76. Why Did You Become a Sex Addict? And How To Use Your “Why” To Recover

Successful men with a sex addiction often get criticized for their entitlement, grandiosity, or their superiority complex. But, where do these traits come from? I’ll be the first to admit that my sex addiction stems from these traits. But, I wasn’t always that way. How did this happen to me? I have my theory. And, I present it in this podcast. I would love to hear your perception of WHY men are becoming entitled and develop the desire to be superior. Head to my website to send me a message via the contact form: successfuladdict.com If you want to dive deeper into this topic of entitlement, superiority, and attention seeking, read my book. You can find it here on Amazon or Audible for the audiobook: https://a.co/d/dEkZbHC

In this episode, we introduce a unique approach to sex addiction treatment. Laura Childers uses neuromodulation to help sex addicts and betrayed partners get unstuck. Laura and I talk about how this treatment works, why it works, and who would benefit. On this podcast, Laura talks about what she sees in the brains of addicts, betrayed partners, and high-achieving men. You can find more information about Laura's work and her intensives at https://houstonneurosolutions.com/ If you are a high-achiever looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website: https://successfuladdict.com Recovery is different for high-achieving men. Their addiction presents differently, and their recovery will need to cater to these unique thought processes. Visit my website for more information.

When it comes to sex addiction… your “why” matters. It exposes the perceived value of the behavior that you’re chasing. In my opinion, you cannot be in good recovery until you understand what it is that you need to recover from. While this is called “sex addiction” and “porn addiction,”… it’s rarely about sex or porn. So, what is it about? Listen to this episode to find out what your brain wants. Because sex addiction is so different from person to person, it helps to find a group of men who have a similar addiction to yours that you can recover with. If you are a high achiever, executive, or entrepreneur and you are looking for a group of like-minded men to recover with, visit my website at www.successfuladdict.com

Sobriety and recovery are two different things. Sobriety is needed before you can truly recover. But can sobriety alone take you the distance? Marnie Ferree is the founder of Bethesda Workshops in Nashville, Tennessee. She speaks to long-term recovery, both from personal and professional experience working with sex and porn addicts. In this episode, she and I discuss the ins and outs of long-term sex addiction recovery. This journey rarely comes without some bumps along the way. But how you navigate these bumps will determine if you relapse or stay on the road to sexual integrity. To learn more about Marnie and her story, visit https://bethesdaworkshops.org/about-us/our-team/marnie/marnies-story/. If you’re looking for a recovery group that can assist in helping you maintain and achieve long-term sex addiction recovery, visit my website here: successfuladdict.com

12-step meetings are designed to go through the 12 steps. They are not designed for connection. And, they are not therapy. Sex addiction is incredibly different from guy to guy. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. If 12-step meetings are not resonating with you, you need to find something that does. Many high-achieving men struggle with 12-step groups. They find them inefficient, lacking structure, and difficult to find connection. There are many reasons why, and I discuss them in this podcast episode. If you are a high-achiever, executive, business professional, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website: successfuladdict.com

Yes, there’s the sex addiction, the compulsive sexual behavior, and… there’s the lying. Deceptive sexuality needs to be addressed in addition to your sex/porn addiction. Cheryl Camarillo and I attended training together at The Institute of Sexual Health for Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment for infidelity and compulsive sexual behavior disorders. Both of us work with high-achieving men and have noticed interesting nuances in their acting-out behavior. We talk about these nuances and how your recovery will need to be customized to deal with them. If you are interested in working with Cheryl, you can find her here: https://cherylcamarillo.com/ If you have not yet read my book, you can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/gYeiXKv

Have some unwanted sexual behaviors stopped, while others keep nagging at you?Is it possible you’re missing the reason why you act out? What if you’re using the wrong sex addiction treatment strategies?What if each acting-out behavior has a different cause? In this episode, I explore how pornography, affairs, and paid sex can have different causes. And, if so, you’ll need different treatment strategies to remove them from your life. Because each acting-out behavior is formed at different ages and different times of life, each one likely has a different driver. If you want to be in good recovery, it's your job to discover the why behind EACH of the behaviors… not just one. For many high-achieving men, their acting out comes from a wide variety of reasons… not just dopamine for emotional regulation. Some are seeking attention, validation, novelty, control, and superiority. Whatever the cause, your recovery depends on your figuring it out and developing an efficient plan that is psychologically proven to work. If your recovery is lacking and you want more structure and accountability, check out my recovery groups here: successfuladdict.com

Sex and Porn Addiction recovery is complex and multifaceted. Add the betrayed partner's experience, and you have an even more challenging situation. Jeanne Vattuone and Tim Stein wrote a book called Finding the Way Through. This workbook is designed to integrate sobriety, recovery, and betrayed partner sensitivity. In this interview, we discuss the nuances of personal and relational recovery. You can find their new book here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/hE1SoEC If you are a high-acheiver, business professional, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website at successfuladdict.com. Our groups provide men with a deeply connected tribe that they can lean on in recovery. We use weekly Zoom meetings, daily accountability, and biannual 4-day intensives. Visit my website for more information about applying for our next group.

While 12-step was never really my thing… One thing I did take from it was the 3-circle sobriety plan. Sex addiction is an interesting addiction because the definition of sobriety changes from person to person. But one thing I really like about the “3-circle” idea was that it focuses more on recovery and prevention rather than just sobriety. In this episode, I share my personal 3-circle sobriety plan as a reference for those looking to implement something similar in their recovery. If you are a high-achiever and you have not yet read or listened to my book, you can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/5CUHoFd

It’s unanimously agreed (and the research supports it) that peer support and connection with other addicts is the best treatment strategy for sex addiction. It's PEER support… Not just going to meetings. You need to be surrounded by men who you believe are your peers. It’s connection… Not just sharing when it's your turn to share. Connection involves relatability, common interests, and feeling like the other person understands what its like to be you. Yes, peer support and connection are vital. But, they are actually difficult to find, establish, and implement. In this episode, Pam Blizzard and I dive into connection and the benefits when treating sex and porn addiction. Pam is a wealth of knowledge and a well-respected member of the sex addiction and betrayal trauma field. You will feel her experience when listening to this episode. If you want to contact Pam, you can find her website here: https://recoveredpeace.com/ If you’re a high-acheiver in recovery and are looking for a group of your peers to recover with, my program may be a perfect fit. After attending one of our 4-day intensives, you will have a tribe of like-minded men you can lean on to achieve long-term recovery. Visit our website for more info: successfuladdict.com