Backwards Diagnosis with Lisa Kays

Clinical social worker, Lisa Kays, joined me on the Complicated Kids Podcast to discuss her (super interesting) concept of “diagnosing backwards.” Lisa shares how therapists often see anxious or overwhelmed parents in therapy but may overlook underlying neurodivergence or developmental differences in the child that might be driving a parent’s distress. We talk about how diagnosing parents without considering what’s happening with their children can lead to ineffective support and even harm. Lisa and I explore the importance of curiosity over judgment when it comes to children’s behaviors, the systemic challenges parents face in getting accurate diagnoses, and how professionals can better support families.   To find out more about Lisa, visit her website at www.lisakays.com. About your host, Gabriele Nicolet Join Gabriele Nicolet, podcast host, parenting life coach and speech therapist, weekly for practical strategies and tips on raising complicated kids. Learn how to go from surviving to thriving and create a family culture in which every family member can feel valued, seen and heard. With a practical, relationship-based, family-friendly approach, Gabriele provides tools and insights parents need to create a more balanced and fun family life.If you've been listening and wondering what next steps to take to help your child, I am here for you. Maybe you're wondering whether your kiddo needs a speech and language evaluation, or occupational therapy, or some behavioral intervention to deal with picky eating, anger, meltdowns, hitting and biting. With over 20 years of experience, my knowledge of child development and the available options goes deep. Maybe you just want some practical tips on how to get through the day and feel like a better parent. We can unpack that too. Sound good? Learn more at www.gabrielenicolet.com. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com  📅Schedule a free intro call at https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session.  📺Subscribe to Gabriele's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured   👾Grab Tell the Story - my powerful anti-anxiety tool for kids https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story  ➡️ http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet  ➡️ http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet  ➡️ https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/   🌺Grab our free checklist to find out if you're raising an Orchid Kid https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ 

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Gilly Kahn, a clinical psychologist specializing in neurodiversity and emotional dysregulation, particularly in teens. We dive into the intersection of ADHD, emotional regulation, and gender bias in diagnosis—especially how the medical system often overlooks girls and women. Gilly shares insights from her upcoming book, Allow Me to Interrupt, which explores how ADHD manifests differently in women and why so many go undiagnosed. We also discuss the impact of hormonal fluctuations on ADHD symptoms, the systemic gender bias in medical research, and how parents can better support their neurodiverse teens.    To learn more about Dr. Khan, visit her website at www.drgillykahn.com. About your host, Gabriele Nicolet Join Gabriele Nicolet, podcast host, parenting life coach and speech therapist, weekly for practical strategies and tips on raising complicated kids. Learn how to go from surviving to thriving and create a family culture in which every family member can feel valued, seen and heard. With a practical, relationship-based, family-friendly approach, Gabriele provides tools and insights parents need to create a more balanced and fun family life.If you've been listening and wondering what next steps to take to help your child, I am here for you. Maybe you're wondering whether your kiddo needs a speech and language evaluation, or occupational therapy, or some behavioral intervention to deal with picky eating, anger, meltdowns, hitting and biting. With over 20 years of experience, my knowledge of child development and the available options goes deep. Maybe you just want some practical tips on how to get through the day and feel like a better parent. We can unpack that too. Sound good? Learn more at www.gabrielenicolet.com. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com  📅Schedule a free intro call at https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session.  📺Subscribe to Gabriele's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured   👾Grab Tell the Story - my powerful anti-anxiety tool for kids https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story  ➡️ http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet  ➡️ http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet  ➡️ https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/   🌺Grab our free checklist to find out if you're raising an Orchid Kid https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ 

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I sit down with author Kari Baker to talk about her book, Finding Kind: Discovering Hope and Purpose While Loving Kids with Invisible Neurological Differences. Kari shares her personal journey—from a career in finance to becoming an advocate for neurodivergent kids—and how raising her son changed her entire perspective on parenting. We dive into a powerful story from her book about her son's long-distance swim challenge, unpacking what it means to support our kids without letting our own fears hold them back. We also explore the role of shame in parenting, the unexpected paths our kids take us on, and how shifting our mindset can help us celebrate their unique strengths.   To find out more about Kari and her journey, visit her website at kariabaker.com or justkindfamilies.com.

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I sit down with Zara Waldman DeLuca, a professor, speech therapist, and advocate for siblings of individuals with disabilities. Together, we explore the unique dynamics of sibling relationships in families navigating disability. Zara shares insights from her personal and professional experience, emphasizing how siblings can be both advocates and companions, often shaping a more inclusive and resilient family life. Through heartfelt stories—like a sibling finding a creative way to connect with their nonverbal sister—Zara highlights the profound joy, challenges, and learning opportunities these relationships bring. To find out more about Zara, check out her Instagram, @HeySibSister. You can also find out more about the Sibling Support Project at https://siblingsupport.org.  About your host, Gabriele Nicolet Join Gabriele Nicolet, podcast host, parenting life coach and speech therapist, weekly for practical strategies and tips on raising complicated kids. Learn how to go from surviving to thriving and create a family culture in which every family member can feel valued, seen and heard. With a practical, relationship-based, family-friendly approach, Gabriele provides tools and insights parents need to create a more balanced and fun family life.If you've been listening and wondering what next steps to take to help your child, I am here for you. Maybe you're wondering whether your kiddo needs a speech and language evaluation, or occupational therapy, or some behavioral intervention to deal with picky eating, anger, meltdowns, hitting and biting. With over 20 years of experience, my knowledge of child development and the available options goes deep. Maybe you just want some practical tips on how to get through the day and feel like a better parent. We can unpack that too. Sound good? Learn more at www.gabrielenicolet.com. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com  📅Schedule a free intro call at https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session.  📺Subscribe to Gabriele's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured   👾Grab Tell the Story - my powerful anti-anxiety tool for kids https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story  ➡️ http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet  ➡️ http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet  ➡️ https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/   🌺Grab our free checklist to find out if you're raising an Orchid Kid https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ 

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I welcome Julianne Reilly, a clinical social worker with deep expertise in working with parents, educators, and children. Together, we chat about the concept of Positive Discipline, a framework rooted in Adlerian psychology. Julianne shares how it emphasizes belonging, significance, and mutual respect while equipping parents to navigate challenges with kindness and firmness. Our conversation touches on real-life parenting moments—tantrums, meltdowns, and setting boundaries—and explores the internal work parents must do to model respect and connection. We unpack why managing unpleasant emotions is key for both children and adults, and how parents can shift their perspectives to foster growth and resilience in their families.  To find out more about Julianne, visit her website at www.juliannereilly.com. About your host, Gabriele Nicolet Join Gabriele Nicolet, podcast host, parenting life coach and speech therapist, weekly for practical strategies and tips on raising complicated kids. Learn how to go from surviving to thriving and create a family culture in which every family member can feel valued, seen and heard. With a practical, relationship-based, family-friendly approach, Gabriele provides tools and insights parents need to create a more balanced and fun family life.If you've been listening and wondering what next steps to take to help your child, I am here for you. Maybe you're wondering whether your kiddo needs a speech and language evaluation, or occupational therapy, or some behavioral intervention to deal with picky eating, anger, meltdowns, hitting and biting. With over 20 years of experience, my knowledge of child development and the available options goes deep. Maybe you just want some practical tips on how to get through the day and feel like a better parent. We can unpack that too. Sound good? Learn more at www.gabrielenicolet.com. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com  📅Schedule a free intro call at https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session.  📺Subscribe to Gabriele's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured   👾Grab Tell the Story - my powerful anti-anxiety tool for kids https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story  ➡️ http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet  ➡️ http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet  ➡️ https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/   🌺Grab our free checklist to find out if you're raising an Orchid Kid https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ 

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I sit down with coach and educator Sara Bybee Fisk to explore masking—where it comes from, how it affects our children, and how it shows up in parenting.    We unpack how kids are taught from a young age to suppress their true selves to meet adult expectations, often at the cost of their own dignity and nervous system regulation. Sara shares powerful insights about the masking behaviors we see in both neurotypical and neurodivergent kids, and we talk about ways parents can create more compassionate, dignified interactions with their children.   To find out more about Sara, visit her website, www.sarafisk.coach.com.  About your host, Gabriele Nicolet Join Gabriele Nicolet, podcast host, parenting life coach and speech therapist, weekly for practical strategies and tips on raising complicated kids. Learn how to go from surviving to thriving and create a family culture in which every family member can feel feels valued, seen and heard. With a practical, relationship-based, family-friendly approach, Gabriele provides tools and insights parents need to create a more balanced and fun family life.If you've been listening and wondering what next steps to take to help your child, I am here for you. Maybe you're wondering whether your kiddo needs a speech and language evaluation, or occupational therapy, or some behavioral intervention to deal with picky eating, anger, meltdowns, hitting and biting. With over 20 years of experience, my knowledge of child development and the available options goes deep. Maybe you just want some practical tips on how to get through the day and feel like a better parent. We can unpack that too. Sound good? Learn more at www.gabrielenicolet.com. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com  📅Schedule a free intro call at https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session.  📺Subscribe to Gabriele's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured   👾Grab Tell the Story - my powerful anti-anxiety tool for kids https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story  ➡️ http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet  ➡️ http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet  ➡️ https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/   🌺Grab our free checklist to find out if you're raising an Orchid Kid https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ 

This episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast discusses the intricacies of early childhood education with guest Dan Wouri, author of The Daycare Myth. We have a dynamic conversation about the disconnection between what science tells us about early development and how public policy often fails to reflect those insights.   Together, we explore the importance of nurturing interactions, the dangers of pushing academic expectations onto young children, and how current childcare systems can either support or hinder brain development. Packed with thought-provoking insights and actionable ideas, this episode offers parents, educators, and policymakers a fresh perspective on what it truly means to support children in their most formative years.   To find out more about Dan, visit www.danwuori.com. About your host, Gabriele Nicolet Join Gabriele Nicolet, podcast host, parenting life coach and speech therapist, weekly for practical strategies and tips on raising complicated kids. Learn how to go from surviving to thriving and create a family culture in which every family member can feel valued, seen and heard. With a practical, relationship-based, family-friendly approach, Gabriele provides tools and insights parents need to create a more balanced and fun family life.If you've been listening and wondering what next steps to take to help your child, I am here for you. Maybe you're wondering whether your kiddo needs a speech and language evaluation, or occupational therapy, or some behavioral intervention to deal with picky eating, anger, meltdowns, hitting and biting. With over 20 years of experience, my knowledge of child development and the available options goes deep. Maybe you just want some practical tips on how to get through the day and feel like a better parent. We can unpack that too. Sound good? Learn more at www.gabrielenicolet.com. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com  📅Schedule a free intro call at https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session.  📺Subscribe to Gabriele's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured   👾Grab Tell the Story - my powerful anti-anxiety tool for kids https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story  ➡️ http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet  ➡️ http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet  ➡️ https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/   🌺Grab our free checklist to find out if you're raising an Orchid Kid https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I explore the world of reading challenges and dyslexia with guest Daniela Feldhausen, founder of Kids Up Reading Coaches. We chat about why some kids struggle with reading and spelling, the warning signs for parents to watch for, and effective strategies to help kids build strong foundational reading skills. Daniela shares insights on the importance of phonics and phonological awareness, demystifies common misconceptions about reading instruction, and demonstrates practical tools like the Orton-Gillingham blending board.   To find out more about Daniela, visit her website at www.Kidsupreadingcoaches.com.

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I sit down with executive function coach Carrie Bonnett to explore the essential brain skills that help us get things done—like planning, time management, and emotional regulation. Carrie explains how executive function challenges impact kids, teens, and even adults, emphasizing the need to explicitly teach these skills through practice and repetition. We discuss the role of parents and educators in supporting skill-building, how to shift from blame to understanding, and why tools like planners require guidance to be effective.   To find out more about Carrie, visit her website at www.CarrieBonnett.com.

In this episode of The Complicated Kids Podcast, I dive into the concept of the neutrality of circumstances with guest Penny Williams. We explore how circumstances themselves—things happening in the world—are neutral and only gain meaning through the thoughts and emotions we assign to them. Drawing on personal experiences and insights, Penny discusses how reframing our perspectives can transform our reactions, especially as parents of neurodivergent kids. She challenges us to examine our beliefs, embrace the full spectrum of human emotions, and cultivate a mindset of agency and joy—without resorting to toxic positivity.   To find out more about Penny, purchase the books she has written and get insights on what is coming next for Penny, visit her website at www.parentingadhdandautism.com.