#58: Applying DEAR MAN in Difficult Interactions

Are you a therapist who wants the experience of being in a DBT skills group yourself? Are you curious about how the skills can help YOU?   Marielle and Ed are starting a new skills group designed specifically for therapists to learn the skills together in a supportive online environment. We are excited to offer this group.   For more information and to sign up visit www.dbtskillsgroupfortherapists.com Resources DBT Skills Handouts and Worksheets Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

What DBT skill do you use when your emotion fits the facts? One option is to work on changing the facts. The skill of Problem Solving offers a structured framework to help you change situations that cause painful emotions.   Problem Solving begins, like many of the Emotion Regulation skills in DBT, by naming your emotion. Next, identify your goal in solving the problem and come up with a solution to meet your goal. Break the solution down into small steps. Finally, take action.   Check in with your Wise Mind when using this skill, because Emotion Mind may distort facts or obscure solutions. Practicing this skill can feel like a lot! This episode walks you through each part of this multi-layered skill.   For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed The “What” Skills of Mindfulness Check the Facts Opposite Action Resources DBT Skills Handouts and Worksheets Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Today’s episode discusses the DBT skill of Willingness.   Willingness is one of the reality acceptance skills that we teach in Distress Tolerance. This skill can help you let go of fighting what is so you can do what’s needed in each situation - without dragging your feet or holding onto a grudge.   One way to understand Willingness is to think of its opposite: Willfulness. When Willfulness is present, you’re fighting reality, trying to control things, or being passive when action is needed. Your Willfulness might show up differently depending on the situation.   For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed Distress Tolerance Part 2 Radical Acceptance Turning the Mind Half-smile Willing Hands Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Once you have grasp of the DEAR MAN skill, you might find yourself getting stuck when you try to use it in difficult interactions. Maybe the other person pushes back, tries to change the subject, or refuses to engage fairly.   While we can’t force anyone to do anything, we can continue to use our skills to stay as effective as possible during heated moments.   For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed DEAR MAN Introduction to Distress Tolerance & the STOP skill The “What” Skills of Mindfulness The “How” Skills of Mindfulness Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Once you have a grasp of the change-oriented skills in DBT (such as Check the Facts, Opposite Action, and Problem Solving) it can be hard to figure out which one to use.   This episode walks you through deciding if and when to act on an unwanted emotion. For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed Check the Facts Mindfulness of Current Emotions Problem Solving Opposite Action Emotions Explained: Shame Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Shame is one of the most painful emotions we can experience.    This episode explores what shame is, when the emotion is useful (and when it’s not), and skills to help you cope when shame threatens to overwhelm you.   Shame is a social emotion that motivates us to repair transgressions that might result in us being excluded from a group we want (or need) to belong to. Many of us, though, experience a lot of unjustified shame, where we assume we will be rejected if parts of ourselves are revealed.   DBT Skills Discussed   Check the Facts For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

Today’s episode focuses on the emotion of fear. At its most fundamental, fear keeps us safe. It guides us to fight, flee, or freeze in the face of danger.   Often, though, fear can be chronic, manifesting as anxiety, worry, or tension even when we are safe. This episode helps you identify fear in all its manifestations and provides tools to help you cope with it. DBT Skills Discussed Build Mastery and Cope Ahead Check the Facts For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

In this episode, Marielle and Ed discuss the emotion of anger. In its most useful form, anger moves us to protect and defend ourselves and those we care about.   Many people, though, find anger frightening because they have witnessed destructive expressions of anger such as emotional or physical violence. This episode unpacks the emotion of anger so you can understand it in yourself and potentially in others.   Sometimes anger fits the facts, and sometimes faulty interpretations can intensify anger, making us believe that we are being treated unfairly or that things should be different than they are. Skills such as Observing and Describing Emotions, Paced Breathing, Check the Facts and Opposite Action can be particularly helpful in responding to anger effectively.   For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed Observing and Describing Emotions Check the Facts Opposite Action Paced Breathing Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

When we find ourselves getting caught in extremes, the DBT skill called Walking the Middle Path helps us re-calibrate.   Use this skill when you notice you are caught in binary thinking to find a way to move towards center. This episode explores common opposites:   Reasonable Mind vs. Emotion Mind Doing Mind vs. Being Mind Intense Desire of the Moment vs. Radical Acceptance of the Moment Self-denial vs. Self-indulgence   For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast   ​​DBT Skills Discussed   Wise Mind Radical Acceptance Check the Facts Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

This episode is an overview of the core Interpersonal Effectiveness skills in DBT, focusing on clarifying objectives, DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.  There are a lot of acronyms in the Interpersonal Effectiveness module! Memorizing what each letter of the acronym stands for, especially DEAR MAN, can help you access the skill when you most need it. The best way to memorize the DEAR MAN script is to write it out again and again until you’ve mastered it. For full show notes, visit our website: https://bayareadbtcc.com/podcast DBT Skills Discussed DEAR MAN GIVE FAST Validation Ask us a Question We’d love to hear from you! Where are you getting stuck with your skills application? Ask us a question for the chance to have it answered on the podcast. Submit your question here. Please note that questions, and this podcast in general, are not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.