Episode 301: Abandonment and the Actor

Try out the weekly class Today I'm going to talk about what I find a sad subject, and it is about unsupportive friends and unsupportive family members. And I'm gonna give you a few points and things to think about. So that you can have the support, at least from me, and I'll talk about getting more support in a moment, that helps you when you're dealing with this.  Now, the first thing, and I know because, man, I hated this word when I first learned it, was boundaries. Learning to set boundaries, clearly communicate your goals and values to others, and establish boundaries when necessary.  This helps you to protect your energy and stay focused on what matters most to you without having that negativity affect you.  Now, I think that's really important, and I'm going to say something about boundaries in a moment, but I also need to teach you this little phrase. Don't go to the hardware store for lemons.  If you know that a family member or a particular friend is not supportive of your acting career, here's an idea stop talking to them about it.  Stop talking to them about it. You have a choice. Here's another idea. They call, you find them difficult to deal with this particular person. Don't pick up the phone. Let it go to voicemail. And call them back when you feel strong.  When you feel strong.  There's another great phrase. I just thought of it. I learned this in a 12 step program, which is Don't dial pain. Or don't text pain. If that person, if you know that person, is not going to give you the empathy, the love, the support that you need, go to someone else, and if you don't know who to go to, oh, for goodness sakes, please shoot me an email.  Email me The other thing here and it goes right into it, is you want to limit negative interactions. When I go to places where I don't feel that I'm really going to be supportive, I remind myself that all I need to do is be civil and polite.  And sometimes if it's like a party, I can ask questions. And just listen to other people. I don't have to be giving everything of myself. It's not required. It's not my duty to entertain people.  I can ask them how their lives are doing. And I am going to walk away feeling, one, good that I was there for another person, but two, also that I have protected myself.  Limit negative interactions.  If there are certain people consistently undermining your efforts, consider reducing the time you spend with them. I always say there's another phrase that is arrive late and leave early, arrive late and leave early.  And also, the restroom can be a wonderful place to just reconnect yourself, to gather your thoughts, to gather your resolve.  If you're in situations that you can't get out of your family.  For example, I, by the way my parents are the most supportive people in the whole world, so I can't imagine not having supportive family members. But I have had unsupportive friends, so I can relate.  You want to support yourself with positivity whenever possible to keep your motivation strong. That's one of the things that is so freaking wonderful about that weekly adjustment class. We are All supporting each other. It's such a wonderful class on that line. Seek external support. We cannot do this on our own. It takes a village. We want to find like minded individuals who can uplift and encourage you and whether that is through an online community or getting a mentor or having supportive friends.  Those are the people you want to be support surrounding you yourself with as much as possible because their reinforcement can balance out any negativity from other people. I think it does so much more than balance it out. I think it tips the scale.  Also, Remember to stay focused on your vision. Remind yourself of why you are pursuing your goals.  And remind yourself that you are worth it.  And that you were put on this planet for a reason.  And it is worth you standing up for. Focus on your vision. on your long term vision.  When you do that, it helps you to remain steadfast, even when those around you may not.  Support your choices. Don't abandon yourself, and don't abandon your dreams. You are worth it. You are worth it.  Finally, respond with compassion. Oof, this is a toughie. Sometimes, unsupportive friends or families, family, may be acting out because of their own fears or their own misunderstandings.  Try to respond with empathy, but don't let their worries derail your progress.  Focus on your path, knowing that their opinions do not define your self worth. If someone is saying that I'm worried that you're in a risky job, with your goal of being an actor.  Tell them that you can handle it.  Tell them how much you love and appreciate that they're concern, but that you've got this and that all you ask is that they love you.  They don't even have to support you, but just that they love you. Just that they're your friend. And then you can make the mental note of whether they heard that or not, and of whether you go to them again.  Whatever you don't quit five minutes before the miracle. Don't do it. Keep going. Consistence. Persistence. Tenacity.

Book a Free Consultation with Peter About Risa: For the past 4 decades Risa has worked consistently as a director, producer, casting director, writer, and teacher, and is a founder of The BGB Studio, a training space and artistic home for actors. She’s had the great fortune to have collaborated with some of the most talented, passionate, and groundbreaking artists in the world. She’s continued to move successfully from one arena to another – from theatre to film to television and back. With two feature films in her directorial body of work – the cult classic, 200 CIGARETTES, and more recently, THE CON ARTIST, made in Canada, Risa’s also directed in television, including multiple episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE for the WB, and several shows for HBO, Lifetime, and Comedy Central. Risa has cast some of the most memorable movies of the past 40 years. Risa’s résumé includes decades of classics such as DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN, SOMETHING WILD, THE JOY LUCK CLUB, TRUE ROMANCE, ANGEL HEART, FATAL ATTRACTION, BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY, JFK, WALL STREET, TALK RADIO, THE DOORS, SPEED, JACOB’S LADDER, AT CLOSE RANGE, SNEAKERS, HOW TO MAKE AN AMERICAN QUILT, DEAD PRESIDENTS, TWISTER, BENNY AND JOON, and FLIRTING WITH DISASTER. She’s cast numerous television shows and pilots, including ROSEANNE, CSI: NY, all four seasons of the Showtime series MASTERS OF SEX, THE AFFAIR, and SEAL TEAM. Risa served as a Producer on Oliver Stone’s films HEAVEN AND EARTH and NATURAL BORN KILLERS, movies she also cast. Risa’s directed dozens of plays in New York (The Ensemble Studio Theatre, The Second Stage, Manhattan Theatre Club) and in Los Angeles. She calls The Ensemble Studio Theatre her original artistic home, where she’s been a member in NY for decades, producing and directing several years of the flagship festival MARATHON OF ONE-ACT PLAYS. And she founded EST-LA, a thriving Los Angeles theatre company.  Read her full bio HERE.

Get a Free Month of The Weekly Adjustment A subject that has come up with private clients of mine and in my weekly group class has been the subject of discussion of quitting.  And the phrase that I have been coaching on, is don't quit five minutes before the miracle. Don't quit five minutes before the miracle.  And I get it. Especially for those of us in the U. S. who have been struggling with the industry this year. Let's just be blunt. It's a bitch, okay? It's just been awful. I have a friend of mine who's a producer and he says the word he keeps using is brutal. It's been a brutal year.  But here's the thing. We're not gonna quit. There is no plan B.  So let's talk about the things that we need to do to motivate ourselves to not quit five minutes before the miracle.  So I'm going to have five points that I want to make and I'll coach a little bit around each one. So the first one is, and this is really true for someone who has been in this business for 36 years.  Progress happens over time.  And often it's that level of you work, you grind, and then you get to the next level. And then you work, you grind and you get to the next level. Now, something I've noticed with me is right when I'm about to get to that next level, whatever level that may be, that is when all my limiting beliefs come up.  My self-doubt comes up, all like my demons as it work come up.  But here's the thing, through coaching the principles and through this core work, I can go, oh, it's you again. Look at that. Oh, there you go.  You may feel like you want to give up.  But if you could just persevere for just a little bit longer. What you may discover is that you may discover you're having a breakthrough moment. And then you get to that next level.  But understand that, it's darkest before the dawn.  It's the same thing with not quitting five minutes before the miracle.  It's when, it's those moments when you are just about I cannot do it another second. Those are the moments. When you need to keep going, those are the moments when you need to keep going. I know something is about to happen when I start getting really squirrely, or my thinking starts to get really stinky, that means I'm on the verge of something.  It's so funny that we actually think it's negative. But what if it was positive.  Again, I go back to one of my favorite quotes, “change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” So remember that progress happens over time. And again, you work, you grind, you get to the next level.  And right as you're about to get to that next level, don't forget to keep on going.  Don't forget to keep on going. Even though every cell in your body may be going, What the fuck? I wanna quit. Keep going. Keep going. No matter what.  Okay, next one. Patience. Patience pays off.  I just have to say, Peter Pamela says, patience pays off.  Success requires consistent effort.  One of the things I talk about with my clients is consistence and persistence and tenacity. Quitting too soon could mean abandoning all the work that you've already invested. And I'm sorry, no, no effing way, okay? No fucking way am I quitting after I've put in this much work.  And that next step might be the one that creates the shift you need.  Again, don't quit five minutes before the miracle.  Continue to wake up, suit up, show up, and report for duty. And report for duty to what you are meant to do on this earth, whatever your dream may be. The next one is that keep in mind that challenges build resist resilience.  Challenges build resilience.  When things get tough, it's easy to want to quit. It's what I was talking about in that first point. All that stuff comes up right as something is about to break. However, pushing through strengthens your ability to handle future obstacles, making you more resilient and prepared for greater opportunities.  See, one of the things I talk about is that fear of success.  And when the thing about the fear of success is that at some point, what happens is that we have that fear of success because we realize that fear of success will mean that we will have more responsibility and more And that freaks us out just a little bit. And what happens, our negative thoughts come up, because it tries to protect us.  It tries to keep us the same. It tries to keep us stagnant. Not because it doesn't like us, but because it wants us to stay the same.  Remember, handling obstacles makes you more resilient and prepares you for greater opportunities. Number four, success is not linear.  OMG, can I tell you about that one? I find that this business is cyclical.  You'll go through the biggest drought and then you'll be so damn busy you won't know what to do with yourself. This business is cyclical. So is life. Progress can feel slow. And sometimes freaking invisible, or as I like to say, go is at a glacial pace and staying the course, even when you can't see the immediate results ensures that you are still moving forward toward your goal.  Something that was brought up in my group class. This week that I thought was so interesting that they were saying that they're doing baby steps in so many areas that it doesn't feel like they're moving forward. But the thing Is that of course they are, because they're even taking those baby steps.  Even by taking those baby steps, they are moving forward. That's the key.  Keep moving. I have this mountain, I went running yesterday, and I call this this mountain Killer Mountain. And this mountain is, it's awful. I'm just gonna say, it is freaking awful. And I do it at the beginning of my runs so I get it over with. And I must run. I don't even know if I'm running at one mile an hour up this thing, but I keep jogging. I don't walk. I keep jogging. And as I'm going up it, I say to myself, while I'm totally miserable, I just say to myself, this is how you succeed. You just do it. Keep moving. You keep going forward. You keep persevering.  Now, I'm not in physical pain while I'm going up this mountain, but I am working hard. Cause it is steep, okay? But the thing is that every time I go up it, I'm saying, okay, not only are my legs and my body and my heart and my lungs and everything getting stronger, the other thing that's going on is I am learning that spiritual lesson of putting one foot in front of the other. I'm learning that spiritual lesson of consistence, persistence, resilience, tenacity gets you there.  It moves me forward towards my goal, which is to get to the top of the mountain, even though it may not be at the pace I would like it to be.  I love this last point. Self belief drives momentum. Ooh, baby, there is nothing I like better than self esteem.  There is nothing that I like better than learning how to not abandon yourself.  Learning the importance of emotional self sufficiency. I love that.  That's what I'm teaching every week in my weekly class. It's so freaking good. If you quit now, you're only going to reinforce doubt and limit your potential. All of my coaching is about creating the potential to get a better result.  Creating the potential to get a better result. Trusting your ability to endure tough moments fuels confidence and keeps you going. Until the miracle happens.

Book a Free Consultation with Peter So today's podcast is going to be about making a pivot in your acting career.  The first thing you want to do when you are making a pivot is you want to clarify your new career goal. I understand that the goal may be to be a working actor, but what exactly does that mean to you?  And when you've made a goal, asking yourself that follow up question, that empowering question, what does that mean to you? What does that look like? How will it feel when you achieve it?  You want to take time to identify exactly where you want to pivot, and I think those questions can really, truly help you. Now, whether that is in a new area of the industry, or maybe with a new renewed energy towards a different area or a renewed energy towards an old goal? That is fine. The big thing I want you to think about is being specific.  Really setting a clear goal for yourself of what you are looking to do. Now one of the things that I always talk about with my clients is, and if you can put this on a piece of paper, make three columns.  In column one, I want you to put goal. In column two, I want you to put thought and in column three, I want you to put action.  So whatever in life your goal is, you need to keep in mind that your thoughts must be aligned with that goal, your thoughts, and that means what you think and what you say, your vocabulary. I've been talking a lot in my weekly coaching group about vocabulary lately. So what your vocabulary is around that goal and also what your actions are around that goal, making sure that those actions are alignable actions.  The other thing you want to do is really look at, and I'm all about the training. You really want to make sure that your training as an actor is where it needs to be.  Now, that again, click on the link in the show notes, that again, I am willing to help you with. Send me your picture, send me your resume, tell me what kind of class or what kind of skill you are really looking for. Looking to work on with your new pivot with that. Let me help you.  I'm offering this to you for free. So let me help you because this business is so tough.  It is so important that you stay on top of your skills that you stay on top of them. Don't ever underestimate how good you need to be as a casting director, I need you to be good at your job.  Now that may involve you taking new classes or gaining experience in some other way.  But this is the thing we want you to be competitive. And therefore we need your skills to be at the level that other working actors are at. The next thing I want you to think about is leveraging your existing network. In my signature course, The Working Actor Road Map, and in my weekly class, which is the Weekly Accountability Group, I talk all the time about a follow up list and staying on top of your follow up list.  Because you really want to be reaching out to those connections.  Now the thing is, you may not even realize that you have valuable connections. Again, I can guide you with this, networking and making relationships with casting directors, with writers, directors, film festivals at film festivals, these are all things that you can do. Again, this business is a lot about letting go of the things you cannot change or control.  And really embracing and handling and managing and changing the things you can. So I want to help you to get really clear. And in this step, I want you to look at what are the things in this business that are out of my control and what are the things that I want to change that are in my control.  And I want you to put that here when you're talking about your networking.  How can I network more? How can I get myself out there more? Again, if you need help, click on the link in the show notes and we will talk about it.  The other thing is as I want you to look at, and this is again where I get very woogie about putting this in a podcast just for general consumption, because I have a theory about your materials.  You want to be going over your materials. That's the next step here. But this is the thing. The biggest mistake that I feel actors make is that their materials don't speak the language of the agents and the casting directors.  And I want to put it to you this way. If let's say you have a day job. Okay, I want you to think of certain jargon that is spoken in your day job, or maybe your hometown, or maybe at your college, or your acting school. A jargon.  And I want you to think of three words, like three big words, that if somebody brand new came into your university or your day job and they didn't speak those three words, what would you know about them? One, that they're new. Two, that they're not really in the know.  And three, if you're gonna be in charge of them, you're gonna have to explain it all to them.  That's how it is for casting directors and agents and managers.  We want to be working with people who are, who already know the jargon, who are already speaking our language, because we don't have time to teach you. But I do. And that's the thing that I really want to stress. It is that you need your materials. If you're going to be revamping them, if you're looking for an exfoliation of your acting career, we gotta talk. And the reason is because you will be deleted or discarded if your materials don't speak the language of the agents and the casting directors. So again, another tip here is to really go over your materials.  Next bit is, and this is a big one. Start with small steps. And I talk about this a lot. Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. Big steps, giving yourself big steps in your acting career is just going to lead to nothing getting done. Why? Because our perfectionism kicks up. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, which leads to paralysis.  So that is why we want to make it baby steps. When we do baby steps, one, we're more likely to get it done. And two, when we get it done, we build that incredible thing that money can't buy, which is self esteem and self worth and the confidence to go on to the next step.  So baby step it.  The next one I want to tell you about is seeking mentorship. And again, that is why I started off this podcast saying, hey, if you need someone to guide you through this, I'm here. Schedule a free consult with me. Let's work it out.  Because you do need those outside eyes to guide you. And you want it to be someone who is qualified in this industry.  Okay, last one. And this is a core work one. Oh baby, you know it because it's me, which is to be prepared for setbacks and stay resilient. Making a shift, making a pivot, can take time and may involve setbacks. And I know that freaking sucks to say, because already you're making a pivot because you've had a setback. And let's be honest, 2024 has been a rough time for the industry.  The thing is that you want to embrace the lessons that you're learning. You want to stay patient. You want to focus on small wins, and you want to progress. The fact of the matter is this is your dream. And you've only got one life to live. So let's freaking go for it.  Remember, being resilient is key in staying alive. motivated.  And of course, all of my podcasts are here to help you. And so am I. So if you want, if you would like to be brave, or you want to get that mentorship, click on the link in the show notes, and I'll be happy to help.

Book a Free Consultation with Peter Today I'm going to talk about reframing disappointment.  One of my favorite quotes. It's from Dr. Wayne Dyer, he says “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” And in reframing disappointment, we need to look at it in a different way.  So I'm going to give you a few tips.  I'm going to give you some Action steps to do when you face disappointment and hopefully that will help you to move through it because again, another one of my favorite quotes, again, a top five is Robert Frost, which is the “best way out is always through.” So this podcast is about moving you through disappointment.  Number one, acknowledge the disappointment. And this is so important. One of my phrases that I teach is awareness, acceptance, and action. Obviously, you are aware of the disappointment, but you really need to accept it. And acknowledge it so that you can then move on through the rest of this podcast to take action to reframe it and also learn from it and move on from it. So it's important to first allow yourself to feel disappointment, rather than suppressing it. Another one of my little phrases is, feelings aren't facts.  And also, feelings aren't going to kill you.  And also, this is survivable. Whatever happened that's disappointing you, it is survivable.  But it is important to feel your feelings.  One of my favorite ways to feel my feelings, especially when they're a bit confused or jumbled, is to make a cup of tea and to start writing it out.  And I just literally do stream of consciousness. And it can be even, I don't know what the hell to write, I don't know what to do this is what happened and then I describe the whole thing and as I'm describing it, the feelings come out and hopefully some tears come out or some anger or I do a run or something like that. But it helps me to feel those feelings because suppressing it is not going to help.  Recognizing your emotions helps you to process them in a healthy way.  Everything I just talked about is processing your emotions in a healthy way, which is the first step towards reframing the situation and moving forward. So our first step is to acknowledge the disappointment. Again, awareness, acceptance, action, journal, those feelings out. Exercise those feelings out, but feel those feelings so they don't get suppressed.  The second one, a personal favorite of mine, although it's not very pleasant while you're going through it, is to identify the lessons learned. I have said so many times that my biggest mistakes have been my greatest teachers.  Every setback is a learning opportunity and has a learning opportunity, take the time to analyze what went wrong and what you can gain from the experience.  You could've done that audition, did it to the absolute best of your ability, and still not have gotten the part. And you're like, you know what? I left it all on the floor. I did everything I could, and yet I still didn't get the role.  Maybe what you learned is, that's the level you need to be performing at because you know you can perform at that rate. One of the things I think is so painful is living with the knowledge that you could be doing so much better, that you could be doing so much better.  Trust me, that feeling is so much worse than walking through your fears to reach your full potential.    That's so much more painful than being brave and best way out is always through walking through your biggest fears, because once you've conquered those biggest fears, then there is absolutely no limit to what you can achieve.  So that is why it is so important to take the time to analyze what happened and what you can gain from the experience, understand how you can grow from this disappointment or this setback really helps you to shift your focus from this being a failure, to actually an incredible growth experience.  And I know that's distasteful and makes you have just a little bit of bile in your mouth. But it's the truth. It's the truth.  Your biggest mistakes are your best teachers. But take the time to learn the lesson. So you don't have to go through it again. Focus on what you can control.  Now big thing I talk about is the serenity prayer. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change other people, places, things, or situations. Courage to change the things I can. I can only change myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions, and wisdom to know the difference between what I cannot change and control, which is other people, places, things, and situations, and what I can manage and handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions. Disappointment often stems from outcomes outside of your control.  That first part that grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  Other people, places, things, or situations I can't change or control them.  What I want to do is to refocus my energy on what is within my power, which is courage to change things. The things I can, which is courage to change, manage, handle my thoughts, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.  And by doing that, by looking at what is within my power, again, my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes, those things, those decisions, that mindset, by shifting my attention to the things that I can do something about, what happens is that I regain a sense of agency and purpose. Also another tip is to reframe the failure as feedback.  Instead of viewing a career disappointment as a personal failure, reframe it as constructive feedback. Again, what you can learn, and what you can gain, and what you can change.  Really get this disappointment as constructive feedback. How can you make it work for you instead of against you? Ask yourself, what insights this experience offers and how can it guide you to further actions?  The next time I intend to fill in the blank, fill in the blank.  This perspective turns a negative event into a tool for, yes, you guessed it, Improvement. Next one. Practice gratitude for your progress. Often disappointment makes us overlook the progress that we've made so far.  I always talk about progress, not perfection.  Look back at your entire career journey and appreciate the milestones you have achieved. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. This will help you to keep a balanced perspective, reminding you that one setback does not define your overall success, or define you as a human being. I am what I am. Embrace that.  And again, don't let this one thing define who you are.  Next one, we're getting to the last couple here, is set new goals.  Maybe you need to baby step it a little bit more.  Remember anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.  Break those larger objectives into smaller, actionable steps allows you to rebuild your momentum and focus on progress rather than dwelling on past outcomes rather than dwelling on past outcomes. You want to rebuild that momentum. You want to get yourself going again.  And sometimes by breaking it down into those bite sized pieces that you know you can swallow, those smaller action steps that you know you can take, you will achieve a little more self esteem to help you to gain confidence.  The ability to achieve those bigger goals in the long run. It's like slowing down in order to speed up.  Next one, talking to mentors, peers, or friends can help provide a fresh perspective on disappointment.  They can offer advice.  They can share their own experience, strength, and hope, and remind you of the Truth with a capital T, that setbacks are common, are a common part of life, and also career development. And also, support from friends and your mentors can help you to build your career resilience.  Last one. Embrace the long term view. A single disappointment is rarely the end of your career path.  OMG, when I was an actress starting out, I wouldn't get a call back and I would cry for days. And then at some point I realized that if that was going to be my approach to my career, I wasn't going to make it to 20.  I was wrecked. I just would beat myself up terribly. Beating ourselves up. Stop. End beating ourselves to a pulp so that we feel we are such a horrible person is not the way to go. We need to, again, take those little baby steps to build that self esteem. When reframing disappointment, remind yourself that success is a process and is also a long term journey.  This perspective helps reduce the emotional weight of short term setbacks and also reinforces your commitment to your acting career.

The Working Actor Road Map Connect with Jocelyn on Instagram Today I am talking with Jocelyn Sandstrom about quantum manifestation.  About Jocelyn: Growing up in Hawaii, Jocelyn has lived and worked in 12 different countries. This experience has allowed her to realize that even though we may speak different languages or have different traditions, at our core, we are all the same. She has used this knowledge to help and support clients around the world in creating next-level success not just in their careers but in their personal lives as well.  Since 2010, she has been providing Quantum Energy Sessions and teaching Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Neurological Re-patterning, and the Millennium Method to clients globally.  In 2022, she founded Wellness and Metaphysical, a community-driven platform that promotes a higher level of consciousness through expos and retreats. Jocelyn's mindset and energy work have propelled her career, allowing her to work with leading global luxury brands like Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Fendi, Cartier, Tiffany & Co., Christian Louboutin, and Yves Saint Laurent, among others.    She has been featured on the covers of Elle, Marie Claire, Esquire, Harper's Bazaar, and more.  Alongside her husband, she has hosted two travel shows and appeared in various feature and short films.  Now, she is focused on sharing her knowledge and experience through coaching and mentoring to help others to quantum leap their reality.  Jocelyn specializes in helping clients release deep-rooted issues from their past that are holding them back. She supports clients in building not just success but also fulfillment at the same time because success without fulfillment is empty, leading to burnout and anxiety. She supports her clients to discover their authentic truth and share that with the world, magnetizing their energy to start attracting people and opportunities out of the blue, enabling them to fall in love with themselves and their life while creating more success than ever before! How did you get into quantum manifestation? So basically I got into doing this one because my mom got sick in 2002 and so it was my inspiration to really dive into this world and I helped her to get better naturally and then through that at the same time I was working on my career when I was modeling and I was able to take that career to a place beyond my wildest dreams through quantum manifestation. And I just kept blowing my mind over every time I would work on something and a job would show up or an opportunity would show up. And so much so that my husband was like, what in the world is it that you're doing? And he ended up taking all the classes because he couldn't believe it as well because we lived in such a fixed reality of you do this, then this happens, you do this, then this happens. But when you play with quantum manifestation, you're co creating with the universe, things in your life that don't make sense, that drop in out of the blue, those magic emails, opportunities, chance encounters, being in the right place at the right time. And every time that happens, it quantum leaps you to a whole other energy. And so my passion is to share that with the world, because really, we don't need to be doing it the hard way anymore.  There's this way that we haven't tapped into yet that just helps you to collapse time. And my passion is to help everybody to do that.  My big thing is about waking up every day, suiting up, showing up, and reporting for duty.  I so strongly believe that the universe has a much better plan for me than I do.  Because I have all of my limiting beliefs that I've brought with me throughout my, throughout my life. And I have found that, that suiting up, showing up and reporting for duty, really, it's amazing how fast things work.  Can you talk about the very beginning process of quantum manifestation?  So there's a couple of different things. The first one is being able, I call it tapping into your inner knowing or your inner soul knowing, whatever word you want to use for that. We all know, I truly know that any of my dreams and visions are my soul or my inner knowing showing me what it came here to experience.  And so to me in quantum physics, past, present, future, it's now like it's happened. It's a future memory, a future echo showing me what's coming.  If I show up every single day and take aligned action. It's the knowing that's inside.  If you listen to any actor that's doing their acceptance speech, it's this is for everybody that told me I couldn't I knew that I could, and when I first took my career to the next level, I was told by everybody that you're too old. You don't have the right look. You're not this, you're not that. Can't do it. And I'm like, no, watch me.  And I just, that was so deep that I didn't let people suppress it. And so every single day I took aligned action. I know that we are an energetic match for our goals. The only thing in the way is our beliefs, our doubts, our worries, all of these stories that it then has to come through to find us.  And so my job is to help you to find those beliefs, to shift them out, to clear those worries so it can drop in faster.  And so if you just tap into that inner knowing, I have a soul evolution process.  Anybody can message me on Instagram. If you do that every single day, you're going to cultivate your inner knowing to be stronger than your conditioned mind.  Our job is to override the conditioned mind. Our conditioned mind is going to give us more of what exists.  Like you said, that your soul, the universe, your knowing has a bigger plan.  Like I always tell my conditioned mind to let go of the steering wheel and let my soul take me on the ride of my life.  Because what's waiting for me on the other side is beyond my wildest imagination. So if I try and figure out the how, I limit myself, I kill the magic, and I get stuck in more of the same. And we're not here to play in more of the same. We're here to innovate and create and bring in the next level of things.  Two thought and power systems. There's the ego thought system and power system which is finite. And then there's the universe's power and thought system which is infinite.  And what I want to be living is in the infinite. But that has taken me to really work on.  And what I love about quantum manifestation is that we're really talking about moving it as fast as it possibly can, and easier. So the thing is with quantum manifestation in the past, I used to manifest like individual things, right? Like I want this and then I want this and then I'm so exhausted because I had to put all my energy into manifesting that one thing that I'm like, okay, I need a break, right? Instead of just continuing to go. In quantum manifestation, we don't work on the projection, we don't work on the symptoms, we work on the root.  We work on that root to shift that root from the core so that you're just being. You are just being this new way that all that other stuff just works.  So once you shift that, it's when you're trying to untangle your hair, if you start from here, it takes forever, right? But if you start from here, it's, it just untangles effortlessly.  That's the core, like really tapping into that inner knowing from yourself, reprogramming those beliefs, any trigger, any fear, any anxiety, there's a belief there, there's a story, there's something that we picked up that's not serving us, that's allowing us to be triggered. And so you just need to find what that is and shift that story out. An easy way to do it without the reprogramming process, is if you've really if you've really anchored in your knowing from within and you know that's the plan that's coming you know that it's inevitable if you just show up and take a line action every single day. I do soul work so if you tap into the inner power of your infinite soul because all our souls are same power but different or one of the same and so if you recognize that a lot of these things are just the conditioned mind of what we took on, but they're not our soul.  If we're afraid of taking a leap because we're afraid of the rejection, the only part of us that's going to be bruised is our ego, not our soul. Our soul is infinite. And so if you can tap into that knowing and into that power, you can override a lot of the stories. You can say, Hey, that's not mine. That's my parents. That's societies. That's from a past life, whatever it is. And you can remember who you are, which is limitless, which is infinite potentiality. And so a lot of times just that can shed some of those beliefs.  Other beliefs are so deep that we have to do a reprogramming process on them because your conditioned mind is so afraid of letting them go because it doesn't know what's going to happen, right? But when you can just cultivate that every single day to override it. And I love that because I love it. Yeah. Blow my mind every single day. I'm like universe blow my mind today.  It's really change your thoughts, change your world. But it's not only your thoughts. You said something very pertinent that I think is so important, which is you're changing your thoughts every day. And you're changing your actions.  It cannot be just one or the other.  So you have your goal. You need to make sure that all of your thoughts are aligned with that goal. And you need to make sure your daily actions are aligned with that goal.  You're taking aligned action or what is going to bring the most value to your vision, not just doing all the time, we're like, no, we're very clear that what is going to bring the most value to this. If I could do everything, what's that one thing that I could do today?  I also talk about for those of you who are older tuning, if you can imagine a radio dial Getting it off the station of ego and turning it on to the station of the universe, if that makes sense. What do you tell the disbelievers? The people who are like, the universe has it out for me. Nothing ever good happens to me and I don't believe anything ever will.  I used to have to do everything the hard way because my condition mind needed to prove that I didn't, I wasn't the lucky one that I didn't, it didn't just fall into my lap that I'm not, it's just not easy for me. And it's not like for everybody else.  Until I realized I don't want to live that life. Like I don't need to prove to you. If I get to live an easy life, I'm the one that's riding the, riding down the lazy river. I don't care what other people think. So that's when I realized I'm not here to prove it to anybody. Like I'm here to live it. And if you want to hop on, I'll give you the secret. And if not. That's totally fine. You can continue to live that.  The other thing is, we validate whatever story we desire to validate over and over again.  Because we're the ones that get to live this life, and if you don't want to, that's totally fine, everyone has a different journey, some people want that journey, and that's perfect, it's exactly as it's meant to be for them, it's just not my journey anymore and validating it someone will come to me and they'll say, this always happens, I always attract these people, I always get to this point, and then it just sabotages, or whatever it is, and I'm like, okay, always, and they say, No, not always, but this. And I'm like, okay, congratulations. You validated it. Do you want to keep validating that? Or do you want to start validating a story that you actually want to live?  Because You can say, I'm not, I'm just not confident and all of these reasons why you're not confident, but you're very confident that you're not confident, right? Or I just can't trust, I just can't trust this happens and this happens, but you can't trust that you can't trust, but you trust that you can't trust or that I'm not the creator of my reality. Everything is outside of my hands. And so you just continue to show up that way. So of course, you're going to have a reality that's out of your hands, but once you decide what you want that narrative to be and you start validating it like the red car theory.  If you were driving down the street, how many red cars did you see? But then the next day if you did, how many red cars would you see if you were looking for the red cars? Like you'd see a red car down an alley parked somewhere because you were looking for it, right? So just make your new story, your red car, of course, there's a lot more to it than that, but that's where you get to start.  You get to say, okay, what are all these patterns showing up in my life that aren't in my life that aren't serving me?  And do I continue to want to have this pattern or what would I like to shift it to instead? And how do I then stop validating that story and start validating this story?  And once you do that, your whole world is going to shift.  Sayings is from Dr. Wayne Dyer changed the way you look at things and the things you look at change. A hundred million percent and overnight. Yeah. It's overnight. That's the crazy thing. I didn't realize how fast it would be. Like I used to always attract people into my life, so called attract, because, and we'd always start out at the same point. Yeah. But by the end of it, I'd be doing all the work, whether it was a partnership, whether it was a corporate company. By the end, I'd be always doing this. And I couldn't understand why I keep attracting these people until I did the inner work and realized, oh, it's because I didn't think I was worthy and deserving. So I'd start out this way, but then I kept having to prove that I was good enough. And so I'd keep taking on the work. And if they say, can you do this? I'd say yes. Or if they didn't do it, I'd say, don't worry about it. I'll do it for you. I got you. You take a rest, and then I would, I was bringing, I was creating it out of them. And the minute I realized that, and I said, stopped and I saw one of my ex partners and just randomly, and I was like, I'm not that person anymore. I know who I am.  And I spoke to her, same power, but different. All of a sudden, the relationship changed instantly. And she started asking me questions and offering me things. I had no idea it would happen that fast. That's how fast we can change our reality.  We get to fall in love with our life in an instant. If we realize that we're in love, that everything we're living now, there is a younger version of us that dreamed about it and manifested it.  And so if we live this life for them and stop like living on the next chapter, we get to live this life, like that version of us that dreamed about it, like this house that I used to drive by every day envisioning my son playing in the yard and all of those things and then you move in and you're like okay that's great what's next right but then now I sit there and I watch him and Iwatch him in the yard like that girl that used to drive by I watch it for her and I feel the feels deep in gratitude while i'm creating the next level so instantly your life changes because just like the frequency on the radio you've now shifted your frequency to gratitude you're no longer in lack you're now in abundance And when you're in the abundance frequency, you just start attracting more abundance. And it just becomes that you get to love this incredible life that you get to live while you're creating the next level instead of, I just need to get there.  Can you talk about how you work with actors in particular? Just like any industry, it doesn't matter what it is. We just go in and we find what those blocks are. I'll ask you, what's that pattern that's coming up? What's the thing that you've been like you plateaued in, or what's that thing that you want to open up that you want to call in when everybody says you can't.  If you know that it's possible, I know it's possible.  So then we go on a deep dive and we discover what are those blocks, where are they coming from? What story are we going to shift it to? What are we going to reprogram from the root so that you now just create this new reality where it just flows and drops into your life.  It becomes effortless because you're just getting the things that are in the way out. So you become magnetized. When your energy is magnetized, you're not chasing the butterflies. You're building the garden. So the butterflies come to you. You will start receiving emails or opportunities in your, or you run into somebody at the Starbucks and be that thing. That's how I started doing corporate workshops, right? I wanted to do a corporate workshop and I was doing all the behind the scenes actions, and then the universe is okay, you're ready. And they dropped in a CEO and told them and said, Oh yeah, I have a team. I said, absolutely. I train, I do that. Suddenly the proposal I did, boom, you quantum leap into that. So when it's acting, it's the same thing. Those roles, those meetings, the right people, the right place at the right time, we just got to clear out the stuff that's getting in the way.  That's already trying to make its way to you, but it's going through all of this stuff. And so when your job is to just be in the zone, to get in the zone and be in the zone to amplify your magnet your magnetism, you let your energy in the universe do the work for you. But of course there's aligned action that we're going to have to take. And a lot of times aligned action is not comfortable, but that's why I'm here. To help you to make it comfortable, right?  So on that subject, I'm going to use myself as the guinea pig and I'm going to talk, tell you how I have come through this and then I would love to get your feedback. I have always from, and I'm validating it right now because I just consider it to be a fact, I have suffered from anxiety pretty much my whole life up until a few years ago when somehow the thing, if you ask me, what is the thing that frightens you most in the world, I will tell you, having a panic attack. Or getting that anxiety. And I know what that is. But then this started to happen. I went, that's not gonna go away, that is a pattern that I live with. And so if I just accept that it is a pattern that I live with, and I started to realize there were things that I could do that when it would come up would diminish it, and then I would walk through it, and then I'd get something else. I'd get the confidence that I know how to deal with it, which was like humongous confidence, right?  So self esteem. So much so that a situation that I now can't even remember what it was happened, I don't know, a week ago, that the anxiety didn't come up anymore.  Because I know that when it comes up, I will be able to deal with it because I have found the antidote for those specific things that I use tough love, I know what aligned action I need to take when it comes up.  So that's how I have worked through it.  And to this day, continue to do it and will continue to do it. And like I said, The anxiety doesn't come up as much, but would you say, and I'm even being brave asking it because I'm like, okay, I got it. I got it. I don't even want to know more, but I no longer want to be afraid of it coming up anymore because again, I know how to deal with it.  Is that how you deal with it? Or do you think you just don't have anxiety anymore, because on some level, I do think, it's not that I don't have anxiety anymore, but it certainly, it isn't stopping me anymore, so I'm curious to get your feedback on that. The first thing, if you're I believe what I would do. What you did is amazing. Like basically our conditioned mind is here to keep us safe. And so if you push yourself out of your comfort zone, your conditioned mind is going to pull you back because that's the conditioned mind's job.  But the work I do is tapping into the infinite power from the infinite soul to override the conditioned mind. Which it sounds like that you did, you were able to find, regulate their nervous system, pull yourself out of it to show your conditioned mind that it doesn't have to be afraid for you, right?  And so the more that you build that confidence, the more that your conditioned mind can slowly start to relax. However, you do that in whatever modality you do that. You do that and then so it gets to relax because it knows that you got this because you say you're going to do something and then you do it.  You're taking the aligned action.  You're making the brave moves and you're showing your conditioned mind that you got this. Now the way that I would help my clients is because I like to do things fast. And I like to quantum leap. Is I'll go straight to the root. And I'll reprogram it. And we'll go do a reprogramming process to discover where it's coming from to begin with. What happened that's causing your conditioned mind to have so much fear for you? Then go back, reprogram that and shift it out from the root so that thing's not even there. Because fear is an illusion, right? Fear comes from a story. When I was working on clearing my fear of heights and I was going to jump off this rock in Hawaii at Waimea Bay, a lot of people might know about it, I only ever jumped off the lower level, never the high, highest level. And this isn't like a crazy fear. So I knew I could do it by myself.  And on the way up, I was reprogramming myself to shift it out. And this 12 year old girl is just like running around, jumping off, coming back, running around, jumping off. And I had this clear, I was like, thank you universe, because I had this clear vision of what the illusion of this fear was that this girl didn't have in her reality. And so that's just something that my conditioned mind picked up, but that's not my soul.  And so that was also a piece that helped me to release it, to recognize this isn't even real. I created a story around it. That created this. And so when you can poke holes in the illusion and when you can reprogram it from the root, it's no longer in your reality anymore. It's just not even a thing.  And then if it does come up again, we get to reprogram it again.  But as you do this more and more, you're going to override it.  It is a thing if you keep saying you have it. So I'm not saying you don't have to gaslight yourself and say, No, I don't have it. But just neutralize it to the point that it's just something that you're shifting through. And that's it. But you don't say that I have it anymore. Because the minute that we say that we have it, we pull ourselves right back into it. But it's just okay, I'm shifting through this. I'm growing through this, I used to have severe.  Now it's just something that I'm overriding. And then one day you're just not even going to think about it. It's going to be like, oh my gosh, like I used to have that? Yeah. You know what I mean? I love the idea of neutralize. That's a great word because I feel like my anxiety has been neutralized. Just something I never thought would be possible. And so I do want to say that for people who are listening, I also love this thing about saying that you're going to do it and then doing it.  And the more and the more you do it, the more trust you build up in yourself, how you do one thing is how you do all things. And I think that pick one thing that you are going to be, or I always say, pick one thing that you're going to be disciplined in doing.  And then if you do that, you can spring off so much more just from that.  You're talking about anxiety, but as actors go into readings, and all of these things, there's so much emotions that go through it, right? What if we cleared all of those emotions so you could just go in and you could just be? Your most magnetic self, what if you could magnetize your energy that like, you're in a room and all of a sudden you turn and you don't know why and you're drawn to this person who's just so magnetized. You don't know what they do. You don't know who they are. You just are drawn to their energy. What if you could magnetize your energy that way? And so when you walk into the room, people say that they walked into the room and I just knew, right? What if you could do that? Becausethere's that movie I feel pretty.  You remember that movie with Amy Schumer?  It's like a whole belief shift movie. It's hilarious. And so in this movie, she wants to look a certain way and she doesn't like the way she looks and she hits her head and she wakes up thinking that she looks that way, even though the whole rest of the world sees her as she was, but she thought she looked this way. And so she, because she believed she created that belief shift, that she looked that way. She walked around the entire world in that belief shift. In that reality and so if someone insulted her in her mind, there's no way it could ever be an insult. She just thought they were insecure and she's oh, it's okay. It could be intimidating to be around me.  And she was just in her power and all of a sudden people were like, who is this woman? I want to be around her.  Watch that movie because it's a belief shift in action. And all it was her belief. That then she reframed everything and her whole life changed because it's our beliefs. It's us doing it to ourselves.  As I become more confident within myself, as I become more comfortable in the skin and living the life of Peter Pamela Rose, which is the only one I have the choice to live in, I find that people are drawn to me. And it's so interesting and I so strongly believe that I always talk about chiropractor for the mind being about emotional self sufficiency that we understand how we tick, how we operate and everything that's just exactly what we just say it in different ways.  And that's why I wanted to have you on because maybe the way you say it makes more sense to someone than the way I say it, and maybe the way you say it of the way I say it makes more sense than the way you say it. And that's how it all expands, so freaking brilliant.  And anyway, but this idea that of being, emotionally self sufficient. Oh my gosh, then we don't have to be so frightened of ourselves. Or anything. People feel that. They feel they want to be around you. They feel the safety in that. They can't explain what it is. Yeah. They're just drawn to it. And not only are you then the ripple and the inspiration, but you're living your best life at the same time. You're feeling this fulfillment and satisfaction, which then magnifies you even more, I just imagine going around, we get to go around the world that way. We get to be the ripple wherever we go. And this is bigger than just, us taking our careers to the next level. This is us rippling out into the world, into the store that we go on, wherever it is that we go, we bring that morphic field with us, wherever we go. And we shift the reality, not just for us, but for the whole world.   

Kick Your Acting Career in Gear Okay, so today's podcast is motivated by someone writing to me, wanting to me to talk a little bit about nepo babies, nepotism.  Of course, I'm going to say that nepotism and keeping the focus on yourself is the key.  The focus because there's nothing you can do about somebody else is, birthrights or relatives, but you can do something about keeping the focus on yourself because that is your birthright. So my wonderful listener gave me this topic and she asked what my take on nepo babies and their advantages and disadvantages are in booking roles or projects.  Again, what I would say is this is not something that you can control. And I talk about this in terms of the serenity prayer.  Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference.  And what that means for me is to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Means I cannot change. Make your ears grow bigger.  Or control other people, places, things, or situations.  So whether I'm going up for a role where there is someone's famous relative going up for the role, As well, that is not something I can change or control. Courage to change the things I can. I can only change, manage, or handle myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.  My focus on that audition, regardless of who else is up for it.  And wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom, my favorite word in the American language. Wisdom to know the difference. And that wisdom is the ability to know what I cannot control, which is other people, places, and things. And I can't change that either.  And what I can change, manage, handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions. So the ability to differentiate that. So my take on NEPO babies and their advantages and disadvantages in booking roles and projects, it's none of my damn business. My business is to stay focused on my work and what I can do for my life. This listener goes on to say, “What chance do I have, if I even have the opportunity to compete with one?”  Again, none of my damn business.  It doesn't matter who else is up for the role.  It matters that I am up for the role. And that I take advantage of every opportunity that I have. And I need to do that by being good at my job, by being good at the business.  But most of all, by knowing me, by being emotionally self-sufficient, I can get myself over these mental and emotional hurdles, so that I can do my job.  I want to see, there was one more thing she said that I really liked. She mentions this, and then kind of goes with this, but I want to add it in because I think it's so good and you may relate to this. “I had just said to a friend, I feel like I'm always coming in second.” This is what I would say: Second best is only one step behind the first. Second is one step behind first.  And last week I talked about tenacity and I talked about doubling down.  If you feel that you're always coming in second or third or you're getting the avail but you're not getting the job or you're getting put on hold and you're not getting the job, my joke is all the different ways we can, we we can term that avail check, pinned, first refusal. If you find that's where you're at, it is time to listen to that Podcast episode, the one before this, right after you finish listening to this one and doubling down on your commitment. I also want to just give you a few tips on keeping the focus on yourself because I always like to be at the cause of my life and not at the effect of it. And if you think about the theme of this particular podcast it's right in there.  The first one is this, and I said it before, but avoid comparison and despair.  It's a wonderful little phrase. Compare and despair.  Focus on your own journey and progress rather than mention than measuring yourself against others. Rather than measuring yourself against others. Another great one is watch measuring someone else's.  Stop putting your self worth on and depending on other people's outsides by judging on your insides.  It's just not comparable.  The other thing is to prioritize self care. Make sure that you're taking good care of you.  So that you don't abandon yourself.  I did a great podcast a little while ago that got more listens than just about any other podcast I did about abandoning the self. Regularly engage in activities that nourish your physical, mental, and emotional being, and I talked about last podcast allowing me to be your mentor, allowing me to be that positive voice in your life, listen to these podcasts while you're doing the dishes, you're doing the laundry, you're doing the mundane. Because one of the things that I did while I was really starting this work, is on my cassette tapes, I would listen to, that's how long ago it was, I would listen to positive messages.  So no matter what I was doing, I had positive messages going in, not the crap that was going on between my ears. And the final one that I want to tell you about today is really setting personal boundaries.  Learning how to say no to distractions or demands that take you away from what it is you really want.  Your personal goals and your priorities. Personal growth.

Kick Your Acting Career in Gear Okay, so let's talk about being tenacious.  The number one thing about being tenacious is actually embracing it.  And I talk about this in terms of my own experience, which is that my biggest mistakes have been my best teachers.  My biggest mistakes have been my best teachers.  And really understanding, when you make a mistake or you have a roadblock, you don't get a role that you really thought you were going to, is looking at the situation and asking yourself, what can I learn from this? And if what you can learn from it is what my mom always told me when I was a little kid, which is you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, and you start all over again.  And sometimes the hardest parts of this business, I was going to get emotional about this, has really shown me how incredibly strong I am. How incredibly strong and resilient I am.  And what that teaches me is self confidence, and self esteem.  Persistence comes from resistance.  Diamonds are made under pressure.  The other thing I want to talk about in terms of tenacity is maintaining focus.  I think that is another huge lesson, one of the things I find when I start to get scattered is I tell myself to double down on my focus, double down on what it is I want to do to achieve.  And just like I can look at my setbacks and write down what I've learned from that.  What I can ask myself in maintaining focus is what do I need to do to double down?  What do I need to bet stronger on me and on this goal that I have, keeping in mind my long term vision and not letting distractions or setbacks derail me from making progress towards my dream. The other slogan I love in this is progress, not perfection.  Because remember, perfectionism is something that derails me and it derails me because with perfectionism, I get procrastination. And with procrastination I get paralysis.  And that is the absolute opposite of what I need in staying tenacious in my acting career.  The third thing I want to talk about is breaking it down.  Now if you know anything about me, I am a big one on baby stepping.  Because sometimes I'm either too frightened, or too intimidated, or too tired, or too scattered to focus on something big. I need to break it down into bite sized pieces.  Now, not that I advocate eating elephants, but anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.  Setting small, achievable milestones to make the pursuit of my goal less overwhelming and more manageable is key.  And also I think what's important is what am I going to do to celebrate? What am I going to do to celebrate my win for today?  I'm watching a television show that I'm really enjoying.  Because I say to myself at the end of the day, I'm going to make dinner and I'm going to organize myself for the next day. And then I'm just going to, I'm really going to enjoy watching this show because I've put in a good day's work.  The other thing about that is something that a friend of mine told me at the very beginning of doing this work, which is I'm only responsible for today.  I'm only responsible for putting my head forward. I'm going to be talking about the importance of being on the pillow tonight.  That's all I'm responsible for from now until then.  And this one, this next one is huge. Cultivating self discipline.  Consistently pushing myself to work hard even when motivation is low or progress feels slow. Now, one of the biggest self-disciplines that I have is my physical fitness. It was something that I started at the end of the pandemic. And it was something that I applied using one of the tools that I talked about before, which is I doubled down.  I decided I was really going to push myself. Because how I do one thing is how I do all things.  So if you can get disciplined in one area of your life, it's going to help you to get disciplined in other areas of your life.  Remember how you do one thing, that is how you do all things.  The other thing, and this is my last little tip, is surrounding yourself with positivity. Now sometimes that's difficult because either the people you live with or your family or maybe even some of your closest friends may not be able to support you.  But you can support you.  You can listen to me. This podcast, have it going on in your ears as you walk down the street, as you drive in your car, as you do your dishes, as you do your laundry, as you do the mundane. Have positive messages like these core work sessions or maybe one of the interviews from the past.  We have over 200 podcasts here. Let me be your positive mentor.  Let me help you.  Let me be there for you.  Because we want to be seeking out those positive messages, those positive mentors, peers, and environments that encourage your ambition and your growth. And that's why I always say, I also think watching shows or movies that get you, and that can even be a silly action film that gets you going, that get you psyched. Another thing that I use is music to get me going, to make me realize that even though things may not look good, they really are. So let's go over those little tips again. So I talked about embracing your setbacks. I talked about maintaining focus. I talked about breaking it down.  Remember, anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. I talked about cultivating self discipline. How you do one thing is how you do all things. all things. And I talked about surrounding yourself with positivity. We have a wonderfully positive community here at Acting Business Boot Camp. 

This week we're going to talk about gossip. Oh my god, I used to love gossip.  I used to love to talk about other people, what they were doing. Ugh, it was so amazing. Can you tell I was a teenager in the 80s?  But today I'm going to talk about why gossip is actually not that great.  And I have really been the target of gossip as well, and maybe I had to burn through some karma there.  It's really hurtful, so hurtful when you are the one being gossiped about and you find out that somebody else is saying something about you, whether it's good or bad.  If it's good, it's nice, but if it's not so nice, it's not great. And I think we probably have all been on both sides of it. If not, you're probably not human.  But I want to talk about why it's not great as an actor.  And it's something that I have really honed in on.  It's been a long time now, but yeah, it's just something that I've really tried to curb. Because it's not nice. Gossip isn't nice. And I know this is not this might be one of those podcasts where you're like, I don't want to listen to this one. Let's listen to another one.  But if you're feeling that way, make your ears grow bigger.  So here's the thing about gossip. Number one. I have five points about this. It erodes trust. Yeah. It's very hard for me to trust someone who's talking shit about somebody else.  Basically, what it does is gossip, it undermines. It undermines trust. It really undermines, and I also, there was once I had an acting teacher at Guildhall who said, if you don't want to be judged, don't judge. Because it really undermines trust, and especially if you're in a production of some sort, whether that be film, television, theater, commercial, it doesn't matter, it really erodes trust.  It also creates an environment, and you create your own environment in this industry of suspicion. And it breeds insecurity. Oh my god, let's talk about acting class.  I want my acting class where I need to be free, to be free of gossip and bad talk.  And the thing is that people then if there's an environment of that, you become wary.  You become wary of sharing personal information that really might be helpful for the work. And isn't that what we're trying to do? To become better actors. They may feel or someone may feel or I may feel that information that I shared while trying to find truth in a character might be misused or spread or might damage a relationship.  So this idea that, gossip at the moment sometimes it feels so good, and let's talk about why it feels so good. It feels so good because it gets the focus off of ourselves.  I have to tell you, I just had this feeling come over me, which was like, yuck. And that's the whole thing. Gossip is really yuck.  Because what it is doing is It brings me back to this phrase, winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners. And that's why gossip is so harmful to us, but also to others.  But I wanted to do a podcast about this because I feel this is not a subject that is brought up enough around in the acting community.  And it needs to be because we are a creative community.  The other thing is, and this is, it's very painful is that it really can damage people's reputations.  There's two sides to every story, and maybe we don't know the whole story.  And also, why is it our business? I find I, in the past, I've tried to make something that isn't my business, because I didn't want to focus on my life and take responsibility for what is going on with me. And damaging somebody else's reputation is so unfair. It's so unfair.  The thing is that when we keep the focus on our own lives and our own creativity and on our acting training and on our business and on our core work, when we do that, man, we don't have freaking time to gossip or to focus on somebody else. And also, I was teaching this in my private class and actually in the weekly class as well, this thing about assumptions. We assume things about people. Or we assume that somebody means something when they don't.  Watch assuming that somebody means the same thing that you do.  We always want to get clarity. Are you saying, just so we're clear, nobody ever is upset about getting clarification.  I once heard that assumptions are the mother fucker of all fuck ups, and that is such a great phrase.  So I don't want to assume something about somebody else, just because somebody else had said it about them. And this is a biggie. This is a biggie. You know what gossip also does? It increases stress and anxiety.  And I don't know about you guys. I don't know about you. I don't need any more stress. I don't need any more anxiety.  And this is the thing, it also can make you feel very isolated.  You think that you're connecting with somebody about how bad somebody else is or what somebody else did. But ultimately, it's going to lead to some kind of anxiety and possibly even some kind of depression, depending on which way of the spectrum you like to go. I personally like to freak the fuck out rather than get depressed. But, whatever your bag is. And it can negatively really impact your mental health when we talk about others. And look, I've done it! I have done it! I used to do it a lot! Especially as a teenager. I didn't know any better.  But these are the things we want to think about. Because again, what are we trying to do?  We're trying to do that thing that we most need to do, which is keep the focus on ourself and as actors on our acting training, becoming a better actor, moving ourselves forward in business and doing the work on ourselves. So when those opportunities come, we are ready for them and gossip has no place in any of that.  And again, going on this idea of the toxicity. of gossip, is we want to create health in our lives.  And what gossip does is it really creates like a toxic work environment.  And that work might be in our very own apartment while we're chatting on the phone, or negatively texting about somebody, or negatively emailing about something. That might get passed along. We don't need that.  We don't need that. We want to create support and love in our lives.  The last thing that I want to say about gossip is that it's time consuming.  Because let me tell you, it's going to be easy to find somebody who's going to want to jump right in there with you. Jump on the bad, the hate bag bandwagon. We don't need to do that with gossip. Other people, and we don't need to do it to ourselves.  Because that energy could be spent on productive tasks.  That energy could be spent on becoming more efficient in our acting career. Becoming more focused on our acting career. And that will stop us from being more positive.  If you find yourself doing this, and this is a big one again, it's using your mind to govern your brain, I beg of you, catch yourself, just stop. Stop.  Apologize to the other person. Say, you know what? I want to stop this because this is not making me feel good and I'm sure on some level it's not making you feel good either. Let's just stop. Let's talk about something else.  It's okay to do that. It's okay to do that, especially when you're moving yourself in a more positive direction.  Okay, one more thing. Just thought of this. It wastes energy. And we really only have a finite amount of time and a finite amount of energy. Let's make sure we're doing it that's moving us towards something good, Like a fabulous acting career. And a fabulous life. 

Try out The Weekly Accountability Group Book a Free Consultation with Peter Today I'm going to talk about the abandoned actor and this is something that I have been really delving into on a deeper level in my private work, the private work I do with clients, but also in my weekly classes. And it's the idea of when we audition, or when we go to a set, or anything, maybe it could even be in your personal life when some kind of pressurized situation happens. We abandon ourselves.  And I'm gonna start talking about I, just to make this easier to explain.  I would abandon myself. Meaning, I would abdicate my feelings, my point of view, my talent to everybody else but myself, and that's what I mean by abandonment.  One of my weekly classes is in my sister coaching company called Chiropractor for the Mind. And what I teach is emotional self sufficiency.  And it's emotional self sufficiency, by teaching you emotional intelligence and teaching you to raise your intelligence emotionally. And this idea of emotional self sufficiency, let me just talk about that for one moment, is that when I'm just talking about me, when I am emotionally self sufficient, that means whatever comes my way in life, I am able to coach myself, I am able to help myself out of that emotional confusion. And emotional confusion is a problem for an actor because when you go in to do a scene, you want to be in the moment, emotionally on point.  You want to be emotionally understood.  You want to be able to access every single emotion in you in the moment.  But if you are emotionally confused as a human being, oh boy, do we have a problem. So here's the thing, through core work, which is all that I talk about, that's how we become emotionally unconfused.  And it is also where this ability to coach yourself is so important, and that is especially important when it comes to this idea of how do you abandon yourself. Now, a lot about abandonment has to do with feeling that you are a victim, thinking that you can't handle it, that you can't manage the situation you are in.  But as all of my teachings have taught me and others, it is that we will never be given more than we can handle, but we will be given more than we can control. I'm just going to use the audition situation to keep this easy.  Why when we walk into a meeting or an audition, why do we feel the need to abandon us?  Why all of a sudden does it matter what the writer, director, producer, casting director thinks, but not what we think?  And one of the things I talk about with my private clients and in the weekly classes are, this idea that if I go in and pretend I am the character of Sally.  If I believe I'm Sally, if the only person that I am focusing on that needs to believe that she is Sally is Peter Pamela Rose, guess what automatically will happen? Automatically, everybody else in the room will. And I've only had to put the focus on making myself believe. And when I do that, I am not abandoning myself.  I am not abandoning myself.  Now let's just talk about anxiety and abandoning ourselves.  I want to talk about a few points of When I start to feel that I am, like, abdicating my responsibility for myself to someone else, the number one thing I need to do when that happens is, I need to become aware. And I need to acknowledge my feelings. I talk about awareness, acceptance and action. the first step in core work is becoming aware because you don't know what you don't know, right?  So becoming aware.  And as I am aware and I accept that, “oh, look, I am doing this,” then I can, then that awareness happens, the acceptance that I am doing it happens, and then I want to move very quickly into action. The subject of awareness and acknowledging is really about recognizing and validating my emotions and also allowing myself to say, “okay, it's okay to feel it,” but this is the thing, if I try to say it's not happening, or just go away please, which is what I always like to say to my anxiety, it's not going to work. I need to be in the room, with my feelings and go, this is happening, okay, how am I going to help myself with this?  How am I going to walk through it?  And this is the thing. I don't want to judge it. I just want to acknowledge it.  Because as soon as I start to judge it as being something bad that is happening, that's me trying to get rid of it. Not gonna work. It's not gonna work.  I need to figure out how me and my, let's say, anxiety can function together so that I can say, Oh, look, there you are. Oh, okay. You don't want to eat. Okay. What do I know? I need to do need to make sure when was the last time I ate. Okay. It was an hour ago. Okay. Set my alarm for three hours from now. That's when I'm going to eat.  In other words, I need to practice tough love with myself and support myself and love myself through the feeling of abandonment.  I also recommend that when this happens, you immediately go to either talk to someone, Journal, talk to the universe, or listen to one of these podcasts, one of my core work podcasts. Why do I say that?  Because we need to get out of ourselves.  We can't cure a sick mind with a sick mind. And when we're in that, we're a little sick. Our thinking is stinking. Stinky thinking.  Journaling helps because our, the smarter part of ourselves, our higher coach gets in there and can help us. Praying helps, okay, or reaching out to the universe, talking to a friend to get us back on point.  Or, listening to a podcast like this to get yourself back, to get yourself back.  The other thing that's very important is that I take care of myself. That's why I go to the food. I know when I get anxious, the number one thing I don't want to do is eat. Therefore, I need to put myself on an eating schedule and then decide how much I'm going to eat and then I don't allow myself to get up from the table until I finish it.  And if you think that I don't like doing this, you are correct. Not my favorite thing. But, it does work. Why? Because I'm going through. The best way out is always through.  The other thing is, I really need to challenge my negative emotions and my negative thoughts.  What is my stinking thinking telling me? And how is it making me want to abdicate responsibility for whatever is going on in this moment? Because I am capable.  I am the most capable person I know. How am I going to take care of myself at this moment? What do I need to tell myself? What good things do I need to tell myself?  And then, after I've done these things, then I need to put it all into action.  Put it all into action. And not forget to Baby step it. Baby step it.  It doesn't matter how small it is, because when we accomplish small tasks, we build what? We need that thing that we really need when it comes to abandonment. Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it.  Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it. To regain, to take back our power in that audition room. And focus on the job. Which is to act.  There's no need to abandon yourself. Stay with yourself, love yourself.