#276: How to stop taking things personally

Episode Summary Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we can accidentally enable bad behaviour within our teams. In this episode, Ben explores three subtle but powerful ways leaders might unintentionally allow bad behaviour to grow and how to address it before it causes bigger issues. In This Episode, You'll Learn: How being unavailable to your team can create opportunities for bad behaviour to go unnoticed. Why addressing only the symptoms (not the real issue) can allow bad behaviour to persist. The risks of focusing too much on results and overlooking how those results are achieved. Key Takeaways: ✅ Being present physically or virtually helps you observe, support, and guide your team more effectively. ✅ Direct conversations with team members about their behaviour are essential - don’t just tweak processes and hope for the best. ✅ Results matter, but so does how you achieve them. Ignoring bad behaviour in high performers can harm team morale, collaboration, and long-term success. Resources Mentioned: Episode 149: Steps to Break Negative Behaviour Patterns Top 3 Time Management Skills for Busy Leaders Enjoyed this episode? Please leave a positive review on your podcast app of choice - it helps spread the word to other thoughtful leaders like you! 🙏 Ready for more support? Book your free 30-minute consultation with Ben: 👉 Book a Leadership Coaching Consultation

Welcome to Episode 276 of the Thoughtful Leader Podcast! In this episode, we explore why thoughtful leaders tend to take things personally and how to break free from this habit. If you find yourself internalising feedback, criticism, or workplace challenges, this episode is for you. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: Why thoughtful leaders are prone to taking things personally. The impact of personalizing feedback and criticism on leadership effectiveness. Practical strategies to create separation between personal identity and workplace challenges. Key Takeaways: Understand Why We Take Things Personally Thoughtful leaders are introspective and tend to overanalyse situations. Low confidence or comparison to extroverted colleagues can make leaders more vulnerable to negative self-talk. Examine the Context Write down the factors involved in a situation and assess how many are actually about you. Extract the Lessons Separate self-blame from constructive learning by asking: What would I do differently next time? Consider the Other Person’s Motive Most negative interactions are influenced by external factors unrelated to you, like stress or fear. Learn more about the Iceberg Model of Human Behaviour in Episode 209. Question Expectations Ask yourself whether unrealistic “shoulds” are driving your reactions. Use Psychological Distancing Describe the situation as if you were a fly on the wall to gain a more objective perspective. Reframe the issue by imagining how you’d advise a respected colleague in the same situation. Resources Mentioned: What is Self-Concept? How to Accept Feedback in a Useful Way Should You Be Yourself or Adapt to Your Audience? Low in Confidence? That’s a Good Thing Thoughtful Leader Podcast #209: How to Build Empathy Using the Iceberg Model 3 Ways to Reduce Unhelpful Thinking Leadership Confidence Online Course: Get 50% off with code CONFIDENCE-50. Check it out here. Connect with Ben Brearley: Website: www.thoughtfulleader.com LinkedIn: Connect with Ben Email: [email protected] 🎧 Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with fellow thoughtful leaders! Your support helps spread the message of better leadership.

Welcome to Episode 275 of the Thoughtful Leader Podcast! In this episode, we explore why an employee might appear “bad” and uncover some hidden reasons behind poor performance and behaviour. Before jumping to conclusions, it’s essential to dig deeper and find out what’s really going on. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: Why an employee might be struggling – skill gaps, motivation issues, or personal challenges. How leadership style and team dynamics play a role in shaping employee behavior. Actionable steps to diagnose and address poor performance constructively. Key Takeaways: A Skill Gap Can Look Like a Motivation Problem Employees may avoid tasks they aren’t confident in, leading to misinterpretations of laziness or disengagement. Motivation Issues Often Have Hidden Causes Boredom, lack of challenge, a poor work environment, or a mismatch in job fit can all reduce motivation. Team Dynamics Matter Conflict with colleagues or a poor cultural fit can affect an employee’s performance and engagement. Leadership Approach Influences Behavior Overbearing or hands-off leadership can contribute to performance issues. Personal Challenges Can Affect Work Performance External stressors such as financial struggles, health issues, or family problems may be at play. Resources Mentioned: Leadership Coaching: Need support with difficult employees? Book a free coaching consultation. Thoughtful Leader Podcast #251: Dealing with People Problems? Remember These Things. How to Create a Skills Matrix and Improve Your Team 4 Types of Motivation to Look For In Your Team Introverted Leaders vs. Extroverted Leaders. Who Wins? Are You a Micromanaging Boss? Let’s Make a Change Thoughtful Leader Podcast #209: How to Build Empathy Using the Iceberg Model. Connect with Ben Brearley: Website: www.thoughtfulleader.com LinkedIn: Connect with Ben Email: [email protected] 🎧 Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with fellow thoughtful leaders! Your support helps spread the message of better leadership.

Welcome to Episode 274 of the Thoughtful Leader Podcast! In this episode, we explore the balance between authenticity and adaptability in leadership. Should you stay true to your natural style, or adjust to meet the preferences of those around you? Let’s dive in. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: The Benefits of Being Authentic: How staying true to yourself can build trust and make leadership more effortless. The Drawbacks of Rigidity: Why sticking strictly to your natural style might not always serve you or your team well. When to Adapt Your Approach: Identifying situations where adjusting your style can lead to better outcomes. Key Takeaways: Understand the Power of Authenticity Being yourself allows for natural interactions and can build trust within your team. Authentic leadership fosters integrity and consistency. Recognise the Need for Adaptability Certain situations may require you to adjust your style to communicate effectively. Flexibility can enhance your ability to lead diverse teams and handle various challenges. Assess the Situation Consider the context and the individuals involved before deciding whether to adapt or remain steadfast in your approach. Balance is Key Strive to find a middle ground where you remain true to your core values while being open to necessary adjustments. Resources Mentioned: Dr. Brian Little’s TED Talk: “Who Are You, Really?” – Watch here. Introverted Leaders vs. Extroverted Leaders. Who Wins? Personality Assessments: PRINT® Assessment 16Personalities Special Offer: As a valued listener, enjoy a 20% discount on the Useful Thinking Journal. Use the coupon code TLPODCAST at checkout. Get your copy here. Connect with Ben Brearley: Website: www.thoughtfulleader.com LinkedIn: Connect with Ben Email: [email protected] Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with other thoughtful leaders navigating the balance between authenticity and adaptability!

In this Q&A episode, we dive into an important topic: How to Keep Supervisors Motivated in Leadership Roles. Supervisors are the middle layer between senior management and the front line. In many ways, they set the scene and role model the behaviours that you want the front line employees to be following.  So what happens when your supervisors aren’t motivated? Well… not good stuff. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: ✅ Why demotivated supervisors can impact team performance ✅ How leaders can create conditions for motivation without forcing it ✅ A five-step game plan to support and engage supervisors Key Takeaways: Get the Basics Right Address hygiene factors like fair pay, safe working conditions, and equitable policies. Diagnose the Issue Have one-on-one conversations to understand individual motivation challenges. Build a Sense of Purpose Help supervisors see how their work connects to broader company goals. Encourage Autonomy Allow supervisors to take ownership of their roles and decision-making. Support and Remove Roadblocks Engage with senior leadership to ensure supervisors have the tools and support they need. Resources Mentioned: Leadership Coaching for Thoughtful Leaders – Need help navigating leadership challenges? Apply for coaching today. The Useful Thinking Journal – A powerful tool for self-reflection and leadership growth. Get your copy here. PRINT® Assessment – Understand team dynamics and improve motivation. Learn more here. Iceberg Model of Human Behaviour – Learn about underlying motivation factors. Read more. Motivation Models – Explore Herzberg’s Two-Factor Theory and Daniel Pink’s motivation framework. Read more. Connect with Ben Brearley: 🌐 Website: www.thoughtfulleader.com 📩 Subscribe to the Thoughtful Leader Newsletter for leadership insights every week! 💬 LinkedIn: Connect with Ben 📩 Have a leadership question? Email Ben at [email protected] for a chance to have it answered on the podcast! 🎧 Enjoyed this episode? Leave a review and share it with other thoughtful leaders who need motivation strategies for their supervisors!

Micromanagement is not a good thing, but I think it’s natural to feel like doing it sometimes.  But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to reduce the habit! In this episode I take a look at the problems with micromanagement, and how you can reduce the feeling that you need to do it with your team.  Interested in working with me?  Book your free 30-minute consultation, where we'll discuss your goals and challenges and how my coaching may be able to help.  Then we can decide whether we're a good fit to work together.  >>> Click here to book your free consultation. Show Links:  Build Empathy Iceberg Model – This link leads to an article discussing the Iceberg Model of Human Behaviour, which is useful for understanding the hidden factors driving behaviors like micromanagement. Thoughtful Leader Podcast #123: Common Leadership Fears and How to Challenge Them – This podcast episode explores common leadership fears and strategies to overcome them, helping leaders manage their emotions and actions more effectively. Thoughtful Leader Podcast #232: Trying to Give Your Team More Autonomy? Watch These Traps – This podcast discusses how leaders can empower their teams with more autonomy, while avoiding common pitfalls. Can’t Trust Your Team? Why it Really Matters – This article delves into the importance of trust in leadership and how lack of trust can affect team dynamics. Top 5 Time Management Tips for Leaders – This post provides valuable time management strategies for leaders looking to improve their efficiency and effectiveness. The 5 Whys root cause analysis technique – This resource explains the “5 Whys” technique for identifying the root causes of problems, a helpful tool for leaders trying to address micromanagement tendencies. Why Exercising Restraint Is Important For Good Leadership – This article highlights the importance of showing restraint as a leader and how it can enhance leadership effectiveness.

If you have a favourite employee at work, you aren’t the only one! Good employees are like gold – they help you out, make your job less stressful and lighten the load.  But… there’s always a but… what is happening in the team when you have a favourite employee?  Let’s find out in this episode.  Interested in working with me?  Book your free 30-minute consultation, where we'll discuss your goals and challenges and how my coaching may be able to help.  Then we can decide whether we're a good fit to work together.  >>> Click here to book your free consultation. Show Links:  Thoughtful Leader Podcast #228: Should You Be Friends With Your Team Members? – This podcast episode explores whether it is appropriate to develop friendships with team members. Why Even Good Leaders Can Show a Lack of Integrity – A blog post discussing the potential for even good leaders to exhibit integrity issues. What Is the Halo Effect? – An article that explains the Halo Effect, a cognitive bias that can lead to favoritism and overlooking flaws in certain individuals.

Blaming others is a common past time in many workplaces.  And it’s so easy to slip into the habit of blaming, because we want to protect ourselves and let everyone know it wasn’t our fault! In this episode I look at some of the reasons why we blame, and what to try doing instead.  After all, it’s not helping you or your team! Interested in working with me?  Book your free 30-minute consultation, where we'll discuss your goals and challenges and how my coaching may be able to help.  Then we can decide whether we're a good fit to work together.  >>> Click here to book your free consultation. Show Links:  Brenè Brown’s short video on blame – Brenè Brown discusses the relationship between blame and accountability. Why Leaders Should Show Vulnerability at Work – An article on the importance of vulnerability for leaders. Just Beyond Yourself: When to Push Out of Your Comfort Zone – A guide on pushing beyond comfort zones for growth. Do You Have a Victim Leadership Mentality? – Explores the concept of victim mentality in leadership. Thoughtful Leader Podcast #209: How to Build Empathy Using the Iceberg Model – Podcast episode on building empathy through the Iceberg Model.

The phrase “feedback is a gift” is pretty common in many workplaces.  While feedback can be a great way to know how you’re doing and to improve, it can also be a bad thing.  Many people are terrible at giving feedback, so accepting it all would be a mistake.  In this episode I take a look at how to decide whether to accept or reject feedback, and how to use feedback to keep improving.  >>> Struggling to accept that feedback you received? Reflect on it using The Useful Thinking Journal. It will help you process your thoughts and feelings and help you do better next time.  Interested in working with me?  Book your free 30-minute consultation, where we'll discuss your goals and challenges and how my coaching may be able to help.  Then we can decide whether we're a good fit to work together.  >>> Click here to book your free consultation. Show Links:  Blind Spots: How to Shrink Yours to Lead Better – A guide on how to reduce blind spots in leadership to lead more effectively. 10 Simple & Effective Tips For Giving Feedback – Practical advice on how to give feedback in a constructive and helpful manner. Thoughtful Leader Podcast #247: How to Listen Better at Work (and Why It Matters) – A podcast episode discussing the importance of active listening in the workplace. Why Leaders Should Have a Reflective Practice – An article emphasizing the benefits of reflective practice for leaders. My Useful Thinking Journal – A tool designed to help individuals reflect and improve their decision-making processes. How to Stop Ruminating – A resource offering strategies to stop overthinking and reduce stress from negative thoughts.

Everyone wants to feel more confident, because we worry less and feel as if we’ve got everything under control.  The problem is, we all have those self-doubting thoughts from time to time.  And the more you push yourself and improve, you’ll be putting yourself in new situations which will stretch you even more, and potentially make you feel even less confident! But, what if your lack of confidence could actually be a good thing? I reckon it is, and that’s what I’ll talk about in this episode.  >>> Stop overthinking, make sense of your emotions and start taking action: The Useful Thinking Journal. Interested in working with me? If you're ready to improve your leadership situation, click the link to apply for your complimentary 30-minute discovery call: Apply Now. Show Links:  Thoughtful Leader Podcast #219: 4 Steps to Grow Your Leadership Confidence – Gain insights into practical steps for building confidence in your leadership role. Leadership Confidence Problem? Let’s Diagnose It – Explore potential confidence challenges in leadership and strategies to overcome them. How Much Technical Expertise Should You Have to Lead Your Team? – Delve into the role of technical expertise in effective team leadership. Thoughtful Leader Podcast #58: Why Leaders Should Do More Planning (and Why They Don’t) – Understand the benefits of planning in leadership and reasons why leaders sometimes avoid it. Why Leaders Should Show Vulnerability at Work – Learn why showing vulnerability can help leaders build trust and credibility with their teams. Start Being Trustworthy For Your Team: Here’s How – Discover actionable steps for developing trustworthiness as a key leadership trait.