I Stopped Trying to Please Everyone and Everything Changed

What happens when you start to realize that happiness isn’t just about what you achieve or acquire, but how you feel in your own life? And what changes when you begin giving yourself the same kindness and care you offer everyone else?In this episode of Create Your Happy, I chat with Mary Jane about how her understanding of happiness has evolved over time. From finding meaning in community and connection to rediscovering her creativity through painting, Mary Jane shares what helps her feel truly alive and more connected to herself.We talk about learning to trust your intuition, making space for what brings you joy, and letting go of the expectations that can keep us putting ourselves last. Mary Jane also shares how her cancer diagnosis and surgery brought what matters most into sharper focus, reminding her of the importance of nurturing herself and taking life one step at a time.This is a conversation about happiness, creativity, self acceptance, and learning to give yourself the love, kindness, and compassion you deserve.In this episode, we explore: 00:00 — Making Space for a More Human Conversation 01:40 — How Our Definition of Happiness Changes 04:45 — Being Present and Giving Yourself Grace 06:00 — What Makes Us Feel Truly Alive? 06:15 — Creativity, Painting, and Finding Your Flow 09:55 — Letting Go of the Outside World and Being Present 10:15 — The Experiences That Change Our Perspective 10:35 — Learning to Trust Your Intuition 13:10 — Giving Yourself the Love and Care You Deserve 14:55 — How a Cancer Diagnosis Changes Your Priorities 16:45 — “I’m Fearless, I Have Faith, and I Am Loved” 17:20 — Sharing Our Humanity and What Matters Most🎶 Music Credit: “Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPOWant more? Find more episodes of Create Your Happy, along with my books, courses and other offerings, at coachchristyholt.com 🩷

What happens when you spend years trying to make everyone else happy, only to realize you’ve been forgetting about yourself? And what changes when you stop worrying so much about what other people think and start allowing yourself to be who you are?In this episode of Create Your Happy, I chat with my friend Nishma about her journey from people pleasing and seeking external validation to finding happiness through self acceptance, authenticity, and learning to let go of expectations. She shares how a health diagnosis prompted her to reconsider how she was living, and how learning to prioritize herself changed her relationships and the way she experienced happiness.We talk about the pressure to meet other people’s expectations, the challenges of accepting people as they are, and what happens when life doesn’t go according to plan. Nishma also shares a very human story about a damaged computer, getting frustrated with her daughter, and the realization that helped her take responsibility and make things right.This is a conversation about happiness, people pleasing, self trust, relationships, and learning to let go of the need to control everything. Because sometimes, creating a life that feels like your own starts with allowing yourself to be exactly who you are.In this episode, we explore:00:00 — Rethinking Happiness and What It Means to Be Yourself01:27 — What Happiness Means Beyond Material Things03:03 — What Happiness Feels Like04:13 — The Little Things That Make Us Feel Alive05:18 — People Pleasing and the Need for Approval06:53 — A Celiac Diagnosis That Changed Her Perspective07:40 — Learning to Choose Yourself10:16 — Why Old Patterns Keep Coming Back11:19 — Letting Go of Expectations in Relationships13:06 — The Laptop Spill: Frustration, Blame, and Taking Responsibility16:45 — Surrender, Trust, and Unexpected Outcomes🎶 Music Credit: “Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPOWant more?Find more episodes of Create Your Happy, along with my books, courses and other offerings, at coachchristyholt.com 🩷

What happens when the thing you thought you were meant to do turns out to be only part of your story? And how do you recognize when life is taking you somewhere you never expected?In this episode of Create Your Happy, I chat with Brad about his journey from photography and corporate work to discovering a deeper sense of purpose through amplifying the voices of women. Brad shares how something he never saw coming changed his life, his work, and his understanding of what makes him feel truly alive.We talk about purpose and happiness, the importance of human connection, learning to put yourself first without losing sight of the people you love, and why so many women end up putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.This is a conversation about purpose, authenticity, relationships, self trust, and staying open to the possibility that a meaningful life might look nothing like you originally imagined.In this episode, we explore:00:00 — A Different Kind of Conversation About Happiness01:09 — Getting to Know Brad and What Matters to Him02:00 — Is Happiness About Finding Your Purpose?03:42 — When the Path You Thought Was Yours Changes06:32 — What It Feels Like to Be Truly Alive09:48 — When Feeling Aligned Changes Everything11:52 — Human Connection and Our Relationship With Ourselves14:06 — The Crumbs Theory: Why We Put Ourselves Last17:24 — Making Room for Your Own Happiness🎶 Music Credit: “Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPOWant more?Find more episodes of Create Your Happy, along with my books, courses and other offerings, at coachchristyholt.com 🩷

What does happiness actually feel like? Is it excitement, a life full of amazing experiences, or something quieter, like peace?In this episode of Create Your Happy, I chat with Corina about how her understanding of happiness has changed over time. From being a teenager who couldn’t understand why she didn’t feel happy like everyone around her, to discovering a deeper sense of peace, Corina shares her personal experience of finding happiness in a place she hadn’t expected.We talk about feeling truly alive, being present for the experiences we’re having, the difference between chasing happiness and experiencing it, and what it means to choose our own direction instead of living by other people’s expectations.This is a conversation about happiness, inner peace, self trust, and the sometimes surprising ways our understanding of a happy life can change.In this episode, we explore:00:00 — A different kind of conversation about happiness 01:40 — What does happiness actually feel like? 04:20 — Can you be unhappy and happy at the same time? 05:35 — The moments that make us feel truly alive 08:25 — Being present instead of collecting experiences 10:05 — Looking outside ourselves for happiness 12:15 — Heartbreak, travel, and the experience of being present 14:05 — People pleasing, expectations, and choosing what feels right 16:45 — The personal experiences that shape our understanding of happiness 17:30 — Depression, anxiety, and Corina’s journey toward inner peace🎶 Music Credit: “Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPOWant more?Find more episodes of Create Your Happy, along with my books, courses and other offerings, at coachchristyholt.com⁠. 🩷

It’s been a hot minute! And I’ve been thinking about where I want to take Create Your Happy next.This season, it’s less expert, more human. I’m tired of the five easy steps to happiness, the next guru, and the idea that we need someone else to tell us how to live our lives.I call BS.I’m having real conversations with humans, not experts who have everything all figured out. We’re talking about happiness, what makes us feel truly alive, what we’ve learned about ourselves, and what it means to create a life that actually feels like our own.No perfectly packaged answers. No sneaky pitches. Just honest conversations about the messy, beautiful experience of being human.I’ll also be exploring what happiness means to me, who I am beyond my roles and labels, and why I believe our relationships with ourselves, others, and life shape how we experience just about everything.Welcome to Season 6 of Create Your Happy. I cannot wait for these conversations. 🩷Want more?Find more episodes of Create Your Happy, along with my books, courses and other offerings, at coachchristyholt.com⁠.In this episode, we explore:00:00 — Why I’m Changing the Create Your Happy Podcast00:20 — Calling Out the Happiness Hype01:17 — Why You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself to Be Happy02:37 — Finding Happiness From Within03:09 — Real Humans, Not Happiness Gurus04:25 — Why This Season’s Conversations Are Unscripted05:26 — Exploring What Happiness Really Means06:10 — Who Am I Beyond My Roles and Labels?07:46 — What Happiness Means to Me09:27 — How Our Relationships Shape Our Experience of Life09:59 — Welcome to Season 6 of Create Your Happy🎶 Music Credit: “Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

If dysfunction feels familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you learned how to adapt.This episode is a little different from the usual Relationship Rants. Recorded during a live girls night in, Christy shares a personal story that sits at the heart of so many relationship, work, and life patterns—not because it’s dramatic, but because it’s quietly common.We praise people for being adaptable, flexible, and resilient, without stopping to ask what that adaptability is costing them. Over time, small adjustments become invisible, effort becomes normal, and exhaustion starts to feel like a personality trait.This conversation isn’t about self improvement, personality tests, or fixing yourself.It’s about identity—who we learn to be in order to belong, feel safe, and be accepted, and how that identity can start running our lives without us realizing it. And it’s about the stories we tell that shape our experience.This episode invites a softer kind of awareness. One where misalignment isn’t failure, burnout isn’t who you are, and coming home to yourself doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul—just a pause, a noticing, and a gentle remembering.Contact Christy & Additional Resources:www.coachchristyholt.comChapters00:00 — When Dysfunction Feels FamiliarWhy normal doesn’t always mean healthy.00:16 — This Episode Is a Little DifferentA live girls night in story that reveals quiet patterns.00:37 — Identity Is Learned, Not InherentHow belonging teaches us who to be.02:34 — How Patterns Become NormalSmall adaptations that slowly disappear from view.03:12 — Who You Learned to BeThe roles we take on to fit, stay safe, and be accepted.05:49 — When Adaptation Becomes IdentityHow misalignment starts to feel like “this is just who I am.”06:36 — Burnout, Overwhelm, and Self-BlameWhen exhaustion gets mistaken for personality.07:51 — When the Story Takes OverHow internal narratives quietly shape our lives.08:31 — The Stories We Tell OurselvesWhy changing the story changes the experience.10:25 — When Normal Stops Being NeutralThe hidden cost of ignoring your nature and rhythms.12:00 — How This Shows Up in RelationshipsBelonging over truth, approval over alignment.12:37 — A Quiet Invitation to NoticeComing home to yourself without pressure or labels.🎶 Music Credit:“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

“Narcissist” has become one of the most overused words in modern relationship spaces—and while the label can sometimes bring relief and validation, it can also quietly freeze growth.In this Relationship Rant, Christy slows the conversation way down to explore what narcissism actually is, what it isn’t, and why reducing every painful relationship to a single label often keeps people stuck in the very patterns they’re trying to escape.This episode isn’t about excusing behaviour, denying harm, or blaming anyone.It’s about understanding patterns—because patterns are where real change happens.We explore the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and common narcissistic patterns, why these dynamics don’t exist in isolation, how over-responsibility pairs with control, and why labels can feel clarifying while quietly removing agency.This conversation brings compassion without collapse, responsibility without shame, and a powerful reframe that shifts the focus from diagnosing others to reclaiming choice, self-trust, and balance.Contact Christy & Additional Resources:www.coachchristyholt.comChapters00:00 — Why “Narcissist” Has Become the Most Overused LabelHow one word has come to explain everything—and why that’s a problem.01:15 — What Narcissism Is (and Isn’t)Distinguishing clinical diagnoses from common relational patterns.03:04 — Why So Many Women Reach for the Narcissist LabelValidation, relief, and the moment a name finally makes sense.04:42 — Patterns Work in PairsWhy narcissistic dynamics require a matching pattern to stay alive.06:20 — Covert vs Overt Narcissistic PatternsDominance, victimhood, and the quieter forms of control.07:07 — Refusal of Responsibility vs Over-ResponsibilityTwo trauma responses that mirror each other—and keep imbalance in place.08:08 — The Spectrum of SelfFrom entitlement to people pleasing, and where health actually lives.09:27 — Generational Trauma and Relational TemplatesHow families teach us who adapts, who holds power, and what love requires.11:07 — Why Labels Keep You StuckHow certainty can feel safer than complexity—and why it blocks change.11:39 — How Patterns Actually Begin to ShiftAwareness, interruption, and reclaiming choice without shame.12:25 — Episode RecapClarity without blame—and why freedom comes from honest self-awareness.🎶 Music Credit:“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

What if support doesn’t require hierarchy?In this Relationship Rant, Christy names a quiet but pervasive problem in the modern relationship space—the rise of gurus, gender wars, and advice that sounds confident but lacks embodied truth.This episode explores how much relationship harm doesn’t begin with lies, but with partial truths placed inside hierarchy. When guidance turns into control, when questioning is labeled resistance, and when authority replaces self trust, connection quietly erodes.Let's unpack why so much online relationship advice comes from content creators rather than people living secure, emotionally mature partnerships, how outrage culture profits from division, and why scripts and tactics never create real intimacy—only the illusion of it.This isn’t about rejecting growth, accountability, or support.It’s about reclaiming sovereignty, nuance, and presence in a landscape that rewards extremes over truth.This episode brings grounded clarity, compassion without collapse, accountability without punishment, and an invitation to stop outsourcing your relational power to voices that thrive on fear and control.Contact Christy & Additional Resources:www.coachchristyholt.comChapters00:00 — What If Support Doesn’t Require Hierarchy?Why Christy refuses the guru role—and what healthy mentorship actually looks like.02:21 — Why So Many “Relationship Experts” Get It WrongHow confidence gets mistaken for wisdom in the online relationship space.03:26 — The Problem With Gurus Who Don’t Live What They TeachTheory, performance, and why embodied wisdom can’t be faked.04:19 — When Truth Turns Into HierarchyThe moment guidance becomes control—and dissent gets labeled resistance.06:50 — Red Pill, Man-Hating, and the Outrage EconomyHow gender war content profits from fear, division, and distrust.08:31 — When You Learn Scripts Instead of SkillsWhy memorized lines don’t create intimacy—and never will.14:03 — Your Algorithm Is Feeding You a Gender WarHow extreme narratives distort dating before connection even begins.15:37 — Are Men Really From Mars? (Hint: No.)Why gender differences are mostly conditioning, not destiny.17:32 — How Gender Roles Distort Modern ConnectionStoic providers, emotional managers, and why everyone ends up frustrated.18:15 — Compassion + Accountability: What Most Gurus MissWhy real growth requires both—without hierarchy.23:28 — Theory vs Embodied WisdomWhy lived experience matters more than perfect frameworks.26:24 — Relationship Rant RecapReclaiming sovereignty, self trust, and presence in love.🎶 Music Credit:“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

In this deeply personal Relationship Rant, Christy shares the moment that quietly rewired her understanding of safety, harm, and belonging—not because of what was said, but because of how everyone else responded.What happens when manipulation is spoken out loud and no one intervenes?What happens when harm is disguised as humour, spirituality, or “good intentions”?And what happens inside the body when something isn’t right—but the room treats it like normal?This episode explores how women are conditioned to mistrust themselves, especially within faith-based and marriage-centered environments that prioritize forgiveness, submission, and appearance over emotional safety and accountability.We examine how silence in so-called safe spaces communicates more than words, why staying can make perfect sense within certain belief systems, how freeze responses show up before conscious understanding, and why forgiveness without repair keeps people stuck in harm.This conversation isn’t anti-faith.It isn’t anti-marriage.And it isn’t about blaming individuals.It’s about naming the systems that taught women to swallow truth, override intuition, and call self abandonment love—and what it looks like to finally choose a different kind of safety.Contact Christy & Additional Resources:www.coachchristyholt.comChapters:00:00 — Trying to Do Marriage “Right”Belonging, faith, and the pressure to be a good wife—even when it costs you yourself.02:09 — A Gentle Content Note Before We Go DeeperRelationship harm, religion, and how to care for yourself as you listen.02:53 — The Comment That Changed EverythingWhen manipulation is spoken out loud and no one intervenes—and why that silence matters.04:54 — When the Body Knows Before the MindFreeze responses, intuition, and the moment something inside goes still.07:12 — Why Staying Made SenseBorn sinner conditioning, marriage idolization, and the erosion of self trust.09:27 — We Share to Test for SafetyWhat silence in “safe spaces” actually communicates about whose comfort matters.11:35 — Forgiveness Without RepairBad advice, prayer as deflection, and the harm of spiritual bypassing.14:52 — Anger, Purity Culture, and the Submissive WifeHow women were taught to swallow truth, suppress anger, and call it love.17:11 — “If You Feel Disconnected, Put Out More”Sexual obligation, consent, and why emotional safety can’t be negotiated.19:17 — God Is Not an Excuse for Avoiding AccountabilityFaith versus responsibility in relationships—and why the two are not opposites.20:59 — A Different Kind of SafetyReclaiming self trust, honouring intuition, and refusing self abandonment.🎶 Music Credit:“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO

A light, cheeky post about moms, Santa, and Christmas magic unexpectedly struck a nerve—and what followed revealed far more than a disagreement about holiday cheer.In this rant-style episode, Christy unpacks why a tongue-in-cheek observation about invisible labour triggered such strong resistance, why women are often expected to be cheerful about their own exhaustion, and why naming that reality is so uncomfortable in the first place.This isn’t about Santa. It isn’t about ruining Christmas.It’s about what happens when women are seen.We explore how invisible labour becomes expected labour, why emotional and mental load so often goes unnoticed, how cheerfulness becomes the cost of belonging, and why systems continue to run smoothly when women overfunction and undervalue themselves.This episode brings nuance, compassion, clarity, and straight-up truth-telling to a conversation many women feel—but are subtly discouraged from naming out loud.Contact Christy & Additional Resources:www.coachchristyholt.comChapters00:00 — Why Did a Santa Joke Make People So Uncomfortable?A lighthearted post sparks outsized resistance—and reveals an unspoken rule about what women are allowed to say.01:42 — Is This About Santa… or About Invisible Labour?Why planning, anticipating, emotional management, and mental load are work—even when they’re framed as “magic.”02:54 — Why Are Women Expected to Be Cheerful About Their Own Exhaustion?How gratitude and positivity are often used to silence real human limits.04:40 — Who Benefits When Women Undervalue Themselves?Zooming out to examine systems that reward overfunctioning and self-sacrifice.05:50 — Why Does Questioning the Pattern Feel Like Ruining the Magic?Why awareness gets mislabeled as cynicism—and why clarity isn’t the enemy of joy.06:52 — Why Do Women Police Other Women for Speaking Up?How defending the norm can feel safer than questioning it—and why that pushback isn’t personal.08:11 — Can We Love the Holidays and Still Question the System?Holding joy and awareness at the same time without burning traditions to the ground.09:32 — What Would the Magic Look Like If Women Valued Themselves Too?Reimagining holidays that include rest, shared effort, visibility, and self-worth.🎶 Music Credit:“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO