S2E13: James Sta-Maria - NICU Dads Building Friendships and Communities

What is a Neonatologist? I hear many people say this in their first few hours and days in the NIUC. Well, today we learn all about it by chatting with Clinical Professor and Neonatologist, Tobias Strunk. Tobias explains how he leads and shapes the care of fragile, premature and critically unwell babies in the NICU. How treatment plans are built, how clinicians and their teams make decisions,  and how he stays across the latest global research to give babies the best possible chance.But this isn’t just about medicine. It’s about people.Tobias shares how, over years in neonatology, he’s learned to recognise patterns in babies’ care. Certain trajectories and certain turning points. And yet, no two babies are ever the same. Every care plan is individual, personal and evolving. Just like every dad’s experience.We talk openly about fathers in the NICU, and what Tobias has observed over the years, and what he believes is the core role of a dad in those early days.He speaks about the power of dad engagement — how skin-to-skin, presence, questions, advocacy and steady leadership matter more than most fathers realise.We also unpack the fathers’ group he and his colleagues created after recognising something critical: dads need other dads, because sometimes the most powerful words you can hear in a NICU are, “I’ve been there.”If you’re walking the NICU road right now — or you carry it with you years later — you’ll feel seen in this conversation.

Today, we’re joined by NICU Dad James Sta-Maria.James explores the power of community built through shared experience — the kind that only comes from walking the NICU journey together. Four years on, he’s still in contact with other dads, still sharing stories, still reflecting on those intense early days, as bonds forged through trauma don’t fade - they last.We talk about having a plan for a home hypno-birth, but as we all know, life can pivot in an instant. You don’t plan for a premmie. It just happens, and now you are juggling critical work commitments while everything in your life changes overnight. James opens up about slowing down, going with the flow, and learning to focus on each moment — celebrating milestones as they come, and taking the time to really understand what’s happening in front of you.He also reflects honestly on what helped him through the hardest moments, and what could have helped more. From the need for better support and resources for dads, to the idea of a “hot debrief” or retrospective — a way to compartmentalise what’s happened and reset priorities moving forward.This is a conversation about connection, perspective, and how dads support each other — during the NICU journey, and long after it ends.

If you’re a NICU dad — or you are supporting one — this episode is absolutely for you. Today we’re joined by Tony Rush — a Senior Neonatal Nurse and Clinical Nurse Manager who’s been in the NICU since 1990. After starting out as a psychiatric nurse, Tony has spent decades helping families navigate some of the hardest moments of their lives.Across thousands of NICU admissions, he’s gained rare insight into the lived experience of dads — and he’s seen that role change dramatically. From being treated as visitors to becoming active, hands-on caregivers at the bedside.Tony speaks candidly about the importance of dads being supported, understood, and genuinely included. He shares why connection with male nurses and specialists can be so impactful, and how that can open the door for dads to engage more honestly.After witnessing many fathers show signs of trauma and psychological distress — often with nowhere to turn — Tony became a strong advocate for better dad-specific support. Because for a long time, there simply wasn’t anything available for dads unless it was through mum.This conversation is about taking the armour off. About allowing support in. And about dads stepping up to build communities, groups, and spaces where other dads don’t have to do this alone.

Sometimes, the most powerful research doesn’t start in a lab — it begins through lived experience.Today, we meet Mia Cahill, whose journey into the research space started in a deeply personal way. Born in Ireland with gastroschisis, she grew up understanding what it means to fight for a start in life. That experience shaped not only who she became, but how she now connects with other families walking a similar path.Through her work, Mia has dedicated her research to supporting parents of sick or premature babies — helping them find hope, comfort, and strength in the toughest of moments. She reminds us that what we can offer someone in a moment of crisis can make all the difference — that sometimes, it’s the smallest gestures that carry families through.As she puts it, parents will remember more than their NICU babies ever will. The weight of that journey can stay with us far longer than the NICU stay itself. So, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’re in this for the long haul — to keep showing up, even years down the track.Because a life is so much longer than a single NICU journey. A life-defining start doesn’t have to be the life‑defining moment.

In today’s episode, we meet Wayne Ratajczak — a then first-time dad whose daughter Emily spent 12 weeks in the NICU. For Wayne, skin-to-skin care wasn’t just bonding time; it became a vital part of Emily’s development and his connection with her. The more he held her, the more he saw how important that closeness was and how stable she became. Inside the NICU, Wayne took on everything he could and did as much of Emily’s cares as he could. Fortunately for him, his workplace was incredibly supportive, giving him the chance to spend as much time in the hospital as possible.During those 12 weeks, life outside the NICU completely faded away. Friends and family struggled to understand just how consuming that world can be. But for Wayne, the sense of community within the NICU made all the difference — especially connecting with other dads who truly “got it.”In our chat, Wayne opens up about the emotional challenges of trying not to compare other babies, learning instead to celebrate Emily’s own milestones and journey. Wayne also reflects on life after the NICU — the hesitation around having another child, and how the entire experience changed him as a dad and as a person.

Today, we talk about why routine matters.Why healthy habits matter, and how easy it is to slip into bad patterns when everything feels out of control.In this episode, I speak with Michael Winwood, a dad who had two weeks’ notice that something wasn’t right — just enough time to feel the fear, but not enough time to prepare for what was coming.While his baby was in the NICU, Michael was also juggling life with a two-year-old at home. Like many dads, he felt invisible at first — unsure of his role, unsure of the support available to him. That shifted when he began advocating for clearer routines, defining what his role was, and trying to find something that felt close to “standard operating procedures” in all of the chaos.Michael also shares how his background in the defence force — and how having existing touch points with psychology support for his PTSD — helped him stay mentally steady during the NICU journey. He reflects on the value of human connection, healthy distractions, and staying engaged with people around him.This is an honest conversation. No filters. No clichés. Just one dad sharing his story so other dads know they’re not alone.

We start this episode with a Trigger warning, as there are discussions of loss and miscarriage. Today, we meet two-time NICU mum, Megan Norbury — a proud NICU parent who has turned her lived experience into a mission to support other families on their own NICU journeys.With a background in early childhood education, Megan knows first-hand the feelings of isolation that can come with life in the NICU. Those experiences sparked her passion to help others, leading her to join Miracle Babies Foundation as a facilitator and Team Leader of Nurture Time and Nurture Groups. Ten years on, she’s still making a difference for families experiencing the NICU.In this insightful conversation, we talk about the vital role dads play in the NICU — how they can best support mums, and what families really need during such an intense time. Megan also shares more about the incredible work Miracle Babies does, from peer support programs to national advocacy for issues like paid parental leave and funding for extended NICU care.Megan talks with such empathy and wisdom, discussing her lived experiences and providing many practical takeaways for anyone currently on a NICU journey — or a family member or friend supporting someone who is on a NICU journey.FB & IG: @Miraclebabiesfoundation

TRIGGER WARNINGToday’s conversation contains discussions of infant loss.In this very special episode, we’ll be joined by Joanne and Scott Beedie— two truly remarkable parents who open up and share the deeply personal story of losing one of their twins to Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome.This conversation is incredibly raw and emotional, as we explore what it means to balance hope and heartbreak, and how they navigated the NICU journey together while staying connected as a couple. We’ll also talk about the vital role of social worker support and the strength that comes from leaning on each other through every challenge.But this story isn’t only about loss — it’s also about love, resilience, and purpose. Out of their experience, Joanne and Scott went on to create an incredible charity in Western Australia called Helping Little Hands, dedicated to supporting NICU families across the state.You’ll hear about the amazing work this organisation is doing for families just like theirs — and stick around till the end, because we have a very special guest joining us to round out this heartfelt episode.So take a deep breath, settle in, and let’s begin.IG: @helpinglittlehands_australiaFB: @helpinglittlehandsAustraliaLi: @helping little hands

In our last episode, we explored the world of psychology — and today, we’re taking the next step into social work, uncovering the vital role social workers play in the NICU, and trying to remove the stigma that surrounds social work. Social workers are often the one constant presence for parents during their NICU journey — a steady voice through some of the toughest and most emotional days. In some hospitals, they’re automatically referred when a baby is born before 32 weeks, ensuring families have support right from the start, but they are certainly accessible for all parents along their journey. Joining us today is Clare Dimer, a Senior Social Worker, who shares how families can celebrate the little wins, milestones, and precious moments — by getting hands-on in their baby’s care and journaling each step along the way.Clare also walks us through the signs social workers look for when a parent might need extra help — from the subtle cues that surface after a triggering event, to the emotional shift many families experience around the 8 to 10-week mark in the NICU journey.

Clinical psychology plays a vital role in helping families navigate the ups and downs of the NICU journey. For many dads, those first moments can be overwhelming — seeing their baby hooked up to machines, monitors, and tubes often looks nothing like the picture they had in mind.Today, we’re joined by Clinical Psychologist Fiona Mann, who reminds dads just how important their presence and involvement really is along the NICU journey. Fiona takes us inside the NICU experience from a father’s mental health perspective — unpacking what those critical first 48 hours can feel like, when and how to ask for support, and the very normal fears that surface both beside the incubator and once families head home.She also reveals how she works alongside medical teams, why dads often fly under the radar, and the simple, powerful ways fathers can bond with their babies, speak up about how they like information shared, and accept help without feeling like an extra burden.