112. Sarah #29: It’s Actually Not Crazy

We discuss the issue of “control” after it came up in our small talk about parties, drugs, and past behavior. Sarah sees clearly how the abuse she suffered in the cult as a child triggers her so profoundly in her current life. She is starting to make a connection of how setting personal boundaries can keep her safe, especially when anxiety comes. Sarah is now personalizing her experiences, as evidenced by her saying “I” at several points in the session rather than referring to the general “one” or “you.” Doug tells a story about camping with his dog that helps Sarah express her own feelings about freedom and safety. It’s a great benchmark moment in their therapy for Sarah to have identified a frame of reference for those feelings.   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Sarah was super busy at work, had drama with her ex, and then got Covid! In session, she expresses that it’s hard for her to say no to anyone, especially her children. Doug helps her stay with the emotion and process “disappointment." Sarah recognizes that she had been running on adrenaline and that she needs to take care of herself. Doug highlights this as her having a personal boundary even in the face of disappointing her son. Is this the beginning of a new neural pathway in her brain that allows her to take care of herself and not constantly put others’ needs ahead of her own?   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Drew is feeling “confident alone” rather than “scared alone.” He describes it like being the driver of the car of his own life and holding the steering wheel himself. He is less co-dependent and not feeling so impacted by triggers and the old wound of abandonment by mom. From this place, Drew is living for himself - although he drops big news at the end of the session indicating that he definitely won’t be living just for himself anymore in about nine months!   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Sarah has sense memories in the present that trigger some traumatic experiences from her upbringing in a cult. She depersonalized her trauma in the cult as a defense mechanism, but she is now able to go through it in therapy. From this more secure and stable place, Sarah is starting to connect emotionally to her own life with understanding and compassion.   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Drew went back home to his parent’s house to re-ground himself. He’s been able to practice how to be present with his parents and not take on the full responsibility for their well-being. Although Drew feels more adult, Doug takes a tack of challenging him in session rather than the “fluff” of praising him and just using unconditional positive regard. Drew loves the challenge approach and is able to explore how he is starting to feel like an adult, but still acting like a child. In Drew’s own words, he said, “I think I’m still learning how to be an adult in the process of learning how to be a parent, in the process of figuring out my childhood.”    Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Sarah is learning not to take ownership of someone else’s feelings. She is still owning her part in triggering someone, but she is starting to allow others to be not ok without having to fix it. Sarah is no longer accepting her old default that there’s something’s wrong with her, or that she needs to fix every uncomfortable situation. Doug points out that she is embodying the Carl Rogers quote, “When I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” Sarah has accepted herself as a trauma survivor and is “lit tur uh lee” reshaping her brain.   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug provides the space to let Drew complain about his job and his boss – something many of us can relate to feeling! Outside of work, Drew is feeling like a grown-up as he individuates from his parents. He is relating to his dad as a fellow adult rather than as a child that needs his father’s approval. He’s redefining the emotional ties he has to his family while he lives his own life for himself.   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Sarah shares memories and scenes that are coming up now from her past as a child growing up in the Children of God cult. Since being in therapy, she is putting pieces of her past together with new perspective and understanding of how it has impacted her life. Sarah is able to verbalize her thoughts and process her feelings with Doug about some of the abuse she endured as a child.   ***Trigger warning*** This episode contains potentially triggering and sensitive topics including child abuse. If you suspect or know that a child is being abused or neglected, call or text 800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453). Professional crisis counselors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential.   Scene from A Time to Kill   Doug’s Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage   Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Drew is not forcing a change externally to feel better internally, having recently come out of a depressive episode. Doug reflects that he might be feeling better in part because he’s allowing himself to be present in the journey not because he reached an end destination. Drew applies this to moving his home right now, and says that he’s able to “trust the process” with both the move and the unknown in general in his life. Drew then drops a “banger” on Doug at the tail end of the session related to his thoughts on not wanting to see a doctor about his heart condition. Doug Friedman Meredith Levy YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Sarah explores how impactful it was to not have someone that at least tried to protect her as a child growing up in a cult. Doug reinforces the concept that she’s now re-parenting herself when she uncovers old wounds and tends to them. Sarah also protects herself by gathering data, like with her upcoming eye surgery. As a protective measure, data collection helps Sarah feel more in control. It’s neither good nor bad; it’s just giving herself familiarity with something unknown to reduce feeling anxious, powerless, and not in control.  Doug's Group Practice Meredith Levy YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media:  YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok