#345: How to deal with defensive people at work.

Defensive behaviour often appears when someone experiences feedback or criticism as a threat. They may justify their actions, change their tone or push back in an attempt to make the uncomfortable conversation go away. In this episode, Ben explains why simply backing off can reward defensiveness and leave important problems unresolved. He shares practical ways to continue the conversation: be helpful, ask for the other person's view, avoid surprising them with criticism in public, identify a shared goal and, when necessary, describe the behaviour you have observed directly without applying a judgemental label. Key points Defensiveness is often a response to a perceived threat. Backing away every time someone becomes defensive can reward the behaviour and weaken accountability. Position yourself as helpful by asking what support the person needs. Ask for their opinion because there may be important context you do not yet understand. Give sensitive feedback privately and avoid putting people on the spot in public. Focus the conversation on a shared positive outcome. If other approaches do not work, describe the specific behaviour you observed and ask what is happening. Avoid simply labelling someone as defensive; observable behaviour is less judgemental and harder to dispute. Key takeaway You can reduce defensiveness without abandoning accountability by lowering the sense of threat, seeking the person's perspective and keeping the conversation focused on support and shared outcomes. Leave a comment! What has worked best for you when dealing with defensive behaviour, and what approaches have not worked so well?

It is possible to be talented at your work without enjoying it. Over time, this can create stress and leave you feeling stuck, especially when you have invested years in a profession or industry. In this episode, Ben shares questions that can help you think more openly about your career direction. He invites you to imagine your ideal job, notice the activities that put you into a state of flow, consider the lifestyle you want around your work, identify the parts of your role that create the most stress, and recognise the work you enjoy most. The aim is not necessarily to abandon your career, but to find ways to adjust your direction so it fits you better. Key points Being good at a type of work does not necessarily mean you enjoy it. Imagine your ideal role five years from now without limiting yourself to your current position. Notice which activities absorb you so completely that you lose track of time. Consider your whole life when thinking about career direction, including hours, flexibility, remote work and in-person work. Identify the tasks that create the most stress and consider what they reveal about your values and motivation. Think about which parts of your current or previous roles you enjoy most. A better career direction may involve adjusting your current work rather than starting again completely. Key takeaway Your future career direction should reflect not only what you are good at, but also what you enjoy, what gives you energy and the kind of life you want your work to support. Resources mentioned Article: Flow by Psychology Today. Book: Flow. Work with Ben: Leadership coaching. Leave a comment! Which parts of your work put you into a state of flow, and what might they reveal about your future career direction?

Starting a new leadership role often comes with pressure to make an impact. That pressure can tempt leaders to change things too quickly, rely too heavily on what worked in a previous role, or accept other people's assumptions about the team. In this episode, Ben explores four common mistakes leaders make when entering a new role. He explains why it is important to understand the context behind current ways of working, listen to the experience already in the team, balance the needs of senior leaders with those of team members, and gather evidence before making changes. Key points Avoid changing things simply to prove that you are making an impact. Do not assume that methods from a previous role will work in a different team, organisation or industry. Form your own view of the team instead of treating other people's opinions as fact. Learn the context behind existing practices before deciding they are ineffective. Avoid aligning so closely with your boss or senior leadership that you ignore your team's experience and input. Gather information, get to know the team and use evidence to support any changes you make. Key takeaway Before putting your stamp on a new leadership role, take time to understand the team and its context. Thoughtful, evidence-based changes are more useful than changes made simply to create an impression. Resources mentioned Work with Ben: Leadership coaching. Leave a comment! What mistakes have you made when starting a new leadership role, and what

Empowering your team. Delegating effectively. Asking people for their input. Taking time to think. Staying quiet so others can contribute. These can all be signs of good leadership. But what happens when the people around you perceive them differently? Sometimes thoughtful leadership behaviours can be perceived as weakness, indecisiveness, lack of visibility or a failure to take charge. In this episode, I explore why this happens and what thoughtful leaders can do to manage perceptions without abandoning the way they want to lead. In this episode, you'll learn: Why empowering someone else can be interpreted as taking a back seat. How effective delegation can sometimes be mistaken for avoiding work. Why staying quiet in meetings can hurt perceptions of your visibility. How taking time to think may be mistaken for indecisiveness. Why asking for input can sometimes be interpreted as not knowing what to do. Why more direct and authoritative leaders may judge thoughtful leadership differently. How your position as a leader can make visibility more important than you realise. Why relationships influence how people interpret your leadership. How to distinguish intentional thoughtful leadership from simply avoiding stepping forward. Why being transparent about your leadership style can help manage perceptions. Resources Podcast episode: #319: How to be authentic in your leadership role. Work with Ben: Leadership coaching. What do you think? Have you ever been criticised for a leadership behaviour that you believed was actually good leadership? Or have you seen thoughtful leadership interpreted as weakness? Leave a comment on the show notes page or on Spotify.

Many leadership courses include a values exercise. Usually, you're given a long list of values and asked to choose the ones that seem most important to you. That can be a useful starting point, but it doesn't always tell you much about what those values mean or how they influence your life and leadership. Your strongest values are often revealed through your experiences, emotional reactions and the people you admire. In this episode, I share four questions that can help you uncover and understand your values more deeply. In this episode, you'll learn: Why simply choosing words from a values list may not go far enough. How a proud moment can reveal a value that was being fulfilled. Why anger or frustration may signal that an important value was compromised. How periods when life was going well can reveal the conditions you value. What the people you admire can teach you about your own values. Why it can be useful to identify five to seven important values. How ongoing reflection helps you refine your understanding over time. Why values awareness can help you lead and live more confidently. Resources The Useful Values Journal: A free digital journal that guides you through identifying, reflecting on and refining your personal values. Understand Your Values online course: A guided online course for exploring your values in greater depth (use the coupon code TLVALUES for a discount). Values list: A list of values can help you identify possible words after reflecting on your experiences. Related essay from Ben's other website: Who do you think you are? What do you think? Which of these four questions gives you the strongest response? Are there any other questions you use to understand your values? Leave a comment on the show notes page below or join the discussion on Spotify.

Most leaders probably don't think of themselves as particularly self-interested. However, self-interest doesn't only appear through obvious behaviours such as political manoeuvring, blaming others or trying to climb the career ladder at someone else's expense. It can also appear in small, everyday moments. Checking a message while someone is talking. Repeatedly cancelling one-on-one meetings. Being consistently unavailable. Failing to take an interest in someone's career development. These actions may not come from bad intentions, but they can still make people feel unimportant. In this episode, I explore small, medium and large examples of self-interest and consider how they affect trust, morale and leadership credibility. In this episode, you'll learn: Why self-interest can derail otherwise capable leaders. How distraction and a lack of attention can make people feel unimportant. Why repeatedly cancelling one-on-ones damages relationships. How constant busyness can begin to look like self-interest. Why supporting career development is an important leadership responsibility. How blaming, avoiding accountability and political manoeuvring destroy trust. Why the perception of self-interest matters, even when it isn't your intention. How focusing on others can ultimately improve your own leadership results. Resources Leadership coaching: Work with Ben. What do you think? What examples of self-interest have you seen from leaders? Do you sometimes notice any of these behaviours in yourself? Leave a comment on the show notes page below or join the discussion on Spotify.

At some point in your leadership career, you may find yourself leading someone who has significantly more experience than you. They may be older than you, have spent decades in your industry or possess technical knowledge that you don't have. This can feel intimidating, especially when you believe that being the leader means you should have all the answers. However, leadership isn't necessarily about being the most experienced person in the room. In this episode, I share practical ideas for leading experienced people, benefiting from their expertise and maintaining your own leadership authority. In this episode, you'll learn: Why leading more experienced people is becoming increasingly common. How asking for people's opinions can build trust and motivation. Why experienced people may react badly when their expertise is ignored. How experienced team members can help develop others. Why you shouldn't defer to experienced employees on every decision. How to clarify your decision-making process. Why leadership skills can be valuable even when you have less technical experience. How your access to senior leaders gives you organisational context that your team may not have. Resources Coaching: Work with Ben. What do you think? Have you led someone who had significantly more experience than you? What helped you build trust and lead them effectively? Leave a comment on the show notes page or join the discussion on Spotify.

Leading people from different cultural backgrounds can be incredibly rewarding, but it also brings unique challenges. People's expectations about leadership, communication, teamwork and decision making are often influenced by the cultures they've grown up in. In this episode, I explore Geert Hofstede's well-known cultural dimensions framework and discuss how leaders can use it as a guide to better understand their teams, while avoiding the trap of stereotyping individuals. In this episode, you'll learn: Why culture can influence how people behave at work The six cultural dimensions identified by Geert Hofstede How power distance can affect communication with leaders Why individualistic and collectivist cultures approach teamwork differently How different cultures respond to uncertainty, achievement and long-term thinking Why cultural frameworks should be used as a guide, not a label Resources mentioned Hofstede's Culture Factor Country Comparison Tool: https://www.theculturefactor.com/country-comparison-tool Leadership Coaching: Work with Ben. What do you think? Have you noticed the cultural differences in your team impacting the way you work together?  

Leadership roles come with formal authority. You can make decisions, approve work, manage performance and influence the direction of your team. But formal authority has a hidden downside. The more authority you have, the less likely people may be to challenge your ideas, raise concerns or give you honest feedback. Even approachable leaders can unknowingly create barriers that stop valuable conversations from happening. In this episode, I explore some of the unintended consequences of formal authority and share practical ways to encourage greater participation and more open discussion. In this episode, you'll learn: Why formal authority can discourage people from speaking up How leaders can become trapped in an echo chamber Why your feedback carries more weight than you might realise How to encourage more honest discussion and better ideas Why external perspectives, peers and coaches can provide valuable feedback Practical ways to reduce the barriers created by your leadership position Related resources Podcast: #178: So You Have an Open Door Policy… But Is It Working? Leadership coaching: Work with Ben. What do you think? Have you ever noticed your leadership position changing how people interact with you?

Professional sport is one of leadership's favourite sources of inspiration. Books about championship teams, legendary coaches and elite athletes are everywhere. But how much of that advice actually applies to your workplace? In this episode, I explore why professional sporting teams and work teams are fundamentally different. While there are useful lessons about culture and teamwork, many leadership approaches taken from elite sport overlook the realities of leading people in organisations. Understanding these differences can help you become a more effective and realistic leader. In this episode, you'll learn: Why professional athletes operate in a very different environment from most employees How motivation differs between elite sport and the workplace Why measuring performance at work is much more difficult Why empathy matters more than high-performance sporting analogies suggest How leadership needs to adapt when your team has different priorities, abilities and motivations What useful lessons we can still borrow from elite sport, and which ones are best left on the field. Resources mentioned Work with Ben: Leadership Coaching. What do you think? Do you think professional sporting teams provide useful leadership lessons for the workplace, or are the differences too great?