex? If you have spent your life "trying to be good," but still struggle to create a deep intimate connection with your spouse, you're not alone. In this episode, we talk about how to move beyond "good-boy/good-girl syndrome" and into the inherent goodness God designed in sexuality. If you grew up believing that sexual thoughts or desires were dangerous, shameful, or spiritually risky, this episode will help you see your sexuality through an entirely new lens—one grounded in joy, creativity, emotional connection, and spiritual maturity. You'll learn: Why chastity and fidelity aren't restrictions—they're keys to true sexual freedom How your motivation for sex changes when obligation is removed Why the "dirty" parts of sex might be the very things that sanctify your marriage How embracing paradox and playfulness makes intimacy deeper and more meaningful This is an episode for every couple longing to move from anxiety-driven sex to soul-expanding intimacy. Resources and Events: Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January! Stand by for more information coming soon!

Purchasing and wearing lingerie can often be surrounded by comparison, insecurity, and pressure, but it doesn't have to be! In this episode, Melina Weekes of Dainty Lace shares how fabrics, colors, mindset, and small daily practices can help women feel genuinely beautiful and confident in their own skin. Whether you're brand-new to lingerie or wanting to rekindle confidence in your marriage, this episode offers practical, uplifting guidance rooted in self-worth and connection. In this episode, we cover: How comparison keeps women (and men) stuck  The way different fabrics influence how you feel and why that matters in intimacy How to discover your color season and why the right tones instantly boost confidence Why lingerie isn't "just for the wedding night" How Christian women can reclaim confidence without compromising values Lingerie shopping as a husband Melina's surprising "black belt sex tip" (hint: it involves cowboys 😉) Learn more about Dainty Lace: Website: Daintylace.com Instagram: @dainty.lace.confidence   Resources and Events: Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January! Stand by for more information coming soon! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Most couples think intimacy is about communication or affection, but there are actually two different types of intimacy operating beneath the surface of every marriage. Chances are, you've only been using one of them… and it's the one that keeps you stuck. In this episode, we break down the difference between other-validated intimacy and self-validated intimacy, and why shifting what type you develop can change everything about how you talk, connect, and experience sex in your marriage. In this episode, we cover: What the two types of intimacy actually are Why one leads to emotional gridlock Why the other opens the door to deeper connection How validation (or lack of it) affects both emotional and sexual intimacy Real-life examples from couples who transformed their connection The spiritual root of self-validated intimacy How your emotional reactivity is shaping your marriage Five practical ways to build self-validated intimacy today If you've ever wanted deeper conversation, more ease, or a more meaningful sexual connection, this episode will feel like a breath of fresh air. Resources and Events: Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026  Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreat Men's and Women's Only Cohorts starting in January! Stand by for more information coming soon!

In today's episode, Dr. Corey Allen joins us for a deep dive into fictional, but incredibly common, marriage scenarios that reveal surprising truths about desire, conflict, and emotional maturity. We explore how sexual and relational struggles aren't mistakes—they are intentional invitations to grow up, become more courageous, and see our spouse more clearly. In this episode, we cover: Why sexual struggles are built into the work of marriage How meanings—not the issue itself—drive most conflicts How to own your part in the marriage Why many husbands unconsciously hedge their investment The danger of "minimum requirement" sex What real married love is What is actually better than "being happy" in marriage If you're ready to see your marriage challenges from a whole new angle, this episode will change the way you think about intimacy and growth and the purpose of marriage.  Links Mentioned: Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program Learn more about Dr. Corey Allen: SMR.fm (Sexy Marriage Radio) Events: In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We're sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!) NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026    Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.  

Money and intimacy have more in common than most couples realize. In this episode, we sit down with financial coach Dan Ockey to talk about financial intimacy — how the way you manage money together reflects the way you handle trust, communication, and teamwork in every other area of your marriage (yes, even the bedroom). You'll hear Dan Ockey's incredible story of turning debt, secrecy, and shame into a story of honesty, unity, and freedom — and how money challenges can actually strengthen your relationship if you face them together. In this episode: How financial habits mirror sexual habits in marriage Why secrecy and pride around money create the same distance as sexual disconnection Simple mindset shifts that restore trust and teamwork If you've ever argued about money, felt shame around spending, or struggled to get on the same page with your spouse — this episode will help you see finances not as a source of stress, but as a powerful tool for connection and intimacy. 👉 Learn more about Dan Oakey and Sensei Financial at www.centseifinance.com 👉 Apply for the Get Your Marriage On! coaching program at getyourmarriageon.com/program   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Welcome to Part 2 of this special series on keeping your penis — and your marriage — healthy and happy. In this follow-up episode, we the practical side of sexual health: testosterone, nutrition, porn use, sleep, and yes… penis size. (Spoiler: your wife does care about your size, but it might not be in the area that you think.) You'll learn: The truth about testosterone and how to boost it naturally The best foods for stronger erections How porn impacts sexual performance and confidence What's actually normal when it comes to size What your penis does while you sleep We hope you benefit as we throw a little humor in with the science and practical wisdom to help you stay healthy, confident, and connected for years to come. 💡 Want help creating a more fulfilling sex life with your spouse? Check out our coaching program: getyourmarriageon.com/program

Let's talk about one of God's most incredible and misunderstood designs — the penis. In this episode (part one of two) we dive into the fascinating science behind erections — what makes them work, what shuts them down, and what you can do to keep things running at full power. From brain chemistry to heart health, this episode will change how you think about arousal, masculinity, and pleasure in marriage. It's science, humor, and hope — all rolled into one episode that'll help you appreciate just how wonderfully (and hilariously) you're made. And don't miss part two where we tackle testosterone, penis size, and porn. This episode was inspired in part by The Penis Book by Dr. Aaron Spitz 💡 Want to improve connection and sexual confidence in your marriage? Visit getyourmarriageon.com/program

What happens when your marriage feels impossible to sustain—but you believe God still has a plan? In this powerful episode, we sit down with author and speaker Laurie Krieg, who shares her story of navigating a mixed-orientation marriage, wrestling with faith, desire, trauma, and the transformation that followed. In this episode, we cover: Laurie's honest story of same-sex attraction and her decision to marry a man What it means to trust God when your marriage feels "impossible" Trauma, Jesus, and the healing process Practical ways to love your spouse through pain What Christians can do better to love and support LGBTQ+ individuals and families This episode will stretch your compassion, deepen your faith, and remind you that every marriage—no matter the struggle—can be a place of redemption and growth.   Resources: 👉 Get our free training about how to get your marriage unstuck. 👉 Apply for our amazing couples retreat coming up in the spring! 👉 And join our free private facebook group, Christian Couples Improving Sex & Intimacy   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.