Who Am I Now? Allowing Transformation After a Major Loss (Step 7)

Grief changes us in ways we do not choose.In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore Step 7 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Allowing Transformation. This step looks at the tender question many grieving people ask after loss: “Who am I now?”Heather and Amanda discuss meaning-making, toxic positivity, post-traumatic growth, identity, journal review, and why transformation cannot be rushed or forced.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why “grief as growth” can feel hurtfulThe difference between meaning-making and toxic positivityWhy transformation has to unfold in your own timeHow grief can change your identity and sense of selfHow journal review can help you notice what has shiftedWhat post-traumatic growth really meansQuestions to explore what you want to keep, release, and becomeThis episode is not about finding a silver lining. It is about allowing yourself to notice what has changed, what still matters, and who you are becoming after loss.ResourcesFull show notes and transcript:https://heatherstang.com/podcast-65/Join Awaken Grief Support, free 14-day trial:https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/For grief professionals, learn about the Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification:https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

When someone dies, the relationship doesn't end. It changes.In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore Step 6 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Continuing Bonds. Together, they discuss why staying connected to the person who died is a healthy and natural part of grieving, and how memories, rituals, objects, and everyday moments can help us maintain a lifelong relationship with those we love.In this episode, you'll learn:Why "moving on" isn't the goal of healthy grievingWhat continuing bonds are, and why research supports themHealthy ways to stay connected after the death of a loved oneHow memories, rituals, and meaningful objects can support healingWhy continuing bonds look different for every person and every lossHow mindfulness helps you stay connected without becoming overwhelmedThis episode offers a compassionate, evidence-informed perspective on one of the most misunderstood aspects of grief. Whether your loss is recent or many years ago, you'll discover practical ways to honor your loved one while continuing to live a meaningful life.

Sometimes in grief, you feel like you're doing better.You're getting through the day. You're sleeping more. Maybe you've started to reconnect with parts of your life again.And then, out of nowhere, a wave hits.It can feel like you're right back where you started.In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore Step 5 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Getting Unstuck.This step speaks to that common experience of feeling stuck in grief, and gently reframes it. Because most of the time, you're not actually stuck. You're moving through a process that is not linear, predictable, or easy.Heather and Amanda talk about the "boomerang" nature of grief, why waves come back even when you thought you were doing better, and how the belief that you should be progressing can add another layer of suffering.They also share practical ways to shift your perspective, including working with the five mental hindrances, expressive arts, and journaling practices that help create movement when things feel heavy or stuck.You will learn:• Why grief can feel like it's going backward • What "being stuck" in grief really means • How to shift your perspective when nothing seems to change • The five mental hindrances and how they show up in grief • How expressive arts can help release what feels stuck • A powerful journaling practice using different points of view • Why "appreciation" may feel more supportive than gratitude in griefThis episode is not about fixing your grief or forcing progress.It is about understanding your experience in a new way, and creating space for movement, even when things feel stuck.If you've ever thought, "I was doing so well, why does this feel so hard again?" this conversation is for you.🧘 Timestamps:00:00 Feeling "stuck" in grief 01:30 The boomerang metaphor 03:15 "But I was doing so well" 05:00 Why grief isn't linear 07:30 The myth of progress in grief 10:00 Acceptance vs fighting the process 13:00 Tasks of mourning vs stages of grief 16:00 What it really means to get unstuck 18:30 The five mental hindrances 22:00 Longing, resistance, and anxiety 26:00 Exhaustion and doubt in grief 30:00 The yoga philosophy perspective 33:00 Grief as energy that needs to move 36:30 Seasons of grief 40:00 Expressive arts and grief landscapes 45:00 Amanda's canvas practice 52:00 Releasing what feels stuck 56:00 Journaling from different perspectives 1:02:00 Writing from a compassionate voice 1:06:00 Appreciation vs gratitude 1:10:00 Closing reflectionsResources and links:🌿 Full show notes: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/💜 Join Awaken Grief Support (Free 14-day trial): https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification: https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop: https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/

When grief brings up difficult emotions, it can be hard to know what to do next. Do you lean in? Do you step back? Do you let yourself cry, or do you take a break from the intensity?In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore how to tend to difficult emotions with more wisdom, discernment, and care.This is Step 4 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Skillful Courage.Skillful courage in grief is not about force or fearlessness. It is about learning how to listen to yourself, knowing when to approach what hurts, and knowing when to rest. Heather and Amanda talk about the pressure to "be strong," the fear of being overwhelmed by grief, and why vulnerability is not weakness. They also explore how grief can show up in many forms, from crying and anger to numbness, confusion, and withdrawal.You will learn:• What skillful courage means in grief • Why difficult emotions are not the enemy • How to discern when to lean in and when to step back • The difference between intuitive and instrumental grieving styles • Why being called "strong" can sometimes feel like pressure • How the RAIN practice can help during a grief wave • A mindful movement practice for vulnerability and strength • A journaling prompt to help you reconnect with your inner courageThis episode is not about pushing through grief. It is about learning how to be with what hurts in a way that is honest, grounded, and kind.If grief has been feeling overwhelming, or if you are unsure how to respond when difficult emotions arise, this is a gentle place to begin.🧘 Timestamps:00:00 Step 4: Skillful Courage 01:35 What this step is really about 03:20 Learning when to lean in and when to step back 05:10 Trusting your own experience in grief 08:00 Making space to cry, or not 10:25 The fear of being overwhelmed 13:10 Grief is more than tears 16:05 The many emotions inside grief 19:45 Feelings as messengers, not enemies 22:20 Intuitive and instrumental grieving 28:10 Moving the energy of grief 31:40 The pressure to be strong 36:25 Vulnerability and courage 40:05 Discernment and inner wisdom 45:15 The RAIN practice 52:40 Using RAIN in everyday life 57:30 Dancing with strength and vulnerability 1:03:15 A journaling prompt for courage 1:07:20 Strength, resilience, and restFull show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018Work with Heather💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

When grief softens the initial shock, other feelings often rise to the surface. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore how compassion can support you when grief brings guilt, self-criticism, resentment, and the pain of being human.Grief does not only break the heart open. It can also make us hard on ourselves. You may judge your emotions, question your reactions, or feel guilty for what you did, did not do, or even for what you feel now. Heather and Amanda talk honestly about how common that is, especially when grief affects family dynamics and old wounds begin to surface.This is Step 3 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Compassion for All.Compassion in grief is not about fixing pain, pretending everything is okay, or forcing yourself to be positive. It is about recognizing suffering and responding with care. That includes care for yourself, care for difficult people, and care for the grieving heart that may feel raw, overwhelmed, or alone.Heather and Amanda explore the difference between empathy, sympathy, pity, and compassion. They talk about the role of self-compassion in grief, the healing power of common humanity, and how simple practices like a hand on the heart, a compassionate mantra, or metta meditation can help soften shame and self-judgment.You will learn:• Why grief can trigger guilt, resentment, and self-criticism • The difference between empathy, sympathy, pity, and compassion • How self-compassion includes an active response of care • What Kristin Neff's three elements of compassion look like in grief • Why common humanity can ease isolation • How to create a self-compassion mantra that feels true • What metta meditation is and how it supports compassion for self and others • Why compassion is not the same as excusing harmful behaviorThis episode is not about getting over grief. It is not about rescuing yourself from pain. It is about learning how to meet your grief, and yourself, with kindness.If you have been feeling hard on yourself after loss, this is a gentle place to begin.🧘 Timestamps:00:00 There Is One Thing That Is Not Impermanent 00:49 Step 3: Compassion for All 02:54 Guilt, Old Wounds, and Unexpected Feelings 05:02 Family Tension and Resentment in Grief 06:36 Empathy, Sympathy, Pity, and Compassion 08:51 "I'm Human, and I'm Doing My Best" 11:24 Self-Care as Compassion in Action 12:06 "I Should Be Over This By Now" 15:04 What Do You Need in This Moment? 17:14 Kristin Neff's Three Elements of Compassion 18:25 Common Humanity and Not Feeling Alone 20:07 Self-Kindness in the Midst of Grief 23:25 Why Grief Groups Can Be So Healing 25:06 Creating Your Own Self-Compassion Mantra 26:15 "This Feeling Isn't Permanent" 27:36 What Compassion Is Not 30:42 Taking Care of Her Daughter 34:31 Compassion for Difficult People 36:01 Metta Meditation Explained 41:23 Adapting the Practice So It Does Not Cause More Suffering 44:55 "I'm Having a Hard Time" 45:35 "I'm Feeling Grief" 47:34 A Preview of Step 4: Vulnerability and CourageFull show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018Work with Heather💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

When someone you love dies, your mind doesn't go quiet. It gets loud. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore how mindfulness can support you when grief pulls you into rumination, anxiety, and mental loops.Grief doesn't just affect your heart. It affects your mind. You replay conversations. You imagine worst case scenarios. You jump into the future. You go back into the past. Heather calls this time traveling. And while remembering is natural, rumination often adds another layer of suffering.This is Step 2 of the Mindfulness & Grief System: Mindful Awareness.Mindfulness in grief is not about clearing your mind. It is not about pretending you are okay. It is not about spiritually bypassing pain. It is about noticing what is happening right now with honesty and compassion.Heather and Amanda talk about the difference between pain and suffering, and how the stories we add on top of pain can keep the nervous system activated. They share personal experiences of rumination after loss, grief anniversaries, and what it means to come back to the body when your thoughts feel overwhelming.You will learn:• The difference between remembering and ruminating • Why grief and anxiety often go together • What "time traveling" does to the grieving brain • How mindfulness and compassion work together • A simple breath, body, sound practice • How body scans interrupt rumination • What to do when emotions feel too big to unhook fromThis episode is not about stopping memories. It is not about forcing yourself to move on. It is about learning how to be present with your grief without adding extra suffering.If your mind feels stuck in loops after loss, this is a gentle place to begin.🧘 Timestamps:00:00 Pain and Add-Ons 01:15 What Mindfulness Is and Is Not 05:20 Remembering vs Ruminating 09:10 Time Traveling and the Grieving Brain 14:00 Mindfulness and Compassion 18:40 The Flashlight and Lantern Metaphor 24:30 Pain vs Suffering 30:15 Rumination Loops After Loss 35:20 Breath, Body, Sound Practice 41:10 Body Scan and Feeling Tones 49:30 Mindful Crying 55:40 Grief Anniversaries and Both and 1:00:10 Returning to WisdomFull show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018Work with Heather💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

The First Step to Calm Your Nervous System After LossGrief doesn't just affect your heart. It affects your body. In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and Amanda Palermo explore why grief overwhelms the nervous system and why you can't think your way out of it. When loss shakes your world, symptoms like brain fog, insomnia, body aches, anxiety, and exhaustion are not signs that you are failing. They are signs that your body is under stress.This episode introduces the first step in the Mindfulness & Grief System: Conscious Relaxation. You'll learn why calming the body comes before processing meaning, how simple focusing practices interrupt the stress cycle, and why tending to your nervous system is foundational in early grief and during grief waves.Heather and Amanda share personal experiences of shock, numbness, cognitive confusion, and somatic symptoms after loss. They discuss research on the relaxation response, practical focusing techniques such as breath counting and mantra repetition, and how small, consistent practices can restore a sense of agency.You'll also learn:• Why grief creates inflammation and physical symptoms • How to interrupt rumination through simple attention practices • What to do when sitting meditation feels impossible • How to create a sleep sanctuary after loss • Gentle journaling prompts to help your body find a voiceIf grief has left you feeling dysregulated, restless, or exhausted, this episode offers a grounded place to begin. You don't have to eliminate your feelings. You can start by tending to your body.🧘 Timestamps:00:00 You Can't Think Your Way Out of Grief 00:42 Welcome & Why the Body Comes First 02:10 Shock, Numbness & Brain Fog After Loss 05:30 When the Numbness Wears Off: Anxiety & Grief Waves 08:45 Why Grief Overwhelms the Nervous System 11:10 The First Step: Conscious Relaxation 13:40 Focusing Practices (Breath Counting & Mantra) 18:50 The Relaxation Response Explained 23:30 Movement as Meditation 27:40 Sensory Practices: Sound, Touch, Scent 30:20 Creating a Sleep Sanctuary After Loss 37:15 Reimagining the Bedroom After Losing a Partner 44:10 Journaling as a Body Practice 50:30 Giving Your Body a Voice (Writing Prompt) 55:40 The Puzzle Metaphor: Putting Pieces Back Together 58:10 This Is Your Home Base in Grief 1:01:30 Closing ReflectionsFull show notes and resources: https://heatherstang.com/podcast/Connect with Amanda on Instagram: https://instagram.com/amandapalermo1018Work with Heather💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness-based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

Grief can feel chaotic, exhausting, and unpredictable. Many people receive support after a loss, but still feel unsure what to do when emotions surge or the nervous system feels overwhelmed.In this episode of the Mindfulness & Grief Podcast, Heather Stang and cohost Amanda Palermo explore why having a system matters when you are grieving. Not stages. Not fixing. A compassionate framework you can return to when you do not know what to do next.This episode introduces the Mindfulness & Grief System and explains how structure can help reduce suffering, restore a sense of choice, and support you in living alongside grief without denying your pain.This is the first episode in an 8 part series that will walk through the Mindfulness & Grief System step by step.In this episode, you will learn:Why grief often feels overwhelming and disorganizingWhy support alone is not always enoughHow a system helps when your nervous system is dysregulatedWhat makes the Mindfulness & Grief System differentHow structure can create safety without rigidityTimestamps00:00 Why grief needs more than support 00:45 Welcome and episode overview 01:40 Why grief feels chaotic and exhausting 03:10 What people mean when they say "just get through it" 05:05 Why a system helps when emotions surge 07:20 The difference between stages and systems 09:10 How structure reduces suffering 11:05 Mindfulness as a practical skill, not a mindset 13:40 Choice, agency, and the nervous system 16:15 What the Mindfulness & Grief System offers 18:50 Who this system is for 21:30 What to expect in the 8 episode series 23:10 Closing reflectionsHostsHeather Stang: https://HeatherStang.comAmanda Palermo: AmandaPalermo108 on InstagramPodcasts for Grieving ParentsIf you are a parent navigating grief, you may find these podcasts supportive:Grieving Out Loud with Angela Kennecke https://emilyshope.charity/podcast/Widowed Parent Podcast with Jenny Lisk https://jennylisk.com/Ways to Go Deeper💜 Try Awaken Grief Support Free for 14 Days Live support, guided practices, and community for people living with grief. https://heatherstang.com/grief-group/🎥 Free Living With Grief Workshop and Live Q&A With Heather A gentle introduction to mindfulness based grief support with time for questions. https://heatherstang.com/living-with-grief-workshop/🎓 Mindfulness & Grief Coach Certification Professional training for helpers who want to support others through grief while caring for themselves. https://heatherstang.com/mindfulness-grief-coach-certification/

The holiday season can be especially tender when you are grieving. Familiar traditions, gatherings, and quiet moments can intensify the ache of missing someone you love. Even well meaning silence from others can make the loss feel heavier and more isolating. In this episode of the Mindfulness and Grief Podcast, thanatologist, yoga therapist, and author Heather Stang talks honestly about why the holidays can be so painful, the social awkwardness many grieving people experience, and how meditation can offer a quiet place of connection when your heart feels full. Heather introduces the concept of continuing bonds and shares the Life Imprint practice, originally developed by C. J. Vickio and taught by Robert Neimeyer, as a way to honor love without forcing cheer or closure. This episode points you to a gentle guided meditation that can be practiced during the holidays or anytime you are missing your person. The reflection can also be used as a journaling practice and is suitable for both simple and complicated relationships. 🎁 Download your free Grief Sensitive Holiday Planner: HeatherStang.com/holiday-planner Includes mindful prompts and reflection exercises to help you plan the holiday season with care and compassion. You will learn: • Why missing your loved one can feel sharper during the holidays • How silence and avoidance from others can add to grief, even when intentions are good • What continuing bonds means and why many people find it comforting • How the Life Imprint practice supports connection, even in complicated relationships • Why meditation can help you sit with longing without becoming overwhelmed • How this practice fits into the Mindfulness and Grief System, Step Six, Continuing Bonds • Ways to use this reflection as a meditation or journaling practice If you find this episode helpful, please follow the podcast and consider leaving a review so others can find support when they need it most.

Thanksgiving can be an emotionally complex day when you are grieving. Even simple traditions or familiar gatherings can feel overwhelming when your heart is carrying loss. Whether this is your first Thanksgiving without your person or one of many, it is normal to feel tender, unsure, or stretched thin by expectations and family dynamics. In this episode of the Mindfulness and Grief Podcast, thanatologist, yoga therapist, and author Heather Stang shares seven mindful tips to help you navigate Thanksgiving before the day arrives, during the gathering itself, and afterward when everything settles again. Through personal stories, trauma sensitive guidance, and practical mindfulness tools, Heather offers a grounded way to care for your heart and reduce unnecessary suffering on this meaningful holiday. 🎁 Download your free Grief Sensitive Winter Holiday Planner: heatherstang.com/holiday-help Includes mindful prompts and reflection exercises to help you plan for the holidays with clarity and compassion. You will learn: • How emotional tension builds before Thanksgiving and how mindfulness can help you recognise it early • A simple visualization practice to uncover what may feel difficult on the holiday • How to understand and express your needs clearly, including a real life story of how one family transformed their day • Personal rituals that can bring comfort and meaning during Thanksgiving • Why children's grief is often overlooked, how to talk with them honestly, and how to support them at their own pace • How different grieving styles, such as instrumental and intuitive grief, shape family dynamics during the holidays • What to expect after Thanksgiving, why an emotional drop is normal, and how to tend to yourself with care If you find this episode helpful, please follow the podcast and consider leaving a review so others can find support when they need it most.