317. Why Almost Every Woman in Medicine Feels She Doesn't Belong

In medicine, we are trained to trust what is hard, measurable, familiar, and structured. We question whether something spacious, nourishing, or beautiful can be meaningful, impactful, and lead to real growth and learning. Many physicians are skeptical of coaching, mindfulness, breathwork, retreats, and yoga as relevant and meaningful learning because they do not resemble traditional medical education. This episode encourages you to reconsider what medicine may have taught you to dismiss. PEARLS OF WISDOM • What medicine sometimes labels as "woo" may simply be unfamiliar, hard to measure, or outside the traditional medical framework. Mindfulness, coaching, yoga, breathwork, retreats, and nervous system regulation can still be rigorous, evidence-informed, and deeply impactful. • Suffering is not required for growth. We often equate exhaustion, discomfort, and over-effort with value, yet real learning is often more accessible when we are rested, regulated, and receptive. • Transformation is not the same as information. Physicians are excellent at consuming information, but lasting change comes from integration, practice, embodiment, and living differently in real time. • Simple practices are not shallow. A breath, a pause, a hand on the heart, a walk, a reflective question, or a meaningful conversation can interrupt old patterns and open space for a different response. • Conditions matter. Safety, spaciousness, beauty, community, nature, reflection, and skilled facilitation can make rigorous inner work more possible, not less credible. Real transformation happens when learning becomes embodied, integrated, relational, and safe.   Reflection Questions Where are we still equating suffering with value, rigor, or meaning? What kinds of learning have given us information without creating the change we were hoping for? Where are we treating something unfamiliar as not credible? What might become possible if comfort, beauty, rest, and spaciousness became part of healing and growth? Stay curious about the places where medicine has taught you to dismiss what you have not yet experienced.  Coaching, retreats, mindfulness, breathwork, yoga, reflection, and community are invitations to relate to ourselves, our work, our patients, and our lives with more presence and sustainability. www.jessiemahoneymd.com www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice.  

Communication can energize us, deplete us, or leave us energetically neutral.  When you are tired, unclear communication is even more costly. We can learn from both communication that flows and communication that feels clogged. With mindfulness, clarity, and honest reflection, communication can become a practice of energy stewardship. PEARLS OF WISDOM With mindfulness, clarity, and honest reflection, communication can become a practice of energy stewardship. Effective communication is not about everything happening quickly or smoothly. It is about clarity, transparency, and shared understanding of what is happening next. Response time matters less when expectations are clear. Knowing what we are waiting for can reduce frustration and conserve emotional energy. Communication preferences become clearer when we notice what works. We can learn from easeful interactions and use those lessons to guide future conversations. Communication clogs are part of life and medicine. We can pause, feel what is present, get curious, and choose the next healthiest and wisest response. Staying in our own energy is a mindful communication skill. We do not have to absorb confusion, urgency, or inefficiency in order to participate with care. Reflection Questions Where are you noticing communication flow right now? Where are you noticing communication clogs, delays, or unclear expectations? What helps you conserve energy when communication feels inefficient? We hope this conversation helps you notice how much energy communication requires, especially in medicine and leadership. Clear communication is not just efficient. It is compassionate. When communication feels clogged, pause, breathe, and ask what is actually yours to do. You can also notice when communication feels easeful, transparent, and energizing, and let that teach you something. This is a great topic for a workshop or keynote talk. Reach out to either of us to discuss further. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Almost every woman in medicine has, at some point, decided she doesn't belong. We were trained to do it — to scan for what's abnormal, what's different, what doesn't fit — and then we turn that same lens on ourselves. In this episode, we share our own stories of feeling alone, and the reframe that changed it for both of us: belonging is a decision, not a feeling. It's something you get to choose and practice, not something you wait to arrive — and there are simple, doable ways to start. What We Explore Why belonging is something you decide and practice, not something you wait to feel. How discomfort and unfamiliarity get mistaken for "I don't belong." The difference between deciding to belong and practicing it Why you don't have to belong everywhere — and how choosing where you don't is its own kind of freedom How vulnerability and connection become the antidote to loneliness Pearls of Wisdom We were trained to notice what doesn't belong, and we turn that same lens on ourselves. What you practice grows, and what you don't practice recedes. You don't have to belong everywhere; choosing where you don't belong is also a way of belonging to yourself. Vulnerability is valuable — it connects you, and it gives others permission. Reflection Questions Where do you keep waiting to belong, and where could you decide you already belong? Where are you spending your time, energy, and emotional currency — and are those spaces ones you've intentionally chosen? When you walk into a room where you feel different, what might happen if you started to notice what's actually the same about you? Ways to Work With Jessie 1:1 Coaching CME Wellness Retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga Blog Podcast Page If this episode resonates, the most powerful next step is to practice belonging. That's exactly what 1:1 coaching, small group coaching, and the Connect in Nature and Nicasio Creek Farm Women Physicians retreats are built for — authentic, aligned spaces where you actually want to belong. Come decide you belong, and see what shifts. Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

What does following your inner knowing actually look like — not in theory, but in real life, with a mortgage, three kids, and twenty years practicing medicine inside an institution? In this solo episode, Jessie shares the long-form version of her story: how she went from Kaiser pediatrician of 20 years to leading 38 retreats, coaching hundreds of physicians, building Pause & Presence with her husband Mark, moving to Nicasio Creek Farm, and stepping onto the TEDx stage.  Every turn was an act of trust. None of it was a plan. This is not a story about leaving medicine.  It is a story about what becomes possible when you stop overriding your inner knowing — and what changes for the people around you when you do. Listen to hear: Why every turning point was an act of trust, not a plan Where the name Pause & Presence actually came from Working backward from how you want to feel The catalyst that actually moves physicians to change Why making decisions from depletion keeps you stuck What intentional healing spaces make possible The unexpected ripple effect on family, marriage, and kids Pearls of Wisdom Every turn we take toward our inner knowing is an act of trust — and trust grows by following it. What we model is far more powerful than what we say. The biggest gift of change is often the ripple effect on the people we love most. You cannot know the how until you get there — you can only set yourself up well for the process. Your best ideas come in a parasympathetic state, not when you are pushing. Without the pause, we react. Without the presence, we miss our own life. Working backward from how we want to feel is one of the most underused tools in medicine. Suffering is not required to make meaningful change. Reflection Questions Where in your life are you choosing fine over alive? How do you want to feel most days — and how do you feel now? What is one small act of trust you could make this week? What are you modeling for the people we love, whether you mean to or not? Where might support help you trust your own inner knowing more? Ways to work with Jessie Mahoney MD 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Food can become one more place where we try to get it right, especially in midlife. Perimenopause and menopause add more noise, rules, and self-judgment around food.  In this conversation, Dr. Heather Awad and Dr. Jessie Mahoney explore a kinder, simpler approach to mindful eating in midlife and menopause. We talk about nourishment rather than perfection, eating real meals instead of grazing, and using protein and vegetables as a gentle anchor rather than as another rigid rule.  We reflect on emotional eating, sugar, self-compassion, and how to make supportive choices on the busiest days.  This is not about doing food perfectly. It is about building more trust, steadiness, and ease in our relationship with food and with ourselves. Jessie reflects on the approach to nourishment she and her husband, Mark, share at retreats: food as medicine, culinary medicine, family-style, farm-to-table meals, and a return to the basics. The invitation is to be thoughtful, kind, and intentional about how we nourish ourselves. What emerges instead is a return to the basics: eating like your grandma, choosing real food, and being thoughtful, kind, and caring toward our bodies. It is a mindful and intentional approach to nourishment rather than another performance project. At retreats, nourishment is not only about what is on the plate. It is also about beauty, delight, creativity, and presence. Jessie reflects on tasting with your eyes, on how beautiful food can feel nourishing before we even take a bite, and on desserts that feel special, intentional, and thoughtfully made.  In that spirit, food becomes something to savor and enjoy with attention, rather than another place to strive or follow rules. In this episode, we discuss: How food can become another arena for striving and performance The value of simple meals over grazing all day Emotional eating and the importance of pausing with awareness Protein and vegetables as a helpful foundation in midlife Backup meals and flexibility for busy real lives Why shame and self-criticism do not create lasting change How to be more intentional about sugar and dessert What nourishment can look like in retreat spaces and everyday life Pearls of Wisdom Midlife eating does not have to be a part-time job. A simpler meal structure can support awareness and steadiness. Self-compassion creates more sustainable change than striving. Food can be beautiful, creative, and deeply nourishing when approached with intention. Reflection Questions Where has food become one more place where you try to perform or get it right? What might change if you approached midlife eating with more kindness and less striving? What stories are you telling yourself about your body, and how are those stories affecting you? How might beauty, creativity, and delight become part of nourishment? Dr. Heather Awad's Links: Free Resource: vibrant-md.com/breakfast LinkedIn: /www.linkedin.com/in/heatherawadmd/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/heatherawadmd/ Facebook: www.facebook.com/heathervibrantmd YouTube:www.youtube.com/channel/UC8ksjIG1j7eIRttczBE1o2Q Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Have you ever been asked to do something in a way that just didn't sit right with you? If you are a physician, the answer is almost certainly yes — and probably this week. We get trained to defer, to accommodate, to keep the peace, to make it work. And somewhere along the way, accommodation stops being a skill and starts being a default. A reflex. A cost. There is a quiet teaching most physicians absorb without realizing it: that there is one right way to do things, and our job is to find it, follow it, and not step out of line. The tension between that conditioning and our own inner knowing is the territory of this episode. There is no one right way. There are many. In this episode, Jessie and Ni-Cheng sit with the exact moment that conditioning gets tested — the bristle, the chest tightness, the split-second pull between complying, refusing, or saying nothing at all. Jessie shares a current dilemma where her expertise and what is being asked of her are not quite aligned. Ni-Cheng offers examples from her own practice, including the automatic bristle that comes when a patient hands her a pre-written letter to sign. Together they explore why over-accommodation is so common in medicine, what it actually costs us, and how mindfulness opens up something better than compliance or conflict. In this episode Jessie walks through the layers underneath that moment of tension — why it is rarely just about the task, and why physicians in particular are so prone to over-accommodation. The episode explores the hidden cost of defaulting to easy, good, and agreeable; the difference between an automatic reaction and a true inner knowing; the third option that becomes possible when we pause; and the four C's that change everything — curiosity, creativity, connection, and co-creation. Above all, this episode is a reminder that there is no one right way to practice medicine, lead, parent, or live. There are many. What we explore Why over-accommodation is so common — and so costly — for physicians What the moment of tension is really about: identity, safety, boundaries, belonging, self-trust How conditioning, hierarchy, and perfectionism shape our reactivity The difference between automatic reaction and true inner knowing The pause, the third option, and the four C's Why there is no one right way — there are many Pearls of Wisdom There is no one right way. There are many. Over-accommodation is a trained response, not a personality trait. It can be unlearned. The moment of tension is not just about the ask. It is about identity, safety, boundaries, belonging, and self-trust. Their urgency is not your urgency. You can choose alignment over someone else's approval — without abandoning the relationship. Not every disagreement means your inner knowing is one hundred percent right. Mindfulness helps us tell the difference. Reflection Questions When was the last time something didn't feel right, but we went along with it anyway? What did that cost us emotionally, energetically, or relationally? Where in our work or life have we confused accommodation with care? How do we recognize our inner yes versus our inner no? Where might we experiment with pausing before automatically agreeing or automatically refusing? What would it look like to trust ourselves a bit more — and stay curious about their perspective at the same time? Ways to work with Jessie 1:1 Coaching: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ CME Wellness Retreats — Connect in Nature & Nicasio Creek Farm Women Physicians Retreat: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Jessie's Blog: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Podcast Page: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Most charting advice for doctors focuses on efficiency tools, templates, dot phrases, AI scribes, and time-blocking. Those things help. But they don't address the real reason so many physicians chart late into the night: the nervous system state we are in when we sit down to chart. If charting is taking over your evenings, weekends, and mental space, this episode is for you. Dr. Jessie Mahoney, a board-certified pediatrician, physician coach, and former physician wellness leader at Kaiser Permanente, shares a mindful, sustainable approach to clinical documentation that doesn't require working faster, working later, or any other productivity hack. In this episode, you'll learn: Why charting feels harder than it should — even when you know what to write The mindset shift that makes notes flow instead of stalling How perfectionism, people-pleasing, and over-explaining quietly inflate every chart A presence-based practice you can use between patients to reset Why "charting with ease" is possible without sacrificing clinical quality This conversation is for physicians who are tired of pajama-time charting and want a sustainable, human approach to EHR documentation. Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast. If this resonates, go deeper with 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ Connect in Nature & CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog

Are you tired of mothering on autopilot or reactively? Of loving your kids deeply and sometimes losing yourself in the loving?  Of the constant " Am I doing this right?" In our annual Mother's Day episode, we explore "mothering on purpose."  Between us, we have an 8-year-old, a 16-year-old, a 21-year-old, a 26-year-old, and an almost 30-year-old. Each one needs something different.  What is similar is the approach.  "Your approach determines the landing." We get into not fixing, not swooping, holding your tongue, and recognizing that your urgency is not their urgency.  We talk about reparenting yourself in real time and becoming the mother you wish you'd had.  About mothering all the way out into adult children, in-laws, and grandchildren, and Jessie walks through mindfulness tenets as a framework for intentional mothering: patience, non-judgment, trust, letting go, acceptance, curiosity, generosity, gratitude, and paying attention on purpose. Pearls of Wisdom "Your approach determines the landing." Their struggle isn't yours to absorb. Hold it, look at it, put it down. "We are raising children to become adults, not raising children to stay kids." Your urgency is not their urgency. Sometimes love is sitting in silence. You can be the mother you wish you'd had.  Mothering is a long game.  Reflection Questions What tone and energy are you mothering from? Are you absorbing things that aren't yours? Solving problems that aren't yours to solve? What energy or intention do you want to bring to your mothering? Mindful coaching is one of the most powerful ways we know to parent with presence and intention.  Whether you're navigating a teenager, an adult child, or grandchildren, or simply your own urge to fix and swoop — coaching helps you build the skills to mother on purpose. A special invitation: join us at Connect in Nature at Nicasio Creek Farm. Mindfulness and yoga in the redwoods, the yurt, and the gardens. A few spaces are left this summer. Partners welcome. 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ Connect in Nature & CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Blog: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

What happens when you've done all the right things, built the life you were supposed to build, and something inside you still won't settle?  This episode is for the physician whose inner self feels restless.  You'll hear Ni-Cheng share the raw truth of being diagnosed with breast cancer at 31 and what her body was trying to tell her. Jessie tells the story of the day she handed in her resignation and felt sick instead of relieved.  You'll meet the concept of expansion anxiety — the feeling that you've lost your mind when really you're just growing — and the idea of jumping into cold water with a life preserver.  You'll leave with permission to stop using struggle as proof of your strength and to let the easy parts be easy. "There are no shortcuts to a big life. There are many shortcuts to a life that looks big on the outside, but is killing you on the inside." - A line, from Enia Oakes' 108 Notes from a Studio in Oakland, is the heart of this episode.   Pearls of Wisdom If you don't choose who you're becoming, circumstances choose for you. Not choosing is still a choice. Jump but with a life preserver. When you feel untethered, it often means you're growing. Let the easy parts be easy. The person you become will catch you when you fall — if you've taken good care of her. Reflection Questions If you were building your life on purpose starting today, what would stay and what would go? Where are you taking shortcuts to a life that looks big but doesn't feel like yours? What life preservers do you already have, and what do you still need before we jump? Closing Invitation If you are in a season where your old life isn't quite fitting and the new one hasn't yet taken shape, you are not lost — you are in the liminal space where real change happens.  I'd love to support you there through coaching, a retreat, or a free live-stream mindful yoga class. 1:1 Coaching: www.jessiemahoneymd.com CME Wellness Retreats: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga The PAUSE (my blog): www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Listen to other episodes of the Healing Medicine Podcast page: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Referenced in this episode: Episode 261 with Enya Oakes on 108 Notes from a Studio in Oakland Jessie's TEDx Talk: What Would Love Do? The Question We're Not Asking Join Jessie and Ni-Cheng for the Connect in Nature Retreat at Nicasio Creek Farm: www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats. Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.  

Do you know what you want? Not what is expected. Not what comes next on the list but what you actually want. For many of us, curiosity has been crowded out by pressure, productivity, and the conditioned belief that we should already know the answer. In this episode, we explore what curiosity needs to grow, what gets in its way, and how to start creating the conditions for more of it. PEARLS OF WISDOM • Curiosity does not grow well under pressure. It grows in specific conditions, and those conditions can be understood, created, and practiced. • For most physicians, curiosity has been pushed aside by urgency, productivity, perfectionism, and the belief that we should already know the answer. • Curiosity is physical, not just intellectual. Noticing how it feels in the body — openness, energy, flow, aliveness — gives us clues about how to create more of it. • Solving and fixing mode is the opposite of curious mode. Clarity, creativity, and connection show up when there is more room, not more thinking. • What we practice grows. Small, repeated conditions for curiosity matter more than one big breakthrough. Reflection Questions What conditions help curiosity grow for us, and what shuts it down most quickly? Where do we feel more open, more creative, and more like ourselves? What role do nature, community, and white space play in our own clarity? What strengths in us might be asking for more room right now?     If this episode resonated, and you are in a season of figuring out what is next — or simply wanting to feel more alive and connected to what you love — curiosity is the place to start. Listening to podcasts is a wonderful way to begin. Putting yourself in environments that support curiosity is where things shift. The Connect in Nature Retreat that Ni-Cheng and I co-lead is happening again this summer.  It is designed around exactly what we talk about in this episode: space, nature, community, embodiment, and room for curiosity to grow.  Retreats at Nicasio Creek Farm offer the same optimal conditions.  Coaching, one-on-one or in small groups, is another way to explore what you are asking for more room in your life. www.jessiemahoneymd.com www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.