457. Feeling Lonely at Church? Don't Walk Away Yet | Before You Quit #11

Feeling Lonely at Church? Don't Walk Away Yet | Before You Quit #11 Have you ever stood in a crowded church and felt completely alone? Everyone else seems to have their people. Their conversations. Their plans. Their friend group. Meanwhile, you're standing there wondering: "Does anyone even see me?" In Day 11 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner addresses one of the biggest reasons people quietly consider walking away from church: Loneliness and isolation. Last summer, Rob and Pam met a young woman who had recently moved to Boston and joined the church. When Rob asked how she was doing, her smile disappeared. She admitted: "It's really hard to make friends. Everybody already has their own friends. Last night I stayed at home because everyone already had plans." Rob and Pam understood. They had recently moved to Boston themselves and had noticed how busy people were. But they had each other. This young woman felt alone. Unfortunately, her experience isn't unusual. Lonely in a Crowded Church Maybe you've experienced it too. You don't have close friends. You feel awkward or out of place. Every conversation seems superficial. People forget your name. You look around and see little circles of people smiling and laughing—but nobody invites you in. You wait for someone to initiate. People walk past. And eventually you begin to feel like a ghost in the crowd. Unseen. Unnoticed. Unwanted. David wrote: "I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none." — Psalm 69:20 What Happens Inside Our Minds When loneliness lasts long enough, our thinking can begin to change. First, we turn inward: What's wrong with me? Am I too old? Too young? Too quiet? Too awkward? Is it my appearance? My accent? My race? Then we try to talk ourselves out of our feelings: "This shouldn't bother me." "I shouldn't be this insecure." "I don't want to bother anybody." "They're too busy for me." "They already have their friends." Then our thinking can shift toward blame: "This church isn't loving." "What's wrong with these people?" "That leader walked right past me." And finally, we may start creating tests: "If nobody talks to me today, I'm not coming back." "If nobody sits next to me, this must be the wrong church." "If nobody initiates with me, I'm not initiating with them." At that point, we may be looking for evidence to justify a decision we've already begun making. You Are Not Alone If you're experiencing these thoughts or emotions, hear this: You are not alone. You aren't strange. You aren't the only Christian who's felt this way. And even when you feel unseen by everybody around you, God hasn't lost sight of you. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18 Relationships Take Time One of the most difficult seasons can come when you're moving from one church to another. In your old church, people knew you. They knew your history. Your personality. Your struggles. Your stories. Those relationships may have taken years to build. Then you enter a new church and unconsciously compare brand-new relationships with friendships that took years to develop. Of course there's a difference. When Rob and Pam moved to Tokyo, Rob told the church pastor how isolated he felt. The pastor told him: "Hang in there. It just takes a little time to build friendships and team spirit." Rob didn't particularly like the answer. But the pastor was right. Over the next ten years, Rob and Pam developed deep and lasting relationships. Sometimes You Have to Go First Rob offers one final challenge: Go first. Smile first. Say hello first. Wave first. Give the hug first. Show up first. Volunteer first. Passivity is the poison pill for relationships. If you walk into church waiting to see whether other people will disappoint you, you'll probably find the evidence you're looking for. Instead, be brave. Walk in with a smile. Offer a handshake. Join the conversation circle. Listen. Share your story. Ask somebody to coffee. It may feel awkward. That's okay. Don't let Satan use loneliness to pull you away from the very relationships you need. And What Happened to That Young Woman? About a year later, Rob saw the young woman who had once told him how difficult it was to make friends in Boston. He asked how she was doing. This time, she beamed. She told him she loved it and felt really close to people. Rob's response says it all: "I was so happy she didn't go." If you're lonely at church right now, don't assume how you feel today is how you'll always feel. Give relationships time. Ask God for courage. And instead of waiting for everyone else to go first... Be the brave one. This is Day 11 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his book Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. If you know someone who's lonely, isolated, new to a church, or wondering whether they belong, send them this episode. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

Retirement, Faith, and 2,200 Miles: Phil and Robbyn's Appalachian Trail Adventure What would you do if you retired and suddenly had the freedom to pursue a really big dream? Most people picture retirement as a time to slow down, relax, and take it easy. Not Phil and Robbyn Paradis. After more than four decades of following Jesus, Phil retired from his career in civil engineering and decided to take on one of America's most demanding hiking adventures: the nearly 2,200-mile Appalachian Trail. There was just one problem. He had never backpacked before. And he was already dealing with serious foot pain. Instead of abandoning the dream, Phil and Robbyn began planning an adventure that would take them through 14 states, require months of preparation, and challenge them physically, emotionally, spiritually, and as a married couple. In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob sits down with Phil and Robbyn to discover what inspired their journey, how they persevered through the hardest moments, and what the experience taught them about faith, marriage, friendship, and making this life count. From Retirement to the Appalachian Trail Phil spent decades working as a civil engineer, specializing in stormwater management. But as retirement approached, he began wondering what he would do with the next chapter of his life. Then he heard about a coworker planning to hike the Appalachian Trail. The idea captured his imagination. After researching the trail, Phil began to believe he could do it himself. Robbyn initially wondered what she would do while her husband was away hiking for months. But together, they developed a different plan. She would travel alongside the trail in an RV, providing transportation, meals, supplies, encouragement, and logistical support. Their adventure became a shared mission. The Adventure Was Harder Than Expected The Appalachian Trail stretches roughly 2,200 miles from Georgia to Maine. Phil began the journey with plantar fasciitis, and the physical challenges continued throughout the trip. His feet swelled so much that he eventually went from wearing size 10½ shoes to size 12½. He struggled with painful knees, exhaustion, difficult mountain terrain, and the mental challenge of getting up each morning to hike again. Meanwhile, Robbyn was driving thousands of miles, coordinating pickups and drop-offs, preparing meals, maintaining the truck and RV, and finding solutions to unexpected problems. The truck accumulated approximately 17,000 miles over five months. This wasn't simply a hiking trip. It was a test of endurance, preparation, teamwork, and perseverance. Sometimes You Just Have to Walk the First Mile One of Phil's greatest challenges came toward the end of the journey. He was exhausted. His body hurt. He no longer felt motivated to hike. But he discovered something important. He didn't have to feel motivated to complete the entire day. He just had to get started. Sometimes getting through the first mile was enough to keep going. His daughter's encouragement, family visits, and the support of friends helped him continue. How the Journey Strengthened Their Marriage Phil and Robbyn have been married since 1988. They openly discuss seasons when communication was difficult and how this adventure forced them to work together differently. Phil learned to receive help rather than doing everything himself. Robbyn discovered new confidence in her ability to solve problems, manage difficult situations, and support her husband. They learned to communicate more effectively, understand each other's needs, and focus on solving the problem directly in front of them. Finding God Along the Trail For Phil, long hours in the wilderness created opportunities for prayer, reflection, and a renewed appreciation for God's creation. He listened to Scripture, Christian books, podcasts, and worship music. But some of his favorite moments came when he turned everything off and simply walked. Robbyn also experienced God's care in unexpected ways. A conversation with an old friend helped her recognize how God had been providing for them throughout the journey—even when she had been too overwhelmed to notice. More Than 40 Years of Following Jesus Phil and Robbyn also share how they became Christians in college in the early 1980s and what has helped them remain faithful through decades of marriage, raising children, serving the church, and navigating life's challenges. Their advice is practical: Find what you're good at. Look for opportunities to serve. Build lasting friendships. Be committed even when you don't feel like it. And don't assume your greatest opportunities are already behind you. Whether you're 25, 45, or 65, you can still dream, grow, serve, and make this life count. In This Episode How Phil and Robbyn became Christians and met in college What helped them remain faithful for more than four decades Why Phil chose the Appalachian Trail after retirement How Robbyn turned his dream into an adventure they could share The physical and mental challenges of hiking nearly 2,200 miles Why encouragement from family made such a difference The behind-the-scenes work of supporting a long-distance hiker What the experience taught them about marriage and communication How they experienced God through nature and unexpected blessings Their advice for Christians who want to make their lives count Don't retire from dreaming, growing, serving, or following Jesus. If this episode encouraged you, share it with someone who needs a reminder that the next chapter of life can still be full of purpose and adventure. Learn more about Rob Skinner and his books at RobSkinner.com. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches. 🙏 Support the Podcast If this episode challenged or encouraged you: Share it with someone you care about Buy and leave a review on one of my books on Amazon Donate here. Subscribe for more faith-building content

When God Doesn't Come Through the Way You Hoped | Before You Quit #10 What do you do when you've prayed for something good—and God doesn't come through the way you hoped? In Day 10 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner tackles one of the most painful sources of spiritual discouragement: Disappointment with God. When COVID hit, Rob's church in Tucson was averaging around 200 people on Sundays. Like churches around the world, they temporarily moved online. When they finally gathered again, a little more than 100 people remained. Rob wondered: Where did everybody go? What happened to the college students? Why weren't people coming back? He prayed. He begged God to rebuild the church. He took long prayer walks through the streets and alleys of Tucson, pleading: "God, help me. Please help your church. Please just throw me a bone here. I'm struggling. I don't know what to do." But several years passed without the dramatic resurgence Rob had hoped for. And that's hard. Especially when what you're praying for seems completely consistent with God's will. What About God's Promises? Jesus said: "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." — John 14:14 Sometimes that can sound like a blank check. Ask. Believe. And God will provide. We can understand why God might not answer a prayer to win a billion-dollar lottery. But what about prayers for things that seem good? A job. Money for missions. Enough money to pay the rent. Healing for someone with cancer or another illness. Someone you love returning to Jesus. Unity in your small group. A church that is strong, growing and healthy. What do you do when you pray for something that seems aligned with God's will—and the answer still doesn't come? Rob admits that he doesn't have an easy answer. But he shares two thoughts that have helped him navigate the disappointment. 1. God May Replace What You Want With Something Better Early in Rob's Christian life, he was deeply in love with a woman he met in the campus ministry at UC Berkeley. He was serious about the relationship and was close to proposing. But Rob was struggling spiritually, and those struggles were affecting their relationship. After seeking advice, he broke off the relationship for her sake until he could get his relationship with God back on track. His plan seemed simple: Get right with God. Then marry this woman. But after Rob repented and renewed his relationship with Christ, something unexpected happened. His feelings changed. He felt lost. He couldn't imagine anyone better. He believed he had lost something irreplaceable. Night after night, Rob walked through the streets of Berkeley praying for God's guidance. But God had another plan. About a year after the breakup, Rob's future wife, Pam, flew into the Bay Area from Cairo, Egypt. They began dating. A year later, they were married. What once felt like an irreplaceable loss eventually looked very different. Sometimes God reserves the right to replace what we desperately want with something better. 2. Don't Forget All the Times God Said Yes Rob's second observation comes from looking back over his life. The number of times God has said "no" or "wait" is small compared with the number of times God has given him exactly what he asked for. His life. His family. His missionary journeys. And countless other blessings. In fact, Rob believes God's generosity may be part of the reason his "no" can hurt so badly. We become accustomed to the generosity of a loving Father. So when he doesn't give us what we desperately want, it can be shocking. But God reserves the right to say no. Not because he has stopped loving us. But because he is guided by wisdom we don't always understand. Rob doesn't pretend to like it. But accepting God's right to say no is part of accepting him as both Savior and Lord. Before You Quit Because God Said No... Remember two things: God may have something better. And: Remember all the times he has already said yes. A disappointing answer to prayer doesn't erase a lifetime of God's faithfulness. If you're considering walking away because God didn't answer the way you hoped, don't let one painful "no" make you forget all the ways he has already loved, provided for and blessed you. Before you quit, look back. Remember his generosity. And leave room for the possibility that God's story isn't finished yet. This is Day 10 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. If you know someone who's discouraged, disappointed with God or struggling with an unanswered prayer, share this episode with them. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

You've Got One Job: Stay Connected to Jesus There are a thousand things competing for your attention every day. Your career. Your marriage. Your kids. Your health. Your finances. Your goals. Your phone. Even your ministry. But according to Jesus, there's one thing you absolutely cannot neglect: Your connection with him. In John 15, Jesus gives one of the simplest and most powerful pictures of the Christian life: "I am the vine; you are the branches." In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob explores why successful people can be especially vulnerable to spiritual self-reliance, why God sometimes prunes the people he loves, and how someone can look spiritually alive on the outside while slowly drying up inside. And it all comes down to one simple phrase: You've got one job: remain. Are You Plugged In? Rob rents out his former home in Tucson, Arizona. Every so often, a guest sends him a message: "The hot tub isn't working." "The jets won't turn on." "It's not getting hot." "We've pushed every button." Rob usually responds with one question: "Is it plugged in?" A few minutes of silence. Then: "Never mind." Nothing was wrong with the hot tub. Nothing was wrong with the heater. Nothing was wrong with the jets. It simply wasn't connected to its source of power. And that can describe our spiritual lives. We push buttons. We try harder. Work more. Make more money. Improve our marriages. Fix our kids. Grow our ministries. Accomplish another goal. But Jesus asks a more fundamental question: Are you connected to me? You can be incredibly busy and spiritually disconnected. You can even be busy doing things for Jesus while becoming disconnected from Jesus. 1. Let the Gardener Prune You Jesus says: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener." — John 15:1 Then he says something surprising: Every branch that bears fruit, God prunes so that it can become even more fruitful. God prunes fruitful people. We sometimes assume that if we're following God, everything should start going our way. Jesus says otherwise. Sometimes following God means getting cut. A door closes. A relationship doesn't work out. Something you desperately wanted doesn't happen. God's Word exposes pride, selfishness, greed, impurity or your need for control. But there's a huge difference between destruction and pruning. Destruction has no future in mind. Pruning is all about the future. Instead of immediately asking, "What's gone wrong?" try asking: "God, what are you trying to cut out of me?" And: "What are you trying to grow in me?" Don't waste your pruning. Let the Gardener work. 2. You've Got One Job: Remain This is the heart of John 15. Jesus repeatedly says: Remain. Stay connected. Stay close. Make your home in me. Don't drift away. A branch doesn't wake up thinking: "How am I going to manufacture grapes today?" It doesn't hustle. It doesn't compare itself with the branch next to it. It doesn't create a five-step productivity plan. It remains connected to the vine. Life flows from the vine into the branch. Eventually, fruit appears. Sometimes we make Christianity far more complicated than Jesus did: Try harder. Do more. Be better. Achieve more. Jesus says: Remain in me. Christianity isn't merely believing facts about Jesus. It's Christ living in you and through you. It's dependence. Relationship. Connection. You Can Look Alive While Drying Up Inside Here's the sobering part. When you cut a branch off a tree, it doesn't immediately look dead. For a while, the leaves remain green. Put it beside a connected branch and you may not even see a difference. But something fundamental has already happened. It has been disconnected from its source of life. The same thing can happen spiritually. You can still: Go to church. Sing the songs. Know your Bible. Lead a small group. Preach sermons. Have decades of Christian experience. You can look green on the outside while slowly drying up inside. Jesus isn't asking: "Were you connected to me once?" He's asking: "Are you remaining in me now?" Don't live off your baptism. Don't live off what you did ten years ago. Don't live off last year's faith. Ask: How is my relationship with Jesus today? 3. Connected People Bear Fruit Jesus says: "If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit." Notice the order. Jesus doesn't say: "Produce enough fruit, then I'll accept you." He says: Remain—and fruit will come. Connection comes before production. Roots come before fruit. What does that fruit look like? Changed character. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Repentance. Real connection produces real change. Obedience. Jesus changes how we handle our marriages, money, time, sexuality, forgiveness, service and gifts. And finally: Spiritual impact. Fruit reproduces. Spiritually fruitful people help other people find Jesus. We share our faith. Love people. Serve. Study the Bible with people. Help people become disciples. Multiply disciples, leaders and churches. And ultimately, the fruit points back to the vine. It isn't: "Look how impressive I am." It's: "Look what God can do." So, Are You Plugged In? Your marriage matters. Your family matters. Your career matters. Your finances matter. Your health matters. Your ministry matters. Your goals matter. But there's one thing you cannot neglect: Your connection with Jesus. So ask yourself: Am I plugged in? Remember the three lessons of John 15: 1. Let the Gardener prune you. 2. You've got one job: remain. 3. Connected people bear fruit. When you're successful—remain. When you're struggling—remain. When God is pruning you—remain. When life gets busy—remain. When you're discouraged—remain. When everything is going wonderfully—remain. The branch has one job. Remain. And Jesus promises: "If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit." Make this life count. 🙏 Support the Podcast If this episode challenged or encouraged you: Share it with someone you care about Buy and leave a review on one of my books on Amazon Donate here. Subscribe for more faith-building content

When Following Jesus Costs You Something Real | Before You Quit #9 What happens when following Jesus costs you something—or someone—you genuinely love? In Day 9 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner talks about a part of Christianity that can be painful to accept: Obedience can cost you something real. When Rob became a Christian during his junior year of college, one of the first people he wanted to tell was his best friend from high school. This was someone Rob could completely be himself around. They had taken road trips together. Made memories together. Enjoyed their college years together. Rob expected his friend to understand why his newfound faith meant so much to him. Instead, something changed almost immediately. His friend's body language changed. A relationship that had always felt completely comfortable suddenly became awkward. And eventually, the friendship was effectively over. Rob was shocked. He had expected the people closest to him to see what he saw in the gospel. Instead, he experienced firsthand Jesus' warning: "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." — Matthew 10:22 Jesus also said: "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." — Matthew 10:34 Christianity in Concept vs. Christianity in Reality Christianity in concept can sound awesome and amazing. Christianity in reality can be painful and costly. Following Jesus can sometimes cost you: Friends. Opportunities. Invitations. Promotions. Your reputation. Comfort. Parts of the life you once knew. And when that happens, it's easy to start looking backward. You may begin wondering: "Was my life better before?" "Is something wrong with me?" "Is something wrong with my church?" "Is something wrong with my faith?" But sometimes people's reaction to your faith is less about what they think of you and more about what they think of Jesus. Your new faith, standards and worldview may make people uncomfortable. They may feel judged. They may feel replaced by your Christian friends. They may feel neglected by your new priorities and schedule. Following Jesus can change relationships. And that can hurt. Jesus Never Hid the Cost Jesus said: "Those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples." — Luke 14:33 Sacrifice isn't an optional part of Christianity. And it isn't partial. Jesus' call touches everything we consider valuable: Our lives. Our families. Our friendships. Our money. Our time. Our habits. Our behavior. Our possessions. So if you're considering walking away from Jesus because following him has cost you something, slow down before you make that decision. Ask yourself: What am I really giving up if I walk away? Then turn your attention back to Jesus. Paul writes: "Though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich." — 2 Corinthians 8:9 Jesus understands sacrifice. He gave up wealth. Relationships. Honor. Prestige. Comfort. And ultimately, his life. He gave everything to win your heart. So when obedience feels expensive, remember what Jesus has already given you—and what he continues to give. Before you quit because the cost feels too high, look again at Jesus. He is worth the cost. This is Day 9 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. If you know someone who's discouraged because following Jesus has cost them friendships, relationships, opportunities or comfort, send them this episode. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

God Loves You—But Do You Believe It? Is Your "Truster" Broken? What if one of the biggest problems in your relationship with God isn't that God doesn't love you—but that you have trouble believing that he does? Years ago, two young children in Rob Skinner's extended family were adopted from Korea. Their new parents gave them a loving home, security, opportunities and a family that poured love into them. But the children struggled. There was anger. Mistrust. Rejection. As a young man watching from the outside, Rob couldn't understand it. Why couldn't they see how much they were loved? Then he learned what had happened before their adoption. Their father had left. Their mother remarried, but her new husband wouldn't accept the children from her previous marriage. One day, their mother brought the six- and eight-year-old children to an orphanage. She told them to wait while she went to the restroom. She never came back. Suddenly, their difficulty receiving love made sense. The problem wasn't that their new family didn't love them. They had been hurt so deeply that love had become difficult to trust. And that raises an important question: Is Your "Truster" Broken? Rob first heard the phrase "broken truster" from Gary Meyer, author of Imitating Paul. And he realized: "I think I've got one." Maybe you do too. Paul prayed in Ephesians 3:17–19 that Christians would have the power to grasp how wide, long, high and deep the love of Christ is. Why would believing God's love require power? Maybe because we bring our entire history into our relationship with God. Rejection. Disappointment. People who left. Unanswered prayers. Failure. Sin. Shame. Experiences with parents, authority figures, churches, friendships and relationships. And without realizing it, we can project those experiences onto God. We know the Bible says God loves us. We sing about God's love. We tell other people that God loves them. But somewhere deep inside, a question remains: "Yes...but does he really love me?" Put Your Full Weight on God Rob admits that even after decades of seeing God's goodness in his life, he can still struggle to trust. He feels the need to perform. Produce. Accomplish. Fix. Control. Prove himself. He compares it to sitting on an airplane during takeoff or turbulence and gripping the armrests as if somehow keeping his body tense will help keep the plane in the air. Of course, the airplane doesn't need his help. He can sit back. Relax. Put his full weight in the seat. And maybe God is trying to teach us the same lesson: "Put your full weight on me. I can take it." Stop trying to hold everything together. Stop trying to earn what God has already given you. Stop trying to prove that you deserve to be loved. Jesus said: "Whoever comes to me I will never drive away." — John 6:37 God isn't looking for an excuse to get rid of you. What Happens When We Don't Trust God's Love? When we don't believe we're already loved, we start searching elsewhere for what we think is missing. Maybe another relationship will make me feel loved. Maybe more money. Another promotion. A better body. More attention. A growing ministry. A bigger audience. Another achievement. Another person's approval. But there's always another goal. Another number. Another accomplishment. Another person whose approval we want. We keep reaching because we don't understand what we already have. You are already loved. Rooted and Established in Love Rob returns to Paul's words in Ephesians: "Rooted and established in love." Roots aren't flashy. Nobody walks through a forest admiring the roots. We notice the tree. The leaves. The fruit. But when the storm comes, those invisible roots suddenly matter. Rob doesn't want his roots to be in his performance, ministry success, money, approval or whether life follows his plans. He wants to be rooted in one simple conviction: God loves me. When you truly believe that, you don't have to prove yourself constantly. You can admit when you're wrong. You can apologize. You can take risks. You can fail and get back up. You can stop comparing yourself to everybody else. You can love people without demanding that they love you perfectly in return. You can rest. You can breathe. You can put your full weight on God. Three Questions to Ask Yourself 1. Where is your "truster" broken? Where were you disappointed? Who rejected you? Who walked away? What prayer wasn't answered the way you hoped? What experience made you question whether God really cares? 2. Where are you looking for something God has already given you? Approval? Security? Significance? Love? Peace? What are you chasing because you secretly believe that once you get it, you'll finally be okay? 3. What would change if you really believed God loved you? What would you stop worrying about? How would you pray? How would you handle failure? How would you respond to criticism? How would you respond when somebody else succeeds? What risks would you finally take? People may disappoint you. People may reject you. People may leave. People may fail you. But don't confuse people with God. God's love is wider than your failures. Longer than your past. Higher than your hopes. Deeper than your wounds. Maybe your "truster" is a little broken. Rob's is too. But God's love isn't broken. Loosen your grip on the armrest. Sit back. Put your full weight on God. And get rooted in his love. 🙏 Support the Podcast If this episode challenged or encouraged you: Share it with someone you care about Buy and leave a review on one of my books on Amazon.com Donate here. Subscribe for more faith-building content

Following Jesus Feels Too Hard? Don't Quit Yet | Before You Quit #8 What if one of the reasons you're thinking about quitting Christianity is something you rarely say out loud? "It's just too hard." In Day 8 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner begins Week Two of the book: Why People Quit and Don't Say It Out Loud. People rarely walk away from their faith in one sudden moment. A disappointment here. A conflict there. An unanswered prayer. A broken relationship. Little by little, discouragement accumulates until someone quietly begins drifting away. And sometimes underneath all of it is a simple feeling: Following Jesus has become too hard. Here's something Christians don't always like to admit: Christianity is hard. Yes, following Jesus is better. It's blessed. It's worth it. But Jesus never promised it would always be easy. In Luke 9:23, Jesus said: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Jesus didn't hide the cost of discipleship. He actually told people to count the cost before deciding to follow him. So if following Jesus feels difficult right now, that doesn't necessarily mean you're doing something wrong. You may actually be experiencing exactly what Jesus told us to expect. A Christianity of Convenience It's possible to customize Christianity until most of the difficult parts disappear. No sacrifice. Little prayer. No emotional engagement. Minimal commitment. But that's a Christianity of convenience—not the life of discipleship Jesus described. If you're struggling, you're also not the first Christian to feel this way. An entire New Testament letter—Hebrews—was written to Christians who needed encouragement to keep going. Hebrews 10:36 says: "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." If Scripture tells us to persevere, it's because there will be times when we desperately want to stop. Don't Just White-Knuckle It But Rob doesn't recommend simply gritting your teeth and trying harder for the next 40 years. Sometimes following Jesus becomes especially difficult when our focus shifts away from Jesus and onto the people and problems around us. Rob shares a line from Thomas à Kempis' The Imitation of Christ: "Whoever loves much does much." Looking back, Rob realized that some of the times he complained most about how difficult Christianity felt were also times when his love and interest in Jesus had diminished. He had lost some of the wonder and appreciation that originally drew him to Christ. So he returned to Jesus' words to Christians who had lost their first love: "Repent and do the things you did at first." — Revelation 2:5 Do the Things You Did at First Rob realized he had stopped doing many of the things that had originally helped his love for Jesus grow: Reading the Bible. Avoiding temptation. Spending time with other Christians. Living transparently. Praying. When he started doing those things again, something changed. His circumstances didn't suddenly become easier. The hard things didn't disappear. But God's love began to trickle back into his life, and those hard things didn't feel quite as overwhelming anymore. If you're in a hard place right now, you're not the first Christian who's been there. Don't quit before you receive the reward God has for you. Persevere. But don't merely white-knuckle your way through your faith. Rekindle your love for Jesus. Go back. Do the things you did at first. Because as your love grows, the hard things may begin to feel just a little smaller. This is Day 8 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

Stop Saying "Not Yet": It's Not Too Late to Change What have you gotten so used to that you don't even see it anymore? From 2004 to 2012, Rob Skinner worked as a realtor while planting a church in Ashland, Oregon. Whenever someone bought a fixer-upper, he gave them one piece of advice: Fix the problems right away. Why? Because human beings have an incredible ability to get used to almost anything. The cracked tile that drives you crazy when you first move in eventually becomes your cracked tile. You stop noticing it. Rob shares an unforgettable illustration from John Kotter and Dan Cohen's The Heart of Change: if you leave something unfixed long enough, eventually you could get used to stepping over the proverbial "dead body in the living room." And we don't just do this with houses. We do it with our: marriages character spiritual lives health finances relationships dreams ministries callings We live with something for so long that eventually we stop seeing it. What's Your Unfinished Foundation? In the book of Haggai, God's people returned to Jerusalem excited to rebuild the temple. They restored worship. They laid the foundation. Then opposition came. The work became difficult. They got discouraged. And they stopped. One year passed. Then two. Five. Ten. Eventually, roughly 16 years had passed. Imagine walking by that unfinished temple foundation every day. At first: "We need to finish that." Years later: "We really should get around to that someday." Eventually? You barely notice it. The unfinished foundation has become part of the scenery. That's what can happen in our lives. Maybe you once intended to deal with your temper, bitterness, lust, selfishness or lack of discipline. Maybe there's an issue in your marriage that you and your spouse have learned to work around rather than resolve. Maybe you once dreamed about having a vibrant relationship with God, knowing your Bible, helping people and making a difference. Maybe it's your health. Your finances. The book you wanted to write. The business you wanted to start. The church you wanted to plant. The person you wanted to mentor. The relationship you wanted to repair. You didn't necessarily decide it wasn't important. You just started saying: "Not yet." Two Dangerous Words: "Not Yet" God's people didn't say they would never rebuild the temple. They said: "The time has not yet come to rebuild the Lord's house." — Haggai 1:2 Not yet. I'll work on my marriage—but not yet. I'll deal with my finances—but not yet. I'll get serious about my health—but not yet. I'll deal with that sin—but not yet. I'll pursue that dream—but not yet. When work slows down. When the kids get older. When I have more money. When I'm less stressed. When life settles down. But life rarely settles down. And "not yet" has a nasty habit of turning into "never." What Does Your Life Say Matters? Haggai challenges God's people: "Give careful thought to your ways." Don't just look at what you say matters. Look at what you're actually doing. Look at your calendar. Look at your spending. Look at your attention. Look at your energy. What gets the first and best part of you? Does the way you're living match what you say matters most? Jesus didn't say to seek only God's kingdom. He said: "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness." — Matthew 6:33 Something has to come first. If you wait to give the most important things the time that's left over, there probably won't be any time left. 16 Years of Delay. 23 Days to Change. Here's the hopeful part of Haggai. The people had procrastinated for approximately 16 years. Then Haggai challenged them to reconsider their ways. They listened. They repented. They obeyed. And 23 days later, they were building again. Their circumstances didn't change first. They did. They still had jobs. Bills. Families. Opposition. Hard work. What changed was their priorities. And then God told them: "I am with you." He stirred their spirits and they got to work. Maybe we've been waiting for that sequence to happen backward. "When I feel motivated, I'll exercise." "When I feel close to God, I'll pray." "When I feel passionate, I'll share my faith." "When I feel creative, I'll write." "When I feel ready, I'll have the difficult conversation." But maybe you shouldn't wait until you feel stirred to obey. Obey—and see what gets stirred. Put on your shoes. Open your Bible. Make the phone call. Schedule the appointment. Apologize. Write the first paragraph. Make the budget. Submit the application. Pick up the hammer. Take the first step. Find Your "Dead Body" When this episode ends, take ten quiet minutes and ask: What's the "dead body" in my living room? What have I gotten so accustomed to that I barely see it anymore? What's my unfinished foundation? And where have I been saying: "Not yet"? Don't make a list of ten things. Pick one. Then do something about it in the next 24 hours. Because 16 years of procrastination can become 23 days of transformation. Your past delay does not have to determine your future. You haven't missed your opportunity simply because you've waited. The unfinished foundation is still there. And as long as you're alive, you can pick up the hammer again. Have a great day—and make this life count. 🙏 Support the Podcast If this episode challenged or encouraged you: Share it with someone you care about Buy and leave a review on one of my books on Amazon Donate here. Subscribe for more faith-building content

Before You Quit, Pray This With Me | Before You Quit #7 What do you do when you're discouraged, overwhelmed and don't know what decision to make? Before you do anything else, turn toward God. In Day 7 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner pauses to do something simple: Pray with you. If you're considering walking away from church, struggling in your relationship with God or simply feeling overwhelmed by fear, anger, disappointment and uncertainty, this short episode is for you. When life doesn't turn out the way we hoped, our minds can become filled with questions. Should I stay? Should I leave? Should I make a change? What should I do next? Fear rises. Emotions take over. Peace disappears. That's why Rob turns to one of his favorite promises from God: "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." — Isaiah 26:3 We can change our outward circumstances. We can change who we talk to. We can change where we worship. We can change our routines. But as the saying goes: "Wherever you go, there you are." Changing our circumstances doesn't necessarily remove the hurt, anger, fear or disappointment we're carrying inside. But turning toward God rather than away from him offers a path toward peace. So before you make a major decision, take two minutes. Stop. Turn toward God. And pray with Rob: "God, I'm upset and I'm worried about a lot of things. I can't control the thoughts that are going through my head. I don't know what to do... I'm asking you for that perfect peace that you promise... Help me overcome my fear and unbelief. Help me make decisions that bring me closer to you." If you're discouraged right now, you don't have to figure everything out today. Turn toward God before you turn away. Ask him for peace. Ask him for strength. Ask him for the grit to keep going. And before you quit, pray. This is Day 7 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

Yesterday Is Not Prophecy: Don't Limit What God Can Do Have you ever looked at an area of your life and thought: "This is never going to change"? Maybe you've been single longer than you expected. Maybe your marriage has been difficult for years. Maybe you've prayed for one of your children to come back to God and nothing seems to be happening. Maybe your finances are stuck. Your career isn't moving. Your ministry isn't growing. You haven't helped someone become a Christian in years. And after enough disappointment, it's easy to start turning your history into a prediction: "This is just the way it's going to be." In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob looks at one of the strangest—and funniest—stories in the Old Testament: 2 Kings 7. The city of Samaria was starving. An enemy army had surrounded it. Food was gone. Prices were out of control. There was no visible way out. Then the prophet Elisha announced something outrageous: Within 24 hours, everything was going to change. One of the king's officers couldn't believe it. Even if God opened the floodgates of heaven, he argued, how could something like that possibly happen? From everything he could see, his conclusion made perfect sense. But he made one critical mistake: He left God out of his forecast. Then four starving men with leprosy walked toward the enemy camp expecting they might die—and discovered that God had already caused the entire enemy army to flee. Suddenly there was food. There was silver and gold. There were clothes and supplies. And within 24 hours, the famine was over. Exactly as God had said. Yesterday Is Not Prophecy We often do the same thing as that officer. We take our present circumstances. We combine them with our recent history. Then we project both indefinitely into the future. "I'm single now, so I'll probably always be single." "My marriage hasn't changed, so it probably never will." "My child walked away from God, and I don't think they're coming back." "My ministry hasn't grown, so maybe it never will." "I've always struggled financially. That's just who I am." But your past is not prophecy. Your disappointments are real. Your current circumstances are real. But they do not necessarily tell you what God will do next. Rob shares two personal reminders of this. His son spent approximately ten years far away from God. There were times Rob couldn't imagine how that story would change. Then it did. His son returned to God and was baptized. Rob also remembers being single and thinking he had practically met every eligible Christian woman around him. Then Pam flew into town from Cairo, Egypt. Rob never saw that coming. They recently celebrated 36 years of marriage. Leave Room for Black Swans Rob also explores the idea of a "black swan"—an unexpected event that challenges everything we thought we knew. For centuries, Europeans assumed all swans were white because every swan they had ever seen was white. Then explorers arrived in Australia and discovered black swans. Their conclusion wasn't foolish. Their experience was incomplete. And so is ours. Just because you've never seen something happen doesn't mean it can't happen. Just because God hasn't worked in a particular way before doesn't mean he won't. Faith isn't pretending your problems aren't real. Faith doesn't guarantee that you'll get married this year, every illness will disappear, every financial problem will vanish or every child will immediately return to God. Faith says: "I don't know what God is going to do, but I refuse to limit God to what I can currently see." So ask yourself: What have I quietly decided can't change? Your marriage? Your singleness? Your health? Your finances? Your career? Your ministry? Your relationship with your children? Your fruitfulness? Your spiritual life? Maybe it's time to pray again. Invite someone again. Study the Bible with someone again. Work on your marriage again. Reach out to your child again. Apply for the opportunity. Ask for advice. Try something new. Dream again. Don't confuse: "I don't know how" with: "It can't happen." And especially don't confuse: "I can't" with: "God can't." Take the next step and leave room for God to surprise you. Because sometimes the difference between famine and abundance is only 24 hours. Make this life count. 🙏 Support the Podcast If this episode challenged or encouraged you: Share it with someone you care about Buy and leave a review on one of my books on Amazon Donate here. Subscribe for more faith-building content