How to Read the Room with Pamela Meyer | 439

We spend a whole lot of time thinking about how other people perceive us. How we communicate, present, negotiate, network, make a good impression, say the right thing at the right time. Basically, we put a lot of effort into being interesting. But what if we spent more time being interested? Because entire conversations are happening around us that have nothing to do with what anyone is actually saying. And we might be missing all of it because we’re too busy planning the next brilliant thing we’re going to say. In this episode, Nicole sits down with Pamela Meyer, a leading expert on deception detection who trains executives and institutional leaders on information elicitation, social observation, and insider threat mitigation. She’s also the author of How to Read the Room: The Art and Science of Social Observation. They discuss: Why being confident in our ability to read a room doesn’t mean we’re actually good at it Why talking less can help us notice more How our own ego, biases, and needs distort what we observe Why asking “How can I make this room better?” can change an interaction Pamela’s “Triple B” method: background, behavior, and beliefs What to watch immediately after conflict happens How to identify informal power and influence in a room The back-pocket questions that can reveal what people are really thinking Why crossed arms, eye contact, and other body language “rules” can mislead us Why clusters of behavior matter more than individual gestures Verbal and nonverbal signals that may warrant closer attention when deception is suspected How to avoid confusing anxiety or nervousness with dishonesty Why context, curiosity, and giving people the benefit of the doubt matter Maybe the most powerful person in the room isn’t the one talking the most. Maybe it’s the one paying attention. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Pamela: Website: https://PamelaMeyer.com  Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250378230?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback  X: https://x.com/Pamela_Meyer  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pamelameyer  Related Podcast Episodes How To Listen with Emily Kasriel | 321 Pants On Fire (The Truth About Lying) with Lauren Handel Zander | 219 131 / Maximize Your Success By Managing Your Ego with Christie Garcia Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the problem isn’t that there aren’t enough hours in the day, but that we’re giving too many of them away? For a long time, doing more was practically a badge of honor. More meetings. More preparation. More polishing. More yeses. More proving. And while all that effort might get results, it can also leave us burnt out, resentful, and wondering why the hell we’re working this hard when technology was supposed to make our lives easier. In this episode, Nicole sits down with Fran Hauser, leading career expert, champion of women in the workplace, former President of Digital at Time Inc., startup investor, and acclaimed author of 20 Minutes Is the New Hour: The Ambitious Woman’s Guide to Doing Less and Achieving More. They discuss: Why 20 minutes might actually be enough for that hour-long meeting The four P’s stealing our time: perfectionism, people pleasing, procrastination, and padding How people pleasing creates overwhelm, burnout, and resentment The power of pausing before automatically saying yes Why saying yes to every opportunity can actually work against women professionally How to recognize what’s underneath procrastination Why starting messy can create momentum How shorter timelines can force clarity and keep perfectionism from taking over The difference between Chronos and Kairos How leaders can experiment with shorter meetings and meeting-free time Why doing less isn’t about caring less—it’s about being intentional with our most precious resource The goal isn’t to reclaim 40 minutes from a meeting just to squeeze two more meetings into the space. It’s to stop giving away so much of our time to habits, expectations, and systems that don’t deserve it. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Fran: Website: https://www.franhauser.com/  Book: https://www.franhauser.com/twentyminutes  IG: https://www.instagram.com/fran_hauser/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/franhauser/  Related Podcast Episodes CLASSIC EPISODE: The 15-Minute Method To Getting It Done with Sam Bennett The Ambition Trap with Amina AITai | 309 119. Realistic Time Management for High-Performing Women Entrepreneurs Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Just stay positive” might be some of the most useless advice ever given when life is falling apart. Because resilient optimism isn’t pretending everything is fine, ignoring reality, or slapping a silver lining on something that just plain sucks. It’s believing that even when we can’t control what happens, we still have agency over what we do next. Michelle Gielan is a positive psychology researcher, bestselling author of Broadcasting Happiness, former CBS Morning News anchor, and author of Resilient Optimism: The Science of Sustaining a Positive Mindset in Tough Times. Her research explores how optimism impacts happiness, resilience, performance, productivity, and our ability to navigate stress, uncertainty, setbacks, and change. In this episode, Michelle and Nicole unpack why optimism isn’t just a feeling — it’s a behavior.  We explore: What resilient optimism is — and how it differs from toxic positivity Why optimism is a behavior we can practice, not just a personality trait How to hold two truths at once with a “yes, and” mindset Why our brains naturally focus on threats and negative information The five trainable behaviors of resilient optimists How to recalibrate perspective without ignoring reality Why strategic rest and recovery can improve performance The impact of negative news, social media, and our information diet Why relationships and social connection are critical to happiness and optimism Optimism isn’t believing everything will work out exactly the way we want. It’s believing there’s still something worth doing before we know how the story ends. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Michelle: Book: https://www.resilientoptimism.com/  Substack: https://michellegielan.substack.com/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michellegielan/  Related Podcast Episodes Your Brain Is a Filthy Liar with Bizzie Gold | 361 The Stress Paradox: Why We Need Stress (and How to Make It Work for Us) with Dr. Sharon Horesh Bergquist | 294 Invite the Tiger to Tea: How to Turn Stress Into Strength with Dr. Rebecca Heiss | 340 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Work isn’t exactly working for women. We have more opportunities, more impressive titles, more responsibility, and more ways to succeed than generations before us. And yet, a whole lot of successful women are exhausted, overwhelmed, underutilized, and wondering: Is this really as good as it gets? Dr. Helen Krug von Nidda is an executive coach, licensed career counselor, Stanford University instructor, and author of Closing the Fulfillment Gap. She’s spent more than 20 years helping women navigate their careers and create work lives that actually fit who they are today — not who they were when they started climbing the damn ladder. In this episode, Helen and Nicole unpack the “fulfillment gap” — the distance between what women expected successful careers to feel like and what they’re actually experiencing.  We explore: Why women can be successful at work and still feel deeply unfulfilled How autonomy, connection, and competence influence fulfillment Why what fulfills women changes throughout different career and life stages The MOVE framework for creating a more fulfilling career How values can serve as breadcrumbs when the bigger vision isn’t clear Why knowing what you don’t want can help clarify what you do The surprising power of “weak ties” and expanding professional networks Small career changes women can make now to start closing the fulfillment gap Fulfillment isn’t something waiting at the top of the ladder, and it probably isn’t hiding inside the next promotion either. Women may not control every workplace, leader, system, or outcome — but they do have power over what they pursue, tolerate, change, and choose. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Helen: IG: https://www.instagram.com/with.dr.helen/  Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GT9YPC9C/  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/helenkrugvonnidda/  Substack: https://substack.com/@withhelen https://www.with-helen.com/  Related Podcast Episodes: Work Shouldn’t Suck: How to Make It Good with Moe Carrick | 356 How To Know When It’s Time to Quit with Goli Kalkhoran | 266 How To Live A Fulfilling Life with Dr. Edith Eger | 251 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We love a comeback story. The recovery after the diagnosis. The victory after the struggle. The inspiring lesson wrapped up with a pretty bow and, preferably, some flattering lighting. But what about when you’re still in it? Allison Sweet Grant was barely 40, a mother of three, and just beginning her literary career when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her memoir, Lump: A Memoir in Ineloquent Reflections, tells the truth about breast cancer treatment and recovery without cleaning it up for public consumption. There’s fear and hope. Gratitude and anger. Humor and grief.  In this episode, Allison and Nicole talk about the messy emotional reality of a breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy and cancer recovery, including the pressure to stay positive, the complicated role of caregivers, and why gratitude doesn’t cancel out grief. We explore: Why gratitude, grief, fear, anger, humor, and hope can all exist at once The pressure cancer patients can feel to stay positive or find the “silver lining” How cancer affects spouses, children, caregivers, and the entire family Why humor and sarcasm can be powerful coping mechanisms during difficult experiences How the need to be liked or seen as a “good patient” can keep women from asking important questions Why bringing an advocate to medical appointments can make a difference How fear influences major healthcare decisions — and why Allison wishes she had paused more The ongoing fear of cancer recurrence and what it means to live in the complicated space between patient and survivor Because the truth doesn’t need to be positive, polished, perfect, or profound to be worth telling. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year Connect with Allison: Website: https://www.allisonsweetgrant.com/  Book: https://www.amazon.com/Lump-Reflections-Allison-Sweet-Grant-ebook/dp/B0GL1H4FJL/  Related Podcast Episodes: Survival Is Woman’s Work with Kathy Giusti | 391 Joan Lunden on Reinvention, Leadership & Life Beyond the Script | 392 161 / Survivorship and Breast Cancer with Virginia Carnesale Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Society doesn’t just tell girls who they’re supposed to be. It tells boys who they’re supposed to be too. Different rules, different consequences—but they’re still boxes asking our kids to perform who they’re supposed to be instead of discovering who they actually are. In this episode of This Is Woman’s Work, Nicole Kalil welcomes back Dr. Shefali, world-renowned clinical psychologist, multiple New York Times bestselling author, founder of the Conscious Parenting Movement, and author of two new books, Raising Conscious Daughters and Raising Conscious Sons. And while there’s plenty to say about raising confident girls, this conversation spends significant time on what boys need from parents in a culture sending them increasingly confusing messages about masculinity. They explore: What parents are getting wrong about raising boys today What “integrated masculinity” looks like and why boys need healthier models of manhood How parents can help boys navigate social media, pornography, the manosphere, and toxic masculinity Why mentorship and positive male role models matter What boys may be seeking through video games, online communities, and bro culture How movement, purpose, contribution, and connection can support boys’ emotional health How to help boys experience and express anger without shaming their emotions or allowing harmful behavior How girls are still being taught to seek approval—even when it’s packaged as empowerment Why parents need to examine their own emotional baggage and achievement expectations Because raising kids who know who they are—and get to decide who they become—that’s the work of a parent. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 40% off your first year Connect with Dr. Shefali: Website: https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/  IG: https://www.instagram.com/doctorshefali/?hl=en  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@doctorshefali  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorshefali  Related Podcast Episodes FACTS About Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids with Alyssa Blask Campbell M.Ed | 345 126 / The Parenting Map with Dr. Shefali 056 / A Radical Awakening with Dr. Shefali Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if midlife isn’t the beginning of the decline, but the beginning of something entirely new? We’ve been sold a pretty outdated life plan: learn, work, climb, achieve, retire. Preferably while raising children, maintaining friendships, exercising, drinking enough water, keeping our relationships interesting, remembering everyone’s birthdays, and figuring out what the fuck is happening to our hormones. Yeah. That plan could use an update. In this episode of This Is Woman’s Work, Nicole Kalil talks with Lynda Gratton, one of the world’s leading experts on the future of work, professor of management practice at London Business School, and author of Living the Hundred Year Life: How to Build a Career That Lasts and a Life You Love. They explore: Why the traditional learn-work-retire model no longer fits a 100-year life How longer lifespans are changing careers, retirement, and the future of work Why women have been living multi-stage careers long before workplaces caught up The eight “threads” that help create a fulfilling, sustainable life and career Why relationships, friendship, adventure, and calm are essential to avoiding burnout Why calm may be one of the most neglected resources in women’s lives How to create more calm without pretending we suddenly have hours of free time The difference between the future self you hope for, expect, and fear Why adventure doesn’t require blowing up your life or booking a trip around the world Why you might want to take a little piece of retirement now instead of saving all of it for someday So if you’re asking, “What’s next for me?” maybe you don’t need the entire answer yet. Maybe you get to keep weaving, experimenting, and choosing as you go. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 40% off your first year Connect with Lynda: Website: https://www.livingthe100yearlife.com/  Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-100-Year-Life-build-career/dp/1399432966/ref=sr_1_1  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynda-gratton-3b179813/    Assessment: https://www.livingthe100yearlife.com/assessment  Related Podcast Episodes: On Sabbaticals, Reinvention, and Getting Older | Unfiltered & Unhinged JoySpan: A Smarter Way To Age Well (And Break Free From Anti-Aging Culture) with Dr. Kerry Burnight | 425 Why “Rewirement” Beats Retirement (and How to Do It Right) with Anne Chow | 350 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us got way too practical. We learned what’s realistic, reasonable, and likely to work. We became responsible adults who pay the mortgage and don’t launch every half-baked idea that hits us in the shower. Great. But what if being “realistic” is sometimes just fear with better branding? In this episode of This Is Woman’s Work, Nicole Kalil talks with Dr. Salima Bhimani, moonshot architect, entrepreneur, former Alphabet Chief Strategist for Responsible Technology, CEO of 10x Responsible Tech, and author of Invent Now: The Next Leap in Moonshots. Salima challenges the idea that innovation, AI, emerging technology, and moonshot thinking belong exclusively to Silicon Valley geniuses with billion-dollar budgets. Instead, she argues that human ingenuity exists everywhere—and that the future gets a hell of a lot more interesting when everyday people stop being passive recipients of technology and start participating in what gets built. They explore: What a moonshot idea actually is—and why it’s not just for tech billionaires Why Salima believes we’re wasting enormous amounts of human genius and potential How AI and emerging technology are lowering the barriers to innovation Why humanity—not technology—is the real moonshot How to stop underestimating your own ability to create change and make an impact The importance of community and collaboration when solving complex problems Why we tend to underestimate our own impact while wildly overestimating everyone else’s How purpose and creativity can emerge during messy, uncertain seasons of life Why friction, frustration, and problems may be exactly where the best ideas are hiding What Salima calls the “third space,” where human ingenuity and technology come together This isn’t about convincing everyone to cure cancer, build the next Google, or become an inventor. It’s about getting a little less impressed by what’s “realistic” and a lot more curious about what could be possible. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 40% off your first year Connect with Salima: Website: https://salimabhimani.com/  Book: https://www.amazon.com/Invent-Now-Next-Leap-Moonshots/dp/1394394020  IG: https://www.instagram.com/moonshotmaven_salimabhimani/  Related Podcast Episodes Pioneers: 8 Principles for Building a Business That Lasts with Neri Karra Sillaman | 383 AI, Hiring, and the Future of Work (Without Selling Your Soul) with Katie Fortunato | 395 AQ: The Intelligence You Actually Need (And Why IQ & EQ Aren’t Enough) with Liz Tran | 386 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re living in the age of the quick fix. Three steps to happiness. One habit to eliminate anxiety. A supplement for every symptom. Enough already. Because grief is complicated. Mental health is complicated. Relationships are complicated. We are complicated. And when we reduce deeply human experiences into easy solutions, we don’t just oversimplify the problem—we risk making people believe they’re the problem. In this episode of This Is Woman’s Work, Nicole Kalil talks with Dr. Celeste Birkhofer, clinical psychologist, adjunct clinical faculty member at Stanford Medical School, and author of Beyond Quick Fixes. Together, they explore the five inner resources that support mental health, emotional resilience, healthy relationships, and personal growth—and why strengthening ourselves from the inside out matters more than finding the next hack. They explore: The five inner resources that create a stronger foundation for mental health and well-being How to develop a healthy sense of self, self-esteem, agency, and self-compassion Why coping strategies learned in childhood may no longer serve us as adults The difference between healthy coping and patterns of over-control, avoidance, numbing, or perfectionism Why strong relationships—and learning to tolerate disappointment and repair ruptures—are essential to well-being How to ask for the kind of support you actually need instead of expecting people to magically know Why self-compassion and personal growth can (and should) exist at the same time What the “wise self” is and how to strengthen and trust that internal voice Why professional mental health support matters when life becomes painful or overwhelming The work isn’t to constantly fix ourselves. It’s to know ourselves, strengthen ourselves, and build the inner resources that help us meet whatever life hands us with more capacity, compassion, resilience, and trust. Thank you to our sponsors! Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 40% off your first year Connect with Celeste: Website: https://www.celestebirkhofer.com/  Book: https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Quick-Fixes-Ingredients-Fulfilling/dp/B0GRWSRJLK  IG: https://www.instagram.com/celestebirkhofer  FB: https://www.facebook.com/celeste.birkhofer   LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/celeste-birkhofer-phd-psyd-85525a9/  Substack: https://drcelestebirkhofer.substack.com/  Brainzmagazine: https://www.brainzmagazine.com/executive-contributor/celeste-birkhofer  Related Podcast Episodes: Stop Saying “I’m Fine”: Nervous System Regulation for High-Achieving Women with Michelle Grosser | 372 The Biology Of Trauma - And How To Heal It with Dr. Aimie Apigian | 346 Grown-Up Goals: The 5 Pillars Of Being A Healthy Adult with Michelle Chalfant | 317 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Women have been told for years that they need to negotiate more—but what if that isn't the real problem? In this episode, Nicole welcomes negotiation consultant, Harvard research fellow, and founder of Moon Negotiation, Joan Moon, to unpack what the research actually says about women and negotiation. Together, they challenge outdated myths, explore the impact of gender bias at the bargaining table, and share practical strategies that help women advocate for themselves without abandoning who they are. From salary conversations to flexible work arrangements and everyday communication, this conversation reveals that negotiation isn't about becoming more aggressive—it's about becoming more strategic.  In This Episode Nicole and Joan Discuss: Why the idea that women are "bad negotiators" is a myth unsupported by research. How gender bias—not lack of skill—often influences negotiation outcomes. Why women excel when negotiating for others but face different expectations when advocating for themselves. The power of the win-win approach and how to frame requests around shared success. How asking better questions leads to stronger negotiation outcomes, and why listening is often a negotiator's greatest advantage. The importance of uncovering the other person's underlying interests instead of making assumptions. How to negotiate non-salary benefits like flexibility, time, and professional support. Practical strategies for performance reviews, raises, and promotion conversations. Common negotiation mistakes women make—and how to avoid them. Together, these insights offer a practical roadmap for approaching negotiation with confidence, clarity, and a win-win mindset.  Thank you to our sponsors! Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com/TIWW. Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills! Connect with Joan: Website: ww.moonnegotiation.com  IG: https://www.instagram.com/moonnegotiation/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@moonnegotiation  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joanmoon413/   Mini Online Course: https://course.moonnegotiation.com/fundamentals-of-negotiation-for-women-EXPRESS  Related Podcast Episodes The 3 N’s - Negotiation, Networking & No with Kathryn Valentine | 327 162 / Compensation Myths with Kelli Thompson How To Ask Better Questions with Elizabeth Weingarten | 347 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices