How to Build (and Repair) Love: The Gottmans on What Every Couple Should Know

The most powerful way to enter a new year is not with resolutions, but with a deeper understanding of how to connect with the people who matter most.As we close out the year, the Finding Mastery team is taking time to rest, re-calibrate and reflect — practicing the same principles we talk about on this podcast. So today, we’re sharing a conversation from the Finding Mastery Vault with two legends in the science of relationships: Drs. John and Julie Gottman.Together, they’ve spent more than 50 years studying what makes love last — from small moments of connection to the hidden habits that quietly erode trust. In this conversation, we explore the daily rituals that deepen intimacy, how to repair after conflict, and why the best relationships aren’t perfect — they’re practiced.In this episode, you’ll learn:How to turn conflict into closeness through repairThe four behaviors that quietly destroy relationships (and how to replace them)Why “love is a verb” — and what that means in actionThe difference between bids for connection and real listeningHow to communicate needs without criticism or defensivenessFrom the entire Finding Mastery team, we wish you and your loved ones a very happy, healthy New Year. We’ll see you in 2026! Enjoy this episode with The Gottmans.________________________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the greatest gift you could offer this season isn’t something you buy—but rather the way you choose to meet yourself and others—with kindness?As we pause new releases over the holidays, the Finding Mastery team is taking time to rest, reflect, and be with our loved ones — because we believe relationships are part of the practice of mastery itself.So today, we’re re-releasing a powerful, audio-only episode from the Finding Mastery Vault: a conversation with THE Sharon Salzberg, one of the world’s leading teachers of wisdom, mindfulness and loving-kindness meditation. Sharon shares how love can be trained as an ability, why discernment and gratitude sharpen performance, and how to meet fear without hardening. She also walks us through a simple loving-kindness meditation you can use right away. Her lessons are as relevant now as they were when we first shared this conversation — maybe even more so in a world that could use a little more gentleness right now.So, Happy Holidays from all of us here at Finding Mastery and with that, enjoy this week’s From The Vault conversation with Sharon Salzberg.___________________________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What would change if you stopped trying to push through fatigue — and instead learned what your biology is trying to tell you?On today’s episode of Finding Mastery, we sit down with entrepreneur, author, and biohacking pioneer Dave Asprey — founder of Bulletproof, Upgrade Labs, and widely regarded as the father of the modern biohacking movement. This is Dave’s second time on the podcast, and it’s a nuanced exploration of what it means to live with vitality and consciousness in a world obsessed with optimization.In this episode, Dr. Mike and Dave dig into the science and philosophy behind performance, recovery, and emotional regulation — from neurofeedback and cold exposure to trauma, forgiveness, and redefining what “health” actually feels like. Dave opens up about losing his company, being publicly criticized, and the deep internal work required to find strength and gratitude again. You’ll learn:Why “listening to your biology” may be more effective than pushing through fatigue.How Dave used neurofeedback and meditation to recover from collapse and betrayal.The link between emotional regulation, energy, and mitochondrial health.How to think critically about longevity practices — from fasting to peptides.Why darkness, stillness, and sunlight are as vital as any supplement.The conversation bridges biology and self-awareness — asking whether efficiency can coexist with depth, and what mastery really looks like when you align your body, mind, and purpose.Quick note from the Finding Mastery team: The views expressed are the guest’s own and do not reflect those of Dr. Mike Gervais or Finding Mastery. This conversation is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not medical advice. Please consult a licensed professional for questions on your own health. Thank you and enjoy the episode.Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the future of work isn’t about technology at all — but about unlocking more humanity in each other?On today’s episode, we sit down with Kathleen Hogan, Chief Strategy and Transformation Officer at Microsoft, and one of the key architects behind the company’s cultural reinvention. Kathleen helped lead Microsoft’s shift from a “know-it-all” to a “learn-it-all” culture — embedding empathy, curiosity, and growth mindset across a global workforce of more than 220,000 people.In this conversation, Kathleen and Dr. Michael Gervais explore what it really means to lead with humanity. She shares the moments that shaped her leadership — from facing cancer twice, to redefining success through purpose and connection — and the inner work required to help others unlock their potential.In this conversation, we explore:How Kathleen helped Microsoft reimagine its culture from the inside outWhy purpose and empathy are the foundation of effective leadershipHow to build psychological safety and courage in high-performing teamsWhat it means to lead with curiosity instead of certaintyThe role AI can play in empowering — not replacing — human potentialAt its heart, this episode is a reminder that leadership isn’t about knowing more — it’s about caring more._______________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindsetFollow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What does it really mean to live with courage and conviction?On today’s episode, we sit down with Dr. John Amaechi — organizational psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and the first openly gay NBA player. Along his journey, John always set out to be himself in a world that repeatedly told him he was too big, too soft-spoken, too smart, too different. In this conversation, John brings us into parts of his internal world that are hard for any of us to talk about: navigating shame, identity, belonging, and the responsibility of not shrinking so others can stay comfortable. He talks about the cost of visibility, and the radical power of deciding that your worth is not up for negotiation.In this episode, we explore:How to move from clarity to conviction in your personal and professional lifeWhy vulnerability is a core strength of courageous leadershipThe key to creating relationships rooted in empathy and presenceHow to develop moral courage — and know when to walk awayWhat it means to lead from your first principlesThrough stories drawn from sport, psychology, and leadership, John challenges our cultural obsession with individual achievement and redefines what it means to succeed — not by how high you climb, but by how deeply you care and how many people you lift along the way. ___________________________________________________Links & Resources:Subscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindsetFollow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the most powerful thing you can do for your health isn’t diet or exercise — but investing in the people you love?Today’s episode is from the Finding Mastery Vault — a timeless conversation with Dr. Robert Waldinger, psychiatrist, Harvard professor, Zen master, and Director of the world’s longest-running scientific study on happiness.In this conversation, we explore the science of connection — how relationships literally get into our bodies, lower stress, improve our health, and expand our capacity to live well. We also discuss why loneliness can be as dangerous as smoking, and how small acts of social fitness, paired with the courage to be vulnerable, can change the trajectory of your life.You’ll learn:How to build “social fitness” and maintain meaningful relationships over timeWhy relationships get into our bodies and improve long-term healthThe science behind loneliness, stress, and emotional regulationWhat it means to live a psychologically rich and purposeful lifeHow leaders can foster connection and belonging at workThis episode is timeless — and a powerful reminder: no one does it alone.________________________________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset!Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the key to becoming a champion isn’t about chasing wins—but knowing when to pause, prioritize the inner work, and trust that the rest will follow?On today’s episode, filmed in front of a live audience at California Surf Club, we sit down with Caroline Marks — the 2023 World Surf League Women’s Champion and 2024 Olympic Gold Medalist. By 23, Caroline has already reached the pinnacle of her sport, becoming one of the most dominant surfers of her generation. But what makes her story remarkable isn’t just the medals—it’s the emotional and psychological work behind them.In this conversation, Caroline opens up about rebuilding after the heartbreak of Tokyo, the self-doubt that almost sidelined her, and how therapy, family, and faith in herself helped her rediscover her love for surfing. Dr. Mike and Caroline unpack what it means to train not just the body, but the mind—to develop emotional awareness, to redefine success, and to keep the joy alive in high-stakes environments.You’ll learn:How to rebuild confidence and purpose after a major setbackWhy emotional awareness is the foundation for high performanceThe key to balancing ambition with inner peaceHow to strengthen trust—in yourself and in othersWhat it means to find motivation after reaching the topWhy mastering your emotions is a major competitive advantageThis is a powerful look into the mindset of a young champion who’s rewriting what it means to win...inside and out. Tune in to hear how Caroline Marks is defining mastery on her own terms.________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryLocation: Thanks to California Surf Club, 239 N Harbor Dr, Redondo Beach, CA.Get exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset!Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if real success is measured not by what you achieve, but by how deeply you give?On today’s episode, we sit down with Gary Sinise—Emmy Award–winning actor and director best known for his roles in Forrest Gump, Apollo 13, and CSI: New York, and founder of the Gary Sinise Foundation—to explore his lifelong arc from self to service.Gary takes us back to the accidental spark of belonging he found in high school theater, the early days building Steppenwolf, and the quiet battle with inadequacy that forged a bias for action and leadership. We trace how portraying Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump became an inflection point—culminating in a life-altering moment on stage with 2,000 wounded veterans—and how 9/11 transformed his work into a full-fledged mission to support service members and their families.Gary also opens a tender window into his home front: his wife’s battle with breast cancer and his late son Mac’s courageous 5½-year fight with chordoma. He shares how showing up—again and again—became a practice, a purpose, and a way through grief.In this conversation, you’ll learn:How to turn inadequacy into action—and why a bias toward doing builds real confidenceThe key to shifting from achievement to contribution without losing your driveHow to lead with presence when others seem steps aheadWhy purpose expands through loss—and how faith, family, and service hold the lineWhat it means to show up as a caregiver and “battle buddy” through life’s hardest seasonsHow to transform creativity into service—and why art can be an act of healingIf you’re craving a reminder that meaning is made in the moments we choose to serve, especially when it’s hard, then this conversation will move you.__________________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our YouTube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset!Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XLinks: http://garysinisefoundation.orgYT: @macsinise7489See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to a special Monday episode on the Finding Mastery channel.Every once in a while, we come across a story or a person that moves us in a profound way — and this is one of those moments.Recently, I was invited by Aaron Lazar to join him on his new podcast, Impossible Dreams. Aaron is an incredible human — a Broadway and television actor, singer, and storyteller — who’s facing ALS with extraordinary courage, humor, and grace. He’s also pushing toward an almost unthinkable goal: to become the 64th person on record to ever reverse symptoms from ALS.I enjoyed the conversation so much that I knew I wanted to share it with you here on Finding Mastery — to raise awareness, and to honor Aaron’s message about purpose, connection, and resilience in the face of life’s hardest challenges.Takeaways from this episode:Why mastery of self — not just mastery of craft — changes the way we meet adversity.How awareness, self-talk, and gratitude can shift what’s possible in any moment.What it means to move from “my team” to “the team.”How purpose and love become anchors when life feels uncertain.The small, daily practices that help us stay grounded, connected, and alive to what matters most.Enjoy this conversation with Aaron and me, and let it remind you of the strength that lives inside all of us, even in the storm.____________________________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset!Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XAaron Lazar: http://www.aaronlazar.com and https://www.youtube.com/@ALImpossibleDreamsALS: www.als.orgSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if your biggest competitive advantage isn’t how technologically advanced you are — but how psychologically agile your teams are?On today’s episode, we sit down with Matt Garman — CEO of Amazon Web Services — to dig into the leadership frameworks behind one of the world’s most innovative companies. We cover his “one-way vs. two-way doors” decision model, why “minimum lovable product” beats perfectionism, and how to push autonomy down while keeping trust and security high.We also explore what’s really slowing AI adoption (and why replacing junior employees with AI is a terrible idea), why documents beat slide decks for high-stakes calls, and the long-view energy bets—including nuclear—that AWS believes will shape innovation and sustainability. Along the way, Matt shares the personal side of leading at speed: family dinners, golf as a reset, and the “support then challenge” cadence that helps teams sustain pace without burning out.What you’ll learn:How to use the “one-way vs. two-way doors” framework to make faster, smarter decisionsWhy optimism (not naïveté) is a core competitive advantage for innovatorsThe key to shipping a minimum lovable product customers actually wantThe real frictions in AI adoption—and why replacing juniors with AI backfiresWhy long-horizon energy bets (including nuclear) matter for innovation and sustainabilityIf you’re leading in a fast-moving world—or want to—this conversation offers practical frameworks and a shot of grounded optimism to help your team move faster, smarter, and with more heart.__________________________________Links & ResourcesSubscribe to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMasteryGet exclusive discounts and support our amazing sponsors! Go to: https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/Subscribe to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter Download Dr. Mike's Morning Mindset Routine: findingmastery.com/morningmindset!Follow on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, and XSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.