#83 - For Current and Potential Spouses

In the podcast finale, we take a look at the entire journey across all five seasons and reflect on key take-home messages and memorable words from my guests and co-hosts. We wrap up with acknowledgments, a dedication, and final words and prayers.Link to A Way Beyond the Rainbow bookBackground music used in the episode:(0:39-4:14) Now We Are Free (theme from Gladiator), 2CELLOS(4:14-7:39) River Flows in You, Yiruma(7:39-13:51) Adagio in G Minor (Albinoni), HAUSER with the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra(13:51-17:21) The Lonely Shepherd (Georghe Zamfir and James Last), HAUSER with the London Symphony Orchestra(17:22-23:04) My Heart Will Go On (theme from Titanic by James Horner), 2CELLOS(23:05-31:00) A Way of Life (theme from The Last Samurai), Hans Zimmer(31:01-33:53) Once Upon a Time in the West (Ennio Morricone), HAUSER(33:54-37:31) Tennessee (theme from Pearl Harbor), Hans Zimmer(37:32-39:28) La Valse d'Amélie (Version orchestre), Yann Tiersen(39:28-44:26) Never Too Late, Yanni(44:27-48:56) Playing by Heart, Yanni(48:57-51:45) House of Cards, Audiomachine(51:54-57:45) Guardians at the Gate, Audiomachine (extended)(57:46-1:01:12) Song of the Caged Bird, Lindsey Stirling(1:01:13-1:07:29) Farewell - In His Purest Form, Yanni(1:07:30-1:10:23) Breath and Life, Audiomachine (extended)(1:10:24-1:13:07) Above and Beyond, Audiomachine(1:13:08-1:17:07) In the Mirror, Yanni(1:17:08-1:20:04) Almost a Whisper (Seléna's Theme), Yanni(1:20:45-1:25:20) Chopin's Nocturne in C Sharp Minor (Frédéric Chopin), HAUSER with the London Symphony Orchestra(1:25:25-1:28:41) Mia and Sebastian's Theme (theme from La La Land by Justin Hurwitz), HAUSER with the Zagreb Philharmonic Orchestra(1:28:43-1:31:31) Valerie (theme from V for Vendetta), Dario Marianelli

A blooper reel featuring many of the out-takes with my co-hosts, Amina and Aadam, that didn't make it to the final cut.

This episode is a discussion with Imam Dawud Walid on the current challenges facing imams, chaplains and community leaders given the current global pro-LGBT socio-political climate, and how we, as Muslim communities, can help our imams and community leaders navigate these challenges so they can, in turn, effectively help their communities.What are some of the struggles that imams and community leaders face in their mosques and communities as far as issues related to same-sex attractions or gender dysphoria? Why are imams scattered when it comes to these matters and not unified in their stance? What is the "jurisdiction" of imams and community leaders in that regard, and what is out of their league? How can we support our imams, chaplains and community leaders as we pave our way together amidst all of these challenges? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Imam Dawud Walid's books:- Towards Sacred Activism- Blackness and Islam- Centering Black Narrative: Black Muslim Nobles Among the Early Pious Muslims- Centering Black Narrative: Ahl al-Bayt, Blackness & Africa

This episode is a discussion with Br. Yahya Van Rooy on the current challenges facing teachers, educators and school administrators given the LGBT paradigm, and how Muslims parents and teachers can navigate them together.How can we provide the Muslim youth with firm footing so as not to be swayed by modern media and pop culture? How can we help students navigate challenges with regards to the LGBT narrative within their own schools? How can we support teachers and parents navigate those challenges? How do we, as fellow students, teachers and staff members, deal with students "coming out" in our schools? What resources are available for Muslim teachers and educators? These and other questions are explored in this episode.Resources mentioned in the episode:- ISLA course outline "Addressing LGBTQ issues in our schools and communities" (with resource links)- Working Towards Principles on Islamic Sexual Ethics (slideshow)- Religious Schools and Colleges Guidance for Same Sex Issues, Sample and Model Policies from the Christian Legal Society

This is part II of a two-episode series with Dr. Ty Mansfield and his wife Danielle where we talk about their personal experience with their mixed-orientation marriage.In this episode, we dive deep into spiritual themes, as well as how we can support men and women experiencing SSA or GD in our communities. How important is recognizing one's Divine purpose in our individual and collective journeys? What can Muslims learn from the Mormon experience in providing appropriate safe spaces and support systems for men and women experiencing SSA or GD? What are ongoing projects that we can help support and learn from? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode. References mentioned in the episode:- North Star International- Voices of Hope project- Voices of Hope: Latter-Day Saint Perspectives on Same Gender Attraction- An Anthology of Gospel Teachings and Personal Essays- In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction- Voices of Hope podcast

This is part I of a two-episode series with Dr. Ty Mansfield and his wife Danielle where we talk about their personal experience with their mixed-orientation marriage.In this episode, we explore Ty and Danielle's personal journeys, how far Ty has come with his own journey of healing and growth, as well as Danielle’s perspective as a wife of a man who experiences SSA. We talk about spirituality and God's love, vulnerability, intimacy and growth. What are the challenges of going into a mixed-orientation marriage, and how can we navigate that? How can we cultivate more intimacy in this marriage context? How do we deal with other people's assumptions and judgments? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode. 

This episode is dedicated to current and potential spouses of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria.In this episode, I read out survey responses sent by members of the online Straight Struggle community addressing current and potential spouses, and we discuss pertinent themes for spouses and answer frequently-asked questions. Why didn't he/she inform me before marriage and wait until now? Will he/she ever change? How do I deal with other people's opinions and judgments, particularly those coming from family? How do I deal with my insecurity and jealousy from my husband seeing other men or being with them, even though I know that there’s nothing sexual or intimate going on? I discovered my spouse has a porn and masturbation addiction, or he’s sexually acting out and has a sex addiction, what should I do? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.References used and resources mentioned in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard CohenInternational support systems for family members (including spouses):- Straight Struggle support group (online, Muslim-based, international)- Strong Support's "Spouses Support Circle" (Muslim-based, UK and international)- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)- Brothers Road (US and international), including resources for wives, "A Woman Who Loves" (retreat), "A Woman's Heart" (coaching), relevant Facebook groups, and webinar - North Star Alliance (Mormon-based, international), including Voices of Hope and Journeys of FaithRelevant articles:- ‘What I Wish My Wife Understood About My Same-Sex Attraction’: What Men Say- ‘What I Wish My Husband Understood About How His Same-Sex Attraction Affects Me’: What Women SayFor porn and sexual compulsive behaviors:- Counseling services: Sexual Recovery Institute, Purify Your Gaze (Muslim organization), Life Star Network, Bethesda Workshops- Information for Spouses and Partners of Sex Addicts- Other helpful resources: Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), NoFap (main website, Reddit “NoFap” forum, Reddit "Muslim NoFap" forum)- Coffee With Karim podcast episode 59: "My Spouse has a Pornography Addiction" with guest speaker Zeyad Ramadan

This is part IV of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, Aadam and I wrap up the discussion on healing with the topic of community healing, and then we answer frequently-asked questions from parents and family members of individuals experiencing SSA or GD. How important are therapists and mentors in the healing journey, and what are their responsibilities? Will my child ever "change"? If my child or sibling invites me to read their pro-LGBT material or attend their meetings, should I do that? How can I help my child overcome his/her porn habits and unwanted sexual behaviors? My son or daughter is having a gay wedding, should I attend? These and other questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi

This is part III of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, Aadam and I discuss practical tips and advice for parents and families of individuals experiencing SSA and GD, and we tackle proper communication skills and conflict resolution techniques. To what extent are time, touch and talk important in the lives of children, adolescents and young adults, and how can I offer that? How and why should the same-sex parent become more invested and the opposite-sex parent take two steps back? If my son is rejecting me, how can I, as a father, rebuild my relationship with him? Why are hands-on activities, sports and physical roughhousing necessary in the lives of boys and men, and how can we invite them to participate in these activities? How do we know if what we're doing is right and the level of intervention is appropriate? If I am a single mom or a single dad, how can I best guarantee the proper gender development of my opposite-sex child? How can I improve my communication skills with my child, resolve conflicts with them and learn more about their love language? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode. References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames NicolosiOther references mentioned in the episode:- Scene from the movie, Good Will Hunting- The Five Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman- The Five Love Languages Quiz- "Knowing Your Child's Love Language" - summary document

This is part II of a 4-episode series dedicated to parents and family members of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions (SSA) and/or gender dysphoria (GD).In this episode, Aadam and I discuss the notions of gender confusion in childhood and highlight important considerations for parents dealing with young boys and girls as well as adolescents experiencing gender nonconformity, SSA and/or GD. What are signs that my child or family member is experiencing gender identity confusion? What are some possible causes for this? When should I be worried? How can I replace cross-gender toys and clothes to which my child is attached with more gender-affirming toys and clothes without hurting his/her feelings? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.References used in this episode:- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen- A Parent's Guide To Preventing Homosexuality by Joseph Nicolosi and Linda Ames Nicolosi