38. Full Therapeutic Disclosure with Dan Drake: Telling your wife about your sexual history before and after your marriage

There’s this problem in the sex and porn addiction space… People treat it like a substance addiction, but it’s not. Recovering from a process addiction is very different from recovering from a chemical dependency on an external substance. In many ways, sex addicts are never recoverED. They will likely be in recovERY for the rest of their lives. Sex is a biological desire (so is physical attraction). Because these desires are baked into your DNA, they will never go away. Most people look at recovery in an unproductive way. In this episode, I will help you redefine recovery so that you can go the distance without getting burned out. If you are a high-achiever or entrepreneur looking for a sex addition recovery group full of men like you, visit successfuladdict.com

Sexual betrayal will turn your wife's world upside down. She will experience significant trauma for years after she discovers your sex addiction.  Intrusive thoughts, graphic images of you with other women, total body trauma responses… It’s hard for a betrayed partner to have a single day where she’s not triggered by something in her environment. While men cannot undo what has already been done, they can learn how to be available for their partners in hard times. The goal is to find a way to connect during triggering times rather than drift apart. In this episode, I’m joined by Tammy Gustafson. She is the founder of the Betrayal Healing Conference, a tremendous event for couples healing from sexual betrayal. Find out about the event at https://betrayalhealingconference.com/ Learn more about Tammy at her website https://betrayalhealing.com/ For those of you who want to buy my new book, you can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/cRqHC3v If you are a high-achiever or entrepreneur struggling with sex or porn addiction, visit our website: successfuladdict.com

We claim to value monogamy and committed relationships… but, do our actions line up with that? Desire and attraction are baked into our DNA. Nothing you can do will change that. So, what are you and your wife going to do about it? Sure, some behaviors are compulsive and not biologically necessary. But, many of these desires are quite natural. In this episode, I talk about something that isn’t talked about enough… What’s actually required for long-term sobriety? And, what can couples do to protect their marriage?

Dan Drake is well known in the sex addiction space for his workbook that men and women use during the “Full Therapeutic Disclosure” process. A full therapeutic disclosure is a process where the cheating partner discloses a full history of their sexual behavior. The betrayed partner can choose what it is that they want to know and what they do NOT want to know. This episode will be different than many of the other podcasts you have listened to about disclosure. I ask Dan a variety of common questions that couples have when approaching the disclosure process. If you want to purchase Dan’s workbook, you can find it here: https://a.co/d/f6wR0X0 Also! My book was just released last week! You can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/41whYp7 If you are a high-achiever struggling with sex and porn addiction, visit our website at successfuladdict.com We provide men with a deeply connected recovery group using 4-day retreats, weekly calls, and daily accountability.

Your wife has the right to be mad about whatever she wants to be mad about. Comparing your acting out to another guy's acting out is irrelevant. The issue is the deception. Being married to a liar sucks. That’s what she's mad about. It’s the lack of trust that will torture your wife the most. If you are deep into recovery, you probably already know this. But, keep it in mind as you continue to heal the marriage. **Announcement** My book is now available on Amazon! “The High Achiever’s Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint For Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction.  Use the link here to get your copy: https://a.co/d/49F2wpE

All wives wish they could help their husbands feel the pain of being betrayed. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to imagine the hurt that infidelity brings. In this episode, Vanessa Cardenas and I discuss “her experience” to help sex addicts better communicate during the painful phases of betrayal recovery. Vanessa is a relationship coach who has been personally affected by sexual betrayal. She and I share our experiences navigating relational recovery and how other couples can do the same to heal their marriages. There is hope! Couples who put in the work will come out stronger! Take my word for it, it's worth the wait! You can visit Vanessa's website here: https://understandingear.com/ If you’re a high-achiever in recovery, my book just became available last week! You can get your copy on Amazon: https://a.co/d/aB52YuU If you are looking to attend our next sex addiction retreat, visit our website at: successfuladdict.com

Sobriety and Recovery are totally different things. Sobriety is protecting yourself from unwanted behavior. Recovery is getting to a place where you no longer need protection. To me, most men are working a sobriety plan, not a recovery plan. The focus is on NOT doing things rather than changing their brain. Remember, this is a process addiction. To truly recover, you need to change the thought processes that allow the behavior to occur. Yes, you need to get sober. But, sobriety alone isn't enough to go the distance. Relapse is a real thing. Those who are sober and have not recovered are at a higher risk. Recovery is a return to self. Your true purpose before life got in your way. It's your calling to get back there. Addiction is just a symptom of you being off track. ------------ If you’re a high-achiever looking for a recovery group, visit our website at successfuladdict.com

Has your wife asked you the dreaded question: “Are you even in good recovery?” Geoff Steurer is one of the most well-known names in the sex addiction and infidelity space. His podcast is one of the top podcasts in the field.  In this episode, Geoff and I talk about the sex and porn addiction recovery process and how guys can gauge if they are actually “doing everything they can.” We also talk about what your wife will want to see in your recovery and how you can prove to her that you are working a plan that has been proven to work. If you are married and have not yet listened to Geoff’s podcast, From Crisis To Connection, you can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-crisis-to-connection-with-geoff-jody-steurer/id1290359940 You can find out more about Geoff and his offerings at https://www.geoffsteurer.com/ If you are a high-achiever looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website here: successfuladdict.com

To overcome a sex addiction you need: Connection with like-minded men who you meet with consistently Accountability and a 24/7 support platform A group of men who you admire and look up to Here’s the problem… it’s hard to get all three recovery aspects listed above. This is sad… because the lack of all three is what often leads to relapse/divorce. In this episode, I outline what a perfect recovery program should include and why it will accelerate your recovery. When it comes to sex and porn addiction, delaying your recovery is a mistake that has life-altering consequences. Ultimately, your recovery is on YOU. If you choose to sit back and wait for it to happen… you will probably be waiting for a really long time (if you’re married, your wife will likely tap out). If you are a high-achiever, executive, sales/business professional, business owner/ entrepreneur making more than $200K/year, you will love our program “The Successful Addict.” We provide successful men with a sex addiction recovery group full of like-minded men with whom they can relate to. The program includes an accountability/check-in system, weekly Zoom meetings, and 4-day retreats that happen twice a year. If you are looking for a deeply connected tribe of men to do recovery with, visit our website here: www.successfuladdict.com

Sex addiction is classified as a process addiction. Process addiction is very different from substance addiction as your thoughts have everything to do with how addicted you will become. What’s the cure… Self-Mastery. In this episode, Jeremy Lipkowitz and I discuss how we both use self-mastery practices in our own recovery and how other men can implement the same strategies in their recovery. Jeremy has a porn addiction podcast called Unhooked: Breaking Porn Addiction Podcast. You can find his podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unhooked-breaking-porn-addiction-podcast/id1648984850 If you are interested in working with Jeremy, head to https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/ If you are looking for a sex addiction recovery group exclusively for high-achievers and entrepreneurs, visit my website here: successfuladdict.com