353: [Soapbox] We don't have to decide right now

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, legendary adult film actor Mitch Hartwell shares his unique insights on male sexual performance. Drawing from his two-decade career in the adult film industry and his expertise in neurolinguistic programming, Mitch discusses the psychological and physical strategies men can utilize to improve their sexual experiences, focusing on control, mindset, and overcoming common issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Mitch emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own anatomy, being strategic in the bedroom, and building self-confidence through incremental success. Listen in for expert advice, practical tips, and an in-depth conversation about navigating and enhancing intimate relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Guest Introduction: Mitch Hartwell01:56 Mitch's Journey and Expertise05:27 Understanding Male Performance11:06 The Three Levels of Sexual Satisfaction20:58 Belief Systems and Performance25:31 Recognizing and Utilizing Tools for Change26:08 The Dangers of 'I Hope' Thinking26:54 Strategies for Erectile Dysfunction27:25 Understanding Sensations and Performance Pathways30:54 Psychological vs. Physical Erections38:39 Strategies for Premature Ejaculation39:07 The Five Minute Marker40:15 Position Strategies for Lasting Longer43:19 Building Confidence and Avoiding the Doom Loop44:18 Conclusion and How to Reach OutDesire discrepancy resources are at: https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Erik Everhard (Mitch Hartwell) is a best-selling author, elite men’s coach, and former top-ranked adult film star who helps men get harder, last longer, and satisfy women faster — by increasing their “SQ” (sexual intelligence).His methods combine tactical psychology, proven techniques, and strategic bedroom positioning — not theory. With over 5,000 real-world sexual encounters and a master-level certification in neuro-linguistic programming, Erik brings a rare, lived perspective that helps men eliminate limiting beliefs, master their performance, and lead with confidence in the bedroom.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a practical strategy for improving communication and collaboration in intimate relationships. She emphasizes the importance of understanding each other's perspectives and removing the pressure of making immediate decisions. By fostering empathy and seeking a win-win solution, couples can create a more harmonious decision-making process. The episode provides actionable steps on how partners can share their views and reach mutually beneficial outcomes.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:52 Communication Strategy for Couples01:31 Understanding Each Other's Perspectives02:33 Collaborative Decision Making04:11 Seeking Win-Win Solutions05:45 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jess Zimmerman, a sex therapist, speaks with Gabriela Rosa about overcoming difficult fertility challenges. Rosa shares her journey into the field of infertility, which started with a broad interest in nutrition and naturopathy, leading her to specialize in reproductive health. They discuss the impact of minor factors on fertility, the importance of acting pregnant now to get pregnant later, and the role of chronic stress. Rosa also explains her approach to working with patients, diagnosing issues, and collaborating with physicians globally. The episode emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing underlying health issues and the benefits of proactive care for enhancing fertility.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Guest Introduction: Gabriela Rosa on Fertility Challenges02:07 Gabriela's Journey into Fertility and Reproductive Health07:00 Understanding Infertility Trends and Misconceptions11:01 Act Pregnant Now to Get Pregnant Later17:21 Lesser-Known Causes of Infertility21:11 Understanding Homeostasis and Fertility Challenges22:25 Healthcare Systems and Fertility Treatments26:05 The Role of Stress in Fertility30:49 Working with a Fertility Specialist34:37 Virtual Fertility Clinic Operations37:17 Getting in Touch and Additional ResourcesTake my quizzes at: https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Gabriela Rosa is a fertility specialist, reproductive health educator, Harvard University-awarded scholar, and an accomplished business leader and entrepreneur. She created the world’s first entirely virtual and holistic fertility clinic. As the founder and CEO of The Rosa Institute, which serves patients across every continent except Antarctica, Gabriela leads a team of holistic specialists.Her treatment methodology is a recognized authority in the industry, identifying and addressing biochemical obstacles to help couples overcome infertility and recurrent miscarriage, even after previous reproductive challenges and failed treatments.Through various programs, Gabriela and her team have educated over 140,000 couples in more than 110 countries. She is also the host of the TalkSex with Gabriela Rosa™ podcast.www.fertilitybreakthrough.comhttps://rosa.institute/FBYThttps://rosa.institute/FertilityChallengeWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the concept of not apologizing too quickly in intimate relationships. She explains why immediate apologies can often miss the mark and how important it is to first listen and empathize with your partner's feelings and experiences before apologizing. Jessa elaborates on why understanding the emotional impact on your partner and providing a space for them to express their hurt is crucial for a sincere apology. She also explores different motivations people have for quick apologies and provides strategies to avoid misunderstandings in the future.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:44 The Importance of Not Apologizing Too Quickly01:52 Understanding Your Partner's Experience04:43 The Right Way to Apologize06:06 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman is joined by Emily Rich, who shares her personal journey of questioning her sexuality and coming out later in life. Emily discusses the factors that disconnected her from her sexuality, her 'wake-up moment,' and the subsequent process of coming out to herself and others. The conversation explores the intersection of beliefs, upbringing, and self-discovery while highlighting the challenges and rewards of embracing one's true self. Emily also provides valuable resources and advice for those who may be on a similar path, emphasizing the importance of support and professional help. Tune in for an enlightening and supportive discussion that sheds light on the complexities of sexual identity.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:48 Emily Rich's Personal Story Begins02:00 The Wake-Up Moment03:52 Navigating Identity and Relationships05:58 Childhood Influences and Survival Strategies10:54 Therapy and Self-Discovery13:23 Coming Out and Relationship Challenges18:52 Impact on Family and Relationships20:04 Recognizing and Accepting Yourself20:09 Coming Out to Others20:29 The Never-Ending Process of Coming Out20:55 Support from Unexpected Places22:10 Sexuality in a Heterosexual Marriage22:36 Purity Culture and Its Impact26:00 Realizing True Desire28:38 Resources for Questioning Sexuality32:45 Final Thoughts and Contact Information34:34 Podcast ConclusionShare your personal story on the podcast by emailing us at [email protected]:Emily Rich is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified Medical Family Therapist based in Seattle, WA. For the last decade, she has supported individuals, couples, and families in healing from trauma, disordered eating, and relationship challenges.Emily is especially passionate about body-based, nervous system-informed approaches, in part because of the impact they’ve had on her own life. Through addressing trauma and reconnecting with her body, she came to understand and embrace her queer identity in adulthood. Today, her personal and professional paths continue to inform one another as she supports others in their own healing and self-discovery.Documentary: 1946@emilyofftheclockWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman critiques the traditional sensate focus technique frequently recommended in sex therapy. She outlines her concerns about its sequential, goal-oriented nature, the problematic idea of doing things to a passive partner, and the lack of emphasis on pleasure. Jessa shares her alternative approach, which focuses on pleasure and connection through exercises where the receiving partner is in control, and highlights the importance of mutual desire and advocacy in intimate relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:44 Critique of Sensate Focus01:49 Problems with Sensate Focus04:47 Alternative Approaches to Intimacy07:07 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman is joined by sexual wellness coach Andre Lazarus to discuss rapid ejaculation, formerly known as premature ejaculation. They explore how this condition impacts intimate relationships and offer strategies for managing and extending sexual pleasure. The conversation delves into Andre's background, causes of rapid ejaculation, psychological and physical techniques to address it, and ways partners can support each other. They emphasize the importance of practice, communication, and self-awareness for improving sexual experiences. Andre also highlights the role of solo sex in training and stresses that achieving a fulfilling sex life is possible with the right mindset and tools.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:55 Guest Introduction: Andre Lazarus03:10 Defining Rapid Ejaculation09:47 Causes and Psychological Aspects11:54 Strategies and Techniques17:01 Solo Practice and Partner Support25:03 Confidence and Intimacy28:35 Conclusion and ResourcesFind out how to work with Jessa: https;//www.intimacywithease.comBio:Andre Lazarus is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and media-recognised voice on relationships, sexuality, and embodied connection. His career has followed an unconventional path: from serving in the U.S. Marines to guiding people through the complexities of intimacy and desire. That breadth of experience gives him a distinctive perspective on courage, vulnerability, and human connection.He is best known for his role on the UK television series Virgin Island, where he appeared as a professional surrogate partner helping participants confront intimacy challenges alongside licensed therapists. The program drew national attention, and Andre’s presence on screen highlighted how intimacy work is not about performance but about safety, consent, and the courage to connect.Through his practice, Coming Closer, Andre supports individuals and couples across a wide range of needs: men facing midlife performance concerns, survivors of trauma seeking safety, long-term partners wanting to revive passion, and those exploring alternatives such as ethical non-monogamy. Equally, he works with couples committed to monogamy who want to strengthen trust and rediscover each other. His approach, rooted in the Somatica® Method of sex and intimacy coaching, emphasises learning through the body and replacing shame with curiosity.While Andre has also taught workshops introducing kink and alternative practices, he situates them within a broader conversation: how people of all backgrounds can embrace intimacy as part of their wellbeing. His message consistently comes back to honesty, communication, and self-awareness as the foundations for connection.Today, Andre balances private coaching, workshops, and a men’s online course on sexual communication with growing media visibility, including the upcoming second season of Virgin Island.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman addresses a fascinating question from a coaching call about whether couples receive the same information from the same course. She explains how different interpretations arise due to the brain's filtering and meaning-making processes. She emphasizes the importance of curiosity and communication in bridging these gaps in understanding, using this phenomenon as an opportunity to build empathy and rapport within relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:30 Fascinating Coaching Call Question01:32 Understanding Different Perspectives02:27 Neuroscience of Perception04:03 Interpreting and Challenging Thoughts05:57 Building Empathy and Rapport06:19 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman engages in a meaningful conversation with Vanessa Carlisle about reclaiming intimacy and pleasure after addiction and trauma. Vanessa discusses her personal and professional experience in navigating violence, trauma, and sex work. They explore the gaps in support for sexual recovery among trauma and addiction survivors, the cultural and systemic challenges in discussing sexuality, and the path to reconnecting with one's body and pleasure. Vanessa emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, sensory pleasure, and effective communication in intimate relationships. The episode also highlights the role of community and support networks in healing and thriving.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:49 Reclaiming Pleasure After Trauma01:51 Personal and Professional Insights03:51 Challenges in Recovery and Sexuality05:53 Impact of Trauma on Sexual Behavior07:05 Navigating Sobriety and Intimacy09:09 Sex Work, Substance Use, and Trauma13:18 Seeking Healing and Integration18:16 Path to Self-Awareness and Connection21:06 Taking It Slow: Understanding Your Pace22:06 Communicating with Your Partner24:52 Navigating Hookups and Relationships27:52 The Importance of Self-Care28:38 Exploring Themes in My Novel30:27 Vision for a Connected World36:31 Upcoming Events and Resources38:45 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsTake my quizzes at https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Vanessa Carlisle, PhD, MFA (they/them), is an author, coach, and educator in the fields of gender, sexuality, and trauma. Dr. Carlisle’s lived experience includes over twenty-five years in sex work and fifteen years of advocacy for the sex-working community. As a survivor of both intimate partner and institutional violence, Dr. Carlisle now crafts programs that combat stigma and improve conditions for their communities, including trauma-informed self-defense training, somatic coaching, and end-of-life care services. Along with many essays and articles, Dr. Carlisle authored the award-winning novel Take Me with You about a queer sex worker who must face her grief to be able to build the life she wants. Learn more about them at www.vanessacarlisle.com.vanessacarlisle.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes guest Cory Allen to discuss the concept of learning to love the spouse you have, rather than an idealized version of them. They delve into topics such as managing expectations, taking personal responsibility, and the challenges that arise in intimate relationships. Cory emphasizes that love has no strings attached and involves acceptance as well as personal growth. They also discuss the importance of owning one's choices, the stages of relationship evolution, and dealing with significant issues like financial deceit or addiction. This conversation includes practical advice for maintaining love and connection while navigating the complexities of marriage.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:48 Introducing Corey Allan01:01 Loving the Spouse You Have01:43 The Idealized Spouse04:12 Phases of a Relationship11:18 The Evolution of Marriage14:52 Desire Discrepancy Resources15:18 Sexual Expectations and Realities17:03 Facing Relationship Challenges21:26 Savoring Intimacy: Slowing Down for Connection22:33 Navigating Sexual Differences in Marriage23:22 Embracing Choices in Relationships24:06 Personal Growth Through Challenges25:08 Handling Minor Annoyances with Grace30:15 Confronting Major Relationship Issues32:03 The Courage to Love and Grow37:02 The Evolution of Marriage37:51 Where to Find More ResourcesInterested in all my desire discrepancy resources? https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Corey Allan (if you want to be formal it’s Dr. Corey Allan, but he's usually pretty casual) is a husband, father, author, speaker, as well as a Marriage and Family Therapist with a Ph.D. in Family Therapy. He and his wife Pam host a weekly podcast, Sexy Marriage Radio, where they help frame conversations and actions that help couples create a marriage fully alive. Corey has a practice online and is the founder of SMR, an online resource aimed at helping marriages not just survive, but thrive.Marriage is more about developing character and wisdom as a human than it is about the two people being happy.Love is a process, not just a feeling. It produces action. Added to this, life is choice (so is marriage). Therefore we work to help people:Grow deeper SpirituallyKeep it simpleBe passionateLive in community with othersEnjoy the rideWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass