196. Stop Apologizing When You Haven't Done Anything Wrong

  Do you feel under-appreciated for your efforts on behalf of your family, your patients, and/or your institutions? Have your expectations of others in expressing their love, thanks, and appreciation been mismatched with what you perceive is "right" or deserved? Listen for tools, strategies, and a framework of understanding to help you move forward with mindfulness and compassion. Feeling not appreciated enough is usually a case of mismatched expectations and beliefs.  We have an idea of what others should do to appreciate us. We also believe that they should know what will make us feel appreciated. We expect others to read our minds and be fair. Your expectations may or may not be reasonable- even if they feel 100 percent reasonable to you. Even if they are reasonable they may or not be feasible or possible. Could you drop your expectations and decide to enjoy the day (and your life) moment by moment exactly as they are? If you are not happy then, choose to stay, choose to keep doing what you are doing - or not. If you decide to stay for now, notice how others show you appreciation, even if it doesn’t look like you think it should. Need help with this? Small group coaching and retreats are the answer. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in person. www.jessiemahoneymd.com; www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Have you said “I’m sorry” even though the circumstance wasn’t your fault? Have you started off a conversation or a presentation with “I’m sorry?” Do you say "Sorry I’m running behind", "Sorry for taking up space or time in a group session", "Sorry for crying", "Sorry for not understanding", or "Sorry I am not available"? Listen to understand why you over-apologize and the impact it can have on your life, health, and happiness. Learn about common situations where you don’t need to apologize and mindful and strategic tips to help you stop overapologizing.   What if, instead of apologizing you said: "Thank you for waiting" "I appreciate your patience" "Hope you enjoyed a pause while helped someone else." "I’m curious about.." "I would love to know more about ..." "I wish you felt better." "I wish it was different ."   Listen to learn more tips. When have you apologized where you didn’t need to? Why did you apologize? What were the thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that led to the apology?   Mindful coaching is super helpful to let go of habits such as over-apologizing. Intentional language is a game changer in improving your health, happiness, and the way you feel and move through the world.  We encourage you to enjoy this episode’s mindful moment: Gratitude as an Antidote. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop. Jessie's superpwoer is creating team retreats, teaching yoga, and offering experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, and at conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

An amusing discussion about mindful decision-making with 18-year-old Liam Mahoney, a high school senior.   In this episode, Liam shares his college decision-making process. He showcases his extremely abundant mindset, his positivity bias, and why he chose to become a UC Berkeley 2028 rather than a UCLA 2028. Liam shares how he made an authentic decision for himself despite conflicting advice from his two brothers and his grandparents. He shares why he didn’t let the opinions of his peers influence his decision. He also shares what parents can do to be helpful to their children and young adults in the decision-making process.   Our discussion also touches on the luck factor, the strategy of having your own back, consulting your future self, connecting with who you want to become, and the value of patience and sitting with a made decision for a while.  We hope you will leave inspired, amused, and better equipped for your next big decision. “Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.” - Paul Coehlo, The Alchemist *special thanks to Dr. Monica Sood for sharing this quote right before we recorded this episode. ---------- Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice. #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach #howtochooseacollege #berkeley2028  

Words of wisdom from a professional pivoter.  In today's episode, we delve into the transformative power of pivoting in both life and career. Dr. Jillian shares strategies for embracing change, giving yourself permission, and learning to put your opinion above the opinion of others.  Trigger warning: Blunt mentions of suicide and eating disorders occur in this episode.  Giving yourself permission to pivot is hard. Societal pressures often lead us astray from what truly matters. We spend a lot of time in our lives worrying about crap that doesn't actually matter. Ask yourself these questions: Are my current actions aligned with my current goals and aspirations? Am I open to embracing change, or do I tend to resist it? What pivotal moments have I experienced in my own life or career and what would I do differently? Career paths are rarely linear, and sometimes it's necessary to pivot to pursue new passions or align with our changing priorities. In medicine, we are told that pivoting is equal to failure. What if it is actually success? We hope you enjoy this special guest episode.  Find more about Dr. Jillian Rigert at www.jillianrigertcoaching.com. https://www.youtube.com/@JillianRigertDMDMD https://www.linkedin.com/in/jillian-rigert/ Listen to Jessie as a guest on Dr. Jillian's YouTube channel A Life True to You here.  We discuss Sustainable Well-being. https://www.youtube.com/@JillianRigertDMDMD https://www.linkedin.com/in/jillian-rigert/ Move beyond consuming stories and information. True change happens when you do the work - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences.  www.awakenbreath.org , www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice. #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach #burnout    

Life, relationships, and medicine are full of urgency mismatches. Their urgency is not your urgency. Your urgency may also not be their urgency. Many things that feel urgent aren't urgent.   How often do you receive emails and texts from someone wanting something from you urgently? What story do you tell about it? How do you feel when you receive these messages? Do you feel anxious, resentful, resistant, maybe even angry?   How often is it truly urgent? We live in a society with a lot of unnecessary urgency. Medicine is full of necessary and unnecessary urgency. Urgency, necessary or not has a huge emotional and energetic cost.    Listen to learn how to be discerning about urgency. Learn how to navigate urgency, whether it be the urgency of others or your own, with more grace and ease. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Are you sometimes overwhelmed and depleted by the demands of caregiving for both your parents and your children? Does caregiving wear you down or cause stress and anxiety? Do you think YOU have to do it all?   The inspiration for this podcast is the very full plate that we have both been living as caregivers for both aging parents and our own children.  We invite you to approach this abundance of caregiving with love, self-compassion, mindfulness and intention. If you can, you will likely find much more spaciousness and ease.  Some recommendations we share in this episode: Notice stories of time scarcity and uncomfortable emotions. When difficult emotions and body sensations arise, notice them.  Feeling frazzled, rushed, and unsettled is reasonable, maybe even expected. Accept and allow discomfort and uncomfortable. Accept and allow busy, unmet expectations, conflicting emotions, and different opinions. Accept and don’t like this season of abundant caregiving. Resisting the reality of the situation is expensive emotionally and energetically. Stay out of judgment. Rather than blaming yourself, or any of your loved ones, simply acknowledge the challenges of a complex situation and a full life.  Take a pause. Pause and breathe. Pause and be present. Pause and take a break. Practice kindness and self-compassion. What would kindness do? What would love do? Care for yourself as well. Acknowledge and prioritize your own well-being and the potential need for blank space. Even though physicians are experts at caregiving, we also have human needs.  Ask for help. Getting help helps. Enlist other family members and give yourself permission to not be THE ONE to do it all. Step out of, self sacrifice, martyrdom, and toxic independence. Connect with gratitude for having an abundance of loved ones of all ages, resources, knowledge, and skills. Think generously.  Assume good intent. Tell loving stories. Practice loving amusement. Stay out of over-responsibility, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.  Practice boundaries from a place of love. Prioritize yourself and your human needs first. No one else will. Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Or retreat with Jessie at Sagrada or Pie Ranch. While it might seem like you don't have time for a retreat. You just might not have time not to retreat. The benefits can be lifesaving. Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

Our special guest for this episode is Dr. Sogol Pahlavan. She is a board-certified pediatrician and a physician mindfulness coach, and TEDx speaker, co-founder of SoulpreneurMD and host of the Mindful Living Podcast. She’s a mother, a wife, a daughter of immigrant parents, and a managing partner of a pediatric clinic. She shares her journey of recognizing when she had burned out and the path she took to find her current state of calm, ease, and joy, and how mindfulness was interwoven into it. She guides us in a Mindful Moment that incorporates body sensations, breath, gratitude and self-love. She highlights the importance of awareness and pausing in order to practice the intention of calm. She speaks to the ancestral connection that she and Dr. Parastoo Jangouk had in creating SoulpreneurMD, a group business coaching program where you can learn to create freedom and financial wealth while working in alignment.   “You are already loved, whole, and worthy enough just as you are.”  -Dr. Sogol Pahlavan    Check out her TedX talk “Reenvision your vision board so your life doesn't suck...as much” here.   www.drsogol.com www.soulpreneurmd.com/ www.instagram.com/soulpreneurmd And on LinkedIn here Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

The legal system is not medicine.  Very little is in your control in a medicolegal cases.  What is in your control? How you respond and whether you get help and support along the way.  Mindfulness, self-compassion, therapy, and coaching are all key to staying as healthy, balanced, and buoyant as possible. Lawsuits pull the rug out from under physicians. There is trauma behind every curve. Lawsuits bring out the harmful side of our common default thought patterns as physicians. Many physicians who experience a malpractice suit end up leaving the practice of medicine.  Listen to this episode for human advice for navigating a lawsuit.  What is shared in this episode is not medical or legal advice. It is the personal experience of our special guest, Dr. Rachel Bickling.  What does she wish she had known to do beforehand: Ask questions and get help. You don’t know what you don't know when it comes to the law Don't think like a doctor. Don’t be a helper. Don't catastrophize. It’s not about you or what’s right or just. It is no place for shame, blame, guilt, victimhood, martyrdom, personalization, right and wrong, all or none. The legal system is not medicine. It’s not about scientific truth. It’s about who can tell the most poignant story. Not all facts matter. What is medically patient may not be legally permissible. You can choose not to be a victim. Focus on what is in your control. Get help and support for your mental health. Get a clinical mentor to support you while you continue to practice medicine during a lawsuit.  Remember that of course you are overwhelmed, stressed, doubting yourself, and distracted. Take time off.  Practice mindfulness and more mindfulness.   Find Dr. Rachel on FB: www.facebook.com/rachel.bickling If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and/or are doubting yourself, coaching to support yourself is a brilliant choice.  Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Work with both of us in person at The Mindful Healers Annual Retreat www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical or legal advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach

"The life you lead are the lessons that you teach." Do you wish you had a more abundant mindset? Do you wish you were better at supporting other women and colleagues? Do you want to share mindfulness and coaching with loved ones and colleagues but struggle to do so effectively? Dr. Miriam Rhew is a pediatrician and an unconditional supporter of friends and colleagues. She is a most effective influencer of family members, friends, and colleagues when it comes to mindfulness and wellness.  Dr. Rhew also uses coaching and mindfulness in her pediatric practice, as well as in her parenting of her teen/young adult children. Listen to learn Miriam’s pearls of wisdom. Take Miriam’s cue and join us for Connect in Nature in September. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Move beyond consuming this amazing podcast. True change happens when you work with us - virtually and/or in-person. Coach with Jessie - 1:1, in topic-focused small groups, or at a retreat. www.jessiemahoneymd.com Hire one or both of us to speak or lead a workshop on any topic covered in the Mindful Healers Podcast. We also create team retreats, teach yoga, and offer experiential mindfulness for teams, groups, grand rounds, institutions, and conferences. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast www.awakenbreath.org  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach  

We all “work” with our spouses all the time - we just don’t realize it.    Even if you don’t run an actual business or LLC together, you work together as parents and intimate partners. Running a home and family is the equivalent of a small business.   To work better with your spouse: Show up with mindful intention Choose the tone and energy you want to bring Communicate clearly and explicitly. Even if your spouse knows you really well, they still can't read your mind Set yourself up for success with support Listen for many more tools, tips, and tricks. How would you like to show up for your working relationship with your spouse even if your only business together is running your home? What if your spouse were actually not hard to work with? Could you show up with more loving amusement, humor and playfulness for your working relationship?   Wishing you all loads of love and loving amusement and fun in your “working relationships” with your spouses.   Join Mark and I for a retreat. They are awesome.  www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats   Join me for Mindful Love Small Group Coaching starting in late March. It's the best place to learn to work well with your spouse whether as co-parents, intimate partners, or business owners. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindfullove If you are interested in 1:1 coaching, reach out directly at www.jessiemahoneymd.com/work-with-me   *Nothing shared in the Mindful Healers Podcast is medical advice.   #physicianwellness #mindfulnesscoach #pauseandpresence #physiciancoach