447. Thinking About Leaving Church? Watch for These Warning Signs | Before You Quit #6

Thinking About Leaving Church? Watch for These Warning Signs | Before You Quit #6 Most Christians who walk away from God don't make one dramatic decision to quit. They drift. In Day 6 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner walks through the familiar pathway that can slowly lead a Christian out the door: Disappointment. Discouragement. Pulling back. Missing church. Avoiding conversations. Stopping time with God. Ghosting the people who love you. And eventually becoming spiritually empty. Rob points out that the warning signs often begin long before someone says, "I'm leaving." Your giving may dry up. Church starts feeling painful or forced. Instead of worshiping, you become increasingly critical of the sermon, the music, the program and the people. Activities you once loved become easier to miss. Prayer loses its passion. Bible reading disappears. When someone asks how you're doing, your answers become: "I'm fine." "Work has been busy." "Things have been crazy." And slowly, meaningful conversations become something to avoid. Then another dangerous pattern begins. When people reach out, you can become critical: "Where were they when I needed them?" But when they don't reach out: "See? Nobody really cares about me." Either way, the church becomes the problem. Rob reminds us that there is no perfect church because every church is filled with imperfect, struggling people. A small church can be criticized for what it lacks. A large church can be criticized for being impersonal. And while many people who leave church insist that their relationship with God is still strong, Rob challenges us to examine honestly whether our love for God may also be growing cold. Jesus warned in Matthew 24:12–13: "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved." If you recognize yourself anywhere along this path, don't ignore it. Identify where you are. Recognize the danger. And remember: It's not too late to rekindle the flame. You can turn around. You can reconnect. You can get back on the narrow road. If you're struggling in your faith, Rob would love to hear from you and encourage you. Email: [email protected] This is Day 6 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his book Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

FROM THE ARCHIVES: With NASCON26 happening in Baltimore this weekend, we're resurfacing one of Rob and Pam Skinner's most practical episodes on how to make the most of a Christian conference. Originally recorded before the 2022 World Discipleship Summit, the principles are just as relevant for NASCON today. Going to NASCON26 in Baltimore this weekend? Listen to this before you go. We're bringing back this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast because the advice Pam and I shared about making the most of a conference may be more relevant than ever—especially for singles heading to NASCON26: Divine Design – Created for Purpose. A great Christian conference can encourage your faith, give you fresh vision, create lifelong friendships and introduce you to people who may change the direction of your life. But don't just show up and hope something happens. Prepare for it. In this episode, Pam and I talk about what you can do before and during a conference to get the most out of the experience. Before you go: Pray about what God wants you to learn and where you need to grow. Pray to make new friends. Contact people you'd like to spend time with before everyone's schedule fills up. Don't plan to spend the entire conference only with people from your home church. Prepare yourself spiritually. Get rested. And yes—look your best and make a great first impression. Once you're there: Be loving to the person standing in front of you. Smile. Introduce yourself. Get outside your comfort zone. Sit toward the front. Take notes. Thank the speakers and people serving. Use meals to build relationships instead of spending half your lunch trying to find the perfect restaurant. Remember people's names. Ask good questions. Listen more than you talk. Exchange contact information. And follow up with the people you meet. And if you're single... This could be a life-changing weekend. Pam and I share the story of two Christians who met at a conference—and eventually got married. Does that mean you're going to NASCON just to find a spouse? No. Go to learn. Go to grow. Go to deepen your relationship with God. Go to make friends. But also be open to what God may do. Be bold. Meet people. Don't spend the whole weekend surrounded by the same friends you traveled with. If someone says, "There's somebody I'd like you to meet," be open. If you're on a date, don't spend the entire conversation talking about yourself. Ask questions. Be interested. Keep it light. Have fun. NASCON26's theme is Divine Design – Created for Purpose. Go into this weekend believing that God has a purpose for you right now. Ask him: "What do you want me to learn?" "Who do you want me to meet?" "Who can I encourage?" "How do you want me to grow?" Prepare for it. Get ready for it. And expect God to work. Have an incredible NASCON26—and make this life count. —Rob

Still Struggling With Sin? Something Isn't Wrong With You | Before You Quit #5 Have you ever looked at other Christians and wondered, "Why am I still struggling? Something must be wrong with me"? In Day 5 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner addresses the shame, comparison, and imposter syndrome that can make Christians feel as though they're only pretending to have it together. Everyone else seems happy. Everyone else seems spiritual. Everyone else seems to be growing. Meanwhile, you're still fighting a sin you thought you should have conquered years ago. Rob knows that feeling. In this deeply personal chapter, he shares about his own ongoing battle with sexual temptation and impurity. After years of feeling that he had those sins beaten, the rise of the internet, constant access to screens, and increasingly available temptation changed the battlefield. Eventually, Rob decided to install internet accountability software. But even doing something healthy brought another emotion: Shame. Why should he still need this? Shouldn't he be beyond this by now? Drawing from Romans 7:19–24, Rob points to the Apostle Paul's surprisingly candid description of his own internal battle: He wanted to do good, yet evil was still there. There was a war going on inside him. Paul's struggle didn't mean he was a fake Christian. It caused him to recognize how desperately he needed Christ. And Romans 8:1 provides the hope: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." In this episode, Rob talks about: Why struggling with sin can make Christians feel like imposters The danger of comparing your private struggles with someone else's public appearance Rob's own battle with sexual temptation and impurity Why he chose to use internet accountability software The shame we sometimes feel about needing guardrails Why baptism doesn't mean the battle with sin disappears Paul's struggle in Romans 7 Why weakness should push us toward Jesus rather than away from him Practical guardrails Rob uses in his own life Why he now puts his phone "to bed" at 9 p.m. The freedom of accepting that righteousness will remain a battle Why there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ If you're tired of fighting the same battle, ashamed of needing help, comparing yourself with other Christians, or wondering whether your struggle means your faith isn't real, Rob wants you to know: You are not alone. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to be ashamed that you need guardrails. And you don't have to quit. Let the battle you're fighting turn you toward Jesus for the grace, peace, and help you need. This is Day 5 of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. If you know someone who has drifted away from church or is struggling in their faith, send them this episode or a copy of the book. Before You Quit is available on Amazon and at RobSkinner.com. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

Give God One Night a Week—and Watch What Happens What if the biggest thing keeping you from making a difference for God isn't a lack of talent, knowledge, or spirituality? What if you're simply too busy? In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob offers one simple challenge: Leave one night open. Choose one night every week and dedicate it to investing spiritually in another person. Study the Bible with someone searching for God. Mentor a younger Christian. Encourage someone who is struggling. Follow up with a new Christian. Train a future leader. It doesn't sound dramatic—but Rob has seen what happens when this simple decision is repeated week after week. After moving to Boston, Rob began studying the Bible with a young man named Wale. Wale became a Christian, but their time together didn't stop after his baptism. They kept Tuesday nights open, sharing dinner, studying the Bible, talking about life, character, relationships, leadership, and his walk with God. Today, Wale is leading his own small group. Rob shares another example from years earlier. Every Tuesday night for approximately three years, Chris Schwarzenberger spent time with Rob and his family. Chris would later become an evangelist and continues serving in ministry today. Neither story started with a massive program. Tuesday night was simply available. Rob also looks at Jesus' example in John 1. When two seekers wanted to know more about him, Jesus didn't squeeze them into a 15-minute appointment. He invited them to come with him and gave them his time. Because relationships take time. Bible studies take time. Mentoring takes time. Leadership development takes time. You can't microwave discipleship. Drawing from Mark 4, Rob also warns about the danger of allowing perfectly good things—work, family responsibilities, entertainment, travel, projects, and commitments—to fill our lives until there is no room left for the things that matter most. For leaders, Rob offers an especially practical challenge. Instead of simply asking people to "be more committed," ask them: "What night is your kingdom night?" Imagine the compounding impact if an entire church made one evening each week available for helping someone else spiritually. One night becomes a changed life. A changed life becomes a leader. A leader begins investing in others. And eventually, one night can become a movement. Pull out your calendar. Choose your night. Protect it. Then pray one simple prayer: "God, give me somebody to invest in." Your greatest contribution may not ultimately be your career, house, accomplishments, or bank account. It may be the people you loved, strengthened, encouraged, and helped find God.

When Church Doesn't Feel Safe Anymore | Before You Quit #3 What happens when the place that once felt like family no longer feels safe? In Day 3 of Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob Skinner addresses one of the most painful reasons Christians consider walking away: church hurt. Church can be a place of incredible friendship, growth, healing, and spiritual transformation. But churches are also filled with imperfect people. Conflict happens. Gossip spreads. Leaders disappoint us. People become controlling. Hypocrisy gets exposed. Relationships break down. And sometimes the people we trusted most are the people who hurt us. Rob shares honestly about seasons when he felt spiritually empty and frustrated by what he experienced as excessive demands and micromanagement in the church. He also recounts being falsely accused by another Christian of inappropriate behavior after a photo of Rob baptizing someone in a hot tub was twisted into something entirely different. The accusation was proven false, but the damage had already been done. For the first time, Rob found himself struggling with feelings of hatred toward another Christian. Drawing from Galatians 5:19–21, Rob points out something that can easily be overlooked: when Paul describes the "acts of the flesh," he doesn't only mention sexual immorality and impurity. He also names hatred, discord, jealousy, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy. These are sins that can happen inside a church community—and they can deeply damage the faith of the people on the receiving end. If you've been hurt, offended, betrayed, gossiped about, disappointed by leadership, or simply reached the point where church no longer feels like the family you thought it was going to be, this episode is for you. Rob isn't asking you to pretend the hurt didn't happen. He's asking you to hang on. You are not the first Christian to experience church hurt, and you can make it through this season without giving up your relationship with God. This episode is part of Rob Skinner's Before You Quit series, based on his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. If someone came to mind while you were listening, send them this episode. It may be exactly what they need to hear today. Before You Quit is available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

You Got Advice—So Why Was It Still a Bad Decision? Can you seek advice and still make a terrible decision? Absolutely. In 1 Kings 12, two new kings—Rehoboam and Jeroboam—face some of the biggest decisions of their lives. Both seek advice. Both listen to advisors. And both make disastrous choices that affect generations. The problem wasn't simply whether they asked for advice. The deeper question was: What were they looking for when they asked? Wisdom—or approval? God's direction—or validation for something they had already decided? In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob explores the stories of Rehoboam and Jeroboam and shares five practical principles for making better decisions at the major crossroads of life. Rehoboam received wise counsel from experienced leaders who encouraged him to serve the people. But when he didn't like their answer, he found younger advisors who told him what he wanted to hear. One pride-driven decision helped split the kingdom of Israel. Jeroboam made a different mistake. God had already promised to establish his kingdom if he remained faithful. But fear took over. Instead of asking whether his plan honored God, he sought advice about how to execute a decision he had already made—leading to the golden calves at Bethel and Dan and generations of idolatry. One of the most important lessons is simple: Something can work and still be wrong. Effectiveness is not the same thing as faithfulness. In this episode, you'll learn: Why asking for advice is only the beginning How Rehoboam confused advice with approval Why the advice you don't want to hear may be the advice you need How Jeroboam used good strategy to accomplish the wrong goal Why fear can disguise itself as wisdom How greed can sound like "good stewardship" Why your heart cannot always be trusted How a small number of major decisions determine much of your life Why you should seek several perspectives on important decisions How to choose advisors whose lives you actually respect Why, when both choices are good, choosing growth can be a helpful principle How Rob and Pam chose church planting in Tucson over financial opportunity in Oregon Why it's never too late to admit you were wrong and change direction Rob closes with five principles for better decisions: Seek advice. Ask more than one person. Ask people whose lives you respect and would want to imitate. When both choices are good, consider choosing the path that produces greater spiritual growth. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to change your mind. Before your next major decision, ask yourself: Am I really looking for wisdom—or am I looking for permission? Sometimes the advice you least want to hear is exactly the advice you need. Learn more about Rob's books and the podcast at RobSkinner.com. You can also support the program here.

When God Doesn't Answer the Way You Prayed | Before You Quit #2 When you've prayed, sacrificed, and trusted God for years—and the answer still doesn't come—what happens to your faith? In Day 2 of Rob Skinner's new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, Rob shares one of the most personal and painful stories in the book. After becoming a Christian, Rob prayed intensely for his parents to come to faith. He hoped his father would turn to God before dying of pancreatic cancer. Years later, Rob moved his wife and three children to Ashland, Oregon, gave up a paid ministry position, started a church in his living room, began a new career, and endured significant financial loss during the Great Recession—all while hoping his mother would eventually respond to the gospel. She never did. On her deathbed, she told him to stop praying for her. That loss opened what Rob describes as a hole in his soul. He had prayed. He had sacrificed. He had rearranged his life. And somewhere along the way, he began believing that God owed him the outcome he wanted. In this deeply personal episode, Rob talks about quiet disappointment with God, unanswered prayer, grief, delayed hope, and what happens when our expectations of God collide with His sovereignty. You'll hear about: Rob's years of praying for his parents His father's death and the hoped-for "thief on the cross" moment that never came Why Rob moved his family back to southern Oregon Starting a church while supporting his family through real estate Losing retirement savings and property during the Great Recession His mother's resistance to Christianity The spiritual collapse Rob felt after her death Why he began feeling that God "owed" him Romans 9 and the difficult lesson of trusting the Potter How to continue loving God when His silence hurts Why disappointment doesn't have to become distance If you're carrying unanswered prayers, disappointment with God, grief, or the feeling that your sacrifice should have produced a different outcome, this episode is for you. You may not have the answer you wanted. But you do not have to walk away. Keep going. Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done is available on Amazon and through RobSkinner.com. If you know someone who is struggling with disappointment toward God or considering leaving the faith, send them this episode. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

The Decisions That Keep You Faithful: 6 Christians Share What Changed Everything What decisions help a Christian stay faithful—not just for a few months or years, but for a lifetime? In this special live edition of the Rob Skinner Podcast, recorded during the Downtown Boston Midweek service, Rob sits down with six disciples at very different stages of their spiritual journeys. Some have followed Jesus for less than a year. Others have been faithful for more than four decades. Rob asks each person one question: What one decision changed the trajectory of your spiritual life? Their answers are different, but remarkably practical. You'll hear about choosing your environment carefully, building a lifelong habit of prayer and Bible study, allowing Scripture to continually correct you, replacing complaining with action, choosing contentment, taking responsibility for your own discipleship, and surrounding yourself with people who will continually carry you back to Jesus. In this episode, you'll hear: Why the people and environments surrounding you can either strengthen or weaken your faith How consistency with God can carry you through decades of change and hardship The importance of finding "anchor scriptures" you return to during difficult seasons Why complaining rarely changes anything—and what to do instead The difference between being discontent and becoming chronically malcontent Why you shouldn't wait for someone else to take responsibility for your spiritual growth The importance of finding mentors who will challenge and inspire you Why every Christian needs "mat carriers" who keep bringing them back to Jesus How bitterness, grief, loss, and hope deferred can challenge long-term faithfulness Why God's power has already given us what we need to live a godly life Romans 12:2 reminds us that transformation begins with the renewing of our minds. Revival isn't reserved for a select few. It happens one life—and often one decision—at a time. As you listen to these stories, ask yourself: What decision is God calling me to make today? If this episode encourages you, share it with someone who needs hope or encouragement to keep growing. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches. Learn more at RobSkinner.com.

I Almost Quit: When You Haven't Lost Your Faith, But You've Lost Your Joy - Before You Quit #1 What do you do when you still believe in God—but you don't feel the joy you once had? You haven't necessarily lost your faith. You still care. You may still attend church, pray, and try to do what's right. But something inside feels different. The fire isn't there anymore. In this episode of the Rob Skinner Podcast, Rob begins reading from his new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done, a collection of short letters written for Christians who are discouraged, exhausted, hurt, drifting, or wondering whether they can keep going. After nearly 40 years as a Christian, missionary, church planter, and minister, Rob has watched too many sincere Christians quietly walk away. Some were leaders. Some were new Christians. Others had faithfully followed God for decades. And Rob has experienced those moments himself. In this first reading, Rob shares a vulnerable season early in his Christian life when he sat in church, looked around at everyone worshiping, and realized: "I didn't want to be there anymore." He hadn't stopped believing in God. He had lost his joy. Drawing from Hebrews 10:35, Rob offers encouragement for anyone who feels spiritually empty, alienated, disappointed, or simply tired. In this episode: • Why sincere Christians sometimes feel like quitting • The difference between losing your faith and losing your joy • Why spiritual discouragement doesn't mean something is fundamentally wrong with you • How church hurt, spiritual failure, recurring sin, disappointment, and exhaustion can slowly wear down your faith • Why many Christians don't leave suddenly—they drift quietly • Rob's personal story of reaching a point where he didn't want to be at church anymore • Why you don't need to solve your entire spiritual life today • The importance of staying one more day • The promise of Hebrews 10:35: "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." If you're hanging on by a thread, you don't have to figure everything out today. Stay in the fight. Stay in the faith. Stay near Jesus. One day at a time. And if someone you love is discouraged or thinking about walking away from God, share this episode with them. This is the beginning of an ongoing series from Rob's new book, Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done. Over the coming weeks, Rob will continue reading through the book and offering hope to Christians who need a reason to stay. Learn more about Rob and his books at RobSkinner.com. Rob's goal is to inspire you to live a no-regrets life, make this life count, and multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.

The Biggest Obstacle to Your Spiritual Growth (It's Probably Not What You Think) Everyone wants revival. We want to feel closer to God. We want deeper faith. We want more joy. We want to become spiritually fruitful. But what if revival doesn't begin with stronger emotions? What if it begins with a renewed mind? In this episode, Rob explores Romans 12:1–2 and explains why God transforms the way we think before He transforms the way we live. You'll discover: • Why revival always begins with God's mercy • How culture quietly shapes our thinking • Why trusting your own understanding can become spiritually dangerous • The connection between what you focus on and who you become • Five practical habits that renew your mind every day • Why your greatest years of spiritual growth may still be ahead of you If you've felt spiritually tired, discouraged, or stuck, this episode will help you return to the foundation of lasting transformation. Key Scripture: Romans 12:1–2 Also Mentioned: Proverbs 3:5–6 2 Corinthians 3:18 2 Corinthians 4:16 If this episode encouraged you: • Subscribe to the Rob Skinner Podcast • Share this episode with a friend • Leave a review • Check out Rob's book Before You Quit: Hope for the Christian Who Feels Done To help support the program, visit here. Remember: Live a no-regrets life. Make this life count. Multiply disciples, leaders, and churches.