38. Full Therapeutic Disclosure with Dan Drake: Telling your wife about your sexual history before and after your marriage

With a 64% chance of relapse… it’s clear that most sex addicts are missing something.  Changing the brain… This is probably the biggest void in the sex addiction field. What is actually required to change someone's thought processes? The answer… sales. The brain wants what it wants. You need to sell it on a superior strategy. Otherwise, you will relapse. But what’s required to actually sell the brain? How does it work? And, why are so many guys unable to achieve long-term sobriety? Listen to this podcast episode. It will help you answer the questions above. If you are a high-achiever or entrepreneur looking for a sex addiction recovery group that can actually change your brain, visit my website here: successfuladdict.com For those of you who have yet to buy my new book, it came out in January of 2025. It is the only sex addiction book designed specifically for successful professionals. You can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/0tPwg5V

What if everything you know about empathy is wrong? When I met Stevie Hall, I knew that she was onto something big. Stevie has been researching empathy and breaks it down into 3 parts that will make it easier for men to understand. Empathy is extremely important when it comes to healing your marriage after betrayal and infidelity. Historically, it has been difficult for men to put into practice. This modern research shows that men may not be as bad at empathy as we thought. In this episode, Stevie and I dive deep into what empathy is and how men may be closer to doing it than they might think. If you want to work with Stevie, her website is: https://www.arisedallas.com/ My book is now live on Amazon! Buy it here: https://a.co/d/1SP6uB6 We have 4-day intensives in Sedona, Arizona coming up this spring. If you are a high-achiever, business professional, executive, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group, visit my website here: www.successfuladdict.com

I’m not that shocked at what these men are doing in their sex addiction… If anything, I’m shocked more men aren’t doing it. Women are raised looking for a partner who will preserve the sexual energy for the relationship. Men are not raised this way… It’s actually quite the opposite. Men are raised to get more money, get better looking, and get the most attractive women they can get. Most men spend the first 25 years of their lives planning how they will become the man they aspire to be. Part of this is looking for ways to become financially successful. However, another big part of this is scouting for a woman who will meet the needs of your ideal relationship. Because of society's influences, the pornography industry, social media, movies, and masculine culture… much of this scouting process has nothing to do with relationships as much as it has to do with sex and sex appeal. It’s no wonder that men and women are so often on separate pages when it comes to preserving sexual energy for the marriage… Culturally, the two genders have been raised on opposite ends of the spectrum. In this podcast episode, I discuss why men are focusing on the wrong things when in recovery. And, what they need to start doing if they want to achieve long-term sobriety. If you are a successful professional looking for a sex addiction recovery group designed specifically for successful men, visit my website here: successfuladdict.com My new book just came out in January 2025. It is the only sex addiction book designed specifically for high-achievers, executives, and entrepreneurs. You can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/0tPwg5V

Does abstinence work? What if we are too zoomed in on the unwanted sexual behavior? The challenge with the word “recovery” is that people assume there is a point where you become “recovered.” But, when it comes to sex addiction, I’m not sure guys are ever completely recovered. Sex is a biological human need, and it cannot be removed. If you want these behaviors to stop, it will be your mind that stops them. Darrin Ford (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) and I talk about how mindfulness can be used in sex and porn addiction recovery. You learn more about Darrin on his website here: https://darrinford.com/ I have 2 sex addiction retreats coming up this spring and 2 this summer, visit my website to fill out an application: www.successfuladdict.com

There’s this problem in the sex and porn addiction space… People treat it like a substance addiction, but it’s not. Recovering from a process addiction is very different from recovering from a chemical dependency on an external substance. In many ways, sex addicts are never recoverED. They will likely be in recovERY for the rest of their lives. Sex is a biological desire (so is physical attraction). Because these desires are baked into your DNA, they will never go away. Most people look at recovery in an unproductive way. In this episode, I will help you redefine recovery so that you can go the distance without getting burned out. If you are a high-achiever or entrepreneur looking for a sex addition recovery group full of men like you, visit successfuladdict.com

Sexual betrayal will turn your wife's world upside down. She will experience significant trauma for years after she discovers your sex addiction.  Intrusive thoughts, graphic images of you with other women, total body trauma responses… It’s hard for a betrayed partner to have a single day where she’s not triggered by something in her environment. While men cannot undo what has already been done, they can learn how to be available for their partners in hard times. The goal is to find a way to connect during triggering times rather than drift apart. In this episode, I’m joined by Tammy Gustafson. She is the founder of the Betrayal Healing Conference, a tremendous event for couples healing from sexual betrayal. Find out about the event at https://betrayalhealingconference.com/ Learn more about Tammy at her website https://betrayalhealing.com/ For those of you who want to buy my new book, you can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/cRqHC3v If you are a high-achiever or entrepreneur struggling with sex or porn addiction, visit our website: successfuladdict.com

We claim to value monogamy and committed relationships… but, do our actions line up with that? Desire and attraction are baked into our DNA. Nothing you can do will change that. So, what are you and your wife going to do about it? Sure, some behaviors are compulsive and not biologically necessary. But, many of these desires are quite natural. In this episode, I talk about something that isn’t talked about enough… What’s actually required for long-term sobriety? And, what can couples do to protect their marriage?

Dan Drake is well known in the sex addiction space for his workbook that men and women use during the “Full Therapeutic Disclosure” process. A full therapeutic disclosure is a process where the cheating partner discloses a full history of their sexual behavior. The betrayed partner can choose what it is that they want to know and what they do NOT want to know. This episode will be different than many of the other podcasts you have listened to about disclosure. I ask Dan a variety of common questions that couples have when approaching the disclosure process. If you want to purchase Dan’s workbook, you can find it here: https://a.co/d/f6wR0X0 Also! My book was just released last week! You can find it here on Amazon: https://a.co/d/41whYp7 If you are a high-achiever struggling with sex and porn addiction, visit our website at successfuladdict.com We provide men with a deeply connected recovery group using 4-day retreats, weekly calls, and daily accountability.

Your wife has the right to be mad about whatever she wants to be mad about. Comparing your acting out to another guy's acting out is irrelevant. The issue is the deception. Being married to a liar sucks. That’s what she's mad about. It’s the lack of trust that will torture your wife the most. If you are deep into recovery, you probably already know this. But, keep it in mind as you continue to heal the marriage. **Announcement** My book is now available on Amazon! “The High Achiever’s Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint For Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction.  Use the link here to get your copy: https://a.co/d/49F2wpE

All wives wish they could help their husbands feel the pain of being betrayed. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to imagine the hurt that infidelity brings. In this episode, Vanessa Cardenas and I discuss “her experience” to help sex addicts better communicate during the painful phases of betrayal recovery. Vanessa is a relationship coach who has been personally affected by sexual betrayal. She and I share our experiences navigating relational recovery and how other couples can do the same to heal their marriages. There is hope! Couples who put in the work will come out stronger! Take my word for it, it's worth the wait! You can visit Vanessa's website here: https://understandingear.com/ If you’re a high-achiever in recovery, my book just became available last week! You can get your copy on Amazon: https://a.co/d/aB52YuU If you are looking to attend our next sex addiction retreat, visit our website at: successfuladdict.com