the law of detachment: the secret to getting what you want without chasing it

Female friendship is one of the great loves of our lives—and sometimes one of the most complicated. This week, we're revisiting one of my favorite conversations with Elyse Fox, founder of Sad Girls Club, about making friends as an adult, finding your people, outgrowing friendships that no longer fit, and becoming the kind of friend you want to have. We talk friendship breakups, reciprocity, making the first move with a potential new friend, supporting the people you love through hard seasons, and why some of the best friendships might not come in the packaging you expected. As always, take whatever you need from this episode & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x Thank you SO MUCH to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this week's episode. Head to cozyearth.com and treat yourself to your own First Layer set. SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠Substack⁠ follow Elyse Fox on Instagram follow Sad Girls Club on Instagram follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I heard you!!! You wanted part two of the law of detachment, and I’m here to deliver. Because understanding detachment in theory is one thing—actually practicing it when you really, really want something is a whole different story. It's just us this week & we’re talking about why overthinking is sometimes just our very convincing attempt to escape uncertainty, what happens when we make an outcome responsible for validating us, and how to want the relationship, career, opportunity, timeline (whatever it is!!) without gripping it for dear life. Plus, the five questions I ask myself when I can feel myself getting a little too attached. I (lowkey) love this episode & hope you do, too. All I want is for you to learn how to trust yourself through anything & everything, that's it. LOVE YOU. x Thank you SO MUCH to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this week's episode. Head to cozyearth.com and treat yourself to your own First Layer set. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Class is in session, ladies—we're Niko Emanuilidis, host of The Daddy Academy, is here with your complete guide to dating in 2026. We’re revisiting one of my favorite conversations this week & we're getting into what actually makes a man want to commit, why dating feels so confusing right now, and how to actually attract the relationship you’ve always wanted. Niko shares what men are truly thinking in the early stages of dating, how to get approached more IRL, and the biggest mistakes women are making. We explore why you attract who you are—and why you might be attracting emotionally unavailable partners (and how to stop). Ultimately, this is your guide to shifting your patterns, dating from a place of true confidence, and raising your standards to attract a healthy, beautiful relationship. We also cover: why men pull away in dating how to know if a man is serious about you masculine vs. feminine energy in dating what your social media says about you (& do guys notice?) tangible ways to get approached in the wild how to shift your mindset to confidently enjoy dating questions you need to ask in early dating how men ultimately decide on a relationship how to attract better partners understanding your preferences vs. dealbreakers Whether you’re dating, single, healing, or in a situationship you’re lowkey tired of explaining, this episode will help you understand dating dynamics and feel more empowered in your choices. As always, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Niko on ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠ follow Niko on ⁠TikTok⁠ watch The Daddy Academy on ⁠Youtube⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the problem isn’t that you don’t know what you want, but that there’s a gap between what you want and what you repeatedly do? With four months left of the year, consider this our official check-in. Our September reset guide. Not to panic about everything you haven’t accomplished or attempt to reinvent yourself by January 1st, but to get honest about what still matters to you, what doesn’t anymore, and how you actually want to spend the rest of your year. We’re talking about the psychology behind fresh starts, why changing your mind about a goal isn’t the same as giving up, and the difference between relying on motivation and building systems that actually help you follow through (I'm obsessed with systems rn). I’m sharing tangible ways to reassess your goals, turn intentions into repeatable behaviors, use implementation intentions to make action easier, and finally close some of the open loops quietly taking up space in your brain. And because I refuse to let ambition become another reason we postpone our actual lives, we’re also talking about how to make meaningful progress without spending the next four months waiting to finally “arrive.” Four months is actually a long time. Let’s be intentional about what we do with them. As always, take whatever you need from this episode & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You can have plenty of friends and still feel deeply lonely. This week, I’m Unwineding with Dr. Elisabeth Crain to talk about the friendship depth gap: the space between having people in your life and actually feeling deeply known, seen, and connected to them. We’re talking about why adult friendship can feel harder than dating, why the friendships we want often require us to go first, and how vulnerability, consistency, reciprocity, and even a little inconvenience create the kind of soulful friendships so many of us are craving. We also get into friendship jealousy, people-pleasing, friendship breakups, navigating different seasons of life, low-maintenance friendships, and why you don’t need to be a perfect friend to be a really good one. What I really want you to remember from this episode is: maybe you don’t need a bigger circle. Maybe you just need to go a little deeper. But as always, take whatever resonates and leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x COME SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠Substack⁠ follow Dr. Elisabeth on Instagram connect with Dr. Elisabeth follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes getting what you want starts with loosening your grip on how you think it needs to happen. We’re revisiting a favorite today—all about mastering the law of detachment. We’re talking about what it actually means to detach, why letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring, and how to release your need to control every outcome while still going after what you want (my fellow Capricorn/perfectionist/Type A queens, I'm talking to you).  Whether it’s dating, friendships, your career, social media, or literally anything else, detachment isn’t indifference—it’s caring without clinging. It’s showing up fully, doing what’s in your control, and trusting yourself enough to handle whatever happens next.  Consider this your reminder to stop forcing, loosen your grip, and give life a little more room to surprise you. As always, take whatever you need & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠Substack⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

File this episode under: how to be wildly ambitious without postponing your entire life until you "make it." This week, I'm Unwineding with Gaby Ulloa—writer, host, storyteller, and one of those women who leaves you better than she found you. We’re talking about the very real tension between wanting an extraordinary life and actually remembering to LIVE while you’re building it. Gaby opens up about spending years hyper-focused on the next milestone, constantly moving the goalpost, and convincing herself she couldn’t fully celebrate until the “big thing” happened—and what changed when she realized the outcome can’t be the entire point. We get into ambition, perfectionism, self-doubt, overthinking yourself into paralysis, and learning to start before you feel ready. Gaby shares the mindset that helped her stop treating every decision like it could make or break her future, why nobody ever really feels ready for the opportunities they’re given, and the advice from her mom that she still comes back to: people simply choose to rise to the occasion. We also talk about the other side of being a deeply ambitious woman: learning how to actually enjoy the life you’re working so hard to create. How do you chase huge dreams without making your happiness conditional on achieving them? How do you hold the vision while releasing your death grip on exactly how it needs to happen? And at what point does all of our self-improvement, optimization, healing, planning, and preparing actually prevent us from hearing ourselves think (my fellow Capricorns, these questions are for you!!!)? We also get into: • perfectionism, overthinking & taking action before you feel ready• why the biggest self-betrayal might be never letting yourself try• Gaby’s “pearl necklace” mindset for breaking out of paralysis• how to stop constantly moving the goalpost on your own happiness• ambition, self-trust & learning to enjoy the process• holding the vision while releasing the “how”• why there can be such a thing as too much self-improvement• learning to trust your own voice instead of constantly looking for more answers• mentorship & why you always have something to bring to the table• the power of multi-generational female friendships• visibility, confidence & the discomfort of being seen• why actually living your life might make you better at your job• becoming someone your younger self would be proud of & so much more. A conversation I deeply needed and hope you did, too. As always, take whatever resonates and leave the rest. LOVE YOU. SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Gaby on Instagram follow Gaby on TikTok subscribe to Gaby's Substack follow Lisa on ⁠Substack⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Note to self: your brain can make an incredible argument... and still be completely wrong. If you're analytical, ambitious, self-aware, and constantly trying to grow, your inner critic probably doesn't sound irrational. It sounds thoughtful. It cites evidence. It notices patterns. It builds compelling arguments for why you're behind, not good enough, or should play it safe. And that's EXACTLY what makes it so dangerous. It's just us this week & we're talking about why smart women often have really smart inner critics, how our intelligence gets weaponized against us, and the life-changing realization that intelligence and truth are not the same thing. We also get into:• why your inner critic sounds so convincing• the difference between facts and interpretations• how fear recruits your intelligence to keep you safe• why anxiety loves finding "evidence"• the questions I ask myself when my inner critic takes over• how to stop mistaking eloquence for truth As always, I hope there was something in here you needed. Take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on Substack follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some episodes leave you wanting to call your best friend. This is one of them. This week, I'm Unwineding with my beautiful friend Bailey Stanworth, founder of Quickies—the award-winning press-on nail brand recently named Cosmopolitan's #1 Press-On Nail Brand AND winner of a 2026 Cosmopolitan Holy Grail Beauty Award (no big deal!!!!). We talk about what it really takes to build a business from the ground up, knowing when to pivot, trusting yourself before you have all the answers, and the hidden cost of ambition. Then we take a sharp left into one of my favorite topics: female friendship. From making meaningful friends as an adult to navigating friendship shifts, jealousy, conflict, and becoming the kind of woman who attracts incredible people into her life. We also get into: • the story behind Quickies• knowing when to make a career pivot• self-trust & confidence• the hidden cost of ambition• female friendship & community• navigating friendship breakups• long-distance friendships• eating disorder recovery• healing your relationship with yourself• learning to forgive yourself• why your 30s really are better than your 20s And so much more. As always, I hope there was something in here you needed. Take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Bailey on Instagram follow Quickies on Instagram shop Quickies follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

File this episode under: things I'm loving that I refuse to gatekeep. 💌 It's just us this week, and I'm sharing the Substack essays that changed the way I think, beauty products I CAN'T stop repurchasing, new fashion finds, books I'm reading, creator favorites, and a little reminder that it's okay if your life doesn't look like everyone else's highlight reel this summer. As always, take whatever you need & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x ALL BEAUTY & FASHION FAVORITES BOOKS: The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker Talk Like Ted by Carmine Gallo Start With Yourself by Emma Grede Let's F*cking Date by Serena Kerrigan Why Am I Like This? by Sabrina Zohar OTHER: Bloom Clear Protein SUBSTACKS: 1. Gateway misogyny & red pill microdosing 2. I aspire to be a disagreeable & selfish woman 3. I want to do everything, so I do nothing SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices