1326: Simone Stolzoff | How to Make the Most of Uncertainty

You're 47, dating a guy 15 years younger, and quietly drafting his exit so he can find someone "better." Noble move, or self-sabotage? It's Feedback Friday!And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in!Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1328On This Week's Feedback Friday:You run daily, hold down a job, parent your kids, pay the bills — and quietly drink a fifth of liquor every single day. You're high-functioning by every external metric, but you're trapped in a loop where feeling like crap fuels the drinking. You wrote in hoping supplements might do the trick?You're 47, met a guy 15 years younger at the dog park, and two magical years later he wants to move in. But you're widowed, infertile, and carrying debt from a traumatic marriage. You're convinced you're saddling this catch with your baggage. Is letting him go the kindest thing — or are you pre-breaking up with yourself?You've been the family breadwinner for 15 years until a bad job move ended in bankruptcy. Your husband — diagnosed with BPD — has bounced between jobs, ignoring every training course you've funded. You've secretly stopped job hunting hoping he'll finally step up. How do you support him without twisting the knife?Recommendation of the Week: Six Feet Under — Gabe's pick for the single greatest TV show ever made. The HBO family drama (2001–2005) about a clan running a funeral home becomes a five-season meditation on death, meaning, and being alive. Stick with it past episode three, he begs you.You're a 40-something European attorney with a 24-year marriage and a life you built mostly on your own. But your clinically narcissistic dentist father and severely ADD mother left you with conditioning you can't outrun — episodes of rage, a haunting sense that your warmth might just be a mask. Now what?Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]!Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi.And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: Lufthansa Allegris: Go to Lufthansa.com and search for "Allegris" to learn moreBetterHelp: 10% off first month: betterhelp.com/jordanMarathon Rewards: Sign up today: marathonrewards.comAT&T: Get an iPhone 17 Pro for $0: att.com/iphone or visit an AT&T store for detailsAG1: Welcome kit: drinkag1.com/jordanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A little of something beats a lot of nothing every single time. How a Little Becomes a Lot author Eric Zimmer explains the math of meaningful change.Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1327What We Discuss with Eric Zimmer:Real change isn't the cinematic rock-bottom epiphany we love to romanticize — it's the thousands of unglamorous, repeated micro-decisions that follow it. Calling the sponsor instead of the dealer. Driving the long way home. The watershed moment only matters because of what comes after.What feels permanently insurmountable can genuinely vanish as a problem. Eric drove oxycodone to his mom for weeks without flinching, when years earlier he'd have robbed someone at gunpoint for those same pills — proof that cravings don't always require lifelong white-knuckled willpower.All-or-nothing thinking is the silent killer of progress. The protein-powder-and-two-hour-gym-sessions fantasy keeps people doing literally nothing, when a 15-minute walk after dinner would honor the underlying goal and keep momentum alive. A little of something beats a lot of nothing.You can't pull a "feel happy" lever — emotions don't have one. But behavior does, and acting your way into right thinking is often more reliable than thinking your way into right action. Show up, shake hands, do the small thing, and the inner state tends to follow.Get honest about what you actually value by noticing what stays constant across different rooms and moods, not what flickers based on whoever you were just hanging out with. Then make those values easier to live — shrink the action, remove the friction, and let the next good choice be the path of least resistance.And much more...And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: BetterHelp: 10% off first month: betterhelp.com/jordanArticle: Visit article.com/jordan for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or moreBooking.com: Book your getaway now with booking.comButcherBox: Free protein for a year + $20 off first box: butcherbox.com/jordanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why does not knowing feel worse than bad news? How to Not Know author Simone Stolzoff shows us how to make uncertainty work for us, not against us.Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1326What We Discuss with Simone Stolzoff:Certainty feels like wisdom but often isn't — Phil Tetlock found the average expert predicting the future is about as accurate as a dart-throwing chimpanzee, yet we keep mistaking confidence for competence and rewarding the loudest voice in the room.Our brains are wired for the savanna, not the spreadsheet. The same alarm bells that once warned us about rustling bushes now fire over phone storage decisions, leaving us anxious about choices that have almost nothing to do with survival.We hate ambiguity so much we'd choose guaranteed pain over uncertainty — one study found people facing a 50 percent chance of a shock felt more stressed than those facing 100 percent. Not knowing whether you'll lose your job hurts as much as actually losing it.Intolerance for uncertainty traps us in mediocre jobs, mediocre relationships, and mediocre lives. The "safe" choice quietly becomes the costly one, because the breakthroughs — entrepreneurial, creative, personal — all live on the other side of not knowing.Treat uncertainty tolerance as a muscle you can train. Take a new route to work, order the unfamiliar dish, run small experiments, write down your predictions, and trust your future self to handle future problems — that version of you will have more context than the one worrying today.And much more...And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: Lufthansa Allegris: Go to Lufthansa.com and search for "Allegris" to learn moreThe Cybersecurity Tapes: Listen here: thecybersecuritytapes.comBoll & Branch: 15% off first set of sheets: bollandbranch.com, code JORDANAT&T: Get an iPhone 17 Pro for $0: att.com/iphone or visit an AT&T store for detailsProgressive Insurance: Free online quote: progressive.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have women ever ruled the world — or did we just make it all up? Jessica Wynn separates feminist folklore from real anthropology here on Skeptical Sunday!Welcome to Skeptical Sunday, a special edition of The Jordan Harbinger Show where Jordan and a guest break down a topic that you may have never thought about, open things up, and debunk common misconceptions. This time around, we’re joined by writer and researcher Jessica Wynn!Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1325On This Week's Skeptical Sunday:The world's most famous "matriarchies" — the Minangkabau, Khasi, Bribri, and Mosuo — share a curious pattern: women hold the property, the lineage, and the daily labor, while men retain the prestigious roles like religious authority, political leadership, and ceremonial titles.The prehistoric "golden age of matriarchy" so beloved by 19th-century theorists and 1970s feminist spirituality has no solid archaeological evidence behind it — but the historical record itself is biased, since colonial chroniclers often erased or ignored female authority structures they didn't recognize.A landmark study of Mosuo communities found women in matrilineal villages had less than half the chronic inflammation rates and notably lower hypertension than women in patrilineal ones — and crucially, men in those same matrilineal villages showed no meaningful health penalty.Patriarchy isn't just costly for women; it quietly taxes men too, pushing them into rigid dominance roles that produce emotional isolation, shorter lifespans, and higher suicide rates — meaning the same structure that disadvantages women also corrodes the men it supposedly elevates.The most useful reframe isn't matriarchy versus patriarchy but dominance versus care — societies organized around reciprocity, redistribution, and consensus produce measurably better well-being across genders, and that's a model anyone can build toward without needing a mythical past to justify it.Connect with Jordan on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. If you have something you'd like us to tackle here on Skeptical Sunday, drop Jordan a line at [email protected] and let him know!Connect with Jessica Wynn at Instagram (and Instagram!), and subscribe to her newsletters: Between the Lines and Where the Shadows Linger!And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: The Perfect Jean: 15% off first order: theperfectjean.nyc, code JORDAN15Mint Mobile: Shop plans at mintmobile.com/jhsMomentous: 35% off first order: livemomentous.com, code JHSQuiltmind: Email [email protected] to get started or visit quiltmind.com for more infoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

For those of us who are always dreaming about our next adventure, Wayfinder: Life-Changing Travel is a must listen podcast. Hosted by veteran travel writer Daniel Scheffler, it focuses not just on the destination, but the people, the moments and the experiences that make travel meaningful. I hope you enjoy Wayfinder as much as I do.

17 years in, your husband's hidden kinks and porn habits are unraveling everything you thought you knew about him. Now what? Welcome to Feedback Friday!And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in!Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1324On This Week's Feedback Friday:If you prefer the dooze cruise to tales from a food poisoning-riddled Disney cruise, skip ahead to around 20 minutes and 20 seconds!You've been with your husband for 17 years, married 13, three kids — and over the past year, the picture you had of him has been quietly unraveling. The "vanilla" guy you married has been hiding kinks, porn habits, and contradictions that don't match what he says he wants. Now you're wondering where private ends and dishonest begins.You've always been great at interviews, but since having kids, you've been the runner-up four times. Hiring managers keep telling you it was out of your control, that someone else just had a specific edge. You're the common denominator, though, and you know there's something you can sharpen. Where's the move from almost to absolutely?You've always wondered how Jordan rattles off "that was episode 1192" mid-flow — is it prep, memory, or magic? And how much of his real-time outrage at a letter is genuine vs. performed? You've been curious about the sausage-making of Feedback Friday for a while, and today you're finally getting your answer.Recommendation of the Week: Jordan recommends Paint-Your-Own Pottery Studios as a fun family or friend-group activity.You're a fairly new listener who's never struggled with depression — but most of your community-theater friends have, and when they open up, you freeze. "I'm so sorry, do you want to talk about it?" feels emptier each time. You want them to feel seen, but you don't share their experience. How do you bridge that gap without faking it?Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]!Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi.And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: Lufthansa Allegris: Go to Lufthansa.com and search for "Allegris" to learn more1-800-Flowers: 2x Mom's blooms for Mother's Day: 1800flowers.com/jhsGusto: Three months of free payroll: gusto.com/jordanAT&T: Get an iPhone 17 Pro for $0: att.com/iphone or visit an AT&T store for detailsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

90% of Americans privately agree on most issues, yet publicly act like enemies. Author Todd Rose unmasks the collective illusions fueling our division.Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1323What We Discuss with Todd Rose:Collective illusions are social lies we all participate in because we mistakenly believe everyone else believes them. On most controversial U.S. issues, around 90% of people privately agree, yet publicly act like they're at war — we're not divided, we're confused and copying each other.Our brains use a flimsy shortcut to gauge group beliefs: the loudest voices repeated the most are assumed to be the majority. On X, 80% of content comes from just 10% of users — fringe extremists who are not remotely representative — yet their volume warps our sense of what "everyone" thinks.Foreign adversaries (China, Iran, Russia) have weaponized this vulnerability with AI-enabled bot armies. Roughly a quarter of social media interactions are with bots, and just 5% well-designed bot presence can dictate group consensus — manufacturing illusions to destroy social trust cheaply and effectively.Conformity is biologically hardwired: agreeing with your group triggers a dopamine reward like hard drugs, while disagreeing fires an error signal that disrupts memory and attention. In one study, people unconsciously shifted their ratings of attractiveness to match a fake group — some literally seeing differently.The good news: these illusions are fragile because they're lies, and shattering them happens at the speed of trust. Have one honest conversation with someone who matters to you, or simply inject uncertainty ("I'm not sure yet") into group conversations. That small act of moral courage cascades faster than you'd ever believe.And much more...And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: SimpliSafe: 50% off + 1st month free: simplisafe.com/jordanProgressive Insurance: Free online quote: progressive.comQuince: Free shipping & 365-day returns: quince.com/jordanAT&T: Get an iPhone 17 Pro for $0: att.com/iphone or visit an AT&T store for detailsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to live longer, sleep better, and feel sharper? Start walking. Dr. Courtney Conley is here to show you how to make every step pay compound interest.Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1322What We Discuss with Courtney Conley:Walking isn't optional cardio you bolt onto your week — it's a core biological input on par with breathing and sleeping. Courtney Conley argues we've engineered it out of daily life, with the average person logging just 4,700 steps a day, running what amounts to a slow systems failure on the body.The longevity sweet spot is 7,000 to 8,000 steps per day, not the famous 10,000 — that number was literally a marketing campaign for a Japanese pedometer during the Tokyo Olympics, with zero science behind it. Past 10,000 to 12,000 steps, the benefits plateau hard.A 10 to 15 minute walk within 30 minutes of eating is a metabolic cheat code. Muscle contraction pulls glucose out of your bloodstream alongside the pancreas — sit after a meal and you're only using half your blood-sugar regulation system, which is brutal news for anyone with insulin resistance.Your toes are a longevity marker hiding in plain sight. Toe strength declines before grip strength, correlates with glucose levels, and predicts falls as you age — and the foot loses sensitivity so dramatically that by age 80 it takes 75% more pressure to stimulate the same sensory receptors as it did at 50.Start with a five-minute "micro walk" — that's roughly 500 steps, and for sedentary folks under 2,500 daily steps, that tiny addition meaningfully decreases all-cause mortality. Pair it with a post-meal walk and a "relationship walk" with a spouse, kid, or friend, and you've stacked metabolic, mental health, and social benefits into one ridiculously simple habit.And much more...And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: Dell PCs: Find technology built for you: dell.com/dellpcsAura Frames: $35 off: auraframes.com, code JORDANBetterHelp: 10% off first month: betterhelp.com/jordanDeleteMe: 20% off: joindeleteme.com/jordan, code JORDANI Told You So!: Scientists Who Were Ridiculed, Exiled, and Imprisoned for Being Right by Matt KaplanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

AI is coming for the lawyers, not the plumbers. Pest control founder David Royce explains how blue-collar margins are quietly crushing white-collar dreams.Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1321What We Discuss with David Royce:The unsexy blue-collar industries everyone overlooks when starting a business have fatter margins and recession-proof durability. AI can write legal briefs and ship code, but it isn't crawling into your attic to evict termites any time soon.Skill becomes a ceiling unless you turn it into a system. You don't scale talent — you scale the structure around it, as David did with his RAC (resolve, ace, close) system. Document what works, replicate it, and build something that runs without you.If you're a door-to-door salesperson, slammed doors aren't failures — they're field notes. David walked into his sales job with no training, no instincts, and no clue, and walked out as top rookie out of hundreds. The difference wasn't charisma. It was treating every "not interested" as a tiny experiment in what humans actually want.Top performers can be a company's biggest liability. The best closer in the room isn't always an asset — especially if they're toxic. David fired one of his top salespeople because the culture damage outweighed the commission. Worse, rookies were already emulating the bad behavior.Scaling too fast can kill a thriving business. David nearly bankrupted his company in year one — not from failure, but from success. Adding 7,500 customers instead of 5,000 drained cash faster than revenue could keep up. Growth without financial visibility is just a slow-motion crisis.And much more...And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: YAP Media Network: Launch highly effective 360° podcast campaigns: yapmedia.comLufthansa Allegris: Go to Lufthansa.com and search for "Allegris" to learn moreDripDrop: 20% off: DripDrop.com, code JORDANHomeServe: Find the plan that's right for you: homeserve.comMarathon Rewards: Sign up today: marathonrewards.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Blaming our problems on the Moon is lunacy! Jessica Wynn illuminates the dark side of what we understand about our celestial neighbor on Skeptical Sunday.Welcome to Skeptical Sunday, a special edition of The Jordan Harbinger Show where Jordan and a guest break down a topic that you may have never thought about, open things up, and debunk common misconceptions. This time around, we’re joined by writer and researcher Jessica Wynn!Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1320On This Week's Skeptical Sunday:The Moon is history's greatest scapegoat — blamed for madness, bad moods, crime, and chaos for millennia. But it's not the Moon driving the weirdness. It's priming and confirmation bias working in tandem: one loads the mental gun, the other pulls the trigger.Tides are real and genuinely impressive — the Moon pulls Earth's oceans into two massive bulges simultaneously, creating predictable highs and lows that surfers, sailors, and scientists all rely on. But "humans are 60% water" does not extend the logic. Tidal forces operate at planetary scale, not cellular.Lunar myths have proven remarkably adaptive. We replaced "the Moon causes lunacy" with "the Moon charges my crystals" — different language, same fundamental misfire. Pseudoscience doesn't disappear; it just rebrands to match the cultural moment.Large-scale studies across emergency rooms, psychiatric wards, police records, maternity wards, and veterinary clinics consistently find no lunar effect on behavior. When researchers control for variables properly, the Moon's behavioral influence vanishes entirely.The Moon's actual résumé is staggering enough without the mythology. It formed from a cataclysmic planetary collision, stabilized Earth's axial tilt, and made complex life possible — and understanding what it genuinely does is far more empowering than crediting it for your bad week.Connect with Jordan on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. If you have something you'd like us to tackle here on Skeptical Sunday, drop Jordan a line at [email protected] and let him know!Connect with Jessica Wynn at Instagram (and Instagram!), and subscribe to her newsletters: Between the Lines and Where the Shadows Linger!And if you're still game to support us, please leave a review here — even one sentence helps! Sign up for Six-Minute Networking — our free networking and relationship development mini course — at jordanharbinger.com/course!Subscribe to our once-a-week Wee Bit Wiser newsletter today and start filling your Wednesdays with wisdom!Do you even Reddit, bro? Join us at r/JordanHarbinger!This Episode Is Brought To You By Our Fine Sponsors: Lufthansa Allegris: Go to Lufthansa.com and search for "Allegris" to learn moreGood Chop: $50 off + free shipping on first order: goodchop.com/podcast, code 50JORDANBooking.com: Book your getaway now with booking.comWayfair: Start renovating: wayfair.comThe President's Daily Brief: Listen here or wherever you find fine podcasts!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.