#439 - Inverting The Pilaumid, Winning 18 Apples and The Mayor of Thornbury

There’s something drifting in on the air today. A funk. Criminality. Yes it seems to be bifta o’clock as John spots a doob roller on the tube. That, and it being the relaxfest which is Glastonbury, combine to see the hazy funk of ‘da ‘erb’ and its ensuing uncoolness discussed at length. Because simply put this is not how Britain will build back better.Elsewhere, Elis comes in today on a high. A cycling high. And that high isn’t from anything which Lance Armstrong might have partaken in. It’s just the high of exercise, good vibes and raising money for charity. A figure that was primarily boosted by John. Humble, giving John. Why? Because that’s just who he is.There’s also a Made Up Game which appeals to Producer Dave’s topical content nose, a classic Mad Dad and the expectation of Elis knowing William Hague’s wife.If you want to get in touch then [email protected] is the means, as is 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

There’s some good upstanding British gear flying around today. Bin chat. Which bins? What goes in what? What blooming colours have you got? Show us your bins on [email protected] or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.In less disposable content, there’s a right to reply from one of Colin’s holiday companions and he may have to be sent to prison for telling the truth.Plus there’s an absolute anxiety dream as John is forced to sit through playing the voice of DI Robbyns to someone from Cork.There’s bonus post bag content over on the Bureau de Change of the Mind on Saturday morning. ONLY on BBC Sounds.

Elis James has become the story, and not for the right reasons. No matter how much he talks about ‘Zoe on the train’, there’s no doubt that our Cymru Connecting prodigy has lost his way. He’s in the Bobby Gould years. Today we attempt to correct his woeful form with some expert help.Colin makes a welcome return to proceedings as John shares more information about his holiday. Plus, there’s a belting taxi-based stag Shame, and everyone tries to work out who Alan Howard is.And remember, the price of success is always paid in full and in advance.If you want to get in touch then [email protected] is the means, as is 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

You can tell John’s been on holiday because he starts the show by giving a promotion to someone who doesn’t even work on the show. The mood is high.And he’s come back a new man. He’s Colin now. An even more chill and organised version of Johnny JR. He’s the opposite of pura vida - i.e. not the same as his travel companions, who included someone who lost their bank card before they set off and a second bank card before they returned. No surprises for who that could be.So expect a bumper John Wins Again Costa Rica Edition feat. bums.Plus there’s a grovelling apology from Elis after he dug out a valued friend, reminding us of the important phrase “putting percentages on curries isn’t very fun”.Have you been on a shoe string stag? Well send it to [email protected] or WhatsApp it over on 07974 293 022.

William Wordsworth, Carol Ann Duffy… Tim Key. Just a few of the great poets this fair nation has produced. But there are two more names to add to the pantheon, two new kids on the block: Elis James and John Robins. Our heroes have picked up their pens (opened their laptops), unfurled their manuscripts (opened Word), and trawled their creative depths to write some verses that Shakespeare himself would be proud of. Why is poetry the order of the day you might be asking? Because the aforementioned Tim Key has unlocked the door to the house and made himself at home, that’s why! Plus he’s only gone and made a film which crucially John wasn’t invited to the screening of. Elsewhere, there is newsworthy Cymru Connection to captivate people, but are they being entertained for all the wrong reasons? Also Dave’s life has fallen apart because Hannah’s gone to Ibiza. Tim’s also in Saturday’s Bureau de Change of the Mind if you want some bonus Key. That of course is only on the delectable BBC Sounds.If you want to get in touch then [email protected] is the means, as is 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

After a week when John offered apology texts to Elis, Dave and the production team for being in a bad mood, he’s back to his Billy best. There’s a bright ray of sunshine in his heart and nethers which clears the studio air. No black eps today and Elis can leave the studio without an impending sense of worry.But there are challenges afoot for our hero, as he contends with holidaying with one whose administrative approach sits in bleak contrast to his own.Luckily he’s superchillathon, and amidst such admin fears there’s a decision to build a harvesting coop for the nation’s Good Eggs. Plus Elis’s mocking of a reaction to some quality snap bags sees the Welshman hoisted by a double sealed petard.Check out this week’s Bureau bonus on Saturday, only on BBC Sounds, where rumour has it there’s a very special guest joining the chaps.Want to get in touch with everything from bons oeufs to packaging retention, well send it to [email protected] or WhatsApp it over on 07974 293 022.

Wagon wheels, mushy pea hummus and baked bean daal. Move over Rick Stein, there’s new gastronomic broadcasters in town. Yes, food is the order of the day as the delectable George Egg rides into the studio to serve up a delicious Made Up Game for Elis and John. And the theme doesn’t stop there, for before you can say ‘Ready, Steady, Cook’ there's a longing for Great British puds and the question “why do chippies give you so many chips?”. In non-edible happenings will Elis continue to fail at connecting until death? That and much more in 50 minutes of digestible content. To get in touch it’s [email protected] via electronic mail, or 07974 293 022 on the WhatsApp.

It’s the TFI Late Review on the show as a night-time recording has Elis at his energetic peak. He's ready to throw a chair at a wall and also discuss the latest avant-garde Spanish melodrama. It’s a different vibe altogether, the boys don’t even know what day it is. But in such a circular audio environment, what even are days?We speak to the chattiest man in Wales - a pillar of the world accent community no less - and there is a real fear that Elis could be stealing John’s exercise thunder. Not what you want on a day where John’s creaking limbs might as well be made of wood. It’s also a show chock-full of 90s references with targeted history for the benefit of the under-35s.Remember, the Bureau de Change of the Mind is exclusively available on BBC Sounds on Saturday morning. And for those who don’t revel in top class audio drama, this week it’ll be led by emails.Get your Shames - we’d love some of those - as well as any other stuff in to [email protected], and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

Every week on this show you think that the last vestige of John’s weird past is revealed. You think there cannot be any more layers peeled back. And then bam(!), another one, as yet another aspect of intense Robins c.1994-2004 hits you smack in the face. This is one such episode.But don’t worry it’s not all too harrowing, for there’s a huge and extremely handsome surprise for Producer Dave, and a couple of absolutely top tier Mad Dads. Plus, Elis just simply needs to connect, as the words ‘Derby’ and ‘County’ are floated regarding his Cymru form. Got anything silly / irreverent / engaging to send to the presenters of the most popular On Demand radio show on BBC Sounds amongst the under-35s? Well [email protected] and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are the respective destinations.

There’ve been contrasting weeks for our two heroes. It’s a non-stop all anecdote premiere for Elis. For he has as follows… met Hugh Grant, attended Ken Clarke’s curry house, been to film screenings and had his greatest ever stag - apart from the one organised by John he stresses. *And* Mo Salah thinks he matters.John meanwhile has been asleep for half nine each night, talked about trauma and bought two sheds.We also have a guest who is perhaps the biggest mover and shaker in South Gloucestershire and also makes money out of small bowls of chips. Plus there are some incredible skiving emails.Do you have links with a mayor who John could grill? Well send it in to [email protected] or WhatsApp 07974 293 022.