Anger, Resentment & Forgiveness - Ep 746

Why do we get angry, and what is resentment trying to tell us? In this talk, Dr. Brad Reedy reframes anger as a signal worth listening to rather than a feeling to eradicate. Anger points us to the boundaries we need to set, and resentment, a kind of stale anger, is often a sign of poor self-care. The emotions you are feeling are yours, and owning them is where the work begins. Drawing on Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger and his own book, Brad talks about guilt as something programmed into us rather than a measure of morality, and about forgiveness as the end of a grief process we enter only when we are ready, not "forgive and forget." We set boundaries not to punish, but to tell people how to stay connected to us. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you do when your child is struggling with mental health issues or addiction? In this talk, Dr. Brad Reedy explains why the work begins with the parent, not the child. Our own ego, our guilt, and our shame distort the lens we look through to understand the child, and punishment has its limits. The heroic parent is the one willing to look in the mirror and ask: how am I part of this dynamic? Drawing on his book The Journey of the Heroic Parent and on Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell's Parenting from the Inside Out, Brad talks about owning your feelings. If your child is using drugs, of course you are scared. If your child steals from you, of course you are angry. But those emotions are yours. Take them to a mentor, a therapist, or a support group and work them through there, so that when you come home you can be the steady, loving presence your child needs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Should I fight for this marriage, or is it time to leave? In this talk, Dr. Brad Reedy takes up the question of discernment: how to know whether to divorce or to stay. He explains why divorce always needs to be an option. If leaving is off the table, then staying is not really a choice, and the intimacy a marriage needs cannot grow. Drawing on his work with couples and his own story, including the therapist who told him divorce would not be "better," only "different," Brad explains why the answer does not come from weighing pros and cons. Our relationships expose our unhealed parts: the fear of abandonment, the empty cup we try to fill, the need to be seen and validated. When we do our own work and find psychological integrity, the decision to stay or go comes out of that work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does it actually mean to “hold space” for someone? In this talk, Dr. Brad Reedy explores containing: taking in another person with compassion, patience, curiosity, and non-judgment, especially when they’re hurting, dysregulated, or not making sense. Containing isn’t listening to someone being reasonable. It’s staying present with their pain, their defenses, their anger, and their irrational thinking, and letting them see the world the way they see it. We correct very little. And in that quiet, subtle way, a person is changed simply by having been understood. In this episode: Why a child’s sense of self is shaped not by what parents say, but by what they feel Why skills alone fall short, and why containing is built on our own inner work Listening by Capacity: a scale from “I can’t hear it right now” to accountability The barriers to containing: depletion, unhealed trauma, our own needs, self-righteousness, and the narcissistic wound Practical skills: staying silent, offering your body, holding discomfort, noticing your impulses, and getting really good at failing Why doing your own work is one of the most loving things you can do for the people closest to you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Brad Reedy explores artificial intelligence, self-help, and the difference between having information and doing our healing work. He explains that our relationship with AI is only as good as our mental health: we can use it to ask better questions and consider new perspectives, or to reinforce what we already believe. Drawing on his own experience and his work with clients, Brad discusses the limits of AI, why doing the "right" thing is not the same as healing, and why relationship remains at the heart of lasting change. The question isn't simply whether to use AI, but how we use it and what we expect it to do for us. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy, interviews Finding You's coach and facilitator Beth Hillman. Beth shares her story of parenting a child struggling with substance used disorder. She talks about her approach and working with parents, emphasizing the need for self compassion and forgiveness for anyone working to support a struggling child. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A Child's Greatest Burden Jung believed that the heaviest thing a child carries is the unlived life of the parent. He wasn't talking about the parent who chased a dream and fell short. He meant the life a parent avoided: the risks never taken, the fears never faced, the feelings never allowed. That unfinished business doesn't disappear. It gets handed down. In this episode, Dr. Brad Reedy explores how children absorb what we avoid, often more than what we say. Wherever a parent is stuck, the child tends to take that on as a roadmap. They either repeat it or spend a lifetime running from it. Drawing on Jung, Winnicott's false self, Alice Miller's The Drama of the Gifted Child, and Bowlby's work on how attachment passes between generations, Brad looks at what our children actually inherit: our shame, our anxiety, our blurred boundaries, and the parts of ourselves we've kept in the dark. The hardest part is also the most hopeful. When we make our children our project, we often dodge our real responsibility, which is to make our own lives the project. Brad walks through differentiation, the difference between enmeshment, cut-off, and healthy connection, and why the greatest gift we can give a child is a regulated nervous system and a clear sense of self. Take-home themes: learn what is yours and what isn't. Take responsibility for your own peace. Know the difference between loving a child and needing to be loved by one. Get busy with your life. Follow your bliss. It ends with you. Upcoming: AMA: Thursday, Sept 24, 6:00 PM MT Art of Living Retreat Center: Sept 27–Oct 2 (artoflivingretreatcenter.org) Ketamine Therapy Intensive: Oct 29–31, Salt Lake City Finding You Intensives: Oct 7–11, Oct 16–18 (online), Nov 11–15 (couples), Dec 2–6, Jan 6–10, Feb 10–14 (couples) Alumni Zoom: third Wednesday monthly OPLM support groups: Saturdays, oplm.com Inquiries: [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't we do the things we know would bring us closer to the people we love?We're not short on instructions. Speak your truth. Tell your story. Be vulnerable. But a script for intimacy doesn't create intimacy - because the barrier was never knowing what to say. It's what happens in your body when you try.Last night's episode: Creating Intimacy. The shift from doing to being, why "just communicate better" doesn't move the needle, and what actually makes closeness possible - with your partner, your kids, your friends.Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Link in bio.#FindingYouPodcast #DrBradReedy #Intimacy #Relationships #Attachment #CouplesTherapy #MentalHealth #Therapy #Podcast #SelfWork #ConsciousRelationships #EmotionalHealth Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy talks about how in marriage we often project onto our partners things which are our responsibility. He explains that when we ask our partners to be responsible for our peace, we will use punishment to manipulate and control them. He explains that individual work must form the foundation of the work we do in couples. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy, discusses mythology and the Odyssey. He explains that the story of Odysseus and his journey home is about the journey back to ourselves. He emphasizes the patience required to reverse this journey. He talks about the costs we pay along the way. And eventually, like Odysseus, the new version of ourselves may become unrecognizable and unacceptable to the people that expect us to be who we were. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.