252. Discussion with "Gender Equity and Reconciliation International"

We spend most of our time on the WHEN DATIGN HURTS podcast discussing ways to detect when a person might actually be an abusive predator. That's why survivors join us and why we discuss the warning signs. But we are not solving the problem, we are suggesting ways to not become destroyed by the problem: predatory abusers A transformation of the way people interact could make life better and safer. It could make life fair and equal. We are honored to include two members of the organization called, Gender Equity and Reconciliation International. In the discussion, they refer to their organization as GERI. Reverend Laurie Gaum and Tristan Johannes are facilitators of discussions with GERI. Reverend Gaum is also a minister with the Dutch Reformed Church. Both men are from Cape Town, South Africa. Listen closely, because their accents are rather heavy, but what they will tell us is quite easily understood. The GERI project brings people together from around the world to discuss and heal from trauma and other experiences related to gender and sexuality. GERI convene groups of men and women (and people of all gender identities and expressions) to work closely together. Their goal: heal from the past and begin rewriting the future of gender relation in the human family. Learn more about GERI at genderreconciliationinternational.org. There you can find more about them and see how to get their new book. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is part two of a two-part story. Sometimes we are attracted to the "bad boys", the ones who make things exciting and live on the edge. They don't listen to authority and make their own rules. Melanie had her eyes on one of the bad boys, John. He was different. He wasn't boring. And the flaws he had she was sure she could fix. As abusers go, John was never holding back. From the time they started dating–and during the time they were married with two children–John did whatever he wanted, when he wanted. It is one thing to be abused, but quite another when there are children involved. Melanie shared this story to teach us about the warning signs using real-life, examples. It is up to us to remember this lesson. This is Melanie's story. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is part one of a two-part story. Sometimes we are attracted to the "bad boys", the ones who make things exciting and live on the edge. They don't listen to authority and make their own rules. Melanie had her eyes on one of the bad boys, John. He was different. He wasn't boring. And the flaws he had she was sure she could fix. As abusers go, John was never holding back. From the time they started dating–and during the time they were married with two children–John did whatever he wanted, when he wanted. It is one thing to be abused, but quite another when there are children involved. Melanie shared this story to teach us about the warning signs using real-life, examples. It is up to us to remember this lesson. This is Melanie's story. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are fortunate to have dating abuse and domestic violence survivors identify our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast as a safe place to tell their stories of freedom. These successful escapes from horrible abuse are why listeners come to WHEN DATING HURTS for life-saving advice. It feels so good to know ascendance from abuse is attainable. MICHELE LOCKE This time, we are honored to listen to a different perspective. Michele Locke is a lawyer. She has also spent years as a judge who presiding over more than 5,000 cases involving families. She has seen it all and, at times, has felt she has seen too much. Listen to our important interview with lawyer and judge Michele Locke. This will dispell some of our myths about 'DV". If you have a unique viewpoint about dating abuse and domestic violence, this is the right place to join us and share with our listeners. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This survivor story comes with several content warnings: There are disturbing domestic violence-related acts, mentions of sexual activities, emotional and physical abuse, violent behavior, stalking, and other post-break-up acts. These can be triggering. This is part three of a three-part story. Anita started listening to the WHEN DATING HURTS podcast about seven months ago. That is when she was dealing with post-separation abuse and stalking from her ex. Her story will sound like many other others you have heard here. But is vastly different in many other ways. Today, she is a single mother of a seven-year-old daughter and joined us to tell her story. We thank Anita for sharing with us. Her courage to reveal her story is remarkable. She tried to make things work, but was unfortunate to have fallen for an abusive predator. She learned the hard way, but by sharing, our listeners can learn by paying attention to her telling of her story. This is Anita's story. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This survivor story comes with several content warnings: There are disturbing domestic violence-related acts, mentions of sexual activities, emotional and physical abuse, violent behavior, stalking, and other post-break-up acts. These can be triggering. This is part two of a three-part story. Anita started listening to the WHEN DATING HURTS podcast about seven months ago. That is when she was dealing with post-separation abuse and stalking from her ex. Her story will sound like many other others you have heard here. But is vastly different in many other ways. Today, she is a single mother of a seven-year-old daughter and joined us to tell her story. We thank Anita for sharing with us. Her courage to reveal her story is remarkable. She tried to make things work, but was unfortunate to have fallen for an abusive predator. She learned the hard way, but by sharing, our listeners can learn by paying attention to her telling of her story. This is Anita's story. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This survivor story comes with several content warnings: There are disturbing domestic violence-related acts, mentions of sexual activities, emotional and physical abuse, violent behavior, stalking, and other post-break-up acts. These can be triggering. This is part one of a three-part story. Anita started listening to the WHEN DATING HURTS podcast about seven months ago. That is when she was dealing with post-separation abuse and stalking from her ex. Her story will sound like many other others you have heard here. But is vastly different in many other ways. Today, she is a single mother of a seven-year-old daughter and joined us to tell her story. We thank Anita for sharing with us. Her courage to reveal her story is remarkable. She tried to make things work, but was unfortunate to have fallen for an abusive predator. She learned the hard way, but by sharing, our listeners can learn by paying attention to her telling of her story. This is Anita's story. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This survivor story comes with warning signs about adult, profane language, hard, drug usage, violence, and descriptions of situations that might have a triggering effect on some listeners. The WHEN DATING HURTS podcast is showing how terrible dating abuse and domestic violence can get. This is part three of a three-part story. This story about Natalie will have a common theme: when we either do not know, or do not pay attention to, warning signs, we can be overtaken by abusive predators, whether they are men or women. These monsters want to control us for whatever ill-conceived uses they want to make of us. We will see how Natalie's relationship with her father set her on a path specifically with men, where she was seeking love but receive nothing that came close to it. But that didn't stop her from trying. Natalie is a brave person to come to us with this story. It is her hope we can learn from the mistakes she made. THE BOOK MENTIONED IN THIS STORY: When we recorded this story, the name, "Natalie", was a created name. If you follow the links below, you will find her actual name. "Pseudo" Pseudo is a 366-page graphic novel about Cat, Ted and Spider. If you'd like a signed second edition, please leave a note when you order. "Bad Boys" Bad Boys is a 399-page tragicomic and heroic graphic novel about finding the way back from trauma-induced numbness to an open heart. In a tangle of lovers, sectarian 12-step groups and cannabis, Cat and Ted hack the system and learn to move from a life of fear – to one of trust. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This survivor story comes with warning signs about adult, profane language, hard, drug usage, violence, and descriptions of situations that might have a triggering effect on some listeners. The WHEN DATING HURTS podcast is showing how terrible dating abuse and domestic violence can get. This is part two of a three-part story. This story about Natalie will have a common theme: when we either do not know, or do not pay attention to, warning signs, we can be overtaken by abusive predators, whether they are men or women. These monsters want to control us for whatever ill-conceived uses they want to make of us. We will see how Natalie's relationship with her father set her on a path specifically with men, where she was seeking love but receive nothing that came close to it. But that didn't stop her from trying. Natalie is a brave person to come to us with this story. It is her hope we can learn from the mistakes she made. THE BOOK MENTIONED IN THIS STORY: When we recorded this story, the name, "Natalie", was a created name. If you follow the links below, you will find her actual name. "Pseudo" Pseudo is a 366-page graphic novel about Cat, Ted and Spider. If you'd like a signed second edition, please leave a note when you order. "Bad Boys" Bad Boys is a 399-page tragicomic and heroic graphic novel about finding the way back from trauma-induced numbness to an open heart. In a tangle of lovers, sectarian 12-step groups and cannabis, Cat and Ted hack the system and learn to move from a life of fear – to one of trust. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This survivor story comes with warning signs about adult, profane language, hard, drug usage, violence, and descriptions of situations that might have a triggering effect on some listeners. The WHEN DATING HURTS podcast is showing how terrible dating abuse and domestic violence can get. This is part one of a three-part story. This story about Natalie will have a common theme: when we either do not know, or do not pay attention to, warning signs, we can be overtaken by abusive predators, whether they are men or women. These monsters want to control us for whatever ill-conceived uses they want to make of us. We will see how Natalie's relationship with her father set her on a path specifically with men, where she was seeking love but receive nothing that came close to it. But that didn't stop her from trying. Natalie is a brave person to come to us with this story. It is her hope we can learn from the mistakes she made. THE BOOK MENTIONED IN THIS STORY: When we recorded this story, the name, "Natalie", was a created name. If you follow the links below, you will find her actual name. "Pseudo" Pseudo is a 366-page graphic novel about Cat, Ted and Spider. If you'd like a signed second edition, please leave a note when you order. "Bad Boys" Bad Boys is a 399-page tragicomic and heroic graphic novel about finding the way back from trauma-induced numbness to an open heart. In a tangle of lovers, sectarian 12-step groups and cannabis, Cat and Ted hack the system and learn to move from a life of fear – to one of trust. NOTE: If you are a survivor and want to share your story of abuse on the WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast, please email me: [email protected] The WHEN DATING HURTS book (in paperback, eBook, and audiobook) can be found on Amazon. HELPFUL RESOURCES: • National Domestic Violence Hotline – The Hotline.org – Call 800-799-SAFE • LoveIsRespect – Call 866-331-9474 • RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) – RAINN.org – Call 800-656-4673 • SUICIDE HELPLINE: Call 988 Thank you for listening to our WHEN DATING HURTS podcast, Bill Mitchell WhenDatingHurts.com DISCLAIMER: The WHEN DATING HURTS Podcast is providing this platform for information to be shared. We do not state with any certainty that anything is true or untrue. Understand that what you hear is the viewpoint of the people sharing. The information, opinions, and recommendations presented in this Podcast are for general information only. Any reliance on the information provided in this Podcast is done at your own risk. This Podcast should not be considered professional advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices