#417 - Sun on the Cheeks, The Nadir of the Mullet and Squatting in a Polte…

The sun is shining, blossom is blooming and death and divorce are on the lips. Oh the joys of spring. For how is John going to bid farewell when he and his wheels go off to the great scrapheap in the sky? And how does the statistical likelihood of marriage breakup impact the need to draw cold hard financial lines in the sand? It’s all cheery stuff but amidst all that joy Elis has to bring the tone down by documenting one of his great weeks in North Macedonia with the venerable Eggy. (Think ‘scenes’, ‘limbs’ and ‘Matthew The Pharmacist’). Plus there’s a great bath-based Mad Dad to soak yourself in and John wants to get a credit expert on the show. ‘Which other comedy podcasts are doing that?’ I hear you ask. None. Precisely none. Do you want to turn on the faucets of content? Well fill up our big bubbly bath of listener input via elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

Palin, Chalmers, Livingstone… Robins(?!). Yes, gliding into the show today is one of Britain’s greatest travellers. An adventurer unequalled in the 21st century. Because John has been on his once per 9 months short haul trip. Naples has experienced Robins, and he it. With such pizza consumption and the undoubted oscillation between ‘hungry’ and ‘full’, Elis struggles to believe that he can actually have been a laugh there.But filled with more pies than than all the ninja turtles combined, Robins has a pep in his step for what proves to be a Billy Belter of a show. The boys dig into the practicalities of 007 if he flew Ryanair and there’s a classic double whammy of a Shame.Plus, there’s something new bursting through the pipes. No it’s not potable tap water or natural gas, but something far more important to John’s existence: wins.Want to drop us a line? Well elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are the media of choice.

Tech problems aplenty behind the scenes, but none of you will notice until the boys bring immediate attention to it. No matter though because the mood is high, for John has not yet had his two squares of chocolate.And there’s a lot flying about today. Adrian gets intense about the length of forests and some of the finest fancy dress in the region abounds.Plus Elis has been on a historical coffee tour of London and it’s time for the final instalment of This Is Your Stand Up Life, where we uncover a camp alter ego. Ooooo.Want to get in touch? Ooo I bet you do! What are you like?! Well your correspondence twins are elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

You join today’s show mid-crash. Mid-comedown. John Robins is 30 minutes post-butterscotch. How is he meant to broadcast at the top of his game on such a slippery downhill blood sugar slide? Do Elis and Dave need to have an intervention to get him back on the straight and narrow?Amidst such a rut however there’s time to dig into offering business advice to local restaurants, and a Made Up Game which sees the tawdry line tested. Plus Elis now has old hands, and The Beaker People rear their neolithic heads once more.Are you a Beaker person getting to get to grips with flint and email? Well get in touch with us on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or on WhatsApp via 07974 293 022.

If content were a wrist, chat were the blood flowing through the veins of that wrist, and today’s episode of Elis and John were the finger, then all 3 would be in perfect harmony. For this is an episode with its finger firmly on the nation’s pulse.What else is the nation talking about than mullets, Van Morrison, dressing up your kids, and a pile of tyres on a farm near Narberth? It’s an episode that really does cover the gamut of human experience; it contains multitudes.It also contains a pink-t-shirt-wearing John Robins, who’s decided to wear a jolly colour in order to tell his subconscious that things are better than they seem. And it contains Elis going beyond the human and trying to Cymru Connect to an email.If you also have your finger on the pulse of chat and want to contribute your wares, send them to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

The Cymru Connection is officially newsworthy: we said it could be significant, and boy was it.Sadly we didn’t get a 2000 word thinkpiece on whether opening with the question ‘where did you go to school?’ is actually harmful for Elis’s xC (expected connections), but we did get a 3 minute package on the nation’s favourite feature that will no doubt be talked about for decades to come. The boys reflect on their newfound cultural importance, and John discovers a hard truth about how his role on this podcast is viewed in Wales.Beyond all the excitement, there’s chat about the downsides of dressing your children for World Book Day, there’s a Shame Well that’s so shameful it leads to everyone talking French, and the boys wonder why farms always have massive piles of tyres. Your usual fare, basically.Oh, and we finally get to relive some of John's early stand up material. Brace yourselves.If you feel compelled to offer up some newsworthy items of your own, send them to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Is John having a Pep Guardiola moment? For a man who wins a lot, he’s chalked up a lot of losses this week. Firstly there’s an unprecedented Wordle catastrophe that only the language of the great Bard can summarise. And secondly, there’s a barren month on the old PB’s (premium bonds).But worry not, for John has “lit a fire in today”. What kind of fire? A content fire. Nothing can stop the man from producing content.Elis dives once again into the annals of history to continue a comprehensive look back at John’s 20 year stand up career. And he calls on two famous friends to colour in the details.Elsewhere, a new facet of the Mad Dad is unearthed, a listener shares a Van Morrison story, and the boys have a chat about mullets.If you want to throw your 2 pennies in, email the show on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp us on 07974 293 022.

“Wales might be a country of 3.1 million people, but it seems like we all know each other. Well one broadcaster on BBC Radio 5 Live is putting that to the test.” [Roll VT]It’s a big day for Elis. This could be significant. BBC Wales are in the house to cover the local / national news stories on everyone’s lips: The Cymru Connection. The eyes of a section of the UK are on him. Can he succeed when the nation’s local news comes to town?As a result there’s not just one, but two bites at the succulent connecting cherry for you lucky rascals. Wipe those juices off your face, it's unbecoming.Plus there’s a Made Up Game that once again confounds the boys’ lowly expectations of their own creativity, whilst Elis simply cannot get his head around plot when it’s sung to him.Whilst you’re here get yourselves subscribed on BBC Sounds where you can also get Elis and John bonus content every Saturday morning! Want to connect with us via digital media? Well the best options are elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk on email and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

“I just feel ashamed and sad now.”John’s in a bad mood. He has made this patently clear he wants nothing to catch him off guard. That’s great news for Elis when he’s got a big fun surprise for John that he’s put a load of work into. Wish him luck.Because it’s a huge milestone week for Mr Johnny JR Robins. Two decades on the circuit. And in that time innumerable regional arts centres have felt his comedic touch in that time. So many times has John won. Again. And Again. Thus now is the time to cast a wistful eye back on 20 years of John Robins stand up, warts and all. For This Is Your Stand Up Life.We also circle back around to sex clubs again. This time on The Wirral.Premium bonds are like truffles in the earth. Got any truffles that you prime hogs have dug up and now stand attentively next to, waiting for us to gather? Well send them in to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

John’s currently penning something which will change global culture. But what if we lift the bonnet of his genius? That is what we find out on today’s show.For in that bonce is a V8 plucking words from the ether with such vim and vigour, and combining those words to make phrases, clauses and sentences. Word constructs which then combine to make reflections and musings that will make people go “huh, that’s profound” like nothing before.The ease with which John hammers out words at such a pace would make Jilly Cooper, professional blush causer, blush. Pages churned out with an efficiency that if this were Bob Cratchit doing office based tasks then Scrooge would offer him a raise.Elsewhere, there is combat over the combativeness of features and where the blame for that lies, whilst once again Elis is unreasonably put under time pressure to think of things. Plus, have you ever just snogged someone constantly for an hour?If you’d like to pen your own novellas (emails / texts) then get in touch through elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.