Episode 31 - Grief

Jolene and Aidan catch up after a long break in recording a podcast. Listen in as they share what they’ve been up to the past couple years and where they are focusing their attention these days. CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -https://www.instagram.com/jolene__park/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: Aidan Donnelley Rowley aidandonnelleyrowley.com Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: [email protected]  

Feeling zapped, exhausted and just plain tired? Alcohol may be what you are turning or have turned to in the past to unwind and get a reprieve from the demands of modern life. So, what can you do to downshift and rest without a drink? In this episode, Jolene and Aidan discuss their personal experiences with burnout this year and the practical steps they are taking to reignite their energy. They both share how alcohol used to slow things down for them during times of pressure yet the alcohol itself was draining in the long run. Now that alcohol is long gone from the coping repertoire, Jolene and Aidan share they are getting deep rest and replenishing their internal fire.  CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: [email protected]

Have you been berating yourself for your drinking, either past or present? It is time to delve into the work of forgiveness and self-compassion.  In this episode, Jolene and Aidan share how they approach thoughts of regret and shame around their drinking. Forgiveness is not that easy but powerful reframes and self-education can deliver relief and grace during those times you berate yourself for your past drinking behavior. Jolene discusses how brain chemistry is often the underlying cause of the gray area drinking cycle and how to view your drinking with compassion and understanding. Aidan reflects on how her cycle of gray area drinking was aggravated by thoughts of self-loathing and shares how she reframed her thinking to finally stop the cycle and feel into forgiveness.   CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: [email protected]

What happens when Jolene and Aidan have a bad day, dine at an idyllic bistro in Paris, or desire to escape tough feelings? Sometimes they feel the urge to reach for a drink - but they don’t actually follow through. They also discuss how they manage the feeling with self-compassion, joy and confidence through the pissy moods, bad days and the feelings of missing out.  If you are struggling with moments of wanting a drink or thinking that you SHOULD be able to have just one then this conversation will be a balm for your soul. Learning to tolerate the discomfort in the moment is something that Jolene and Aidan are mastering in order to stay the course with an alcohol-free life.  CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: [email protected]

Three years after giving up alcohol Aidan started having lightning thoughts about her purpose. And, as Jolene comes up on her 5th alcohol-free anniversary, she too feels deeply connected to her intuition and is able to access her inner knowing with more ease. And, as a result, their lives keep getting better and better. So, in this episode, Jolene and Aidan felt called to share their own experiences with how intuition both led them to quit alcohol as well as to a deeper connection with their own inner voice. They also share how drinking used to numb their pain, fear and discomfort and left them both feeling scattered and stuck in life. Yet, that tiny voice inside that was saying “I know I need to stop.” was still there, whispering to each of them. No one said, “alcohol isn’t good for YOU” or pushed them to stop. But they both listened to that little whisper. And since then that voice of deep inner knowing has grown louder, stronger and clearer than ever.   If you are contemplating giving up alcohol and need confirmation that your tiny voice is right or if you are in the early stages of giving up alcohol because you listened to that tiny voice, then this episode is exactly what you need to hear today. Cozy up and enjoy the conversation. CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: [email protected]

There is a polarizing trend around drinking labels and what constitutes as “problem drinking”. So, what is gray area drinking and where does it fall on the “problem drinking” spectrum? This is a conversation in which Aiden and Jolene invite listeners to hear their personal stories with gray area drinking and one in which they work to define exactly what this label stands for. One doesn’t have to have a crash and burn story to stop drinking. Neither Jolene or Aiden had one. But, they both had a voice inside telling them “this doesn’t feel right”. That is all it takes to know that drinking isn’t working in your life. Jolene finds that it is more common than not that people identify with this gray area yet there is not a lot of conversation around it. Jolene and Aiden discuss why they didn’t need formal treatment and why no matter the route taken to becoming a non-drinker that we are all in this together. There is no judgment and in the end, we all need to do what is right, ok and safe for us. It is ok to say “I don’t want to drink alcohol anymore” regardless of where you are on the spectrum.   CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Gray Area Drinkers  - https://grayareadrinkers.com/ Jolene on Instagram -www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/re__filled/ Email: [email protected]  

Drinking is often intertwined with our closest relationships. So much so that we may continue drinking, even though a voice inside is wishing to stop, so that we don’t disrupt the status quo. How do we remove drinking from these relationships and what can we gain in the process? Aidan has been married for 14 years and met her husband at a bar. Their relationship began soaked in alcohol. When she quit drinking she credits her husband's support as making a huge difference in their progress. Now they enjoy a relationship that she says is much more peaceful and they have gained depth in conversations and talk about bigger and more interesting things now that drinking it out of the mix. Maybe there is less to worry about and more to look forward to when we finally untangle our relationships from alcohol. Jolene discusses how alcohol has affected her dating relationships and how she finally realized that alcohol was blocking the type of relationship she truly wanted. Before she went alcohol-free, dating often revolved around drinking. So, when she stopped drinking at 43, she stopped dating too and was faced with the raw emotion of anger of not having the married life she had imagined. As she opened back up to the dating world she found that some people backed away from her because she didn’t drink, yet the right person stepped closer. She is now in a relationship that is built on combined interests and one in which alcohol isn’t a part of their connection.   CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/ Jolene on Instagram -  www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram-  www.instagram.com/drybeclub/ Email: [email protected]  

One of the greatest gifts of going alcohol-free is experiencing life deeply in the present moment. There is a quality of clarity and expansion that comes when we aren’t trying to escape into a drink. Yet, what do we do when the present moment is hard and trying? How can we sit in the hard moments without longing to escape? That is the million dollar question. Jolene is going into her 5th year not drinking and discusses how she had to develop the ability to tolerate pain in the present moment. She highlights the power of writing and journaling to stay in the present moment and talks about how to stay grounded and anchored through times of positive expansion. Ultimately the key to staying with trying moments is curiosity and a willingness to navigate the hard edges sober. Aiden shares how she is coping with the death of her mom. She has been feeling the intense emotions which accompany grief and credits not drinking with her ability to hold it together. During her mom’s final years, Aiden was able to show up with a sense of clarity and purpose with her mom and is surprised by her own strength. It turns out that the only way to get through a difficult life event is to stay present with it and move through the uncomfortable moments. CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/ Jolene on Instagram -  www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram-  www.instagram.com/drybeclub/ Email: [email protected]

Grief is vast and there is no formula for how to deal with it. Often when drinking takes a turn, loss and grief are found buried under the layers of the pain numbed by alcohol. When we go begin to unpack our relationship with alcohol we often find this story of loss and become reacquainted with the pain. Yet, we are rarely given a model for how to cope with grief sans alcohol. So, what do we do when we no longer use alcohol to numb the pain of loss? Aiden is currently grieving the death of her mother and discusses how she is processing the pain without alcohol. It isn’t easy and she feels the inevitable anxiety that is part of grief yet she reflects on how writing through her mom’s illness gave her control and served as a soothing self-care practice. Aiden shares why she is feeling stronger through the grieving process without alcohol and how this very conversation had a therapeutic effect. Jolene discusses how the loss of a romantic relationship in her late twenties triggered her gray area drinking. Loss can come in many forms - miscarriage, loss of a dream, loss of a loved one - and Jolene emphasizes that we need to be honest with ourselves about how the loss affects us and if we are using alcohol to numb our pain. Often our very own resistance to feeling our big loss is worse than letting it move through our bodies. And, we need to remember that we are built to withstand the pain of hard times without substances. Books mentioned:  Anxiety: The Missing Stage Of Grief by Claire Bidwell Smith The Journey From Abandonment To Healing by Susan Anderson Writing to Heal: A Guided Journal For Recovering From Trauma & Emotional Upheaval by James Pennebaker   CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/ Jolene on Instagram -  www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram-  www.instagram.com/drybeclub/ Email: [email protected]

Aidan and Jolene look back on one year of podcasting together and talk about the things that have happened in their lives as a result.  They both shared their bright light moments -Jolene talks about her TEDx talk that she gave in November 2017 and Aidan talks about her TODAY show appearance in April 2018. Jolene also talked more about her online community for Former Gray Drinkers that she recently launched. This membership is for those who have made the decision to stop drinking and want to connect with others who have made the same decision. She wanted to make this as accessible as possible and offer practical content through guest expert interviews and her own virtual training classes. The content focuses on the things we care about once we stop drinking such as weight loss, hormone balance, emotional resiliency, relationships, intuition, financial wellness etc.   To join go to Healthy Discoveries and click on “work with me” then click on Former Gray Area Drinkers Community. When you enter the coupon code “EDIT” you'll receive the first month for $1.     CONNECT WITH JOLENE: Online Community For Former Gray Area Drinkers https://healthydiscoveries.mykajabi.com/p/membership Craving Brain Coaching - www.healthydiscoveries.com/coaching/ Jolene on Instagram -  www.instagram.com/healthy_discoveries/ Email: [email protected]   CONNECT WITH AIDAN: The Dry Life Blog - www.ivyleagueinsecurities.com/the-dry-life/ Aidan on Instagram-  www.instagram.com/drybeclub/ Email: [email protected]