93. How Can You Show a Betrayed Partner That You’re In Good Recovery?

Tammy Gustafson has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to betrayal trauma and healing marriages after infidelity. She just released her new book, Broken to Brave. You can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/aQqYtaV In this episode, Tammy walks us through the phases of sexual betrayal healing and what is required in each step. Sex and porn addiction impact betrayed partners in a very deep way. Learning to navigate the relational healing process is critical if you’re trying to save the marriage. Healing will require empathy, managing her triggers, and communicating in a way that allows you two to connect in hard times. Tammy and I talk about all of this in the podcast. If you’re a high achiever, executive, or entrepreneur looking for a group of like-minded men to connect with in recovery. Visit my website: successfuladdict.com If you have yet to read my book, you can find it on Amazon, and the audiobook on Audible. “The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction” (audiobook is narrated by me, Roland Cochrun)

It’s unfortunate… But your wife, family, and faith alone are not enough to stop your sex addiction. If they were, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. The men in my groups who are the fastest to recover have tapped into something more. Something that energizes them and keeps them leaning into recovery. Recovering from sex addiction is not a short road. You need to make sure that your recovery plan can go the distance. It’s easy for men to lean in for the first year. But many guys eventually get burned out. You need to prevent this! Burnout will certainly put you at risk of relapse and will not make your wife feel safe in the relationship. In this episode, I talk about how men have tapped into something that keeps them excited about their recovery. If you have not yet read/listened to my book, I talk about this concept in great detail. You can find my book here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/dzD9LKt The book is titled: “The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction.”

In this episode, Michelle Edsall joins me in a discussion on “good recovery” and how sex addicts can show betrayed partners that they are putting in the work. We talk about common triggers and questions that betrayed partners often ask men in recovery. Learning how to navigate these difficult conversations is critical when it comes to healing your marriage and establishing a sense of safety. For those of you interested in working with Michelle, you can find her here: https://www.counselingcenterwm.org/provider/michelleedsall If you have yet to read my book, you can find it here in print and in Audiobook format: https://a.co/d/ir3JXwt

We all know that connection and peer-support are the most critical elements in recovery from sex addiction. Despite going to meetings, not all men are actually connecting or receiving peer-support. This does NOT mean that you should stop going to meetings. Instead, take charge. In this episode, I discuss how to get the most out of your support groups so that you can achieve long-term sobriety and prevent relapse. If you’re a high achiever, executive, business/sales professional, or entrepreneur looking for like-minded men to recover with, visit my website: www.successfuladdict.com

Sure, you’ve gone through the basics. But it was probably back when your sex or porn addiction was first discovered. The truth is, it's hard to digest and implement everything correctly when you’re first discovered. Life is chaotic, and your marriage is hanging on by a thread. So, now that you’re further down the road of sex addiction recovery, you would likely benefit from revisiting the basics to ensure that you’ve implemented them into your recovery plan. I’m joined in this episode by Jennifer Kuck and Marilyn Witbeck, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists from the Atlanta Relationship Institute. We discuss common pitfalls sex addicts make in their recovery and how to make sure that you have implemented everything you can to repair your marriage. For those interested in working with Jennifer or Marilyn, you can find their website here: https://atlantarelationshipinstitute.com/ For those who are interested in attending my next intensive, visit my website here: Successfuladdict.com

Have you ever heard someone say: “I can’t wait to stop eating healthy.”“I can't wait to stop going to the gym.”"I can't wait to stop brushing my teeth.” No! Because these things are important. So, why do sex addicts wonder when they will stop having to be in recovery? Recovery is different from sobriety. Sobriety is about stopping the unwanted sexual behavior. Recovery is about ensuring you’re a thriving human being. It’s about ensuring you’re getting the most out of life. That you are experiencing fulfillment, developing deeply connected friendships, and leaving a legacy you’re proud of. Why would you want that to end?

You would think that experiencing infidelity would decrease the chance that you would be unfaithful… But this isn’t always the case. In fact, being betrayed can lead to trauma that could then cause you to be the one who betrays. Adam Nisenson (The Betrayal Shrink) is a CSAT who specializes in treating betrayed men who have experienced infidelity. With so much of the focus being on male cheating, it can be easy to overlook female cheating. In this episode, Adam and I talk about how betrayal trauma is different for men and how it can lead to intimacy disorders, addiction, and compulsive behavior in the future. Adam is the author of the book, “A Man's Guide to Partner Betrayal: Overcoming the Pain and Repercussions of a Cheating Partner.” You can find his website here: https://www.betrayalshrink.com/ If you have experienced an emotional affair, physical cheating, or relational deception, listen to this episode. You might be surprised by what you learn about yourself.

If you acted out sexually at your place of work or during business travel, it’s common for betrayed partners to feel unsafe when it comes to your career and travel. Many men recovering from sex addiction are asked by their wives to change jobs or stop traveling for work. This can be a challenging request to navigate. Many of the men in my groups have faced this conversation in early recovery. In this episode, I discuss how to navigate this and what to consider. I also share my personal experience with this after my discovery. If you are a high-achiever, executive, business professional, or entrepreneur looking for like-minded men to connect with in recovery, visit my website: successfuladdict.com

Dr. Trish Leigh uses advanced neuroscience technology to treat men with sex and porn addiction. In this episode, she explains to listeners how it works. Dr. Leigh looks for dysfunctional brain patterns and then prescribes the appropriate treatment strategy. She is the author of the book, “Mind Over Explicit Matter. Quit Porn and Improve Intimacy Through Neuroscience.” She also has an extremely robust YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@DrTrishLeigh You can find her at her website https://drtrishleigh.com/ If you are a high-performer looking for a sex addiction recovery group full of other successful men to connect with in recovery, visit my website: www.successfuladdict.com

What we measure matters. Without measurement and monitoring, how do you know if you’re getting closer to where you want to be? This is absolutely true for sex addiction recovery. Most of the men I talk to are checking boxes but not following a recovery plan. Addicts need to understand what caused them to act out so that they can create a plan to prevent it from happening again. We see a high relapse rate in this field, and I don’t believe it’s because recovery is hard… I believe it's because most men do not have a clear understanding of how and why it happened. Your sex addiction recovery plan should be mapped out and should include milestones that you can monitor as you progress. For married men, your wife should be aware of your plan and how you’re measuring success. This will help her regain trust and safety. If you need help creating your recovery plan, visit my website: successfuladdict.com