You Can't Make This Sh*t Up

At the FBI Academy, there was a class called F-O-A-C which stands Field Office Administrative Codes (at least I think that what it stands for).   It is like learning a foreign language.  And when most new agents hear BuSpeak, they are confronted with hundreds of acronyms and combined words that they must learn to be able to function in their jobs.  In every FOAC class, there are two distinct levels of comprehension.  The former FBI support personnel who are now newly minted New Agents and everyone else.  The former FBI support personnel were all fluent in BuSpeak and everyone else was really lost and confused.  It was the most daunting class in the FBI Academy – at least it was for me, and I have had an enduring fascination with FBI acronyms ever since.

A baby agent is a playful, yet derisive term often used to describe a Special Agent Trainee at the FBI Academy. A blue flamer is a reference to the blue flame that comes out the back of a fighter jet. Upon leaving the Academy, newly minted FBI Agents are said to have a 3 foot blue flame of enthusiasm coming out of their butts.  And rightly so.  Shortly after arriving at the FBI Academy, I remember being told: “Congratulations. You just passed the most stringent career screening process that there is. Out of 50,000 applicants a year, we onboard between 400 and 800 new agents a year." I don’t know about you Kevin, but had I known that on the front end, I may not have submitted an application in the first place.  And during the course of the lengthy recruiting process that for me lasted 16 months from beginning to end, you are periodically told that the odds are against you for various reasons.  I’m not sure those seemingly casual remarks that were directed at both Kevin and me as it turns out, weren’t a part of the weeding out process.  Or it could be paranoia.   Before planning this episode, Kevin and I hadn’t really talked about our recruitment and academy experiences much.   And it was funny to learn that we both went through a similar psychological process.

Good informants are a critically important part of the law enforcement universe. They are double-edged swords though and sources can end a promising law enforcement career very quickly. Given their importance, the FBI and other law enforcement agencies evaluate their investigators in part on how many sources they have developed and how productive they have been. The steps that precede someone becoming an informant are often one or a series of bad choices coupled with an extra helping of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. One could argue that the decision to become an informant is just the latest in a series of bad decisions. I say that now because my performance evaluation is no longer dependent on source development. Otherwise, I would probably place more emphasis on the many positive aspects of playing for Team USA.

FBI field offices serve and are apart of the communities where they are located, what most people don't realize is there is an open communication channel between the FBI and members of the community. Phone calls and walk-ins take place everyday, all day. And when members of the public report suspected crimes, acts of terrorism, or espionage, it's a critically important function and they direct emergency response as the reports unfold. This vital function is referred to as complaint duty, and the person designated to receive complaints serves as the Duty Agent. Duty Agents receive information from the public and from other law enforcement agencies. They assess information, determine what action(s) should be taken in response.

The FBI has jurisdiction when felons cross state lines to evade prosecution, referred to as Unlawful Flight to Avoid Prosecution or UFAP. Arrests require careful planning.  And yet the Yiddish proverb: “people plan, God laughs” often fits. Working civil rights cases against sworn police officers and deputy sheriffs was stressful and challenging especially since in a small FBI field office like Memphis, you may end up working alongside some of those same police officers working a bank robbery, a kidnapping or a fugitive case as Kevin and I both did.  Although all three of these topics and very serious and potentially very dangerous, my partner and I managed to find the humor in just about everything.  We hope you do too.

Today’s episode is the continuation of a new series in which my former FBI Colleague Kevin Cearlock and I explore the funnier side of the FBI based on our own experiences and our friends. Law enforcement is full of great story tellers. Hard to say whether storytellers tend to become law enforcement officers in disproportionate numbers or, perhaps more likely, it’s the fact that ridiculous things sometimes happen during the course of one’s law enforcement career and they can make for some great stories. Some of the best stories Kevin Cearlock and I have relate to bank robberies, and this episode shares one of my favorite stories witnessed first-hand.

Today’s episode is the introduction of a new series in which my former FBI Colleague Kevin Cearlock and I explore the funnier side of the FBI based on our own experiences and our friends.