Good Natured Patience [Video]

To watch the original video of this episode and/or become a FREE dharma⌁licious member here: https://dharmalicious.substack.comDo you ever wish that you could have a more tranquil mind?For a lot of folks who turn to meditation, this is often one of the big outcomes that they’re after. But there’s this common thing that happens.When people have been practicing meditation for a little while, it can seem to them like their minds are becoming more busy rather than less busy. It’s as if their concentration is getting worse rather than better.It has to do with their ability to notice the thoughts that are arising in their minds.It’s not that they are having more thoughts or that they’re becoming more easily distractible. It’s just that as our awareness becomes more refined, we naturally start to notice the subtleties of our mental activity more acutely.In other words, our minds are pretty much the same. It’s just that we’re able to catch those little thoughts that would normally have gone undetected under the radar.And this is a good thing.It’s at this stage that it becomes really apparent just how often and how much we’re typically going through our days lost in our thinking without even knowing that we’re thinking - and the consequences that that can have on our happiness and well-being.It’s also at this stage that it starts to sink in that it really isn’t our job in meditation to stop our thoughts from coming or to block them when they do. The only requirement is that we see and learn about the nature of our minds and to let go of being overly identified with our naturally flowing experience, to loosen our grip of that metaphorical fist so we don’t hold on to our thoughts, ideas and beliefs quite so tightly.It’s clear that many of us start out being attracted to mindfulness and meditation because we’re seeking some kind of inner tranquility. Usually, the idea we have of tranquility is that it’s what happens when our minds stop and our bodies relax and we can just chill out in the beingness of it all.But the true definition of tranquility as it pertains to our minds is that it’s the state of being undisturbed by our thoughts, which is a very different definition.It means that it’s okay for our thoughts to flow.It’s okay for them to be there.We don’t need to get rid of them.But that we develop this capacity to meet them with calm observation - to see them for what they really are and not be agitated by them, regardless of what the content of the thought is about.It’s through this trainable capacity that we can then start to meet the circumstances of our lives with increased wisdom. And in this context, wisdom means seeing reality as it really is and responding appropriately.Now, imagine what this would mean for you in your extremely busy day-to-day life.How useful would it be to have that mental wherewithal more often than not to see what’s going on around you so super clearly as it really is rather than through the distorted perceptions of an agitated and distracted mind to be undisturbed by your thoughts?To my mind there are very few things we can do for ourselves that are more important and more valuable than that.It’s not an overnight thing, and it does take a willingness to engage in a consistent practice, but it is possible and it is available to you.If you’d like to explore developing a more tranquil, resourceful relationship with your mind, then get in touch and let’s discuss options of how and where to start.Be well.Paul 🙏 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to join the newsletter and receive Paul's additional content.When we settle back and look at our minds, it’s not too difficult to recognise that our thoughts, behaviours, and actions are primed to move us away from pain and towards comfort.Even if sometimes our thoughts, behaviours, and actions are clumsy and maladaptive and end up entangling us in ever stickier webs of suffering, the motivation behind them – the core intention – is to get us back to some form of happy as swiftly as possible.You could say that each of us, in our own way, is obsessed with happiness. Or at the very least, with not suffering.It consumes us. It’s been consuming us since the lights of human consciousness were switched on.Which makes it even more perplexing that in most cultures - particularly western, capitalist cultures - that true happiness is the thing we understand the least.The most potent misunderstanding we have about happiness is that we’re not supposed to suffer.We’re not supposed to feel discomfort.We’re not supposed to get sick.We’re not supposed to feel icky emotions.We’re not supposed to be vulnerable to having everything change on us in an instant.We have a deeply rooted sense that suffering is wrong. Or worse, there’s something wrong with us when we suffer.So, our instinct is to dive in and try to fix or banish every kind of wrinkle, crease, twinge, or niggle in our lives.Our conditioning has us believing that it’s only through an absence of suffering that we can be truly happy.Now, the obvious question is:How’s that working out for us?Understanding DukkhaThe Buddha understood that true happiness, peace, and contentment—within ourselves and with the world—is achievable. But only when we see the truth about what it means to be born into a human body with a human mind; the truth that we cannot avoid the inevitability of unwanted and unpleasant experience.There’s no getting away from it. Unwanted and unpleasant experience is the non-negotiable admission fee for taking part in humanity.So, if we want to be truly happy in life we’ve got to work out how to skilfully navigate and relate to our suffering. And that can only start by getting a handle on why and how we suffer in the first place.The first teaching the Buddha ever gave was that of The Four Noble Truths, which remains steadfastly at the core of all Buddhist philosophy and practice.The first of these truths is the Truth of Dukkha.Dukkha is an ancient Pali word (Pali being the language the original Buddhists texts) and is often translated as ‘suffering’.But, like many Pali words, there is no single English equivalent word that can capture the true breadth and depth of its meaning.You may have heard that the Buddha said, ‘Life is suffering’, but that’s not a particularly helpful or accurate translation. Afterall, life can also be extremely joyful.It’s more accurate to say, ‘In life there is suffering’. But even then, each of us have different ideas of what constitutes suffering in our own experience.Dukkha is better understood to mean a kind of ‘unsatisfactoryness’, or ‘a bumpy ride’, or ‘that which is difficult to be with’, or ‘that which is hard to endure’.And in terms of what it’s referring to, it covers the full range of unpleasant and unwanted human experience, from intense physical and emotional pain and mental anguish to mild frustrations or things just seeming “a little off” or “not quite right”.When we frame it that way, it’s a lot easier to see that, yes, on any given day we inevitably bump up against and array of events, thoughts, and emotions we’d rather be without.Think about when you wake up in the morning. How long does it take for the first moment of Dukkha to arrive?For many, it might be before the eyes have even opened.A heart-sinking resistance to it being morning already.Not wanting to leave the comfort of the pillow.Thoughts about the busyness or challenges that lay ahead.And that’s before even placing a foot on the floor.And then, of course, there’s the bigger stuff.The interruptions, the bad news, the disagreements, the setbacks, the losses, the betrayals, the illnesses, the injuries, the bereavements, the accidents.It’s all Dukkha.And none of us are exempt.Accepting that Dukkha – or suffering – is a natural, normal, to-be-expected, and unavoidable part of life, is the essential first step on the Buddha’s path towards cultivating a more peaceful and happier mind.Or as the wonderful Buddhist nun and teacher, Pema Chödrön, said,“The first noble truth of the Buddha is that when we suffer, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. What a relief!”So rather than turning away from our suffering, trying to resist it, avoid it, or paper over it, the wisest move we can make is to get to know it—to investigate it, to understand it.The Suffering Of SufferingOne of the things I really appreciate about the Buddha is how he laid it all out so clearly, including categorising the 3 types of suffering that each of us inevitably experience.The first category is called The Suffering of Suffering (or, in Pali, ‘Dukkha Dukkha’, which is fun to say).This describes the fact that we live in a world where there are many things going on around us, or that we may even get embroiled in, that are incredibly difficult to be with.Things like violence, hatred, cruelty, abuse, poverty, sickness, pandemics, homelessness, racism, sexism, all the ‘isms’, natural disasters, climate catastrophes, the list goes on.There is no reframe to convince us that any of this is good. It’s not, it’s hard. And to a large extent it’s the backdrop to our lives.The route to peace is not to deny that any of this is real, but rather to examine our options for how we might relate to it.Also included within The Suffering of Suffering—which is sometimes known as ‘Ordinary Suffering’—are the difficult emotions that none of us are impervious to.If you have a human body and a human mind at some point you are going to experience anger, resentment, sadness, sorrow, grief, embarrassment, guilt, fear, anxiety, stress, nervousness. Again, the list goes on.We don’t feel any of these emotions because there’s something wrong with us. We feel them because they are baked into the fabric of what it means to be human.And then there are all the difficult or uncomfortable physical sensations we experience.We get tired, we get hungry, we get aches and pains, cuts and bruises, we get sick.Just think about temperature. How often is it just right versus it being too warm or too cold?It’s all Dukkha.The Suffering of ChangeThe second category is The Suffering of Change (Viparanama Dukkha)One of the core conditions of life that we find most difficult to bear is that everything changes and nothing is permanent.We’re conditioned to based much of our happiness and satisfaction on things being a particular way. We chase after the conditions and the things we want, and when we get them, we want them to remain and stay the same.We crave certainty, predictability and stability. And, of course, this is a problem when we live in a universe that is characterised by change and impermanence. Life itself is not stable. It’s uncertain and unpredictable. It’s in constant flux.The Buddha said,“Whatever is of the nature to arise, will also pass away.”As a simple example, think about what it’s like buying a new item of clothing that you really, really like. Two ways we feel the effects of change is1) the level of happiness you feel towards that garment is going to fade, it’ll become old news quite quickly, and2) The garment itself will fade—it’ll wear out, get tattered, and might end up as rags.The Suffering of Change describes the suffering we feel when we pin our satisfaction on things that, by their nature, cannot stay the same and cannot last.They are inherently unsatisfying.The Suffering of ExistenceThe third category of suffering is The Suffering of Existence (Sankhara Dhukka). Often referred to as ‘all pervasive suffering’.This is about the basic experience of what it’s like to be a human being, and the deeply held, though erroneous, sense that we each have these inherent and fixed identities that are separate to the inherent and fixed identities of everyone else.While this gives us a sense of being special and unique in the world, it inevitably comes with its own subtle sense of isolation, accompanied with the not-so-subtle weight of responsibility to keep ourselves happy and alive.All pervasive suffering is born out of the fact that we want ourselves to remain stable and unchanging.If only we could wave a magic wand and stay forever young, beautiful, vibrant, and healthy.But the reality is, every one of us faces the same circumstance. We’re born, we grow and, if we’re lucky, we get to grow old. At some point the body inevitably gets weaker and wears out, we get sick, and, eventually, we all arrive at the same end.None of us are exempt.And that is incredibly hard for us to come to terms with. It’s the thing we find hardest to fully accept. We don’t like thinking about it. We’ll often do anything to avoid thinking about it. But we’re all too aware of our finitude, and with that comes an existential low-level hum of anxiety that lingers in the background.So, we do what we can to hold back the tide, to keep ourselves younger for longer, to stay fit, avoid getting sick, to distract ourselves from the whole ‘passage of time’ conundrum.This isn’t to say we shouldn’t be doing what we can to keep ourselves healthy. Of course, it’s really important that we do.But when the behaviours we engage in are born out of a subtle act of rebellion against the precariousness of life, then they create their own kind of suffering, because ultimately, they never work. We’ll always find ourselves back at the second category: The suffering of change and impermanence.Now if you’ve made it this far, I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that this all sounds rather pessimistic.But remember, the Buddha’s teachings really are laid out to provide a path for peace.The intention of exploring these categories—The Suffering of SufferingThe Suffering of ChangeThe Suffering of Existence—is, if we want to be truly and genuinely happy in life—to transcend our suffering—then we first must investigate and understand how suffering shows up for us in the first place.It’s by seeing the truth of Dukkha clearly in this way that we’re then ready to recognise and appreciate that the contentment we seek is not being held ransom by the realities of life, but by our deeply conditioned tendency to get caught up in being attached to our lives having to be a particular way.This leads us neatly on to the 2nd Noble Truth – The truth of the Cause of DukkhaWhich—spoiler alert—is Craving.This is a topic for another day, so please look out for that.Warmest,Paul 🙏 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to watch the original video and / or join the newsletter and receive Paul's additional content.-----------A couple of questions I want to share with you that I’ve been playing around with a lot recently and that come lifted directly from my meditation practice are:“Is this skilful?”and“Is this wise effort?”I’ve been practicing asking myself these questions throughout the day in context of whatever I happen to be doing in that moment.And the reason for that is I find these questions to be hugely helpful in reorienting me to what’s most important to me in my life and work, in a way that helps me to attend to that, while protecting my energy and well-being.The first question, “Is this skilful?”, is related to the thoughts and intentions and choices that have been underpinning my behaviour in that moment.It’s really a shortcut way of asking any number of other things like:* Is this really benefiting me or others in a meaningful way?* Am I responding or merely reacting to what’s going on?* Am I doing what’s right or just what feels easy and comfortable?* In a work context, it might mean, is this strategic or just noise?* In a relationship context, it might mean, is this respectful and ethical?* Is it morally sound?* Am I creating unity or division?* Togetherness or friction?So in essence, asking the question, is this skilful, is like asking,“Is my current inner state and behaviour oriented towards something wholesome and worthwhile? Or is it perhaps leading towards something I don’t want further down the line?”The second question, “Is this wise effort?” relates to energy and application.Now, like many people, I suppose, I’ve been known to flit between1) Strenuously striving and grasping for the things and the outcomes that I want and2) Backing off to such an extent that I’m not really achieving anything worthwhile at all.So wise effort is about finding that healthy balance between completely zoning out on one hand and trying too hard on the other.It’s about recognising where the energy of my behaviour is currently at on a continuum between full-on avoidance and resisting at one extreme and desperate striving, clinging, grasping, controlling and over-efforting on the other.Usually, for me, I know I’ve got that balance just about right when I feel that what I’m doing is important and worthwhile. And when that is accompanied by the sense that I’m not really taking it or myself too seriously.It’s about giving it just the right amount of effort for it not to feel like a burden on my well-being and sanity. A little bit like a guitar string that only plays in tune when it’s not too tight and not too loose.Now these two questions, “Is this skilful?” and “Is this wise effort?”, don’t come with any instructions for what to do. That’s up to you and your intuition. But what they do is help you to notice when and how you’re out of alignment with how you really want to be showing up for your life.And by getting into the habit of asking these questions frequently throughout the day, you give yourself lots of opportunities to spot it more quickly, and to not allow too much time to pass for that habit energy of unskillful, unwise effort to lead you down avenues you’d really rather not go.So I want to encourage you to give this a try. As often as you can remember throughout the day, simply pause and with whatever you’re doing, ask yourself the questions, “Is this skilful?” and “Is this wise effort?” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to join the newsletter and receive Paul's additional content.One of the more challenging aspects of mindfulness, for a lot of people, particularly for those starting out in their practice, is the encouragement to meet each moment with acceptance.It is extremely common that the reason someone has turned to mindfulness in the first place is because they’re looking for a way to relieve some kind of anguish they’re dealing with. That might be stress, anxiety, depression, addiction, or physical pain, to name a few. The hope is that mindfulness can offer a cure, or at least a way of escaping the discomfort.And it’s also common that, even if there isn’t a stress-related motivation to give it a go, there’s an expectation that mindfulness is going to provide an express route to inner bliss.But then, in meditation, we’re asked, “Can you allow this moment to be exactly as it is, without needing to control it or for it to be different in any way?”When you’re having a particularly lovely time in meditation, fully accepting the moment is the easiest thing in the world. But if that moment is presenting you with discomfort, sadness, or frustration, resistance seems like a totally logical and justified response. Why on earth would anyone want to accept the very thing they’re longing to be rid of?I well remember the first time I meditated. As someone experiencing anxiety and depression, my response was:“Are you kidding? I’m here to feel better, not to accept how awful everything is. I thought this was supposed to be relaxing.”(Or something along those lines, perhaps a little more expletive.)Like many people, it took me a little while to really connect with why acceptance is so fundamental to the practice.The bad news is, mindfulness will not solve all life’s problems. It won’t stop there being stress in the world. It won’t remove pain from your body. And it definitely won’t make you blissfully happy, 24/7 for the rest of your life.But the good news is it gives us something better; a way of fully engaging with the whole of life, in all its messy glory.Because life is messy.Mindfulness teaches us that discomfort is a normal, natural and inevitable part of life. We can’t avoid it and nor should we. If all we do is accept the pleasant side of life and resist the ugly, at best we’ll only ever be present for half of life.It shows us that, by not shutting ourselves off from the less comfortable aspects of our experience – if we turn toward them rather than away from them - we can begin to relate to them in a very different way. We can learn to be with whatever we’re experiencing, without needing to suffer because of it.The willingness to open-up and feel into what’s actually happening—physically, emotionally or mentally—and accepting it without judgment, puts you in the healthy position of being able to simply observe how the body and mind are naturally responding to the culmination of causes and conditions that have led to this very moment.So, rather than trying to push the stress away, it’s like saying:“Stress is here. This is what it feels like in the body. Stress is a part of life, and it feels like this.”No resistance. No explaining it away. No dressing it up as something else. No story about why it’s here or wishing it to be different. Just the awareness of being in this moment, as it is right now.The Myths of AcceptanceThere is a lot of misunderstanding about what it means to accept things as they are.For example:* If we just accept everything, won’t that make us passive?* Won’t we lose our ambition and drive?* Surely, we’ll retreat into ourselves and just allow bad things to happen?* If we just accept feeling bad, how are we ever going to feel better?It’s important to know that acceptance is not the same as resignation. It’s not saying, “Well, that’s just the way things are so I guess I’d better lump it!”It doesn’t mean we aren’t going to take the necessary action to improve our circumstances in the future.It’s not sitting idly by and letting bad things happen to us or others.It’s not condoning any injustice we might have been subjected to.Firstly, acceptance gives us an accurate measure of where we are right now, which is really important.I once asked someone for directions, and after some careful consideration they looked at me and said, “To be completely honest, if I were trying to get there I wouldn’t be starting from here!” It’s the worst advice I’ve ever been given!If where we want to get to is a place of ease, we have to be real about where we’re starting from.Not accepting the truth of what’s present in the moment, is like trying to start a journey from someplace other than where you are.Acceptance is simply a wise first step in working skilfully with what’s already happening.You don’t have to accept any future moments before they’ve arrived. The only moment that needs accepting is the one you’re in right now because it’s already here.The Importance of Physical SensationSecondly, when you accept things as they are, you see them as they are… and by ‘see’ what I really mean is feel.It allows us to observe how our experience of the moment shows up as physical sensations in the body.We might experience an emotion as having some tightness, or pressure, warmth or coolness, tingling or vibration, lightness or heaviness, or something else.By becoming mindful of the physical nature of our experience, and staying with it for a while, we start to see that nothing stays the same. It all exists in a never-ending flow of constant change.While we may have perceived our discomfort as being a fixed ‘thing’ that has a kind of solidity to it, we begin to observe that, usually, it’s made up of lots of different individual sensations that are constantly shifting and evolving, arising and passing away.Practising this kind of observing is what helps us, over time, to transform our relationship with discomfort. Bringing interest to the dynamic flow of sensations, without our usual judgements and stories about them can be extremely liberating and offers a sense of greater ease.The Art of AllowingThe process starts with acceptance, but it’s followed up with allowing.It’s entirely possible to accept what’s here in the moment while still holding onto some subtle resistance for allowing it to flow unimpeded.I’ve certainly had the experience of this in my own practice.I have a condition called Ankylosing Spondylitis, which is a kind of arthritis that causes inflammation in the spine and the joints. This can often contribute to a bit of discomfort while meditating, particularly in longer sits, and for a long time, I was convinced that I was doing a pretty good job at accepting there was pain.But one day, it came to my awareness that, while I had accepted there was discomfort, I was, at the same time, subtly resisting feeling that discomfort in the body. It’s as if I were trying to acknowledge it and ignore it simultaneously, by forcing my attention onto the sensations of breathing.As soon as I realised what I was doing, I loosened my grip and made the sensations of the pain the object of my meditation.What I found was, by allowing them to be there, and by exploring them with a calm mind, it was possible to experience the sensations without feeling so contracted. They stopped being something I felt I needed to endure.This was a game-changer, not just in my meditation practice, but also in my day-to-day life. Sometimes there is not a lot I can do about the pain, but I’ve learned that I can happily co-exist with it. It doesn’t have to be something that detracts from my enjoyment of life.In mindfulness, accepting and allowing are best mates. They go hand in hand.Allowing is the part of acceptance that lets us be with things as they are, without them needing to change. Paradoxically, it is by not needing things to change that we are more readily able to see that they are always changing. Nothing is permanent. And that includes our emotions.When there isn’t a narrative to keep breathing new life into them and hold them captive, emotions rise-up, they get felt and then they fall away. The more we can witness the simplicity of this for ourselves, the more we are able to trust that it’s ok to accept them when they arrive. We trust that they are only here because the conditions are right for them to arise. But we also trust it’s their nature to pass through. They’ll peak and they’ll fade. They won’t be here forever.Be KindSo, while mindfulness isn’t the solution to all our problems, and it isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, it does put us in touch with something pretty amazing—our innate capacity for handling life’s ups and downs in a more skilful, easeful way.Please don’t be hard on yourself if you find some things harder to accept than others. Be patient and be kind.After all, it’s a practice.Keep practising.Warmest,Paul 🙏 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to join the newsletter and receive Paul's additional content.When we practice mindfulness, what we’re really practising is clearly seeing the underlying nature of our moment to moment experience, as it truly is, rather than through the lens of our own stories, distortions and judgements.Regularly dropping into this level of awareness can, over time, be very useful in helping us relate to our lives more skilfully.The more skilful choices we’re able to make when responding to life’s inevitable ups and downs, the more contented and at ease we tend to be with life itself.But how easy it is to look beyond the stories our minds create, in order that we can hang out with the raw, unfiltered, data of what’s happening moment to moment?It certainly takes practice.Why? Because it is ingrained in us to assign our own meaning to just about everything we encounter.We do that by instantly and automatically judging our experiences, even the imagined ones, as being positive, negative or neutral. Then we instantly and automatically create a compelling narrative that supports the correctness of our judgments, meaning we believe them to be true.We forget that thoughts aren’t facts.The Problem With JudgingEach of us has a lifetime of conditioning about what is good and bad, right and wrong, fair and unfair, beautiful and ugly... and it takes just milliseconds for us to get a felt sense of whatever we’re presented with. It is so automatic that it feels like it is happening to us, rather than by us.We assume the way we feel is a direct reaction to the person, the behaviour, the situation or the thing. But it’s not. We’re really reacting to the judgement itself.Our propensity for making snap judgements is a product of our evolution. It’s a highly efficient way to stay safe.By desiring only positive experiences and resisting the negative ones, we’re far less likely to venture into situations that lead to harm. Or at least that’s the plan.On the surface, this sounds like a good thing. And it is.In real moments of danger, there may not be enough time for the mind to make calculated, conscious decisions about what’s best for our future wellbeing. So, making snap judgements is a way of automating our safety.The problem is, this unconscious process of judging is a far from perfect system. It doesn’t discriminate. We end up judging absolutely everything. Even ourselves.This often leads to unnecessary suffering for ourselves and others. It’s great for keeping us safe, but it’s rubbish for keeping us happy.The judging instinct has a negativity bias, meaning it errs heavily on the side of caution. When in doubt, it will lean toward perceiving something as a potential threat, just in case.How Judging Blocks HappinessIn order to work so quickly, the judging mind has to ignore much of the actual reality of a situation. So much so that we’re often blinded to other, potentially healthier and more joyful possibilities.Judging, as normal as it feels, keeps us eternally spinning on a wheel of longing for pleasant experiences and avoiding unpleasant experiences.Our conditioning would tell us that this is the way to happiness but, ultimately, it can only ever be a disappointing ride. Being caught in the never-ending cycle of craving what we don’t have and resisting what we do have, is a recipe for dissatisfaction.So, how do we climb off the wheel, and what can that possibly do for our relationship with happiness?Getting Off The WheelFirstly, climbing off the wheel is not a one-time event. We have to repeatedly disembark again and again by intentionally practising being non-judgemental toward our experiences.It’s important to understand that having a non-judgemental attitude doesn’t mean training ourselves to stop having judgemental thoughts.As long as you’re breathing, judgements WILL arise.Having a non-judgemental attitude means developing a sensitivity for noticing judgements as they arise, and then choosing to not get swept away by them.Instead, we simply observe our judgements as thoughts taking place in the mind. By themselves, they are harmless mental events.Rather than getting hooked up on the content of the judgement, and being carried along on a proliferating train of thought about why ‘such and such’ is bad a thing and shouldn’t be happening, we just bring awareness to the fact that the mind is thinking. That’s just what minds do.When we don’t react to a thought - when we observe it but don’t engage with it - it simply plays out in the mind and then dissipates. Then all we’re left with is what is actually here, in this moment, right now.Practising Non-judgingThe perfect place to practice non-judging is in the training ground of meditation.When the body is settled and the attention is resting on a neutral anchor, such as the breath, it soon becomes apparent how much the mind likes to judge.We might evaluate the quality of our concentration, or lack there thereof, and get down on ourselves for not being a ‘good meditator’.A physical sensation might get labelled as bad or annoying, and there may be a commentary about how it’s interfering with the enjoyment of the moment.There may be judgement about an emotional state: “I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I wish I felt more Zen.”Sometimes we get lost in thoughts about ourselves; the kind of person we are, what we’re good at, what we’re not good at, how flawed we are...Or, we can get equally lost in similar thoughts about other people.We judge the past. We judge the future. We might even judge the present moment, wishing it were different - getting frustrated with the environment we’re in with all its distractions, making it hard to meditate.And then, of course, we’re back to judging ourselves for having been lost in thought, when we should have been focussing on the breath.So what’s the move?The move is simple.Each time you notice a judgement taking place in the mind, just bring your awareness to it and, without analysing it in any way, silently say to yourself “judging”, and then gently guide your attention back to the sensations of the body breathing, or some other anchor.It’s important that this is a very soft mental note, delivered in a kind and friendly way.By being compassionate in the noticing of the judgement, we’re acknowledging that it’s not a personal failing that we judge. There is nothing to feel bad about. We’re just witnessing the unfolding of a natural phenomenon that affects all of humanity.And we can also see that, in letting them go, judgments don’t have any power in and of themselves. They’re not real. They are just thoughts that arise in the mind and then, if left alone, pass away like clouds in the sky.The more often we repeat that move of noticing and coming back, the more we’re able to appreciate what is actually happening in the moment.Just the raw, unfiltered, data of sensory experience.An InvitationIt turns out that this capacity we have for observing the activity of the mind, without being drawn into the content of the mind, does wonders for our sense of well-being and mental health.When we’re not being yanked around by the push and pull of judgmental thoughts, we’re given the space to choose more wisely which lens to view the world through.It means we can take a moment to skilfully respond to our circumstances, rather than simply react to them.Practising non-judging may take place in formal meditation, but it’s bringing that practice into our daily lives that allows the true benefits to be known.What’s an aspect of your life that would likely flourish if you were let go of some of your judgement about it?We may not be able to stop mind judging, but as long as we don’t judge the judging and, instead, nurture the habit of noticing and mindfully redirecting our awareness, we are definitely able to experience our lives with more kindness, clarity and ease.So, in closing, here’s a useful question I invite you to check in with at any point throughout your day:“What’s really here right now?”Be well,Paul 🙏 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

To watch the original video of this episode and/or become a FREE dharma⌁licious member here: https://dharmalicious.substack.comThere’s a reason we take life so personally.And a way to NOT take it so personally.Enter the KitKat*(and no, it has nothing to do with taking a break)(although you really should be taking breaks)(but that’s not what this is about)(I digress)I know you’re busy.You really haven’t got the time for this.Buuuuut, if you’re up for some powerful Buddhist insight that might make a big difference…Maybe now is a good time to have a break. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to join the newsletter and receive Paul's additional content.Imagine that you’re standing in the middle of a field on quite a breezy day, and the wind keeps shifting direction.For whatever reason, whenever the wind blows this way (👉), you feel really happy and connected to your wellbeing.But when the wind blows that way (👈), you feel unhappy and disconnected from your wellbeing.Also imagine that, because you like feeling happy, you try to do everything you can think of to keep the wind blowing in this direction (👉). You try to encourage it. You try to force it. When it does blow that way, you do everything you can to keep it blowing that way.But of course, it ends up being quite a frustrating, fruitless exercise, because no matter what happens, we just don’t control the way the wind blows.This may sound like it’s just a silly imaginary exercise, but it’s not so different from how we actually experience the ebbs and flows of our happiness and wellbeing.So this begs the question, is there a way of us being able to hold onto our general sense of inner ‘okayness’ and wellbeing, whatever direction the winds are blowing?Well, from a mindfulness point of view, yes there is. It’s what we refer to as the inner quality of equanimity.I like to think of equanimity as cultivating a kind of ‘good natured patience’ for whatever we happen to be experiencing moment to moment.It means we don’t get buffeted by the winds when they’re blowing this way and then that way.We just sit patiently—and good naturedly—in the middle of it all, accepting that this just happens to be the direction that the wind is blowing right now.A helpful way of identifying where we might be getting caught up in making our happiness and wellbeing dependent on certain circumstances being a particular way, is reflecting on what the Buddha called the ‘Eight Worldly Winds’.These are really four pairs of opposites that we all get to experience. They are:* Gain and loss* Pleasure and pain* Fame and disrepute* Praise and blameNow, it’s going to seem very natural to us that of course we’re going to be happier when we’re experiencing pleasure rather than pain. Or when we’re gaining things that we want, rather than losing things that we don’t want to lose.Of course we want to be praised rather than blamed.We want to be held in high regard rather than be in disrepute.But this reflection is really about taking stock of the actual extent to which we’re able to control which way these winds blow.Of course, we can have influence over it, but even if we were to stand or sit here and do nothing at all, we’re going to experience pain. We’re going to experience pleasure. We’re going to be praised for something, blamed for something. We’ll gain things and lose things.It’s just the way the wind blows.So in mindfulness, when we are cultivating equanimity, what we’re really doing is elevating our general ‘okayness’ and good natured patience for being with things however they happen to be.This isn’t to be confused with feeling disengaged or indifferent about what we happen to be experiencing at any moment. In fact, quite the opposite.With equanimity we become even more tuned into what we’re feeling and experiencing.But, because we’re not so attached to things having to be a particular way in order for us to access our general ‘okayness’, it means that we are open to savouring the pleasant while it’s here, and don’t feel the need to cling or grasp at it.It also means that we can be with the unpleasant aspects of life without having to feel overwhelmed by them. We recognise it’s just the way the wind is blowing right now.We can’t just click our fingers and develop this overnight. It’s what I call a ‘SLOW GROW’ quality.If this is something that you like the sound of—you’re interested in the possibility of cultivating more equanimity for yourself—then get in touch. I’d be delighted to have a chat about the ways that mindfulness practice can help you do exactly this.What do you think about the eight worldly winds? Let me know down in the comments. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to join the newsletter and receive all of additional content.What does wisdom mean to you?In almost every culture, wisdom is a prized virtue and, typically, we revere those we consider to be wise. Yet there are many lines of thinking about what constitutes wisdom. Ask ten different people and you’re likely to get ten different answers.For some, it’s about the intersection of where someone’s knowledge and skills meet their experience.A wise mechanic might hear the tone of a faulty engine and just know exactly what to do to fix it. Or a wise trader might accurately predict a subtle market movement and profit from a well-timed deal.For others, wisdom is more about intuition—some level of unconscious understanding or ‘gut feel’ that leads to good judgement or decision making.For others still, wisdom might be synonymous with high emotional intelligence, or moral and ethical clarity, or seeing the bigger picture, or simplifying the complex.The Oxford English Dictionary defines wisdom as:“The capacity of judging rightly in matters relating to life and conduct”.Now, this is a definition I like! Probably because it conveniently ties in with how wisdom is most often perceived on a spiritual path.It’s about the quality of how we relate to life and, subsequently, how we choose to conduct ourselves.What Is Perfect Wisdom?From a Buddhist point of view, wisdom could be described as:‘Seeing reality clearly and responding appropriately’.This includes cultivating the ability to recognise our own thoughts, emotions, repeating patterns and behaviours, and to discern which of them help to foster peace, happiness, and wellbeing—for ourselves and others—and which of them further entangle us in perpetual cycles of unnecessary suffering.It’s from this skilful recognition that we become better equipped to practice compassionately letting go of that which leads to pain, and to be intentional and proactive in bringing about that which promotes peace.And in Buddhism, one of the factors that promotes the deepest kind of peace is a profound insight that the Buddha referred to as ‘perfect wisdom’.In a teaching delivered to his own son, Rahulā, he said:“See everything with perfect wisdom. This is not mine. This I am not. This is not my self.”It’s a bold and deliberate statement, and goes way beyond any definition of wisdom we typically use in modern, day-to-day life.What the Buddha is teaching here is the highest form of wisdom there is, is a felt recognition that the ‘self’ we take ourselves to be—that we feel indelibly identified with—has no substance to it whatsoever.That strong sense of ‘I, me, and mine’ that’s unconsciously infused into just about every thought, experience, and interaction we have, is a construction of the mind. While it feels ever so real, no matter how or where we might look, the ‘self’ can never be found.I know, I know! If you’re hearing this for the first time it can be a mind-boggling concept to entertain. You may even sense a non-trivial degree of resistance to it. I certainly did.But, if we can allow ourselves to acknowledge the resistance and be willing to curiously explore what the Buddha was on about, then we’re taking an important step on a path towards genuine inner peace and freedom.The Insight Of Not-SelfThis is an insight that sits right at the heart of all Buddhist teachings. It is the insight of Anattā; a Pali word meaning ‘emptiness’ or ‘not-self’.But what’s the link? Why does failing to find any evidence of a ‘self’ lead to peace?So much of our suffering in life stems from the persistent, yet erroneous, idea that we are the central subjects to which life is happening. The sense that there is an ‘I’ or a ‘me’ at the centre of all experience makes us feel as though we are the intended targets of the infinite pleasures and pains, gain and losses, and joys and sorrows of life.We take living to be an extremely personal endeavour.Believing there is some kind of fixed, enduring ‘self’ in here somewhere—some core globule of ‘me’ [or insert your own name]—means that we’re vulnerable to constant fluctuations in self-esteem, self-worthiness, and self-value.This inevitably leads to stress-producing patterns of craving, thought, and behaviour that stem from the desire be and remain significant, relevant, and wanted, and deserving of affection, respect, and belonging.But, by repeatedly glimpsing the insight of Anattā (not-self), we can gradually learn to soften our grip on all of this—to gradually trust that this ever flowing, ever changing process of life is not personal.It’s not personal because there is no fixed, central subject to which it can be personal. All there is, is the perpetual unfolding of experience.What we take to be the ‘self’ is really the feeling of what it’s like to experience the continual arising and passing away of mental activity, bodily sensations, sights, sounds, tastes, and smells. Somehow, we get to be conscious of it all. And it’s the consciousness of all these phenomena, constantly and rapidly arising and passing, like countless notes being produced by individual instruments in a huge orchestra, that results in the overarching melody, or feeling, of “I, me, and mine.”Put another way, if you were to deconstruct a car and lay all the individual parts out in front of you, there would be no single part that you could point to and say, “This bit here! This is the car”.But when you put all the parts back together again, suddenly, what we think of as a car, reemerges. A ‘car’ doesn’t exist other than as a designation we use to describe the specific configuration of all the constituent parts.In Buddhism, it’s the same with the ‘self’.When the Buddha said, “See everything with perfect wisdom. This is not mine. This I am not. This is not my self”, he wasn’t offering it as a philosophical concept. He was guiding Rahulā to explore and investigate the insight of Anattā for himself.And we can explore it for ourselves too.This Is Not Mine“This is not mine”, invites us to contemplate the fallacy of ownership.Is it really possible to own anything? Or is the idea that something can belong to us just another mental construct that appears real?This isn’t just about tangible ‘possessions’. We claim ownership of our thoughts and feelings too. We think, ‘This is my thought’, ‘This is my body’, ‘This is my pain’.But when we allow ourselves to observe closely enough, we start to see that thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and other senses, are just coming and going all the time, all on their own.The fact that they arise in the way they do has nothing to do with there being a ‘self’ that’s generating them, but rather it’s because of infinite causes and conditions (very little of which we get to choose) that makes it inevitable for them to arise.“This is not mine”, teaches us that if our inner experience belongs to anything, it belongs to humanity as a whole. It’s the consequence of being born into this kind of body with this kind of mind, and it’s the same for every being that that was born configured as a human.This I Am Not“This I am not”, encourages us to see through the ways we construct our identities based upon perceptions, labels, and external factors.Every time we have a thought that begins with “I am...”, we are imagining a self that we then take to be real.Ultimately, we are not what we do for a living. We are not our skills or talents. We are not successes or failures. We are not these thoughts. We are not these bodies. We are not this every changing cocktail of moods and emotions.It’s true that we can and do carry out very important and beneficial roles in life, such as parents, caregivers, teachers, leaders, business owners, employees, protectors, or emergency responders, but a role, label, or title, does not describe the essence of what it means to be this human being.This Is Not My Self“This is not my self”, is really an invitation for us to look closely and to see if we can find the ‘self’ in whatever it is we are looking at.For example, can the ‘self’ be found in any particular body part? If so, which one?Were you able to find it in that last thought you had that has now vanished?Can it be found in a sensation or a mood?Most commonly, it feels like the ‘self’ is located within the mind. But again, when we look deeply, the mind itself is a river of change that offers no stable or permanent ground for a self to settle.The Peace Of Not FindingIt can be strange to keep looking but never finding. But this is the fruit of the practice. As one Buddhist master said,“The not finding is the finding.”While it can feel discombobulating—particularly in the early stages of exploring the insight of Anattā—having a gentle persistence to keep the exploration alive, while going about our lives, really can help us to soften and let go of much of the grasping and clinging that inevitably leads to suffering.Living with a healthy awareness of ‘not-self’ doesn’t make our lives any less significant or real. As a wise Mongolian monk once said,“It’s not that you’re not real. We all think we’re real, and that’s not wrong. But you think you are really real. You exaggerate it.”Of course, we’re here and we exist. But we each exist in this world as expressions of exactly the same dynamic flow of life. We are not the independent, isolated, separate entities we so often believe our “selves” to be.So, the next time you feel yourself being identified with, and wrapped up in, a situation or story you’re telling yourself, I encourage you to bring to mind, “This is not mine. This I am not. This is not my self.”And remember, this is more than just a practice. According to the Buddha, this is perfect wisdom.Warmest,Paul 🙏 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

How have you been relating to the day so far? Or the last hour?Has it been a pleasant experience or an unpleasant one?Or has it been nondescript, more neutral?And to what might you have been attributing the cause or the source of why you’re feeling the way you do now?At any moment, how we relate to our experience is defined by one of four levels of appropriation, what I call levels of mindful recognition*----------------Join dharma⌁licious for free here: https://dharmalicious.substack.com----------------Life Happening To Us or By UsMaybe you’ve been operating from the sense that life has been happening to you.For better or worse, your thinking, feeling and behaving has been a mere choiceless reaction to the external events and circumstances you’ve been facing.Or maybe you’re satisfied that life has been happening by you.You’ve been able to organise your thinking in such a way to make the best of an otherwise unfortunate situation.Or you’ve applied a particular behavioural technique to influence a desired outcome. And that deliberate action is the cause of what you’re feeling now.Often, this alternating perspective that life is either happening to us or by us is what feels most familiar.Either we are in control of life or life is in control of us.But through the practice of mindfulness, we can discover that there’s something a little more profound on offer.Life Happening Through Us or By UsAs we learn to pay attention and build familiarity with the vastness of our awareness and how sensations, sounds, thoughts and feelings just naturally come and go all on their own, we can sense that what we experience is really an eternally unfolding, dynamic set of processes that are happening through us.It’s at this level that we can start to appreciate the non-personal nature of our realities. And this is what helps us to cultivate a sense of ease and equanimity.But there is a level of even greater freedom.Rather than simply knowing that we’re aware, rather than looking at awareness, we can take the position of experiencing the world from the perspective of awareness itself—to be the condition in which everything is unfolding.Life isn’t happening to you. It’s happening as you.You’re not just conscious of the flow of your experience.You are identical to it.Now, if this seems ambiguous or a real stretch of the imagination, I just want to encourage you to practice looking in this direction.Really settle back and see if you can find this position for yourself, even if it’s just a glimpse.Thank you for reading. If this has resonated with you in some way, please do let me know in the comments and share this with a friend. And of course, if you haven’t already, subscribe to dharma⌁licious for weekly Buddhist-inspired insights and guides for modern day resilience and flourishing.Be well. Please take really great care of yourself.Paul 🙏*These four levels of mindful maturity have been inspired by the work of The Conscious Leadership Group This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com

Visit https://dharmalicious.substack.com to join the newsletter and receive Paul's additional content. So, yesterday I found myself in a particularly reactive state of mind. I’d had a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it and much of the day was spent unconsciously rushing from one thing to the next. It wasn’t until later in the day that I really stopped to reflect how I’d been showing up, and how I hadn’t been the best company for those around me.What I realised is that my reactivity had had little to do with how much needed to get done, and it had had everything to do with how I’d been relating to sensations of unpleasantness in my body and mind while rushing.Signup for free weekly emails that unpack buddhist wisdom for modern day resilience and flourishing:https://dharmalicious.substack.comIt stands to reason that a frantic and distracted mind is less prone to responding wisely than a mind that’s calm and present.It has reminded me that moving quickly doesn’t have to be synonymous with rushing.Enter Mindful AwarenessThe role that mindfulness plays in helping us to reclaim our ability to respond rather than react, is that it can help us trace the chain of events that can lead to reactivity.When we ground our awareness in the present, we can begin to notice that the quality of our thoughts, perceptions, feelings, and actions, begins with an initial trigger of something that we experience as either pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. That ‘something’ might be a pleasant or unpleasant sight, sound, taste, smell, physical sensation, or thought that has arisen in the mind.The very instant that ‘thing’, whatever it is, makes contact with our awareness, it is immediately recognisable as being pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. We refer to this as a feeling tone.A feeling tone is different from the feelings or emotions that we experience in the body or the mind. It is far more pre-cognitive than that.For instance, when we look up and see a sunset, the pleasantness of it is immediate. We don’t have to think about it. It’s just pleasant, and there is no mistaking it as being unpleasant. It’s pleasant from the precise moment the image makes contact with the eyes.Likewise, if we hear the screeching sound of fingernails on a chalkboard, we don’t have to think about whether we like it or not. The moment it makes contact with the ear, it’s unpleasant.It’s the same for every aspect of our moment to moment experience. Life is an ever changing cocktail of thoughts and sensations that arise as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral stimuli.So, why is this significant?It’s significant because feeling tones trigger and colour our perceptions.Following a feeling tone, we start to perceive what’s happening through the medium of judgements and labels, such as good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair, love or hate, beautiful or ugly, etc…Our perceptions then manifest as sensations and feelings in the body that we also experience as either pleasant or unpleasant.As a response, the mind then attempts to make sense of these feelings by telling the story of what’s happening - of why it’s good or bad, and by using evocative language that adds emotional weight to the situation.Then this, in turn, loops back into the system to enhance physical sensations of comfort or discomfort, by which point we’re often compelled to act or behave in a way that honours what we’re feeling.This whole process can happen so quickly that our actions and behaviours can flow out of us automatically and, in some instances, can become our default or habitual way of relating to certain events or situations.The Wisdom of NoticingBy paying attention to feeling tones as they arise in our experience—which becomes easier to do through the practice of meditation—we can learn to introduce a little more space between what happens and what we do with what happens.We can regard pleasantness simply as pleasant, and unpleasantness as unpleasant, and we can practice being in that moment with equanimity.When we feel challenged, or overwhelmed, or experience an uncomfortable event, we can always take a moment to check-in with ourselves and recognise the presence of the unpleasant feeling tone in our system.Through pausing and acknowledging, we can resolve to use this space to respond more consciously and wisely to what’s going on.We might decide to have a glass of water rather than the tenth cup of coffee of the day. Or we might choose to take a settling breath, rather than saying something we might later regret.We may not always get it right—yesterday being a clear example for me—but it is possible that the window of tolerance can become wider over time, and that we can develop the wherewithal to be more responsive, rather than reactive, more of the time.What a gift that is.Well, I’m off to practice right now.Be well. Please take really great care of yourself.Paul 🙏 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalicious.substack.com