When opting out becomes another form of labour

Opting out is often presented as the answer isn’t it? The way back to yourself or the antidote to burnout. Or even the thing that will finally make life feel manageable again. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

Enoughness is often spoken about as if it’s something you can simply decide, almost as if there is a simple switch you can and flip or some kind of thought that you can just install into your brain, and then poof everything suddenly settles down.It’s almost as if it’s saying that the discomfort we feel in our lives is just a misunderstanding that can be corrected with the right perspective, that if you could just think differently, feel differently, want differently… then what you have would finally feel like enough. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

Living small is rarely framed as a finished decision in our society is it? It’s usually spoken about as a phase, a ‘starter home or a stepping stone. Maybe a place you pass through on the way to something bigger, better, more impressive. A “starter home”, as if your real life is waiting elsewhere. But sometimes, the place you thought was temporary becomes the place where your life actually happens. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

Support this work | Podcast | Join the membership | ResourcesThere’s a version of slow living that lives almost entirely online, I am sure you know the one, the one that is purely an aesthetic. It is quiet, spacious and lives inside sunlit kitchens, long morning and it suggests to us mere mortals that being present is something we can achieve easily and life uniterrupted is just the norm. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

There is a version of slowing down that doesn’t ask you to erase your life in order to deserve relief and today. I want to share with you all about what slow living can truly look like, because I think as a phrase and a meaning it’s been co-opted in place of the aesthetic version that fills our social media feeds.You can find me on Substack or on Instagram. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

There’s something quietly powerful about the end of the year. Not the sparkle and rush of the Christmas season or the Pinterest perfect countdowns. But the hush that creeps in beneath it all if you let it.December, for me, isn’t about resolutions or big reinventions. I’m not trying to change my life in a flurry of pressure and self-improvement. I’m trying to listen. I’m trying to land. I’m trying to make space, not just in my calendar, but in my mind, my home, my nervous system.Looking Back Before Looking ForwardEvery December, before I even think about what’s next, I pause and look back. And not in a “Did I smash all my goals?” kind of way. That energy can stay in corporate-land as far as I’m concerned. This is more of a heart check. A quiet moment to ask:– What happened this year that really mattered?– What shifted — even slightly, that deserves noticing?– What parts of me feel stronger now? Softer? Clearer?I’m not chasing the highlights reel. I’m interested in the quiet wins. The emotional heavy lifting. The boundaries I held. The messy bits I got through. The growth that didn’t come with a certificate or a like count, but left its mark just the same.Clearing Space: Physically, Emotionally, SpirituallyAs the year ends, I naturally start tidying corners of the home, but also corners of my mind. The kitchen drawer that hasn’t closed properly since June gets sorted. So does the internal voice that’s been whispering unhelpful things all year. I ask:– What did I carry too long?– What did I say yes to that didn’t sit right?– What am I done pretending I need?I let those questions simmer while I potter about, sort through clothes, wipe down forgotten shelves. I don’t need a formal ritual or a vision board. I just need time. Space. A bit of silence. That’s where reflection lives, in the margins. In the not doing.Resetting the Rhythm (Not the Entire Life)I also take this time to check in on the rhythms we’ve built as a family. Especially around home education. What’s working? What’s feeling forced? What do we want to bring with us into the new year and what do we want to quietly leave behind?We talk about it as a family. My kids are part of this life, not just passengers in it. And I want them to grow up knowing that reflection isn’t something you squeeze into a single night before New Year’s, it’s a muscle. A way of moving through the world with intention.The same goes for work. I ask:– Did I enjoy what I created this year?– Did my work support the life I want, or get in the way of it?– Am I still aligned with what I set out to do?If the answer is no, I don’t panic, I just adjust, slowly and gently and with full permission to evolve.The Only Questions That MatterI don’t set big goals anymore. I’ve let go of trying to overhaul myself every January. Instead, I ask better questions. Questions that centre my life, not my to-do list.– How do I want to feel next year?– What kind of energy do I want in my mornings?– What rhythms support my peace?– What’s worth continuing and what’s done now?I’m not interested in striving just for the sake of it. I want to live. Fully, deeply, and slowly. I want to keep choosing contentment over comparison, presence over perfection.This is EnoughIt’s easy to get swept up in the idea that we should be doing more, earning more, achieving more by the time December rolls around. But I think that kind of thinking misses the point.I don’t want a new year that starts with pressure. I want one that starts with peace. And the only way I know to get there is to end this one with intention. With stillness. With space to breathe.So I clear the clutter.I tidy my thoughts.I honour what this year held, even the bits that didn’t go to plan.I forgive myself for the moments I fell short.I celebrate the ways I showed up.And I carry forward what still feels true.That’s it. That’s the practice.A New Year, Without the NoiseIf you’re feeling the tug to close this year slowly, follow it.Let the world hustle. You can soften. You can quiet the noise. You can decide that your version of “success” doesn’t need to come wrapped in urgency.There’s no need for a glow-up and no need to reinvent yourself. You are allowed to enter the new year gently, with gratitude, clarity and a deep knowing that this life, the one you’re already living, is worth honouring.Here’s to a soft landing. And a slower, deeper start. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

There was a time when I thought success had a very specific look. It came with upgrades; a bigger home, a full calendar, promotions, excess, and maybe, eventually, a kitchen island. It was a life of steady expansion, of always reaching for the next thing. That’s what we’re sold, isn’t it? That progress is linear, tangible, and measurable. That you prove you’re doing well by stacking visible achievements on top of each other like building blocks. Bigger.Better.More.But eventually, I got tired. Not in the “I need a weekend off” kind of way but in a tired in my bones, in my brain and in my soul kind of way. Because the more I chased, the more I realised there was always something else to catch. One more rung on the ladder. One more level up. And it was never enough. The finish line just kept moving.When “Success” Stops Feeling SuccessfulWhat no one really tells you is that conventional success can become its own trap. It looks good from the outside'; shiny, impressive, easy to measure. But it’s often built on a foundation of pressure, pace, and self-abandonment. You start shaping your life around an image that was never actually yours. And one day, you realise that everything you’re chasing is costing you the very things that matter most: peace, presence, clarity, joy.That’s where I found myself. Living a life that looked “on track” but didn’t feel rooted. So I did something unexpected: I stepped off the path.These days, I don’t have a five-year plan or a desire to scale. I don’t have a dream home on my vision board. We live in a small 650 sq ft split level flat and plan to stay here permanently. We grow food in containers on the balcony and out our allotment. My Husband works from home full time, I work from home when I have time, I home educate my children and I say no to things that pull me out of alignment even if they look good on paper.And strangely, in the quiet of all that notchasing, I’ve found the version of success that actually fits me.For me now, success is being able to wake up slowly with my kids. It’s sitting down to lunch without rushing through it. It’s making food from scratch and knowing exactly where it came from. It’s writing words I believe in here. It’s going to bed with a calm nervous system and a full heart. It’s living in integrity with what I value, not with what I’ve been told to value.Letting Go of the Upgrade NarrativeRedefining success has meant releasing the belief that more automatically equals better. And that process is uncomfortable. Because the world doesn’t hand out awards for opting out. People don’t always understand when you say, “We’re not moving, actually.” Or, “No, I don’t want to grow this bigger.” Or, “That’s not the kind of busy I’m interested in”. But I’m not here to live for the applause. I’m here to live a life that feels like mine. Even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.There’s this cultural script that tells us we have to move fast to matter and that success is built in speed and hustle. But the more I slowed down, the more I realised that everything I wanted, connection, calm, clarity, was already here. It was just buried under noise.“No”One of the hardest, and most liberating, skills I’ve learned is how to say no. No to opportunities that look shiny but feel off. No to timelines that rush me. No to business tactics that don’t sit right in my gut. No to the idea that my worth is tied to how much I can produce.And that quiet voice that sometimes whispers, shouldn’t you be doing more?I hear it. I thank it. And then I let it go.Success now looks like saying, “This is enough for today.” It looks like resting without guilt. It looks like building a life I don’t need a holiday from.What If This Is Already Enough?The irony is, once I stopped chasing more, life started to feel more abundant. Not because I had more, but because I noticed more and noticed the feeling of being exactly where I’m supposed to be. We’re taught to associate success with expansion. But sometimes the real expansion happens when we choose to stay and when we root into the life we have instead of constantly reaching for something shinier.If you’ve been feeling tired of the chase, I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just waking up to the possibility that different doesn’t mean less. That maybe the life you’re building quietly, without the noise, without the spotlight, is more successful than you think.You’re allowed to want less.You’re allowed to stay small and steady.You’re allowed to redefine success on your own terms and mean it.Because the kind of success that matters isn’t something you climb toward. It’s something you grow into. And if you’re growing slowly and gently, in a way that actually feels like you? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

There’s a point in the year, sometime after the clocks change and the air cools, when everything in me starts to shift gears. Not in a big dramatic way. More like an exhale I didn’t realise I was holding. The sun barely clears the horizon before it’s on its way down again, and I feel that pull inward. A sense that it’s time to quieten things down.It’s in that stretch between late autumn and early winter that I start preparing, not in the frantic, pre-Christmas way, but in a softer, steadier rhythm. A slow return to the essentials. The kind of preparation that says you don’t need to brace — you just need to be ready to rest.Creating a Home That Welcomes Winter InI always start with the space itself. Our flat is small, and once winter sets in, we’re in it together, both literally and figuratively. So I start by making room. Not for more stuff, but for the season itself. I clear surfaces. Tuck away the remnants of summer. Shift furniture ever so slightly to make space for what we’ll actually be doing, more reading, more snuggling, more long afternoons that never seem to get light.The blankets come out. I do a quick sweep of the kitchen, not for aesthetic reasons, but because we’re about to spend a lot more time there, stirring pots and making endless cups of herbal tea or coffe. I check the pantry for the staples that make winter cooking feel effortless: dried herbs, oats, tinned tomatoes, cinnamon. Essentially the building blocks of slow food.And I do a little mental check-in: Will this space carry us well through the colder days? Can we stretch out in it without bumping into stress? That’s really the goal. Not perfection. Just ease.Winter Is a MindsetOnce the physical space starts to feel more settled, I turn inward. Because winter, for me, anyway, isn’t about ticking off tasks. It’s about allowing a different kind of rhythm. A softer one. It’s when I stop expecting myself to run at the same speed as I did in the light-filled months of spring and summer.This season has a weight to it, but not in a bad way. It just asks more gently. It doesn’t push. It doesn’t shout. It simply says, you can go slower now. And so I listen. I pare back the calendar. I loosen my grip on what I thought I “should” be doing. I let mornings be slower. I let plans fall away without guilt. I look for what feels necessary — and what I can leave until spring.Home Education, But SofterOur home ed rhythm changes, too. The content doesn’t disappear but the delivery does. It becomes lighter and less about checking boxes, more about leaning into curiosity. We bring blankets to the floor and learn from under them. The world outside slows down, and I try to let our learning reflect that.I’m not trying to force productivity when everything around us is asking for presence instead. Some of the richest conversations we’ve had have come from cold walks, a cup of hot chocolate and a question asked out of nowhere. I make room for those moments, because they don’t happen when we’re rushing.The Subtle Work of Tuning InwardThere’s a kind of quiet personal work that surfaces at this time of year, a re-evaluation that happens naturally if you give it enough silence to rise. I don’t plan it. It just arrives.This is when I start asking different questions. Not “What’s next?” but “What do I actually need?” Not “How do I do more?” but “What’s quietly asking to be let go of?” I give myself the time to reflect, to notice what’s feeling heavy and what might not need to come with me into the new year.This kind of reflection doesn’t look impressive. It’s not always neat. But it clears mental space the same way tidying a shelf does. And it prepares me far more than any to-do list ever could.Holding Space for the Messy BitsOf course, it’s not all serene candlelight and cosy corners. Winter can bring up resistance. The stillness can feel itchy. The early darkness can feel suffocating. The quiet can be loud in its own way. And I think it matters to say that. Winter can feel restorative and raw. It’s not one or the other.So part of preparing for this season is reminding myself that I’m allowed to feel it all, the rest and the restlessness, the joy and the slump. I don’t need to perform contentment. I just need to let myself be in the season I’m in.And that leads nicely into letting winter be what it’s meant to be. I’ve stopped expecting winter to behave like spring. I’ve stopped expecting myself to bloom in a season that’s meant for stillness. That shift, from resisting the quiet to embracing it, has changed how I experience this part of the year.Preparing for winter now means slowing the pace on purpose. It means letting rest be a rhythm, not a reward. It means choosing calm over chaos — not because I’ve got it all together, but because I’ve learned that pushing through only leaves me more tired come January.So I take a little off our plates. I close the laptop earlier. I light the candles before it gets fully dark. I find the rituals that hold us through the coldest months — and I try not to overcomplicate them. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

There’s something about this time of year, as the days shorten and the cold settles in, that makes me want to clear space. Not in a panic-clean-before-Christmas kind of way. More in a quiet, intentional sort of way. It’s not about perfection or ticking every box on a checklist. It’s about feeling like I can breathe again. As we shift into the darker half of the year, I feel a pull to pare back. To release what’s not serving us. To let go so the season ahead feels more spacious and less suffocating.And yes, Christmas plays a part. The tinsel, the influx of stuff, the mental load of it all, it can build up fast. But for me, this isn't about creating some perfect minimalist home before December 1st. It’s about getting clear on what I actually want this season to feel like. Because I don’t want to spend December buried under clutter and chaos. I want to be present. I want to notice the good stuff. And that starts by letting go of the things, both physical and mental, that make it harder to do that.This Isn’t About Minimalism — It’s About SanityLet me be clear: I live in a 650 sq. ft. flat with two children, countless muddy boots, and a cat who acts like a third toddler. I’m not decluttering to achieve a pristine aesthetic. I’m decluttering because clutter, visual, physical, emotional, affects us. It wears us down. And heading into the busiest, most overstimulating season of the year? That clutter becomes the tipping point.So I don’t wait until the new year to reset. I use autumn, this slow, introspective season, as a chance to gently release. To create room before everything starts coming in again. Because December is so much easier to hold when I’ve already made space for it.Start With What You Can SeeI usually begin with the physical stuff. Not because it's the most important, but because it’s the most immediate. The visual clutter. The things we trip over. The stuff we shove into corners that silently drains us. I go one drawer at a time. One corner. One surface that’s been collecting junk since the start of term. No pressure. Just asking: Do I really want to carry this into winter? Do I want to keep managing this? Cleaning it? Storing it? Thinking about it?For us, the high-traffic areas always come first; the kitchen, the hallway, the toy shelves. These are the spots where mess seems to breed overnight, and where the energy of our home feels the most “loud.” Clearing them brings an almost instant exhale. Not because the space looks perfect, but because it feels more peaceful.Teach Your Kids That Space Is ValuableWhen it comes to the kids, I don’t force a clear-out. But I do invite them into the process. Not with sticker charts or bribes because that’s not our vibe here, just honest conversation. “What toys do you still love playing with?” “Is this coat still comfy?” “Which books can we pass on to someone else?” We don’t get it right every time. Sometimes they want to keep everything. But over time, they’re learning that letting go isn’t a loss, it’s part of the cycle. Space isn’t just empty. It’s powerful.Declutter Your Mind, TooNow here’s the part that most people skip: mental clutter. We clean the cupboards but keep the chaos in our heads. Especially in the lead up to Christmas, when pressure starts creeping in from all sides. The lists. The expectations. The comparison. The sense that we need to do more, buy more, be more.This time of year, I sit down and ask myself: What expectations am I still carrying that don’t feel good anymore? What am I holding onto out of habit, guilt, or pressure? Sometimes it’s traditions that no longer feel joyful. Sometimes it’s a belief that I need to make everything magical for everyone. Sometimes it’s just a nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough, even when I clearly am.Letting go of those stories is just as freeing as letting go of stuff. Maybe more so.Choose Space Over SpectacleOnce the clutter, both physical and mental, has started to ease, there’s this beautiful opportunity to get intentional. Not just about what’s going out, but what you’re letting in. Because that’s what decluttering really does, it reveals what matters.For me, what matters is a home that feels cosy, calm, and lived in. A December that doesn’t feel like a sprint. Space to sit with my kids and read. Evenings where dinner doesn’t feel like a battlefield. A season that isn’t about performing some idealised version of Christmas, but about actually enjoying the parts that make sense for us.Do It Now, Not LaterSo many people wait until January to “start fresh.” But honestly? This time of year is the perfect time to clear space. Nature’s already shedding. The energy is slowing down. Why not use that momentum and make a little room in your home, and your head, before December arrives with all its intensity?You don’t need to gut your house. You don’t need a skip on the driveway. You just need to notice where the tension lives and start loosening your grip.If this resonates with you, and I’m guessing it might, I want to gently invite you to join me for my seasonal workshop, which is designed exactly for this moment in the year. It’s a cosy, no-pressure space to help you slow down, simplify, and create a Christmas season that actually feels good. Not performative. Not exhausting. Just grounded, intentional, and kind to your nervous system. We’ll talk about simplifying traditions, making space in your home, and crafting a season rooted in connection rather than chaos. If you’re craving that, it’s there for you.Join the Slow & Simple Christmas WorkshopThe goal isn’t to do it all.It’s to do what matters, and to have enough room to enjoy it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe

There’s a shift that happens every year, somewhere between the clocks going back and the first frost. It’s not sudden. It creeps in quietly. I catch myself sighing more often. Feeling a little heavier. My motivation goes a bit hazy, and everything, even the small stuff, starts to feel like a climb. I used to treat it like a glitch. Like something to push through or fix. But I’ve learned over the years that this isn’t failure. It’s winter arriving.Winter gets a bad rap. And yes, it’s hard. Especially if you’re juggling a lot; kids, home education, work, meals, housework, your own mental health. But it doesn’t have to feel like complete survival mode. You don’t have to hustle your way through it. What I’ve found is that the season gets easier when I stop fighting it and start working with it. I’ve learned to let winter be what it is, slower, quieter, darker, and shift the way I move through it accordingly.Why Rhythm Helps More Than RoutineThere’s a lot of pressure in winter to “stay on track,” whatever that means. But personally? I don’t respond well to rigid routines this time of year. They feel brittle. Unforgiving. What I need, what my family needs, is rhythm. Gentle anchors to hold onto when the days start to blur together.For me, that means slow, intentional starts to the day. I light a candle in the kitchen before the kettle’s even boiled. I keep the fairy lights up well past December because the extra light helps more than I can explain. We make time for a walk most afternoons, even if it’s a soggy loop around the block. And I try to get dinner started before the sky goes black at 4 p.m. These aren’t strict rules. They’re soft points of focus… things I return to that help me feel like I’m still rooted, even when my energy dips.Letting Go of Summer EnergyOne of the biggest shifts I’ve made is learning to stop expecting summer-level energy in winter. Because it’s just not realistic; not for me, not for my kids, not for our life. Motivation in winter isn’t the same buzzing, bright momentum. It’s quieter. Slower. And it disappears entirely some days. I used to panic about that. I used to push harder. Now I pause.Winter is the season of compost. Of dormancy. Of everything underneath the surface doing quiet work. Trees drop their leaves. Seeds go still. Nothing blooms, but it doesn’t mean nothing’s happening. We don’t need to constantly produce to prove we’re growing. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is rest and tend to what’s already here.Scaling Back to What Really MattersIt’s easy to feel behind in winter, like you should be “doing more” because others are. But I’ve learned that winter is when I need to protect my energy most. I don’t try to keep up. I cut back. I give myself permission to simplify everything. Home education slows down. Our meals become less experimental, more familiar. Our calendar empties out a bit. We focus on what’s essential and let the rest wait.And when I say we slow down, I don’t mean we stop living. I just mean we don’t try to stretch beyond what we have to give. We aim for depth, not breadth. We give ourselves grace. That’s the rhythm that gets us through.Nature Is Still There - Even in the GreyThe hardest part of winter, sometimes, is feeling stuck inside. But getting outside, even for ten minutes, always helps. Always. I never want to go. And I never regret it. Even just standing on the balcony with a cup of tea or walking the dog down the same road I’ve walked all year... it shifts something.Nature’s quieter in winter, but it’s not gone. The bare trees, the cold air, the stubborn little birds that still show up, they remind me that stillness isn’t emptiness. It’s rest. It’s recalibration.Food as Grounding, Not Just FuelThe other thing that holds me together in winter? Food. And not in a performative, Instagrammable way. Just simple, warm, seasonal food that grounds me in the present moment.Porridge. Thick soups. Crumbles. Casseroles. Roasted roots. Meals that warm the kitchen and make the whole flat smell like care. This isn’t just about nourishment. It’s about rhythm. About comfort. About whispering to my nervous system, “You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re held.”Little Joys Are Not OptionalI’ve stopped waiting for the “big” joy. Winter doesn’t hand it out easily. So I look for the small stuff and I let that be enough.These things matter. They’re not silly. They’re survival.If you feel slower, heavier, less focused… that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your body is responding to the season. You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just wintering.And wintering doesn’t mean giving up. It means adapting. It means listening. It means doing what matters and letting that be enough. You don’t need to be full of energy. You don’t need to stay “productive.” You just need to stay rooted.This Is the Season to Loosen Your GripYou don’t have to thrive in winter.You just have to keep going; gently, slowly, at your own pace.That is more than enough.And here’s the truth I come back to again and again: even here, in the dark, you’re still growing.It just looks different.Let it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theslowlivingcollective.substack.com/subscribe