Noticing the Force

Is there anyone doing Awareness? Is anyone doing the being aware? Is anyone doing Presence or Aliveness? Investigate and see: You already are aware. Awareness is always already there. It comes first, and it just is, uncaused. There are no conditions for it to appear. Check this in first-person experience. There is no you separate from Presence. You are the Awareness, the Aliveness, already. Aware Presence is effortless and uncaused. It’s important to see that this is not a personal awareness. There is no one there to own it! Body minds don’t have private awarenesses. It’s one spontaneous, alive, all-encompassing Awareness. The Aliveness is already there. Body-minds appear within it.It’s also impossible to be more aware. There’s no you to do Awareness, so there’s no you to be more or less aware. Awareness is You. What if you completely forgot about the self? If the sense of a me is completely ignored, is the expression of life any different? Forget yourself, lose yourself, lose the doer. Does anything change?Are you really a somebody if life carries on exactly as before, when there is no thinking about a someone? Just as no one does Awareness, no one does inquiry. No one makes an interest in nonduality or inquiry happen. Inquiry does itself. It’s spontaneous. So if a long time passes without inquiry or progress, it’s not because you’re doing something wrong. That’s just how it’s naturally unfolding.— one of the 33 inquiries from my book Seeing No-Self: Essential Questions to Reveal Our Nondual Nature. More about this book: katoudheusden.com/seeingnoself This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

It is not this body and mind combination that gets anything, or understands anything, or realizes anything, or expands into something, or loses itself, or whatever. This, as all of This, recognizes itself. For whatever reason, which I don’t know why or how, that belief in separation and contraction loosens. It’s seen not to be the case.So even while the mind tries to understand, and this mind tries to put it into words and all this stuff, it’s already the case. And the analyzing and the trying to change and all of that is appearing as This. The searching, the inquiring, the questioning, the frustration, the getting it, the not getting it — all of that is appearing as This. And it’s just at a certain point it becomes more obvious than not — it’s not proven but it just becomes more obvious — that there is no actual separation. There is no actual separate entity in this. In these appearances that we call human, that’s how it seems to appear, that these bodyminds have this selfing mechanism primed for selfing, and then culture selfs the selfing even more, until we’re such a knot of selfing that we can no longer even consider the idea that we’re not.And then the bodymind reads things, hears things, watches YouTube videos, hears other bodyminds saying that there’s maybe not a separate self. And for whatever reason, which again, I don’t know why, the only thing I know is that it is possible to look at this right now — even under the very strong conviction that I am a separate self — and to see the gaping holes in that hypothesis.Just to see from the direct looking, that the idea, the belief that I am a separate someone with control and agency housed inside this bodymind, does not hold up to investigation. And that doesn’t prove that it’s not true. If it were true, it’s a huge problem that I can poke all these holes in that so easily, don’t you think? We keep pretending the separate self is a given and anyone talking about nonduality has to prove that it’s not. But if you can poke these big holes, if you can even poke one hole, we’re in trouble. You shouldn’t be able to poke any holes into the separate self if it’s real. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

I titled my book Seeing No-Self, but I could just as well have titled it Seeing the Self. When it’s seen that identification as a limited, separate self is an innocent, learned misunderstanding, it’s also clear that there is only Self.And when it’s seen that what I am is unlimited, unconditioned Self, then it’s also clear that there is no possibility of a separate self apart from that.It’s like the Yin and the Yang of the same realization.But none of this means removing, deleting, denying, or getting rid of the personal self experience.When you realize there’s no actual oasis in the desert, that what you’re seeing is only a convincing illusion created by certain conditions, the experience of an oasis continues. It doesn’t disappear or change but now you know the truth of it.When you see that the experience of being a separate person with agency and control is a convincing illusion created by certain conditions, the separate self experience continues. Only now it’s clear that it’s not my identity. The belief that this life is owned by a “me” who needs to manage it, who is at stake here and must constantly strive to get it right, and suffers because of it — this is the equivalent of believing that illusory oasis in the desert is really there.Seeing an illusion for what it is, is enough. The natural, effortless consequence of that is the end of belief in the illusion. It can no longer convince although it is still experienced.But who sees all this? Not the illusion, not the apparent separate self.This realization is not for the person, just as no one can drink from a well in an illusory oasis. The supposed personal self can’t see no-self and never does.But this aware presence, aware as this experience right now, can be seen to be not-a-self. It can be seen to be YOU: the Self. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

Look out at the world as though you were newly born into it. Imagine you just arrived here and everything is completely new to you. Not only is everything new, you do not know any language yet. You are pre-verbal. You have no name for anything that you see, hear, touch, or smell. There are no words for what you experience.Notice how, without language, everything goes quiet.You are freshly here, newly born, so you also have no memories, nor the capacity to imagine anything beyond current experience. Notice this gigantic, wordless display of sights, sounds, and smells; the raw, nameless perceptions and sensations.Thoughts will still come up, of course. Ignore them as best you can. Let all the talk and narration in your head be without listening to it. There’s no need to try to lessen thought or quiet the mind. Just go back to our experiment here, where you have no language yet, there are no words.Continue to come back to the shiny newness and inexplicable, unnamable reality of your experience.Where, in all of this, is there a “you?”Is there an “I” doing the seeing?Is it the “me” that is hearing, smelling, touching?Isn’t everything just appearing?Without language, without any thinking, is there a you here?Try to look again but not as a person looking — simply sights, sounds, sensations appearing. Listening happening, seeing happening, for no one.Where are you, the person with your name?— Adapted from my book Selfless Leadership: A Complete Guide to Awakening the Servant Leader Within, 2022. The book explores how nondual recognition translates into effortless, selfless service. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

If you expect inquiry to prove something, you’re going to be disappointed.Let me show you with the example of inquiry into the belief that I am in a body.Have a look right now. Slowly scan up and down what you believe to be your body. Take your time for this. Look all over.All you notice is a variety of sensations and perceptions. Pressure, warmth, tension, coolness, tingling, vibration, and the visual impressions of whatever you’re seeing: colors and shapes. Auditory impressions too, like the sound of air in the nostrils.But you don’t ever find a thing called “body.” We find perceptions. We mentally add the thought “body” to these impressions. In direct inquiry, no body is found.Of course, “body” continues to exist as a concept — a super useful word to communicate, but not a thing in itself. It’s a useful mental representation, a handy mental map.If you don’t inquire directly but only think about it, you don’t notice direct experience, but only look to your learned, internalized map OF experience.You never explore the actual territory. You may think about what the body really is. You may think about whether there is ever a direct experience of the body. You may think about possible sensations, the idea of exploring the territory, but you never leave the map.And if you expect inquiry to prove that there is no body, you expect proof to show up on that mental map!That’s like a hiker saying there’s no proof of a river here because it’s not drawn on the map they’re holding, while they’re standing in the middle of it!If you’re open to noticing what’s actually present beyond the map of conditioned concepts you’ve internalized, then the insight can occur that there is no body in direct experience. There’s a body on the map but not in the actual territory.And then the insight may naturally occur: How can I be living inside something that only exists as a thought? (And this is never denying that there are very real sensations! It’s not denying experience at all, only our learned representation of that experience.)We believe that proof of reality must mentally makes sense to us, it needs to make sense on our map. But what we’re noticing is not even on the map!Inquiry is noticing the territory of what actually is. It won’t make sense to the mind because the mind is stuck in the map. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

If I would have a mystical experience, mystical experience of dissolution of I, after it’s ended, the I comes in and says, it happened to me. It’s like a failure. It’s like, okay, I had this mystical opening. The I says, oh, look, it was my experience. And then the next assessment is, I failed, the separate self is alive.Maybe there is a lot of thinking now. The separate self is alive and kicking. So what is aware of that right now?The awareness is always aware. Now that you put my attention to it. Okay. But did you need to put your attention on it for it to be there? Or is it just there?It is just there, but somehow your pointing made me notice it. Okay, sure. But whenever you notice it’s there, yeah? Yes. Yes. So during the mystical, great, fantastic experiences, what is aware?The same awareness that is aware now of this conversation.Yeah. That’s the essence. Whether there’s a mystical experience, or there’s an I experience, separate self experience, all of those are known in the same aware. No matter what is going on. So what happens is, we confuse the experience, the state, what we feel and sense and perceive, to be what we’re looking for.So even if it’s a beautiful mystical experience, those states come and go. So that’s not what this is about. This is about recognizing what always knows, no matter which experience. And then the more that is recognized, the more it becomes obvious that it doesn’t matter what the experience is.The freedom and peace that we’re looking for is not found in a mystical experience, and always available is to notice what is aware, and to know directly the liberation that we’re looking for in the future. Because what knows this experience, or what is aware, or what is present to this experience, is liberated already.What we’re looking for, really, truly looking for, the essence of freedom, if we stand as what is aware, stand as our true being. And that is always the case. You can always check that. Until it becomes more obvious, more peace, because everything is okay, there’s nothing wrong, so more interesting than whatever state.— excerpt from Monday’s open meeting (all meetings free to join, details on katoudheusden.com) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

What if I’m doing the inquiries and they make sense but it feels robotic and dry instead of opening something up?Well, then why do them? The way I share it, inquiry is not a prescription. It’s not a spiritual practice to do for x minutes every day, not a to-do to put on your list.So actually, this kind of experience with inquiry can be a great reminder to see something. Apparently, I get the idea that I must do something. I must inquire and it must have some meaningful effect. I get these ideas, maybe from all the spiritual things I’ve heard over the years.However, inquiry is only an offer. It’s a set of options to look into and clear up some things if there’s a natural interest to do so. You believe you’re a separate self but are starting to doubt that? Here, if the intent arises, consider these questions and find out. You haven’t recognized your true nature? If the desire to do so arises, notice this, and this, and discover it directly, now.But who is going to make all this looking and noticing happen? Intention arises or doesn’t. Questions make sense in the moment or not. Something opens up or does not. Inquiry feels robotic or alive. Is there any control?Right now, what is aware of these questions about inquiry? What is aware, always already just is. Notice that. Where is the one who is going to make intention arise? Who is going to make inquiry happen? How would that work?In this aware presence, doesn’t everything just spontaneously show up, all at once, without anyone in control?Breathing, the heart beating, thoughts, sensations, perceptions, ideas, feelings, urges, intentions, action or lack of action — all of it just appears out of nowhere.So why worry about inquiry? It happens or it doesn’t. It feels alive or it feels robotic. If it happens to feel robotic, great! Who or what knows that experience? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

What is aware of this experience you’re having right now?Notice without trying to find, label, or think. Just notice: What is aware?If you try to figure it out, you lose the direct experience of it. You’re back in the menu and not tasting the meal.Noticing is just like when I hold up a pen and ask you to notice it. There’s a direct recognition without having to label it “pen” or think about it. There’s a direct experience of what we call a pen.In the same way, notice what is aware. Without labelling or thinking. Just noticing. Right now, what is aware?Whenever there’s this noticing without thinking … nothing seems to happen. No understanding, no insight, no thoughts, no feelings, nothing. So of course we assume we’re not doing it right. I’m not getting it. It makes no sense. Forget it, I’m going to have some ice cream.What’s so difficult to get across is that noticing is all that’s required. We don’t need to understand what is noticing what, or whose awareness is aware, or how it all works.What is aware? Notice. Simple. Right now, I am, aware. Noticing does the work, not anything you understand. And why not be playful? We can have some fun with this.So imagine you’re in Star Wars, and you’re a Jedi and can sense the Force, because you can. Right now, notice the Force, notice what is aware.Or, more seriously but still playful, think of it as having a little bite of the most delicious food. Have a little taste just now of what is aware.Or, on a different note, if it resonates for you, think of it as knowing the divine. Touching the presence of God. What is aware?It’s just noticing what already is, all the time. Just keep noticing. Even if nothing seems to be happening and you’re sure you’re not getting it.So have another look: What is aware? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

You don’t actually have glimpses of awareness. It’s the other way around. In this aware being, there are frequent glimpses of a separate “me.”The unlimited aware being that you really are, contracts down into frequently believed illusory limitation to a separate someone.These are so frequent and so convincingly coherent, that they create the illusion of a continuous separate individual person.But even this very convincing illusion is not that good. It’s not as robust as we’re led to believe. It’s actually full of gaping holes.And so sometimes you notice there’s a gap in that belief in separate identity, and all there is is your true, unconditioned, unlimited being.For example, when you wake up in a strange location, maybe in a hotel somewhere, perhaps after an eventful few days different from your routine, have you ever noticed that it takes the “me” longer to come back “online”?Before all of who you supposedly are, your past, that you’re an individual inside this body, before all that rushes in … isn’t there a moment of just being, of being no one?It’s pure being but not limited to a someone. It’s being aware but not being shrunk down into a supposed limited, personal awareness.Actually, this is always the case and many many times during an ordinary day the apparent contraction into a “me” is what is absent.Many times, when in flow, when doing simple activities and not thinking much, in moments of wonder and awe, there is no “me.” We know expansion, freedom, peace.If in those moments that expansiveness is explored, it’s seen to be impersonal: It’s free from my story, my past, my troubles, my issues, my concerns, my imaginations.And that can happen right now by noticing the very same expansiveness while hearing these words. Is that which is aware right now, contracted or limited?It’s the limitation to a personal identity that comes and goes. It’s the sense of being a separate “me” that comes and goes!It comes and goes many times during the day and in dreams, and it just takes some noticing to see that it is most definitely not constantly there.How could I be what comes and goes? How could what I am come and go? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

When there is just being, just this without thinking, everything is simple. The mind that makes it complicated is silent — or at least the volume is turned down and it’s easy to ignore.But the ego, the self, the character doesn’t want this simplicity. It needs to feel in charge and in control. It creates the illusion of control by trying to understand, discuss, argue, compare, contrast, make distinctions, question. And that’s all fine. It’s what the character is conditioned to do.But this apparent separate character, this selfing mechanism that believes it owns and lives this life, lives only in thought, in the added complexity of thought.If right now, all capacity for language disappears, then there is just this, as it is.We can play a little game and pretend we never learned a single word of language. Try it. All capacity for words has just been erased from your brain. You are wordless.Without words, there are no thoughts. There are perceptions and sensations, supposedly external or internal, but no thoughts.Look again, pretending you’ve never learned a single word in your life.Just whatever this is. Pure being.Without the capacity for language, there is no narrator, no thought, no thinking about what this is. Only the direct experience of it.Without language, without thought, there is no story of you, the character mentally added into this. Without thought, there is no someone to own this life. You have to think yourself into this picture. You need to mentally add yourself onto this with the thought “me” to know yourself as a separate person.It only works if you really try it: Right now, imagine you have somehow lost all capacity for language. And as soon as I stop speaking, look around. Look also at what you name my body. But now you have no name for it because you never learned language.So where is the “me”, the person with your name? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com