253. Holding back

Join us this week as we inquire into the idea of screwing it up. For most of us, it was at a young age that we internalized the idea that we could make a mistake. Thus was born the fear of being a screw-up. But is that even a thing? Is screwing up even possible? Perhaps it is when we believe it is – or maybe not even then. But either way, we’re curious about what’s on the other side of this belief. What would it be like to step into the next moment of life without it?

Beginning with a meditation on noticing where we hold back, morphing into a couple powerful solo back-and-forth inquiries, and morphing ultimately into a profound group popcorn-style session, this week’s episode dives into themes like wanting to be special and craving attention. In Tom’s usual style of deeper exploration, though, it also eventually uncovers the extremely intense fear of emotional and even physical pain. It traces that initial prompt of holding back to its real fears, and questions them all, leaving no stone unturned and not holding back in this episode of Love Is The Power, ironically titled: Holding Back.

Who’s ready to question a collection of some of our favourite fears? In this episode, Tom brings up the thought, “There are certain experiences I need to be afraid of.” What follows is a popcorn inquiry of a mish-mash of terrifying situations, including: being burned alive, drowning, being judged, being rejected, losing support, hurting other people, and many more. Choose your own adventure: Fear Edition. What the belief in fear boils down to, we notice, is just not wanting to suffer. But as Tom points out, would you consider being constantly terrified of an endless list of possibilities suffering? Is it really intelligent to hold onto suffering in the form of fear in order to avoid future suffering? If you’re getting the sense it might not be, join us in questioning the thought, “I need my fear.”

Can you think of something you wanted your parents to give you? Comfort, safety, honesty, love, consistency, a calm presence, equality, permission to be yourself… Something you wanted from them that, for whatever reason, they were unable to give. This week’s episode delves into what it’s like to be waiting to be given our heart’s desires from our parents. Whether we’re angry with them for how they treated us, or suspect that they were right and we were the problem, could it be time to take care of the little one inside who feels so abandoned? Could it be time to turn it around and give ourselves what we thought only our parents (or partners, children, and friends) could give us? Join in the group inquiry to notice for yourself.

In this week’s episode we’re exploring the thought, “I am not beautiful.” Can you absolutely know that it’s true that who you are, what you are, is not beautiful? Do you? For many of us, life can become veiled in layers of this thought. Believing ourselves to be unbeautiful brings with it a feeling of being undeserving of good things, so we try to become the best. The best in our career, achievements, relationships, finances… and you know, everything else. But how much of the way we treat ourselves comes from an underlying sense of not being truly, exquisitely, amazingly beautiful in every way? Join the inquiry this week that explores what life is like believing this thought, and conversely, what life becomes without it.

What is it like walking around all day, wanting safety and security from the world? That is this week’s exploration; looking into the true effect of living that way, as if the thought “I need safety in the world” is true. We notice not being able to relax (because that would be dumb and irresponsible), feeling irritable, and being hyper-vigilant all the time. On guard for any danger that might be around the corner. And one of the biggest effects we saw is how it becomes so important what other people think of us. We believe we need approval from other people so that we can have safety. But do we actually need either of those things from the world around us? Let’s check it out.

According to Byron Katie, the order of creation is this: think, feel, act, have. And as Tom points out in this episode, we think according to whatever concept we’re holding to be true. That thinking then becomes our feelings, and we act from the feelings, creating the life we’re living. So it stands to reason that if we’re not liking what we’re living, we could go back to the stressful concepts that direct our thinking and question them. This week’s stressful concept is a subtle conclusion that permeates most of our waking hours: So many things could go wrong. Join in and follow along in the inquiry to glimpse your own insights, or simply listen to the insights shared in this episode.

Do you ever notice living with the thought, “There’s something better than this”? Something better than here, better than now, better than what I’m living… It can become like a white noise machine – on in the background until we forget what silence feels like or that it’s even running at all. In this episode, we explore that silence in the form of being without this thought. And there are some pretty beautiful findings in the experience. One way we notice reacting when we believe there’s something better than what we’re living, is we see mistakes everywhere. We blame our past selves for actions that we believe resulted in us being in a place we don’t want to be in now. But who would we be – even for a moment – without these concepts. How might we see our lives?

This week’s inquiry begins by noticing all the movements of life. Relationships, jobs, houses, cars, kids, wellbeing … everyday stuff. Do you experience any resistance just hearing that list? If you do, we invite you to follow along with an inquiry on the likely cause of that stress: believing the thought, “I have to keep it all going.” Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Does this thought bring peace or stress into your life? If it’s stressful, it might be worth a second look.

This week’s episode holds space for one of the main fears that can come up when we’re experimenting with inquiry and getting free: the fear of being insensitive. As Tom points out, deep down nobody wants to be insensitive to the suffering that goes on in this world. And when we reach states of openness and freedom ourselves, sometimes the fear that shows up is hurting other people by not joining them in their misery. Through a vulnerable health-related share and an exploration into the possibility that everything – everything – works out in the best way possible, that sparks the conversation about how sensitivity fits into the equation of personal liberation, we invite you to join in on The Work.