PARENTAL JAILBIRDS W/ Melanie Mary

When you have a fun cool dad that parties and does drugs with you at concerts and a mom who turns into a cruel Disney witch when she drinks, what you gonna do? GO TO AL-ANON! That's what has helped today's guest, Harper, who just recently has healed from the chaos of parents with substance abuse. 

The amount of times Mav's dad has failed at attempted suicide is dramatically humerus at this point. He's invincible. You gotta laugh at the dark stuff to get by and Mav did just that to stay sane.  In order to cope with her parents Mav had to live by the mantra and persona of being an "everything's fine" person. And that has stabbed her in the back. 

Even though Noah has good parents, he still wound up in jail because of following his Dad's cardinal rule "honesty is the best policy" and to never lie.  The big lesson here is: 1) there's no such thing as perfect parents. 2) don't EVER tell the cops the truth when it comes to drugs. And 3) sometimes too much support can make your kid ill prepared for the reality of this cruel and manipulative world. 

This one's a doozy. Comedian Austin Train was raised by his grandma who is still with us today. Thank god. Austin joins me to talk about his complicated relationship with his mom who has always put herself first and his distant dad who's trying to make it right. 

Melanie Mary's mom went to jail the same time her dad was getting out. And now she is confronting her abandonment issues by taking her life into her own hands and putting herself first for once. Looking after parents when they haven't looked after you your whole life is something many abandoned children struggle with and face resentment. I'm guilty of it. But in Melanie's case, she has been taking care of her mom with stage four cancer, only to learn that her mom will never be the mom she wants her to bye. This is why we're comics.

This one is a wild one. Lara's dad plays dead just so she will come and visit him and tend to his needs. Most kids grow up playing pretend with their parents but in Lara's case it wasn't to entertain her childlike imagination, but to calm her dad down from his hallucinations. From pretending to pick glass out of his arm to calling the fake FBI, Lara has always been catering to her dads opioid addiction and hypochondriac paranoia. Meanwhile, dealing with a mom that doesn't exude the most loving energy. 

Kelly was my ideal guest because she lets it all out with tears and yelling. YES! A true comedian and great daughter. Even though she has a great relationship with her parents she still got a little screwed up. Trying to maintain the peace, being mindful of her parents feelings and feeling guilty for her flaws, Kelly works hard at being a perfect daughter. But it will never be enough. As she explains, aka erupts, in this episode. Even when you come from a solid family it can take a lot to maintain that happiness and we end up parenting our parents. Follow Kelly https://www.instagram.com/thisiskellyryan/?hl=en  

Physically abused by his mom, sent to disciplinary boarding schools and outdoor wilderness programs for troubled kids, Zach has been through all the discipline.  Being the youngest, Zach endured a lot more anger from his mom and was still able to forgive her. Talk about working on yourself and coming out on top!

The women who took everything, his moms. You thought Rob's dad was bad? Wait until you hear what his stepmom AND birth mom did once his dad was gone. Just when Rob was doing well in school and starting to land on his feat, both of the women in his life abandon, betray and steal from him. This is ep is a two parter because there are truly two key chapters in Rob's life where his parental figures f***d him over. Through the help of Rob's teachers and his own persistence, he overcame his family hurdles and turned out pretty damn good. 

"Do you want the long or short version of how I almost killed my father" Comedian Rob Smallwood was pushed to the limit by his abusive father. And when it was time to defend his family he almost took his dads life. Just when he thought he was in the clear and on his way to live a normal life, his mom and stepmom did him dirty. There are two significant chapters in his life that his parents f***'d him over so this ep is a two parter. This week is about how Rob's dad. Next week, we cover how his mom and stepmom both stole his college opportunities and money.