Breaking the Fifth

A talk about the fairytales we grew up on, and how disturbing and mind-boggling it can be when you read them as an adult. There are always messages coming at us from the culture of our time - it’s not just fairytales of course, it’s films, television shows, things we learn from our families of origin, whatever is in the zeitgeist - those messages permeate everything. They are the water we’re swimming in. They help shape the ideas we have about ourselves, the world around us, and our place in it. When you hear stories and see films again and again where there is a damsel in distress and a knight in shining armor who saves the day, or a prince who comes to break the spell with “love’s true kiss” it doesn’t occur to you as a child to question anything. You’re a little sponge. You’re being taught that girls and women need saving. You don’t stop to consider that Snow White is fourteen and comatose when the prince comes upon her in the forest, that he’s thirty-one, and that consent isn’t even in the mix. Sometimes you can reach the middle of your life and realize things don’t feel the way you thought they would, and your best bet is to start writing a better story. You have to be your own hero, and if you need saving, you’d better get busy saving yourself. You’re the only one who can.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about the gift of genuine, abiding, ride-or-die friendship with women. What that looks like, and what it does not look like. Your best friends will tell you the truth. They’ll tell it to your face, they won’t say it behind your back. They’ll apologize when they hurt you, just like you’ll apologize when you make mistakes. That’s how you build something real, and that’s how you know you’re on solid ground. We need our friends right now, we need to know who our friends are, and that we’re safe when we’re with them. Anything less isn’t the real deal. It’s important to stay clear right now, to call things what they are. You don’t want to point at a dumpster fire and call it a beautiful bond between three life-long friends. If you want to Stay Gold, you have to be gold, first. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about how hard it is to be living in a country that is breaking your heart and astounding you every day of the week, and how lots of people are having a very tough time right now. There is a lot to be gained by giving people the benefit of the doubt, by trying not to project or assume, by extending compassion wherever you can…but, there’s also a line where you have to take care of yourself. There’s a place where extending too much slack is the same thing as allowing yourself to be treated in a way that doesn’t feel good. A society is just a whole bunch of people, so is a constituency, so is a country. People are just people, and what we do and say, matters, it has an impact. When times are tough, head for the people who have your back, who laugh and cry with you, and who shake their heads when people leave weird comments under your essays. Those are your people, that is community, and that’s how we get through tough times…together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about the Signal group chat, of course, but in the context of the larger experience of dealing with people who will never be accountable. People who will look you directly in the eye and lie to you, or deny wrongdoing and then attack you - or anyone else - when called out. People who will assert you did not see what you saw, or hear what you heard. Maybe you know people like this, I do. It is exhausting and disheartening to deal with them, because without honest communication and the ability to acknowledge mistakes, there’s no bridge to stand on. The sub-topic here is men who feel entitled to take what they want, and become furious if you question them. What happens when the country is being run by a cabinet full of people like this, and their supporters remain steadfast? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A reading of this week’s essay, and a talk about those relationships that devastate your heart because you’re in love with someone who leaves you no choice but to end things. When you look back you realize you were being tested from the start - you were being asked to tolerate things you never should have - and in the end the only choice was the pain that poisons you, or the pain that sets you free. And how that all ties into what’s happening in our country right now, the Fifth Amendment, due process, motherhood, and how a place can call younger versions of you to the surface, so you find yourself joined in the drivers’ seat by a twenty-something you, with your daughter in the passenger seat. Come As You Are is my third baby. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about the pain of living in a country where half the people look at a set of circumstances and feel horrified, and the other half look at the same set of circumstances and celebrate. And the difficulty in communicating when all trust in facts has been eroded and people give the same credence to anyone with a YouTube channel as they do to medical experts - often more. Also the concept of turning your heartbreak into art, the importance of continuing to learn new things, and why you want to hold onto hope wherever you find it - even in a Big Bear Bald Eagle nest.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about the pain and folly of trying to communicate with people who genuinely lack empathy, the frustration of feeling gaslit by people who claim to love you, and why it was so triggering for so many of us to watch a good man be double-teamed by two narcissists in the Oval Office … and walk away dealing with the most victim-blaming question of them all. What was he wearing? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about what it’s like existing as a girl or woman in this world, and particularly in this country if you’re in the United States. And when I say “woman” I am including women who have babies, women who decide they don’t want to have children, women who deal with infertility, women who have lost babies, women who have raised babies on their own, Queer women, Black women, Brown women, Indigenous women, Transgender women. How hard it is just to exist in a complicated body, made more complicated by the way the world (the government, the state you live in, your governor, your culture, your family) deals with your body, feels it can pass legislation about your body, teaches you to feel shame about your body, and also normalizes the behavior of some men who feel they have a right to your body. It is exhausting and enraging, and more so all the time. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about what we’re living through in the United States right now, and how dizzying it is for so many of us who are devastated, outraged and heartbroken, to see people in this country who are still on board with what is occurring in real time. It is hard to exist, to have a “normal” day going about your business when your government is in upheaval, democracy is on the line, and you’re scared for your friends, your neighbors, your daughter, yourself. It’s also a talk about empathy, and what a meaningful spiritual practice looks like. If you can see people in harms’ way and shrug your shoulders thinking you are practicing non-attachment, or because you’ve decided some people fall outside the circle of compassion - I’d argue your spiritual practice needs a serious tweak. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

A talk about why it can take Herculean effort to advocate for yourself, to speak up when you’re hurting (or when you’re happy, sometimes), to put a value on the work you do - and why it’s worth it to push through, even though it can be so uncomfortable. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe